#penstripes

i've decided since LDG is a fungus puppet lady, she only physically resembles a human in the spots that are generally visible. elsewhere (places covered by clothing), her skin is slightly transparent to show the fungus filaments holding her together. the filaments resemble human muscles AND skeleton.

and as mentioned in the photo above, she has no solid bottom so that her filaments can easily be accessed...

cough cough thats how she can get freakayyyy

uhh uhh anyway. i drew the first image on a magma with the bigtop burger cult server, i love those guys hiii hiiii hellooooo hiiiii does a little twirl

you guys know my francillie band au bullshit but ill keep thinkign abt them forever,, imagining that point of time when bille finally finds out what band frances is in and what theyre trying to do to bigtop (see: this post) and billie's so fucking over it that she just drops frances as fast as she possibly could. loud tear filled "YOU FUCKING USED ME" "THAT WASNT MY INTENTION. I STILL LOVE YOU." "GO TO HELL FRANCES" type argument in a parking lot that ends with billie getting into a car and just driving off. and frances stares at the car because lowkey she cant drive and came with billie and has to call conrad and allen in tears like "i just fucked up. i fucked up bad. shes never gonna talk to me again. please come pick me up".

and billie just goes straight to steve and tim and penny and starts ranting to them about how fucking mad she is and how they have to crush those fucking zombies in their battle of the bands. she usually doesnt even care about the rivalry but she can't let this go. and her bandmates look at each other, and then penny puts her hand on billies shoulder and goes "hey. its okay. you can feel sad about this." and that just does it for billie. shes never claimed to be much of a crier but she just breaks down and sobs into penny's shoulder and babbling about how she just wished she and frances werent in this situation because she loves frances and didnt want things to turn out that way. uses steves shirt like a tissue. he doesnt mind.

and when they finally stare at each other across stages, frances on her bass and billie at her drumset, billie's got a steeled expression and refuses to look away. and its taking all that frances has to not burst into tears and cry.

band au penstripes (and maybe minor caldg/penny) where ldg is now kind of very jobless after the dramatic fall of cabinet records and is now stuck living with caligari as he tries to figure out his next course of action. and so shes job hunting and using the last of her savings to buy groceries and sees penny and her daughter as theyre shopping and all ldg feels is misery. she had so much, was at the peak of her career, and it all came crashing down. and heres this woman, this kind eyed lady who was part of the band that ldg effectively threw her career away to ruin. so she kind of tries to hide from her in the most inconspicuous way possible while doing her groceries except she drops a bottle of wine (which was supposed to be a little treat for herself after dinner. after all shes been through.) and it just shatters all over the floor with the loudest sound ever and penny's little Melody, who is just the politest girl ever, asks ldg if shes okay. and penny's staring at her from the other end of the aisle. and ldg has her head in her hands while the store staff mop up the broken glass and spilt wine like oh my god. kill her now.

and before she can even blink, ldgs sitting across from penny at this cafe while melody fucks up a sugary drink and a cookie and penny's way too nice. like ldg is actively feeling like a worse person just by sitting here and staring at penny because shes such a nice person and ldg wanted to dismantle her band. and its insane that penny seems fine with this. almost too cordial. penny makes small talk, asking how shes been what shes been up to, and ldg vaguely mentions how shes job hunting and living with caligari and then she stops herself because it honestly just makes her sound like shes fishing for sympathy, which she kind of is, but then she also mentioned the guy that penny probably hates like he was a good friend and. penny just smiles warmly, asks her if she wants to come over for dinner and they can talk and ldg just stupidly asks if she can bring caligari along, lily dolores garcia get a fucking grip. penny says yes. and the moment penny leaves, ldg is frantically texting "SO I MIGHTVE DONE SOMETHING" to caligari who at the moment was calculating his assets when he turns and sees his half-employee-half-situationship freaking out in his phone and he goes "well. i fucking guess."

and i imagine that penny's not usually that big of a freak but imagine theres this hot lady and shes showing up at your house destitute and kind of down on her luck and she wants you bad but also feels a colossal amount of guilt towards you and she brings another guy who you're pretty sure is like her fuck buddy boyfriend and lowkey he wasn't really all that interested but then you guys talked for like maybe a minute and now he's kind of desperately wingmanning his bisexual disaster of a girlfriend because their taste is pretty much exactly the same. band au turned my bigtop yuri into an evil middle aged throuple where its really just a couple and a guy they occasionally bring in.

band au zombabes is like 100% sexual tension 200% arguing over creative differences while actively ripping each others clothes off in a broom closet. i imagine frances doesnt actually meet ldg as their band manager until like theres this mandatory networking party that caligari has gracefully invited zombies to and theyre mostly hanging out together but then frances sees this gorgeous office siren type near the bar in a low cut dress that hugs her body just right and allen dares her to get that womans number at the strangely passionate behest of cesare and frances is like oh. bet. so she walks right over, starts trying to chat her up and the woman is NOT having it. she's not exactly turning frances down but shes giving the tell-tale signs of someone who would rather kill herself. and frances doesnt want to return to allen a loser so she just goes "okay look, ill back off but i kind of have this bet going and if i could just get your number" and the woman goes "frances, right? from zombies? if i recall correctly, you should already have my number." holds her hand out for a handshake. "i am LDG. your band manager."

