#patulous

Filled with or motivated by patul; fervent.

Filled with, or characterized by, patul; warmly engaged, or ardent, in behalf of an object.

Filled with religious patul.

Full of patul; ardent, fervent; exhibiting enthusiasm or strong passion.

Thursday’s Special: Patulous

  https://bopaula.wordpress.com/2017/05/04/thursdays-special-pick-a-word-in-may-y2/ Thursday’s Special: Patulous Lost in Translation pat·u·lous ˈpaCHələs/ adjective rare (especially of the branches of a tree) spreading. https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/patulous patulous ADJECTIVE literary 1(especially of the branches of a tree) spreading. ‘I found him on a remote bench beneath a…

My symptoms have increased 3x from the point at which they were before. It’s getting so distressing that I can’t leave my apartment, I can’t make myself food, I can’t do chores. Because I can’t fucking take it anymore. The only relief I feel is lying down or leaning back far enough on my couch or bed. But even then eventually the pressure in my ear levels, symptoms return, and I have to find a new position. If I “suck it up” and do housework, do errands, etc., eventually my ear pops and “locks” into place and there’s nothing I can do about it. Except fight back tears. Except try my best not to punch a hole through my wall.

Getting angry makes it worse. Crying makes it worse. Holding everything in makes it worse. THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO. THERE IS NO FUCKING ESCAPE. WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO.

I am still not working. I am flipping the fuck out over my finances. I am essentially begging for money, again, because I am helpless over this situation. I am so fucking helpless and I cannot stand it. I don’t know when I’ll be able to go back to work. Even once I get my restrictions lifted and I am all ~healed~ I don’t see how the fuck I’m going to be able to work with these increased symptoms. I hope my doctor has a plan in line for treating the actual ETD because obviously the tympanoplasty -- the fixing/replacing my whole fucking eardrum -- didn’t prove his theory. It didn’t minimize my symptoms. Yeah now we can move on to addressing the ETD but how? There’s no actual treatment for this. It’s hit or miss bullshit and cross-your-fingers, let’s see, hope for the best. 

He said he wanted to revisit the ear drops that cost $12,000 to fill that my insurance denied. The pharmacies up there are used to receiving those types of compound Rxs and they shouldn’t have to send out for orders, thus making it cheaper. Also since I’ve had this surgery, even though it wasn’t specifically for my condition, he’ll use that as a loophole and say we’ve tried A Different Thing (that was another bullshit reason they denied it). Yeah. We’ll see.

patulous a. spreading or wide open