#parentale

Naturally, going back to being a scientist is right out -- way too many bad memories -- so Alphys can’t really help. Papyrus has become a sort of figurehead for the monsters since he’s so likable, kind, and genuine, and he also still doesn’t really know about the war Asgore called on humanity a while ago, so there’s no chance of him slipping up and mentioning that little detail. But that much attention and always smiling for the camera is really not Sans’ thing either. Undyne is a soccer coach/mom, and probably an athlete of several other types, but geez, Sans gets tired just watching those kids chase that ball around. Toriel lets him try as a substitute teacher for a week, but oh my god turns out being a teacher is actually a lot of work, and he likes the work, but he’s just not quite ready for that level of it yet. Mettaton’s band is full and Sans can only play various comedic noises on the trombone anyway, so that leaves him with not a lot of choices.

But then Asgore approaches him one day all like, “Y’know, Sans, there’s an opening in the PTA at Frisk’s school, and we really want to fill it with a monster for the sake of making our voice heard. Will you give it a try?”

And Sans, despite not liking the sound of it at all, decides, well, he does like Frisk and wants to stick up for the kid, and he is kinda interested in seeing what, exactly, PTAs do, so why not?

Next Wednesday, he shows up to his first meeting, Toriel having at least convinced him to wash his trademark hoodie and shorts, and immediately some of the parents hate him. None of them are bold enough to make any snide remarks -- not even Linda; we’ll get to her later -- but they’re very blatantly suspicious, condescending, and etc. Sans doesn’t actually give one singular shit, so he just trolls them constantly throughout the meeting and doesn’t pay a single shred of attention to what’s going on otherwise -- he has no idea what half the terms they’re using mean, anyway. And, whaddya know, he has a blast! So he happily agrees to go to more of these meetings, if only because Helen’s face turns a very interesting shade of puce when he does so.

The others are ecstatic, thinking he’s finally found something to care about, and they’re so excited that he can’t bear to correct them, so he just kinda rolls with it. But, unfortunately, Papyrus is naturally very invested in the whole thing now, and he starts asking Sans about what the PTA is doing, how Frisk’s schooling in general is going, what the other parents are like, etc. etc. Which means that, since Sans is too weak to leave his brother disappointed, he has to actually start trying, ugggghhhh.

So, with the help of Frisk (I’m tempted to say Toriel but she’s probably just as clueless as Sans honestly), he starts to do some research on some of the things he vaguely remembers Linda and co. arguing about. Like vaccines... okay, so they’re mandatory medicine that keeps kids from getting fatal diseases; cool. And gluten is just... a thing some people are allergic to, but a lot more people think they’re allergic to than are actually allergic to it? O... kay... He knows what autism is, because Toriel did some research when they found out Frisk had it and shared her notes with him. What’s “quiet hands”? Frisk gets... oddly subdued when he asks, so he drops it.

Eventually, he’s sufficiently educated in all the relevant ridiculous PTA topics, and he starts paying a tiny bit of attention during meetings, just so he can have something to report home to Papyrus about, and --

Wait.

Did Linda just say... she’s against vaccines? ......Because she thinks they “cause autism”?

At first, he isn’t even mad at all; he’s just confused. He’s convinced that he’s missing something here; he must’ve missed some crucial details in his research, because Linda has proven herself to be a passive-aggressive, somewhat racist, very self-righteous person so far, but she can’t really be willing to sacrifice her children’s health and possibly lives just because she thinks they might turn out like Frisk. Frisk is a great kid. Can autism even be “caught”? He doesn’t think so, but...

Well, he dismisses those thoughts, because, as I said, he just assumes he missed something in his research, and Papyrus has no idea what he’s talking about when he recites Linda’s whole rant at home later, but he’s still satisfied.

But then. He starts to get bigger audiences for his recitations. And the other monsters hear the shit Linda’s been spewing. And they are Not Pleased.

Like, “What do you MEAN they want to separate the P.E. class by gender and species?!?!?! That’s stupid!!! I teach all the kids perfectly fine!!! And why should they have to learn different things based on whether they’re a boy or a girl, or a human or a monster?????? AND WHERE DO FRISK AND MONSTER KID GO?!?! THEY AREN’T BOYS OR GIRLS!!”

And, “W-wait, she’s... anti... vaccines? B-but they’re absolutely vital! Literally! Th-they stop fatal illnesses! Not only is she endangering her own ch-child, but she’s endangering the other children, too!”

