#parabrett

Truth is Rachel didn't make it through her work shift, which worked out since she found herself on her way home around the same time Brett said he would be. They'd been pretty lucky running into one another like this and she knew that because she was trying to plan ahead something would go wrong. So far that has been the pattern in her life and she was growing rather sick of it. When she sees Brett's car pull into the parking lot Rachel gets out of her own vehicle and grabs for her work duffel, before heading inside and waiting for Brett in the lobby. Rachel didn't know how she was feeling exactly, but the fact that Brett would be in her arms any second had a smile playing at her lips despite feeling less than happy at the moment.

Brett was looking forward to seeing Rachel, though he wasn't excited about her needing a hug. It meant something bad happened and he didn't like thinking about his rock being upset. He pulled into the lot and parked, unfortunately far away from the door. It was not a perk of working till so late/early. When he got to the lobby, he saw Rachel there and smiled a little. "Hey," he greeted, maybe a little softer than he'd intended.

"Brett!" Rachel exclaims as the lobby doors close behind him. "I've missed you." Rachel is quick to walk closer  to him and when he's directly in front of her she's hiding her face in his chest and clinging to him tightly. "I've missed you so much." She tells him. She's fine, she tells herself, even if there's feelings she doesn't know how to name or even feel. 

Brett wrapped his arms tightly around Rachel, attempting to give her some comfort even though they were still in the lobby. He wanted her to be his girlfriend, but he wasn't sure if they were there yet or if she just liked it how it was, so he kept it to himself for now. Until he could be sure. "Missed you too. You wanna come up to my place? I got more zebra cakes," he said, smirking a little. He already knew how much she loved them.

"I think you have magic powers." Rachel says as she leans up to kiss his cheek. "I already feel better and all you did was hug me." She grins, taking hold of his hand so they could make their way to the elevator. "I think that if I go to my apartment I will kill Jesse in his sleep." The words come out a little too nonchalantly and it makes her laugh. "Can we eat the cakes in bed?"

"Good thing they're on sale for free right now," Brett joked. Was it a dad joke? Was he already making dad jokes? Maybe that was something he needed to take into consideration later. "Why would you kill Jesse? What did he do to you?" It was a question he had to ask, and he felt defensive over Rachel too. That was a weird feeling he hadn't felt since Kitty. "We can eat them wherever you want. I don't even care about crumbs."

"It's so weird you have all these things I need." She teases, "Almost constantly." It's so strange to feel so weird and yet be smiling so genuinely. He just did that for her without even trying and it felt so nice. He was so nice. "You're the best. Did you know that? I really mean it." And maybe everything had been pretty overwhelming lately and she's actively avoiding the question he asked in order to avoid the topic all together, but he was so good in a way she couldn't even start explaining or understanding for that matter. "It's fine. I'm fine. I just want to cuddle with you."

Brett smiled a little when Rachel called him the best. He'd been through enough lately to definitely not feel like the best, but he for sure knew how to be there for someone when they wanted to be with him."I mean, I know I'm not actually the best or anything. And I can tell that everything isn't fine, but I'm not against cuddling," he said, pressing the 6 button in the elevator. He squeezed her hand a little. "I have a nice fuzzy blanket."

“I’ll tell you when I’m ready.” He doesn’t push and she likes that. She does want to tell him but her brain needed time to process. Rachel just knows he’d be helpful by just being nearby. “I love your fuzzy blanket.” Rachel squeezes his hand back and thinks about the last time they were in the elevator together. It was a different time

.Brett didn't want to push it further and he knew Rachel wasn't lying when she said she'd tell him when he was ready. She squeezed his hand back and the same memory popped into his own head. This felt different. "It's literally the best blanket. I could live in it," he said as the elevator doors opened. He led her to his apartment and unlocked the door, opening it and holding it so that she could go in first. "Zebra cakes are in the kitchen."

Once they are inside his apartment Rachel feels a lot less vulnerable. “Would you at least make room in the blanket for me?” She looks at him for a moment with the saddest little smile on her face. “I’m going to bring the whole box.” And once her sneakers are slipped off she’s making her way into the kitchen to grab for them.

Brett put his stuff down and close the door as Rachel went to the kitchen. A whole box of zebra cakes sounded a lot like stress eating to him but he wasn’t about to say that out loud. Instead he locked the door and went to his bedroom, taking off his steel-toe boots and tossing them into the open closet while he grabbed the fuzzy blanket. It was his favorite and apparently Rachel liked it too. He pulled his blankets up and plopped the blanket down for Rachel to pick where she wanted to sit first.

Rachel walks into his  room with the box of zebra cakes and water for both of them, though hers is mostly gone already. She sets the waters on his bedside table and then easily climbs onto his bed. “Was work okay?” She puts the box of snacks in the middle of the bed, though she has one unopened in her hand. “I like that everything here smells like you. It’s like a hug without a hug.” 

