hey so figured I’d let y’all know how I’m doing
so firstly I’m still going to uni, finishing my third year and starting my fourth and last year there. I’m also gonna be working in TWO productions next spring, as wardrobe intern in a TV production and as wardrobe assistant in a film production and I’m super excited about them both because the TV production is my first job in a modern setting and the film, well, an assistant is a definite step up from an intern. I’m climbing up the career ladder, guys!! and I haven’t even graduated yet!! do you understand how incredibly this is!! do you understand how far I can go!!!!!!!!
sorry I’m gushing but I’m honestly living my dream and it can only get bigger because I’m an ambitious bastard, but if you’d told me in fall 2013 when I was fresh off the vocational school, unemployed, lonely and unwanted, that this is where I’d be in life, I wouldn’t have believed you
secondly, I don’t think anyone’s noticed but I’ve deleted any mentions of my orientation because all of a sudden I’m not so sure about that anymore, and questioning it is a whole can of worms I’m not sure I want to open. do I latch onto any possibilities, no matter how slim, that I might not die alone after all?? am I actually right to question, but can’t admit to myself that someone somewhere could actually be interested in me and so I hold myself back so I don’t have to be disappointed???? and I can’t even say who I’d be interested in, and I’m kind of terrified to discover that, so for now I’m just sitting under the “questioning” label and hoping that issue will sort itself out in time. it’s a shame, though, that everyone around me has accepted my possible asexuality and aromanticity and I’m too uncomfortable with my current status to really correct anyone when it comes up.
(for the record, being aro/ace might’ve been a phase, but it was definitely real and not me being up to my neck in internalized whatever-this-is-phobia, thankyouverymuch)
oh yeah, thirdly!! I visited a doctor for the first time in like. ever. to get an explanation who my left leg has almost ten years old bruises and bulging veins (I know, gross) and shit and turns out it’s.... well fucked up. a little broken (that happened somewhere around 2004 and the doc thinks that might be the root of all the issues) and also some of the major veins don’t work properly. I’m also apparently hypermobile and have bad circulation, which I didn’t know before. I’m now wearing a support hose on my left leg every day and waiting to get a surgery on my ankle maybe next year. I also had a talk with mom about feeling neglected ‘cause I’ve complained about my ankle and the odd bruises that won’t go away for 13 years and nobody’s taken it seriously, and she apologized. that was nice, and I understand she had her own problems at the time and I don’t blame her.
oh and I started a low-carb diet!! I’d put on almost 10 kg compared to how little much I weighed back in 2015 when I’d just moved here. then again, I couldn’t rly cook and as a result was very very anemic back then, but I still wanted to drop a few kilograms. so I decided to give a low-carb diet a go since apparently half of the actors in Unknown Soldier followed that diet and their food always looked so delicious. so yeah I’m going pretty low-carb nowadays, exercising 4-5 times a week (I’ve taken up dancing and it’s awesome!! I’ve always wanted to be able to dance) and managed to drop 3 kilos during my first month so it’s going swimmingly!! although at first I struggled with eating because I have a tendency to go big or go home and for the record, I don’t do “go home” and in any case I’ve always been secretly a little bad with eating because I tend to restrict my eating when I feel bad about myself, deny myself food and such, but now that I know that I’m getting results, I don’t feel any need to do that any longer. hopefully. I know it’s bad to latch too much onto eating and not eating and feeling bad about eating and feeling good about not eating and skipping meals and -- yeah, you get the point.
what else, what else. apart from that internal orientation crisis, I’m doing well. mixing school and work is a challenge, but I’m managing ‘cause that’s what I do. I manage. still playing dnd, still doing cosplays (albeit less often now that I’m busy with work and away from home).
also I might’ve just come up with an idea for a thesis which I gotta write next year. I’d love to study costume design in Hamilton: The Musical, compare it to actual 18th century fashion and how it’s made to work in a Broadway setting and maybe recreate one of the costumes. but we’ll see; gotta talk to the teachers about it first.
props to you if you read through all this shit. but hey how are all of you doing?? what have I missed?
