#personal 2023

so my colleague has been getting death threats (and basically all of us by proxy tbh) and we filed a police case about it a month ago. they did nothing obvi, as they are historically wont to do, and we got a second set of threats again this month so we filed another case and released a statement and it got escalated to the local U*it*d N*tions office and we had a chat with the human rights advisor about it and we were advised to take it up to geneve + we were told that the resident coordinator (head of the main U*N office in whichever location) was gonna meet with the commissioner of police and would bring it up at the meeting

today we get some wacky ass texts from the HR advisor about “feedback” that the resident coordinator had for us, and also about applying for further U*N grants and trusts (?) so we could “improve our standing” which all made me like ?????????? i don’t understand, we’re reporting a human rights violation, why do we need “feedback” and to “improve our standing”

turns out the commissioner of police lied to the resident coordinator about when we reported (said there was a 3 day gap between reporting and our statement release which was unequivocally a lie), and the resident coordinator basically took the HR advisor to task and was all like be careful and do checks about these cases because “not all of it is what it seems” and apparently our “expectations were too high” because we expected a 3 day turnover (which isn’t even true! like that is objectively a false fact it is a lie, we waited a month during which the threats escalated, and the other institutions we reported to didn’t do anything about it/brushed it off)

been sort of idly rewatching the original GG pilot in the background since yesterday and i know s1 sets up S and B’s whole rivalry to be about queen bee but also like, i feel like the entirety of the show really downplayed (missed an opportunity to up-play) how deeply B was wounded and cut from S’s sudden departure

like obviously they had a very unequal friendship but it was definitely a codependent one imo??? B (also perhaps being an only child might’ve played into this) would’ve really needed S’s presence in her life and i think pre-connecticut S would’ve definitely benefited from having B by her side as the secondary friend, the sidekick to her protagonist, but that’s also something S isn’t consciously aware of but B is --

because when S comes back her priorities have completely shifted (obviously, after what she went through with whatshisname and E trying to commit suicide), so for her, shifting to becoming the ‘sidekick’ or even the ‘outsider’ isn’t as much of a big deal as making things right in her life, so she doesn’t even NOTICE that B has ‘taken her place in the social hierarchy’ --

and i think that fucks B up even more than anything, like first S left without saying anything, completely ruining whatever bond they would’ve had before, but she comes back and doesn’t even care about how things have changed, she doesn’t care if she’s a sidekick or an outsider, except these were things B cared about pre-connecticut because it affected her pretty horrifically

and you add that to her parent’s divorce, her bulimia, and N being the worst bf of the year ever, and you have a girl who’s basically screaming for acknowledgement in a life where she’s not good enough for anyone (too fat for her mom, not worth staying behind for her dad, not good enough for her boyfriend), and she ‘achieves’ this thing where she is finally at the top of the social hierarchy, a position once occupied by the immovable SVDW, and when S comes back, it’s her acknowledgement and approval that B needs in that moment but S doesn’t give it because she doesn’t even notice

if you go back to the bar scene at the Palace in the pilot where B’s drinking that martini and S comes and talks to her, you can see how guarded and hurt B is about everything, and if you watch it with the hindsight of knowing what happens in the series at large, you can really see how all of that is encapsulated in that moment. B doesn’t care about the queen bee position because she just wants to be queen bee. it’s the one thing she’s succeeded at doing, even though it was only facilitated through S’s absence, and no one fucking gives a shit, especially not the person who she needs to give the biggest shit about it (lol)

Her femur slammed downward into her tibia and split off a huge chunk of bone immediately behind her left kneecap. She also tore her meniscus (the padding between those bones), nearly tore her ligaments (they are now "floppy" and will need strengthening/retightening), and almost certainly sprained her ankle. For the first week, they didnt feel like they could safely operate until swelling decreased and so they drilled 4 rods into her bones and placed an external apparatus on her leg to prevent her femur or tibia from moving, which seemed to cause muscle tearing every time she had to move. THEN, they finally performed the actual surgery to repair the break and placed over 36 staples in her leg, which she will have removed this week... And we still dont know if she'll get to shower for the first time in a month once the staples are removed. Oh, and she was prescribed oxycodone for pain management which shes afraid to take because of its addictive qualities and so shes basically trying to manage all of this exclusively using ibuprofen.

Also, just as a fun bonus, now we think she has gall stones because of the waves of extreme pain in her torso and sudden nausea today.

I know shes suffering so much, and i wish i could take her place, but im also selfishly thinking how badly i could just use one full nights rest and maybe a drink lmfao.... (And a normal, caring father who wants to help his wife and is independently capable of helping.)