#patton snaps

Looking back on it all Logan felt that he should have known better, in all honesty, he really felt like he should have kept his mouth shut and stopped talking so much. The others had told him time and time again, both in subtle and pretty unsubtle ways to shut his mouth and to not talk.

I should have known...It was all there, I was just.. I’m supposed to be the smart one and yet I was just too stupid to see it.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Thoughts like these rang around dizzily in his head, mocking him like the metaphorical demon on his shoulder, as the tears gathered at the corners of his eyes, before slowly leaking down and staining the grey hoodie that was bunched up into his arms. A sob hitched in his breath, but once again he muffled it by pressing his face into the soft grey hoodie that smelled of baked cookies and cinnamon sugar.

Why did he have to be stupid when it came to the person he loved?

It had started simple enough, as usual, they were all together. Taking part in one of their usual family meetings in the mind space that currently looked like the Thomas’ living room, as they talked about whatever was going on with Thomas and how he could be expected to deal with it.  Roman shot off a few ideas that they were talking about even if a definitive point hadn’t been reached yet, all while Virgil and Logan idly chat together for a while. and

The moment that it seemed to happen was when Patton made a few of his jokes and in typical fashion Logan groans at one of them, he had rolled his eyes as the other’s snickered at his plight. Logan clapped his hand over his face being careful not to slap his glasses off of his face as he shook his head, the smile on Patton’s face seemed frozen there as Logan opened his mouth to speak.

“Another one of your silly jokes Patton, really?” The question was simple enough and something that was a normal response to one of Patton’s puns, and usually it wouldn’t have gone on without much of an issue like it usually did, but for whatever reason…Patton just lost it.

Patton wasn’t laughing along with them, nor was he even smiling anymore at Logan’s retort, that would have normally been deemed a joke between the two of them. Everything seemed to freeze at that moment, as Patton’s fingers curled into fists, and his smile now had one too many teeth visible, as he all but started to rip his cat hoodie off. The others weren’t laughing anymore either, Virgil’s expression held a look of stiff terror as the quick and jerky movements from Patton seemed to surprise him the most.

Even Roman wasn’t quite sure what to do, as he just watched, and before any of them even knew it he was throwing it at Logan’s face in what could most accurately be deemed a fit of pure unadulterated anger, then he started screaming. His torrent of anger filled screams ringing around the room, flooding out anyone else who would have talked over him.

“You know what? I am DONE being the comedy relief. I’m done being talked over, and walked over. I’m FUCKING sick of just being the silly character to lighten the mood. I’m fucking done.” There a little bit spittle could be seen flying from Patton’s mouth and even so, Logan wouldn’t have noticed it, all he saw was Patton’s flushed and angry looking face and the way that his eyes are furiously burning as he stared back into Logan’s widened eyes. The moral side was heavily panting, his arms stiff and his hands still clenched like he wanted to punch something, or perhaps someone. His gaze burned into Logan.

Or maybe it was his own eyes that are burning? His chest perhaps? Logan didn’t know how to name what he was feeling in that moment, but instead of thinking about it, thinking about the pain that was akin to having one's heart ripped out and stomped on just about a thousand times by the one person who held it. Logan instead swallowed thickly, swallowing down all of the emotions that wanted to erupt out of him like a cataclysmic volcano that would leave no survivors. No, instead of letting himself go, and instead of allowing himself to feel any of it right now, he chose to do something else instead.

In that moment of tense silence, with the other two sides looking back and forth between him and Patton, Logan looks down at the hoodie and then back over to Patton. He could feel it, he could feel everyone staring, was its judgment? Were they judging him? Mocking him? Were they blaming him like Patton so rightfully does? Do they hate him too now? The only thing that he can even bear to muster up is something small and pathetic as he is in that moment in time, and he’s sure that the others see it as such a thing as well.

The most that he can even let out right then, is a soft “Oh,” as he stares down at the cat hoodie, he stares for what feels like a long time his eyes still doing that irritating burning sensation that he wasn’t sure what to name, and then he suddenly sinks out.

When he is finally back inside of his room, Logan feels his fingers digging into the soft fabric of the cat hoodie, they’re clenching it tightly, completely wrinkling the material, but even then his eyes are burning more and more.

Why can’t I see now? What’s going on? Why…

“Oh…” The pathetic whimper of the single word slips out of him.

