#parenting thoughts

Last week felt kind of full. Some lunches I managed to snap a photo of, some I didn’t, and my mother-in-law helped with dinners since our eating habits don’t quite match.

Having my husband’s little niece around made the house feel alive in a way I didn’t expect. Kids really are like tiny, unpredictable bursts of energy~ adorable and chaotic at the same time. And I found myself thinking; maybe we’re not quite ready for our own little one yet. We’d been imagining next year, but now I’m not so sure.

It’s not just about money. It’s about feeling ready inside, too. Wondering, if I could raise a child gently, without being too strict, without spoiling them (⁠;⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠) it’s a strange kind of balancing act.

During the week, near my husband’s office, there were these little classes for kids— baking, making wooden toys, that kind of thing. My husband took his lunch breaks to bring our niece and my mother-in-law to join.

I think it’s such a sweet idea. The kids get to spend their time doing something they enjoy, discovering little passions, while we get to watch them grow in small, quiet ways. It makes the house feel even warmer, knowing these tiny sparks of curiosity are out there.

Being a parent seems hard, but also kind of beautiful.

She made the cutest little potato-shaped bread, stuffed with mashed potatoes and ham.

She also crafted a little wooden toy with a tiny bit of help from her uncle (my husband) and the instructor. It’s amazing how something so simple can hold so much pride and excitement in her tiny hands.

Over the weekend, my husband’s aunt and cousins, who also live in Beijing, came over to visit my mother-in-law and our niece. I took the chance to cook lunch for everyone.

Honestly, I wasn’t sure if the food would suit their tastes, which made me a little anxious. On top of that, I don’t speak Chinese, so communication was a bit tricky.

Not a big deal, but it's the little things. For the first time in 5 years, my phone wallpaper isn't a picture of my kid. It's our #ineffablehusbands .

At first I felt guilty. But no. This is a good thing. "I am a self", after all. I can have interests outside being a mom, and that's okay. In fact, it's great! My kid should see me as a self, too. It's good for both of us.

The action really starts ramping up!

Chapter 6

Ahh, Sid is surprised that Pritkin survived the caves as a boy because they are lined with Brimstone.  If he didn’t know about the Brimstone he probably used magic and it’s a wonder he didn’t blow himself up. 

The rest of this chapter can be summed us as Casanova: the reluctant hero.  (Side note apparently this is a trope, ooooo, I’m going to have to dive into this one later!)   This is best illustrated in a beautiful quote from the chapter between the man himself, the woman he describes as the blonde menace, and his live in girlfriend.

“I thought you said he’d calm down once we got out of the city.”

Rian murmured something reassuring.

“Well, I don’t know,” Cassie told her.  “He’s getting pretty shrill”

“I am not shrill!” Casanova said, and all right, perhaps that has been a little shrill, but if so, he though he’d earned it. “I am the voice of reason--”

“Well the voice of reason needs to get his butt in here.”

‘‘‘‘‘‘

“Okay, fine,” Cassie said.  “I just thought you’d prefer it to the alternative.”

“What alternative”

“I think she means me,” Rosier said gently, from behind him.

Just beautiful.

Chapter 7

We find out Sid’s demon type! Uttuku, two-natured demons which have a physical and spirit form.  Asag and the Alu are also of this type according to Wikipedia.  I posted on this a couple days ago so won’t get back into it now, but I do believe this is significant.  I think Sid and Asag are working together on something.

Interesting Pritkin had a direct hand it capturing Ealdris last time.  I’m not sure why this surprises me but it does.  Possibly because she’s an ancient horror.  But then again she went straight to Earth and he is the foremost demon hunter on Earth.  I wonder how long ago that was; months, years, decades, centuries? It feels too recent in everyone’s mind to be centuries yet far enough away to have been months. Casanova would be panicking waaaaay more if it were merely months. That leaves us with years or decades. I need more data to narrow this down further.

The fight between Casanova and Rosier is a thing of beauty.  This two chapter long fight is the main reason that I’m bummed out we don’t get audio books of the Pritkin shorts. A friend of mine got me hooked on the Chance-verse audios.  They are great for listening to while I sew or grade papers. You catch different things when listening versus reading, different parts of the brain at work and all.  Plus most of the readers do the characters accents pretty well.  Rosier sneers, Casanova shrieks, and Rian is serene.  But alas, no audios.  Still. 