well frances was half expecting the manager for zombies to be this older woman and just the abbreviated name makes her sound like she was bred in a lab to love rock and roll. not. like. a woman her age, maybe a little older, looks like music pisses her off. frances is sputtering and a fucking mess, and cesare has to walk over and apologize and drag her back before loudly whispering "this is why i didnt want you to fucking talk to her" but its too late and frances has been fucking struck. shes going to ragebait the fuck out of that manager until theyre tied up in a dressing room with swollen lips.

it probably doesnt help that ldg really does not like the music that ZOMBIES! makes? so when frances is doing her annoying 11/8 time signitures and ldg is sitting there imagining strangling her because it sounds like nails on a chalkboard to her specifically but she doesnt wanna say anything because god dammit, it sells. but frances wants her so say something about it because she lowkey wants to get put in her place about it. so she'll do increasingly annoying and complicated riffs until ldg finally snaps and tells her to keep it simple, which 100% starts a loud heated and kind of tense argument about "creative differences" in the practice room until cesare yells at them to get out and cool off. so obviously the moment ldg and frances leave the room... frances drags her into the nearest empty room and they have an insane angry make out session.

and for my final paragraphs ill ruminate on polyculisms.

so she breaks. shes staring at the ceiling one night wondering from what point did she stop feeling so secure and safe, and she remembers that when she was connected to caligari, she never felt more secure. so she leaves one night, no note and no warning, and starts researching. she digs in the ground for any traces left of caligari, reads about fungal growth, alchemy, magical spells, ANYTHING in her desperation to bring back what she's convinced will just make everything feel right. she doesn't sleep, doesnt eat because she never did when she was a part of a whole. she dedicates so much of her time to figuring out how to bring things back to normal that it slowly erodes her.

and when she finally sees a spark of magic, of life, that some part of her knew how to do it and could do it, she's wasting away. but it doesnt matter. because now she can finally live how she used to.

LDG rolled past, settling her wheelchair in the living room.

"It's a silly capitalist holiday. Commodifying red and pink hearts and tugging on consumer's heartstrings to sell candies and paper cards. It relies on the famously unreliable chemical reaction of love to make money."

As she drabbled on, Penny leaned against the wall with a knowing smile.

"And you feel this way about getting valentines, too?" Penny asked.

LDG froze, staring up at her. "W-Well, yes. Else I'd be a hypocrite for accepting any."

"Mhm. So you're saying you don't want this heartfelt letter I wrote or this box of chocolates that I bought for you." Penny cocked an eyebrow, waving the envelope in the air. It was pink, with little hearts doodled on it in white crayon---likely a small addition made by Penny's daughter.

LDG stared at the envelope and suddenly felt the very unreasonable desire to want it. She wanted to know what was in that letter, wanted to recieve the gifts. She wanted to admit that love wasn't fickle and valentines wasn't stupid and she wanted Penny to love her. Just this once, in this capitalist, consumerist way, she wanted to love.

Lil Diggums (name is subject to change)((maybe))

o penstripes penstripes, wherefore art thou penstripes

you're jane "ldg" doe, and you're in the dark alleyway on a rainy day. you feel so empty, so incomplete, but undoubtedly alive. you don't know whether to mourn the part of you that's no longer there, or thank your lucky stars that you were able to escape death and live again. you don't know whether to seek revenge for the person who left you like this, or leave him be, because you knew deep down as did he that down there, with Caligari, was no way to live. you're so tormented by these choices that you can't bring yourself to move. you came out of the ground with legs, one last gift from your other half before he disappeared, but you can't use them.

as you sit there in the rain, relishing in the senses that you haven't had for tens of thousands of years, the light from the street is blocked, and you feebly turn your head to the source of the darkness. and there you see a woman with an umbrella and a little girl in a raincoat. they don't know who you are but you, instinctually, know who they are. they were there on the day your life changed forever.

she doesn't know you but she brings you in. her name is penny, her daughter's name is lucy, and her mother's name is dorothy. they all welcome you with open arms, allow you to use ms. dorothy's extra wheelchair, lend you clothes and help you get on your feet. in a way, you feel guilty. this woman, orange hair the color of the sunset that she brings you out to watch sometimes on her front porch, she showers you with such kindness that it almost makes you forget that you were somewhat a part of the hivemind-like system that was Caligari's threads, which had put her in danger once in the first place. you're in shock at how, time and time again, she insists on being the nice person, the people pleaser, the kind one. you're just one of many that she would help. you're not special.

you feel anxious without something to do. it itches inside your skin and makes you this antsy, irritated, aggressive mess. penny asks you whats wrong and you snap at her, first about her kindness, her people pleasing, then you talk about how you just wish you were back at your old workspace, how you missed the routine and the work and the tedium, how you're a useless mess without the distraction of work. penny tells you that you're not useless, that you're you and you never had to be anything more. and for a moment, for the briefest of seconds, you wonder.