That one word left him, just like the little drops of salty liquid slide gently down his cheeks and drip solemnly onto the warm brown fabric of the hoodie, So this is crying. Logan humorlessly thought to himself, his chest feels like it’s going to explode any second now as he tries as hard as he can to hold it in for a second long. Eventually though….eventually he lets it happen for a second, he lets himself cry as his shoulders start to tremble for a second, and then just moments later, they start to shake as if his body was gripped with the terror and fear of being scared for his life.

It takes him far too long, but once that he is able to it stops as soon as it had started, and soon enough he’s wiping his eyes with the back of his hands trying to keep the uneven breathing down to a minimum. Finally, he lets out a breath and wiping his face once more before grabbing all of what he came for.

Logan sinks back out of his room, leaving the hoodie behind discarded on his bed. Forgotten for now.

It had alarmed Virgil for all but a few seconds when Logan had up and vanished on them, as it had with Roman as well as the creative side started to worriedly pace back and forth. None of them had expected him to just leave, perhaps not even Patton, who was just standing there now. His anger had drained away the moment that the heartbreaking emotion had crossed Logan’s face, and even more so when Logan had looked up into his eyes, the warm brown eyes that were glazed over with a well of tears, before being replaced with something colder that none of them were used to.

The anxious side just stood there, not entirely certain as to what he should do now that had been standing there in sheer frozen horror, at least before he opened his mouth to call out Logan’s name again. The first time, he had choked on his own words, Logan’s name coming out more as a gasp of letters more than anything. Honestly, Virgil didn’t want to admit it but he was scared, he was scared of what Logan was going to do. Or rather what he could do.

Would he shout back? Would he laugh at Patton’s face, his anger? Would he completely break down? Would he...duck out like he had done before? Would he simply cease to be?

His questions all too soon were answered though. As the sight of Logan rising back up within just a few seconds.

The first thing that Virgil noted to his own dismay, were Logan’s eyes. How red and puffy they were, like Logan had just been crying his heart and soul out, but hadn’t yet had the time to cover it up or to put a cool rag over his face to hide the redness from every one of them. It certainly wasn’t the only thing either, as in his hands much to Virgil’s, Roman’s, and even Patton’s muted surprise, he held Patton’s cardigan.

It had obviously been used a great deal, that much is obvious by its state of wear, not to say that it looks horrible. But rather it had the kind of state of wear that was there when someone has meticulously and carefully washed and cared for it over the course of months perhaps even the course of years.

That someone being Logan.

“I..I guess then, you’ll want this back I guess…I..I’ve been using it to sleep with. But it’s yours.”

When Logan gives it back his hands are shaking and his fingers don’t dare to touch Patton’s as he sharply draws away as if the moral side had just stung him, and Patton just in general looks awfully shocked at Logan’s words. A frown pulling at his lips, and barely..just barely Virgil saw something glimmering in his eyes as he took the cardigan back.

Patton’s fingers curled and dug into the fabric now drawing it close to himself, even from where he held it he could smell the faintest whiff of old books, ink, and ground up coffee beans. Even though he had never seen that cardigan again, Logan had been using it plenty when Patton hadn’t. Somehow, that made him feel all the worse for it too, as he watched Logan standing there his eyes locked to the floor. He couldn’t even bear to look him in the eyes.

“I..I will not defend myself against your words…” Logan began, as he swallowed down the rising tears that wanted to spill over, he had to keep up this cold facade for as long as he possibly could. “All that I will say is…you are not comedic relief, you never were to me. In my eyes were..you were someone who knew when nobody else did what was wrong. While I was just mere exposition, you could help solve problems that I didn’t even see, and Patton….I am sorry if I mistook what that meant.”

Without even thinking, and with a face full of regret Patton reached forward, however, this time when Logan sinks out, he does not come back.

Tagged: 

@neko-ereri

Patton was furious, although despite what Virgil and Roman may have thought, he wasn’t furious at them or..or at Logan. No, he was furious with himself.

His old grey and wore out cardigan felt most certainly foreign in his hands, especially when compared to his beloved cat hoodie that was exponentially softer than the one that he was holding right now. Just looking at it he could tell the bits and pieces of the discoloration of the fabric, where Logan had probably slept on it for a countless number of nights. Just looking at this, at the piece of clothing that Logan had so carefully taken into his safekeeping, it...made him feel worse about the things that he had said.

Luckily he wasn’t the only one who felt angry.