Casanova punches Rosier across the elevator and into a beam.  His response is simply, “Vampire.” Rosier returns the favor by kneeing Casanova in the crotch, twice, saying only, “Demon.” I imagine the dialogue said like Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston would say it. Very polite, with a slight smile.  Also very incongruous with the battle they are having. Then Rosier’s quip when Cassie accidentally rips off Casanova’s sleeve trying to help him,

“She’s just the gift that keeps on giving, isn’t she?” Rosier asked, and punched him in the throat.

I want to say Cassie says the same about Rosier in Reap the Wind. Karen does throw backs so well.  The memory on that woman...

Chapter 8

In this chapter we find out that Pritkin has never had a death wish.  He claims to have come to terms with death but is struggling with his shuffling the mortal coil at this time.  Hmmmm, what, or who, has changed his mind and given him a reason to live?  These thoughts from Pritkin make me place this story earlier in Pritkin’s personal timeline than when TtS Cassie jumps.  I’ve thoughts for a while now that TtS Cassie lets Pritkin figure out that his days are numbered and he’s been preparing her and himself for his inevitable death.  He did neither here, so this has to be before that.

Back to Casse et al.  The visual of Rosier and Casanova stopping fighting to watch the elevator flying away into the darkness the classic.  I imagine them both staring slack jawed into space. Then the two power, yet cowardly bastards take the better part of valor and run away right into Cassie and Ealdris’ husk.  Cassie is so much braver than these two shmucks, but I love it. So much.  Crap, I think they are my trash ‘ship.  Rosi-nova? Cas-ier?  Rosi-nova, rolls off the tongue better. Either way, a match made in, well, hell.  Even when they stop fighting to stare incredulously at Cassie for poking the husk, Casanova can’t help but get in one last cheap shot. 

Cassie’s a little hypocritical calling soul hopping and stasis weird since that’s essentially in her own job description.  We also discover Rosier was trying to get Pritkin out of the way to kill Cassie.  It shows he cares about his son on some level but still doesn’t get him. He’s a shitty parent.  There is more to a child’s well being than his/her physical body.  One’s emotional and mental well being is just as important as one’s physical body.  Rosier has never understood nor cared about that.  I’m not sure if he’s incapable of caring or seeing it in that way do to, call it cultural differences, or if he is just a selfish bastard who doesn’t give a damn.  The parent in me is torn about which way I’d rather it be.  Part of me wishes it were a fundamental species difference because the thought of any parent being that uncaring just hurts.  But then i see human parents do that and worse to their children. Rejecting their children because of all sorts of reasons.  On the other hand, that means that Rosier has no possibility for personal growth to try to understand his child.  I would like to think he can grow to accept who his son wants to be and I kinda see this happening in RtS since it’s been moving that way it RtW (please let it happen in RtS).

I see a lot of people who keep repeating their same old patterns, or don't have the bandwidth and care to do growth while also parenting.

Here's some of what I see:

Early in pregnancy, pregnancy broke me down enough to be both excited and suspicious when I felt mostly okay for two consecutive days

A lot of bitterness about people expecting me to feel excited when from my perspective, there were so many unknowns that the absolute best I could do was "tentatively optimistic"

Angst about how much people wanted us to find out the sex of our baby

Fear of forgetting who I was before children or how hard it felt

Trouble carving out space in my life for a person who wasn't there yet

"I'm drowning"

"I can't believe that I'm bringing a baby into this world that feels so uncertain right now."

Trying to rationalize myself out of PPD

"he's starting to make sounds that aren't crying"

Breastfeeding felt endless and awful

Bitterness about people expecting me to express unmitigated joy and love when I was struggling postpartum

"I'm really starting to delight in [the baby]"

Learning to accept help and support

Why does it matter?

Imagining that every choice is for our kids invites a sort of martyrdom story-- I cook you healthy meals, pick out cute outfits, monitor your diet, keep a clean house, work full-time and there's nothing left!-- which breeds resentment against your kids and any partners or co-parents you might have. That is, it harms some of your most important relationships.

When it becomes I'm choosing a cute outfit because it makes me happy to see you dressed nicely, or, I'm strict about the nap schedule because I don't want to deal with a grumpy toddler, it can take some of the heat out of it and acknowledge the kickass choices you're already making.

More importantly, it empowers you to reevaluate your decisions. Most parents feel like anything "for the kids" is nonnegotiable, but if the outfit is more for you, maybe you can just grab something out of the drawer today.