I’m sorry. Not able to be there for those that matter. Own life is falling apart, and always too little too late. Been falling apart and not able to hold it together anymore. Not enough tape or glue to fix this mess. Can’t afford any of it anyway.

Not manipulating people for sympathy that is undeserved. No more pleas of help or anything. Just...I can’t help anybody and if you listen to me you will get hurt just like me. That is the only thought left in me that is mine. Not tainted by my demons or failings or people worse then me.

Rest is needed and I am not allowed it. Watching myself slip is the punishment befitting. Self awareness is not a gift. It is a curse. No excuses for my behavior. Even this post falls under that umbrella.  By the time this post shows....No words can reach me. Walls will be repaired and reinforced. All that will be left is the pain and anger and that is how it should be.