2014 in hindsight i guess
there's not much else left to say about second sem first year except that it could've been great if that one major wasn't so unnecessarily harrowing. it's not even the subject anymore since i'm pretty sure the topics themselves were manageable, but the divide between lab and lec really derailed a lot of things. could've been worse, true, but in the grander scheme of things, couldn't been better for the batch in general. too many got delayed.
frankly, i miss london. a lot. i miss the rest of my family. i miss the dog. i still keep thinking of an alternate scenario in which i stayed, as in: how would i have broken the news to everyone here? who would i have been friends with? what would my course have been? (not computer science, i think) stuff like that. there is a part in me that entertains the thought of still leaving.
BUT i've made my decision, i guess. i think that the point here is not that i'm not supposed to have no regrets, but that either way, i would have had them, and really, i think i have a lot less with the choice i've made. i would have left way too much unresolved. they still are, but at least i /can/ resolve them since i'm here.
which leads us to re: that one person: i still don't know how to approach you. i'm trying to get better at it. i am trying to be proud of who you've become. even if that card isn't mine to play. i don't... trust you, but i want to. and maybe you don't trust me, either. i won't know. but i do have faith enough in you, and unlike trust, faith doesn't need proof. faith i have enough of.
first sem second year was better than expected. cs 21 was good, cs 32 was good, math 54 was arguably the best math i've ever had (good), cs 133 was terrible outright terrible but im still really proud of my finals (good), and eng 12 was lukewarm af. so ok in general.
i got into two orgs this year. that's three in total, so i'll stop here.
i love writers club. it's technically not my first org (that's gg, but hey wait what IS gg doing) nor is it my home org (i.e. an org from my college, engineering), but it's home enough to me. they're great people. i'm still insecure about my writing in general, and i'm worried about where it will go, so my 2015 resolution goes out to my writing.
acm does SO MUCH and i want to get to know the people more, except 1) there are a buttload and 2) no tambayan. also i've recently been assigned some work and it's nothing i've ever done before, so hopefully that goes well and i'm praying for it. may or may not be related: i should really make a game soon.
re: compsci, man i don't know. i'm confident enough right now but after college i don't know what i'll do. i'm aware i need to work on that. i feel like pisay has armed me too well. my grades are good. i'm scared that even if my mind is in it, my heart isn't. so i don't know if i want to take a second major after comp sci or take masters abroad, or go straight to work. honestly speaking i don't exactly want to go corporate
re: That One Person: man at this point i don't even care if this remains platonic or not all i know is you make me happy all i know is that i should know you more we watched the lantern parade together and we grabbed burgers afterwards and i'm still not over it, and we were walking and you kept looking back at me and i noticed because /i/ do that but i've never had anyone do that for me so thanks. thank you. if we become best friends that will be more than enough for me.
2015: so there--i promise to write more. also, not a promise, but i want to at least work on a game. and i want to read more and write more and that is going to take up a lot of my time and i hope i find that time. yay
