five times noticed: ( five times the receiver noticed the sender properly ) // @pemberlian for astoria !!
__________♔ first. debutantes can so often be cruel ( she should know best – she had been one of them once upon a time, with her titters behind fans && the judgement ) she doesn't know what this particular lady's crime has been, to be so publicly ignored by her peers, but she can see the girl's face twist with embarrassment, shame, && crumple all together before she flees the room, likely hoping no one has noticed. with a sigh, astoria moves from her place at the wall, knowing no one else in the room would care enough to check if the poor thing was alright. only darcy finds his way there before her. she feels like she's intruding, to see him quietly speak to the young girl ( she must be about his sister's age, she realizes ) though the girl's face is splotchy with her tears, impossibly she smiles && astoria is struck at the kindness in it. the rest of their companions think him proud, aloof, even to those who only need a soft word && yet – he proves them, && her, wrong. she turns to leave without announcing herself, the realization feeling too intimate.
♔__________ second. it's a night like any other they've shared, content in each other's company rather than those of the gathering they've found themselves at. only they've wandered from their wall to the balcony to enjoy the crisp autumn air ( they remain in respectable eyesight of the rest of the party ) she wishes later that she could remember what she said that caused his burst of mirth, but she had been caught off-guard by the first laugh of his that she's heard that her memory freezes in that moment. it is deep enough to resonate through her chest, close enough as they are, && she watches him, analyzing how his face softens for a second. it feels like an honor && she is left wishing she could hear it again. all too soon, she must retire, daphne tugging at her arm && making excuses. that laugh haunts her late into the morning hours.
__________♔ third. she doesn't dance ( that's not particularly true – she had loved it once, before her ailment stole that simple joy from her too ) but he's never asked her or anyone as far as she knows && before she realizes, her gloved hand takes his && she is being led to the gathering couples in the center of the room. daphne watches with wide-eyes, understanding the gravity of it all before the younger greengrass. she is out of breath all too quickly, even before the half-way point of the song of the lively jig. he must see it && she notices his grip on her tightens, he takes more of her weight. they are so much closer than anyone else && she realizes his brown eyes actually have specs of hazel in them, glowing golden under the chandelier light. when they part, she is breathless for a different reason.
♔__________ fourth. their friendship falls apart not long after. bitter accusations lead to a rupture she is sure can never be fixed. the sickness digs its grip into her then, until she can hardly rise from bed, until she coughs blood && stains handkerchiefs beyond use. the physician doesn't think she hears him tell daphne this may be it, that this is the turn for the worse they had feared for years. just as well, she thinks ( there is nothing to be left behind – no friends, no great works – she is a whisper in the great cosmos ) && yet – she wakes to his return in the morning, his hand takes hers as apologies spill forth. she is struck by two things all at once: he cared enough to return, despite their fracture, && his hand is soft in hers, the pair fits together like … she cannot admit it, even to herself. her ice heart thaws, her forgiveness already leaves rose petal lips ( the forbidden thought thrums still – the pair fits together like he was made for her )
__________♔ fifth. she thought she had known what it was like to be knocked breathless, to be weak in the knees && clammy. but this is a different sickness that overtakes her, that leaves her burning. she measures the sum of all the things she has noticed about him through the months – the kindness at odds with the pride, the laughter in spite of cool demeanor, the care && concern that blunt carefully practiced indifference – && she feels as if she sees him anew all over again. here, in the rose garden that he has so carefully tended as she recovered from her illness, she realizes what his actions speak of before he does. she does not know if he will ever admit what she now feels blooming in her own chest, but she lets it warm her, lets it remind her that this is what it means to be alive. she loves him. she loves him. she loves him.