And, “WHAT?!?!?! LUNCHES THAT DON’T ALLOW SPAGHETTI???!! WHY?!?! ... WHAT IS “GLUTEN” AND WHY ARE WE NOT ALLOWED TO EAT IT?!?!”

And, “Excuse me, she said what about the dress code? Why exactly does she want gender to be a determining factor in what clothes you can or cannot wear? Every child should be able to shine just like whatever type of star they want to! Just like they can choose to be whomever they wish on stage! ...What? ...WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE WANTS TO BAN DISABLED KIDS FROM THEATER AND CHOIR -- “

And, “Hmph, if she thinks my child’s stimming is disruptive to the class, then perhaps she should keep tighter reigns on her own child, at least until he stops disrespecting me and the other staff at every possible opportunity! ...Oh, maybe that was a bit harsh...”

Except it isn’t too harsh. At all. And, as these semiweekly discussions get more and more heated, Sans starts doing more research and paying more attention and speaking up more and being a more active participant in general, and suddenly OH NO, HE CARES ABOUT THIS. HE ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT THIS. HE FEELS SOME KIND OF very faint and vague but still present PASSION ABOUT THIS.

(That passion being the passion he has for casually tearing Linda’s arguments down in front of the whole PTA with a huge shit-eating grin on her face while the few other members who are actually on his side try and fail to stifle their laughter in the background. It’s like stand-up comedy, but twenty times better.)

So, basically, Sans is sinking deeper and deeper into the PTA rabbit hole, but he still hasn’t reached the level of really hating Linda or Helen or anyone, and he still hasn’t said a single thing that’s technically an insult. He doesn’t think they’re reprehensible people so much as he thinks they’re really, really stupid and have no idea what’s best for their kids.

And then, one day, both he and Linda get called into the (Vice?) Principal’s office, and when they walk in Frisk and Linda’s kid are both there. Frisk looks close to tears, and Linda’s kid -- we’ll call him Timmy -- doesn’t look much better.

The (Vice?) Principal (whichever one isn’t Toriel) explains that Timmy had been mercilessly bullying Frisk, and when a teacher intervened he refused to stop, so they were both sent to the office, and Sans was Frisk’s only available guardian.

Naturally, Sans is already on edge, because A) Linda is there, and as much as he doesn’t despise her yet, he’s really not up for dealing with her bullshit right now, B) why the hell did Frisk get sent to the office? For being bullied? and C) He doesn’t like it when people bully his kid. Not that he’s nearly as protective of Frisk as he is of, say, Papyrus, but he has a vested interest in their happiness, and he doesn’t take kindly to random kids bullying them to the point of tears.

But Sans keeps his cool and just slinks into the chair next to Frisk, giving them a comforting shoulder squeeze after glancing at them to make sure they didn’t mind being touched right now. Linda, on the other hand, is absolutely outraged -- not because her child was bullying another child, mind you, but because he got in trouble for it.

And Sans’ mind is just. Blown. In a very bad way. Because, okay, it’s one thing to be dumb enough to convince yourself that vaccines are bad for your kid, and it’s another thing entirely to get pissed when your kid gets in trouble for their own actions. I mean, it wasn’t like she was saying Timmy didn’t do it -- she didn’t seem surprised to hear of his bullying habits at all, as a matter of fact -- she was just saying that he shouldn’t have gotten in trouble for it.

So, naturally, Sans responds in his usual carefree, subtly scathing manner, but Linda is having none of it. She turns around and marches up to Firsk and just starts yelling -- not adressing them, but talking about them as if they weren’t in the room and saying some pretty awful things.

Sans’ anger is already starting to flare, but, before he can act on it or supress it, Frisk starts to panic and flap their hands, and Linda loudly snaps “Quiet hands!” This only upsets Frisk more, and their stimming intensifies -- they’re actually crying now, which is saying a lot, because Frisk doesn’t cry very often, and he’s seen them in some situations that definitely warranted tears --

And Linda reached out and grabs Frisk’s hands, forcibly holding them at their sides.

Now, as I said earlier, Sans isn’t as protective of Frisk as he is of Papyrus, but they’re definitely number two on his list, and Linda is very, very low on the list. And now even lower. And she is physically preventing Frisk from comforting themselves (so this is what quiet hands is), and, for the first time in years, he’s happy; his friends -- his family is happy, and he actually CARES about something again, and everything is going right for once in his goddamned life, and like HELL is he gonna let some privelaged suburban soccer mom take that away from them.

No one ever spoke again of the incident in the (Vice?) Principal’s office, but suffice it to say that Linda didn’t lay hands on Sans’ kid ever, ever again.