#pathologic headcanons

Clara is a demisexual lesbian. I don’t need to do an in-depth detailed analysis to prove it, I just… know it!

She’s also neurodivergent, but in a way that makes it hard to give her a proper diagnosis. Really it’s most likely that she has overlapping disorders (adhd, bpd, autism) mixed in with others exclusive to those who’ve spawned from the Earth.

I’ve discussed this in another post once, but Clara’s biggest fear is her own body. A combination of knowing she was born from the clay and bones of the Earth combined with the truth about the world itself has given her a dreadful insight on how fundamentally different her physiology is from the other humans in the Town. Oftentimes she’ll feel different textures than what her skin and hair is supposed to feel like, and will need to stop what she’s doing and convince her mind that she’s real before the right textures return to her senses.

Is a tactile learner, and often prefers to show affection via touch (ex: patting one on the shoulder/back, holding hands, hugging, etc.)

The stress of her journey made her shed many tears, but now she’s become embarrassed about it. She’ll do everything in her power not to cry in front of others if she’s ever upset, simply saving it until she’s buried herself under some bed sheets or finds a lonely alley to cry her sorrows away.

That being said, if someone she cares about did find her sobbing and wanted to comfort her, she would throw herself into their arms and take in their compassion like a flea to fresh blood!

Clara was born with an innate understanding for very adult concepts and philosophies despite having the body and mind of a teenager. However, she finds herself preferring the conversations she has with the Town’s kids compared to the adults. 

For example, with Sticky and Murky she can assuredly engage in a long, thoughtful debate on the mystical qualities and immaterial essence of life held within some nuts they found lying the dirt, while with the Bachelor and Haruspex she needed to slowly and carefully explain to them why it’s wrong for adult men their age to bully a teenage girl.

I have many complex feelings on her bond with Alexander Block, but I do believe that after her meeting with The Powers That Be she chooses not to accompany Block on the front lines. Even if she wants to leave, she knows more than anyone that this world only exists within the confines of its setting, and thus she can only live within the space created for her and the others. Perhaps Block can leave, but just as she says to him in her ending, "You came out of thin air and you'll pass into nothingness."

She still sees the Albino as her brother, and will often times travel deep into the steppe to visit him.

Once the plague is quelled Clara eventually begins to form a new family unit by being communally raised; essentially moving about at her own leisure between the residences of the members of her bound most patient with her (Yulia, Rubin, Lara, and even Bad Grief on some occasions) as well as Daniil and Artemy, who are both willing to put their past quarreling behind them. Presuming the Termite Ending was picked, of course!

The Saburovs remain unwilling to accept the future granted to the Termites, and Katarina in particular still believes that Clara is her proper heir and has tried to reach out and bring her back into their care to start over. She avoids them like the plague, still not ready to forgive them for abandoning her.

If the Humble Ending was picked, then she lives all by herself in the Rod, with only the consistent company of her two surviving humbles and the Bachelor and Haruspex; the three having ended their feuding after learning the shared knowledge of being dolls, yet still haven't fully recovered from the trauma of it all. She sends letters to Commander Block hoping to hear about what the outside world is truly like, even if all he can tell her are what battles lay on the front lines, and is trying to defy her fated rivalry against Maria and Capella by trying to form an alliance, perhaps even a friendship, with them to ensure a good future for the Town.

Capella is the only one willing to tolerate her presence at the moment, yet is still uneasy about this new future the Changeling has created…

While Clara always preaches about her fierce understanding of the divine powers of love, she genuinely does not understand the concept of being loved herself. Thanks to her hasty upbringing in a cult, she assumes that it is something like a commodity: needing to be earned by successfully completing tasks, and being instantly lost if she fails said tasks. The reason her mood nosedives into dramatic self-loathing whenever she angers/fails the people she cares about is because she believes that they now no longer love her as much as they used to.

Okay those last few points were pretty depressing, let me lighten it up a bit. Clara and Grace often have fun sleepovers in the cemetery together! Or at least what weird teenage girls closely connected to death find fun, like communicating with the dead and expressing their feelings toward one another in a series of flowery, cryptic riddles :)

I can totally see her owning pet rats! They’ll cling to her scarf and ride her like a taxi as she walks throughout town, freaking out every adult she passes.

Maiden

— ages 15-19/20 — a very small portion of the Maidens have felt "called" to being a Herb Bride for as long as they can remember, most others have started to show a pull towards Herb Brides during childhood. Around 15 of age, the to-be-Herb Brides (nicknamed Herb Maids/Maidens, or Fledglings) will go through an Initiation ceremony in the presence of older Herb Brides. — their outfits are heavy, layered, cloth and leather with minimal sigils as face and body paint since they still have to learn their meanings : they will rather have simple lines and shapes. they wear heavy bone and clay jewelry, and their hairdos stay pretty simple. — they are very active, following older Herb Brides in dances. year after year, they develop their own dance, going through phases of very intense, frantic and kind of disorganized choreographies as they try to find their footings in the dance that will feel the truest and most meaningful to them. — the heavy outfits are here to allow them to prove they can dance even with all of the weight on them. the to-be-Herb Brides often fall from exhaustion, more often than their older counterparts, and these instances are seen as important proof that they are giving it their all, losing themselves into Boddho and allowing her to take their energy and give it back.

"Mother" / Bride

— ages 19/20-45 — functioning as a coming-of-age rite, a Confirmation ceremony takes place around the 19th to 25th birthday of a Maiden having proven her determination and stood by her choice of becoming a Herb Bride. she is able, anytime before the ceremony is set to take place, to walk away from a future as a Herb Bride and reintegrate the rest of the Kin: it is understood that the life of a Herb Bride is tough, hard, exhausting, even if ultimately exhilarating and incredibly fulfilling to those who are able to follow through, and that not everyone is fit for it. Maidens reintegrating the rest of the Kin will still typically have an interest in herbs, and will tend to gravitate towards being herbalists, gardeners, botanists... some might take up entirely different trades, even if they tend to be anchored in Kin culture, such as becoming leather tanners, leather cutters, weavers, tapesters... — the fledglings become Herb Brides in the presence of other Herb Brides and a/multiple Warden(s). they typically bathe in the Gorkhon or one of her tributaries and are expected to dance through the night. — from there, they wear lighter clothing which allows them to move freely. having learned the meaning of the sigils during their earlier years, and now in the company of more knowledgeable Herb Brides, sigils become part of their face and body paint. intricate hairdos become more common as Herb Brides help each other with them. — at this point, a Herb Bride will have settled into a dance of her own, something that feels true and meaningful to her. she will continue to change, morph and adapt it as she grows and learns more, but she has, now, come into her own. — the "Mother" title is not really accurate, as Herb Brides are celibate per their customs; they will be mother figures and mentors to to-be-Herb Brides, and some will learn midwifery. — whether or not a Herb Bride does become an actual midwife, Herb Brides will tend to to-be mothers and be around for births even if they do not help with the birth itself. — the Voice of Boddho grows stronger during this time, and many Herb Brides will pick up chants directly from the Earth. — a Herb Bride might still walk away from being one years, sometimes decades after her Confirmation ceremony. while these cases are rare, a Bride reintegrating the Kin at this point will typically gravitate towards herbalism, herbal medicine, poetry or storytelling inspired by the chants of the Earth. — even more rare than the previous cases, but having been seen nonetheless, adult women might want to become Herb Brides past the usual age of Confirmation ceremonies. they might or might not go through the Maids "trial" period, as they are typically more sure of themselves and more convinced of their desire to devote themselves to the dance.

Crone