Brett climbed onto the bed after Rachel took her place. What was it about being slightly domestic with her that had him tingling? “Yeah, it was an easy gig,” he said, reaching to grab a cake for himself. He opened it and took a bit and smiled through it. “Well, I mean I do sleep here, so…”

"Good. I had an easy night too." She found herself thinking more and more about how uncomfortable it makes her feel to talk about her job with anyone. Rachel scoots closer to him and kisses his shoulder as she opens her own snack. "I know! I just still like it, even if you've got crumbs on your face right now." She lets a hand come up to wipe the piece of cake stuck to his lip. "I like being near you is what I'm trying to say. I like how you make me feel."

Brett put his arm around Rachel and leaned into her. It was intimate how she touched his lip and he wanted to laugh a little but instead he’d locked eyes with her. “I like being near you too. I like seeing you after work. I like our conversations,” he said, reconsidering when he might ask her to be his girlfriend. She definitely seemed interested, at least right now.

Rachel relaxes further when his arms wrap around her. Things weren't easy but when he was near by they felt easier. "I like all of that too Brett. I really look forward to it. I have looked forward to it." Finally she bites into her zebra cake and just allows herself to rest against him. "You know how to cheer me up without trying."

Brett could tell that now wasn’t the time to try and ask her out. She might have said yes but it was still… tense. Something was wrong. Not with them but with Rachel. She just hadn’t told him yet. He hugged her against him a little tighter. “That’s because I like when you smile. It’s selfish, really.” “It’s like selfish but in a good way. You could want to make me cry but you don’t.” Except the hug is just enough to force her feelings to the front of her mind. He’s so safe and continues to prove it. “Can I show you something? It might be a little weird.”

Brett couldn’t imagine wanting to make Rachel cry- or anyone cry- on purpose. Anyone like that was a monster in his eyes. “I can handle weird. Let’s see it,” he said, rubbing his hand up and down her arm and shoving the rest of his cake into his mouth.

Rachel let’s herself relax into him as she finishes her own cake. She did want to be open with him and she did need to process what had happened earlier in the night. She had gone to Shelby’s apartment and then right away left from there to work. “I’ll be right back.” Rachel sits up and turns so that she can kiss his lips before leaving the bedroom. The tape and player was small enough to go into her work bag and she almost can’t believe she’s going to listen to it again and with someone there to watch her. “I don’t know if I told you that I was born out of surrogacy and I never knew who my mom is. I didn’t know who she was until earlier tonight and she’s in the building.”

Brett watched her get up and he stared at the door while she was gone, listening for what might be happening. She was back before he could assume she left, and she had a tape player. He wanted to say something like What in the 1985 is that , but he didn’t. He also didn’t say anything after she mentioned that she found her birth mom and that she was in the building. He wasn’t sure how to feel. Part of him wanted to get almost gossipy, and the other part knew that this was probably super intense for Rachel. “Did you talk to her?”

“She said she tried to reach out in high school with Jesse’s help and my dads found out- so she didn’t.” Her voice is shaky as she climbs back onto the bed beside him. “She made me this.” Rachel meets his eyes and there is tears pooling up in hers. Rachel presses play on the player and the start of ‘I dreamed a Dream’ begins to fill the room. And then there’s Shelby’s voice “Hi baby. It’s your mom.” She says and that really sends Rachel over the edge and she’s hiding her face in Brett’s chest. 

Brett’s mouth kind of dropped as he heard the song. He knew it, of course, but what was more jarring was hearing the person on the tape address Rachel in that caring, loving way. Rachel was crying into him and he wrapped his arms tighter around her, resting his cheek on top of her head. He said nothing, waiting for Rachel to be comfortable enough to talk about it.

“This is just literally insane.” She cries, not looking up or moving her head from resting on his chest. His shirt is wet but she can’t be bothered to care. He wouldn’t care. “I always wanted my mom and this is too much.”

Brett was a little confused at why Rachel seemed to not want her mom to be who she was. He squeezed her again. “Hey, it’s okay. Why didn’t you want it to be her?” he asked, genuinely curious. This was a little out of his wheelhouse but he supposed having a guy in your life whose ex wife was pregnant with his baby was the same for her.

“No. It’s not that it is her specifically.” She begins to explain. Though she grows quiet for a long moment. “It doesn’t help. I don’t need her now. I needed her when I was all alone before.” She sniffles. “I just thought it would always be this void. I’d just never have a mom.”

Brett understood now. It was clicking in his head and it did make sense why she would feel that way. “Do you want to know her?” he asked, wondering if maybe there was a way for them to meet in the proverbial middle. “Obviously you can choose not to and your life won’t change. And maybe you don’t need her, but do you want her?”

Rachel looks up at him, lips quivering a little as she moves to wipe at her eyes. “I don’t know.” She whispers. And she hates that because normally she had a sense either way but this felt so unexpected. “She researched me. She tried to find me. She knows my dads aren’t the greatest. I just don’t understand. I mean- I gave up Broadway and this whole time my mom is a Broadway star. That’s insane. That feels so unreal Brett.”