#pat smith

Okay, I think we can all agree everything here is a little bit too Chinese.

All the restaurants and cafes and that for a start, way too many noodles. I don't eat noodles, you know, we're gonna need pie and mash, ham, egg, and chips. I mean, you need to cater to me, yeah? No?

I don't think you understand, I'm not from here, okay? I left the UK because I didn't like it, all right? So I need you to change everything to make it feel like it's the UK, yeah? Still no, is it?

Right, okay, well, also I can't really work at the minute. Anxiety, yeah, so when do I get my money?

Obviously got a few kids at home and also they're gonna need to come here, that's a no-brainer. Why do you keep saying no?

I've noticed as well there's a lot of Chinese people here as well, innit? So I was thinking we could get loads of me over here and we have our own little area and then you lot can just fuck off. Does that sound good? It doesn't.

Well no, hear me out, because I was thinking if we get loads of me over here then we can vote in, you know, one of me to be in charge and then we can all start telling you lot how to live.

And after that I was going to organise some marches where we go through the streets chanting anti-Chinese sentiments. Obviously you'll need to protect us while we do that. That's a no as well, is it?