“What on earth were you thinking?!” It was Virgil who spoke up, the anxious side’s hands were trembling and shaking despite Roman obviously doing what he could to keep Virgil calm so that he didn’t panic anymore. That panic though had shifted and changed into a anger, the pure emotion of it bled through the other’s tone as he stomped over in front of Patton.

“I get that you may have issues with him, or even us! But doing that..yelling at him like that is not the way to make it known! Why would you say that to him?! Out of everyone here, Logan is the least likely to see you in the way that you described! He..He…” Virgil’s hands nervously ran through his hair as his breathing stuttered for a solid moment, his dark eyes darted all around the room as if by some chance Logan would still be here, and he could have Logan’s solid calm facts to rely on.

But he didn’t, and Logan wasn’t here anymore.

“Do you know how many times that we’ve called Logan useless Patton? Quite frankly I’m surprised that he hasn’t snapped at us for everything that we’ve said to him. He has...and he never will feel that you are the comedic relief! Don’t you get it? He-” Virgil’s lips snapped shut as his teeth ground together in a righteous fury, although underneath of it all he felt his anxiety boiling and boiling.

He needed Logan to be here with him, he needed stability, he needed...he needed….

“Why don’t we all calm down here, I’m sure that Logan will be back. He’s not going to duck out forever. Thomas needs his logical side after all, why don’t we just sit down and let things cool off for a second.”

Surprisingly enough, it was Roman who came through as the voice of reason in the place of Logan, and Virgil’s eyes darted over to the creative side, he couldn’t help but to nod his head in agreement, Roman was right of course. Logan wouldn’t stay gone forever, he’d be back, and once Logan calmed down along with Patton, then they could properly talk things over. Logan would be back and everything would be perfectly alright.

Taking a deep breath and holding it for a second, Virgil nodded again. Before neither he or Patton knew it, they were all sat down at the dining table. Virgil’s leg continuously bounced up and down in a seemingly never-ending cycle of worry as the sounds of glasses clinking together in the kitchen let him know that Roman was fixing them all something to drink.

Glancing over to Patton for a second, the moral side continued to hold his old cardigan, all Patton could really do was look at it now that he held it in his hands again. His mind was constantly replaying it over and over, how Logan vanished, then reappearing looking absolutely distraught while handing it over to him, only to then leave after assuring him...him the person who least deserved it at that moment, that he didn’t hate him and that he was more..he was better than Logan.

Of course, there were a few times that Logan, as well as everyone, had talked over him, but...hadn’t they done the same to Logan on several occasions. Especially when Logan had only ever wanted to help, being talked over hurt, and being seen as just the person who did nothing but crack jokes and be happy, hurt as well. But now that he was thinking about it...how did they...no how did he treat Logan?

The table gained a blurry layer of mist over it as the tears welled up in Patton’s eyes, the moment a tiny sniffle left him was the moment that Virgil’s gaze snapped back over to him. His brows wrinkled in a worried fashion that soon turned to sadness at the sight of Patton lifting the cardigan burying his face into the soft fibers that still carried the smell of Logan.

“Hey…” Virgil finally spoke, scooting his chair back from the table he inched forward before standing by Patton’s side, reaching out for a split second Virgil’s finger finally rested on Patton’s back. “Listen…” He sighed, feeling the tensed trembling muscles under his touch, “I get it alright. I get that you might feel ignored, or you might feel like..like we’re pushing a role onto you but..but you cannot do what you just did. I get frustration Pat, truly I do, but to explode like that...to snap at Logan when he didn’t even do anything. It’s cruel and it’s not nice, if you have a problem then we’re here to talk with you about it, we aren’t here to be your verbal punching bags for when that frustration overflows. You get me?”

The faintest hint of nod is seen from the moral side, although it is increasingly difficult to tell given that his face remains buried in that old cardigan. Virgil is certain that it’ll be impossible to make him let go of it, at least until they see Logan again.

It’s only a few minutes later when Roman prances back into the dining room, holding, or at least attempting to hold the three warm mugs of hot chocolate. The warm liquid isn’t even nearly as hot as it should be, and that is the only thing that tips Virgil off that Roman had been listening to them the entire time. Sharing a look with the fanciful side, the knowing gaze he gets in return almost cements that fact for him, although the approving nod he gets on top of that lets him know that he did alright with Patton. So with that knowledge in mind, Virgil sips at his lukewarm hot chocolate.

They’ll wait for however long that Logan needs, and whenever he’s ready that would be when they’ll talk.

Tagged: 

@neko-ereri

@seas-space-and-stardust

@apologieslogan