#pastadvice

if i could point to anything

i’d want to tell my past self,

some advice to guide that dumb kid

through this thicket of thorns,

i’d tell him

your love is bigger than you believe

and that is not a weakness

and it sure as hell ain’t a fault,

you will love and hurt and

it’ll make you better,

the scratches and tears may

bloody and bruise your skin

but you will be surprised at how

softly and gently your heart can heal,

how it’ll open like sunlight

in the middle of winter,

how it’ll sound like your mother’s 

voice when she sings,

quiet at first then wholly

and beautifully and definitely not

at the right pitch but

fuck it,

at least it’s honest.

i will grab him by the shoulders

and tell him

you snore like your father

and you burn inside

the way he did,

but he never stopped loving

and neither will you,

you will resolve this tension,

you can take the best parts of him and carry them in you

without fear of poisoning the rest,

i will tell him

that someday you will find words

and you will find your truth

and you will find that your truth changes

and so the words must change too.

and if he looks at me,

question marks

in his stare,

i will tell him

you move ever onward

but don’t you dare lose to fear,

don’t you dare stop fighting,

and my car was in all day and I asked how much I owed him and he laughed and said nah don’t worry about it, and whenever I see him when he’s opening up each day he always looks happy to see me and says hello, so I needed to book my car in again (yes my car is a heap of junk haha) but I was working late so my dad popped round to tell him what needed doig and how much since I needed more stuff than when he gave me a price and he said ‘what I said before and tell her not to worry I’ll look after her’ But now I’m super nervous to take my car in, is he being friendly because it’s just business or is it more, I’m so confused and also I don’t know anything about him so it’s a bit weird and he’s older and might think I’m just some silly girl and yano :( so sorry for such a rambley post xx

 Don’t apologize for having a rambley post.  :) Details are good.I mean, it could be just business, but it’s hard to say.  Elaborate as you were, I wasn’t there for the conversations, you know?  I think it’s impossible to say for sure, unless one of you decided to ask the other to hang out/talk outside of the garage.  Who knows, maybe he’d enjoy it.

If he’s just being nice, though, that’s okay too.  Sometimes, it’s nice to have brief experiences with kind people.  

 By the way, don’t let the factor of age consume you.  It’s good to keep it in mind when you talk to people (especially so much older than you), but as long as you carry yourself normally, and don’t specifically try to impress someone to make up for your young age, then you’re fine.  If somebody won’t talk to you because of their age, I personally don’t think they’re worth talking to.