#perfectionistic

Alright so I now feel a bit better than earlier. Primarily because of an awesome person on Twitter (@blkgirllostkeys) who also has ADHD and blogs about the struggle.

I’ve put this off but I’m going to do it tonight. I was tagged by several people, most recently @papersky-pencilstars​. The others tagged me while I was in Mexico and I can’t remember who they are, but thanks to all of you! 

1. My compassion and empathy. I have a big heart, and I seek to love and, at some level, understand all people. Though I absolutely don’t excuse evil and you can often find me championing for justice, I also recognize the importance of grace and mercy and love, even to those who don’t deserve it — how it has the power to bring about change, call people out of darkness and into who they were created to be, and make the world a better place. This is sometimes a major struggle for me, admittedly, as I can also be pretty judgmental, harsh and dismissive at times. But overall I’d like to believe I am ruled and motivated, in the end, by love.

2. My steel-willed determination (and consequently, bravery). When I decide to plant my foot on the ground, I can’t be moved, unless I’m well-convinced of the benefit of doing otherwise. Ever since I was little, I would argue my case stubbornly, even in the face of multiple punishments. Obviously, this can be both a good and a bad thing, but in keeping with the theme of this post I’ll highlight the good. I’m rarely one to give into peer pressure. I stay true to my values and who I am. I go through life with grit, and although I’ve suffered greatly emotionally, mentally, and physically, I’ve kept fighting through it all (even if at the time I didn’t always feel like I was fighting well). I fight, and I survive, and though there’ve been many times I’ve felt like giving up, I seem to be carried forward purely by the power of God and the strength of my will. Despite often being fearful and anxious, I think in the end this determination to keep going forward despite all that makes me brave, and I’m proud of that.

3. My intellect and love of learning. I really enjoy academic pursuits, for the most part. I thrived in every class I took in college, except when I hated the class and chose not to, haha. More importantly, and at the heart of the matter, is that I’m always open and examining and searching — myself, others, and the universe around me — and seeking not just knowledge, but wisdom.

4. My body. It’s been through a lot and I’m proud of it. Currently it’s doing a pretty good job fighting off ragweed season and the major yearly flare of my MCAS. It’s gained great strength and grace through dance, and even though I’ve been too sick the past few years to continue training or even exercising much, I still know what it’s capable of. I still know its potential. Even though there are many times when I’m at odds with it or I despise it, in the end I’m deeply grateful for my body. It does a pretty darn good job of housing my soul, and deep down at the core of things, I really do believe it’s beautiful.

5. I’m an artist. I like expressing myself through creativity in multiple forms. I’d like to think I’m pretty good at it, though the thing I like the most isn’t my subjective “goodness” at it, but that I have the ability to express myself in ways that bring me such great joy.

@graciecatfamilyband @roguepromise @hannahbrandybuck @ninquelote-and-culurien @iverae @haardertobreethe @weary-hearted-queen @tremendousinternetyouth @mandatheginger @tostaystrong-or-relapse and anyone else who reads this and is up for the challenge.

„W kółko tracimy poczucie, że jesteśmy całkowicie w skórze, zarówno z powodu już nazwanych środków, jak i długotrwałego przymusu. 

Zagrożeni są również ci, którzy pracują zbyt długo bez chwili wytchnienia. Skóra duszy znika, gdy nie zwracamy uwagi na to, co naprawdę robimy, a zwłaszcza na koszty,

jakie ponosimy.

Ślepą ambicją lub niezadowoleniem - z siebie, rodziny, społeczności, kultury, świata - i nic z tym nie mówiąc ani nie robiąc, lub udając, że jesteśmy dla innych niekończącym się źródłem, lub nie robiąc wszystkiego, co w naszej mocy, aby sobie pomóc. 

Och, jest tyle sposobów na utratę skóry duszy,

ile jest kobiet na świecie”.

„Jedynym sposobem na zachowanie tej zmysłowej skóry duszy jest zachowanie niezwykle nieskazitelnej świadomości jej wartości i zastosowań”. — Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Kobiety, które biegną z wilkami

“Over and over we lose this sense of feeling we are wholly in our skins by means already named as well as through extended duress. Those who toil too long without respite are also at risk. The soulskin vanishes when we are not paying attention to what we are really doing and particularly the cost to us."

"We lose the soulskin by becoming too involved with ego, by being too exacting, perfectionistic, or unnecessarily martyred, or driven by a blind ambition, or by being dissatisfied - about self, family, community, culture, world - and not saying or doing anything about it, or by pretending we are an ending source for others, or by not doing all we can to help ourselves. Oh, there are as many ways to lose the soul skin as there are women in the world."

- Ascendant/moon/Mercury in Capricorn, Virgo, Taurus, Libra, Aries- Midheaven in Capricorn, Virgo, Taurus, Libra, Aries, Scorpio- Saturn in the first / second / fifth / sixth / tenth house- Mercury/Venus in the first / second / fifth / tenth house