#para8

WITHDRAWAL DAY 2 --”The Beginnings”

Additional TWs: Unconsensual restraining, vague death mentions

Benji was curled up on his couch, sniffling as he held back more tears. Topher had left for work, and Cortana, after years of being cooped up in a kennel, was still fast asleep in her new dog bed down the hall. Since Destiny had dropped the bombshell of Franc being on heroin, he hadn't been able to stop crying. He was upset--not at Franc, but at the fact that he was still so broken that he needed such a serious drug to cope--and all he wanted was to hug his boyfriend and tell him that they would work through everything together.

Franco had left Aaron's, the temptation of the drugs there too much. He needed more but he couldn't, not when he was hurting so many people. He'd texted Aaron to say he was going to find Benji and he'd see him soon. He headed to Benji's, his hands shaking, his body sweaty and clammy. He'd not touched a drug for over 24 hours now. He felt sick and his head hurt so bad. Once he got to Benji's he knocked on the door, clutching his stomach as he felt the nausea was over him once again.

When Benji heard the knock on the door, he jumped, then quickly wiped his eyes as he clambered to go answer it. He knew he had to try his best to be strong--both for him and for Franc--because there was honestly no telling what exactly Franco was going through right now. 

"Franc?" Benji whispered, flinging his front door open and pulling his boyfriend into a hug. At this point, he didn't care about being upset. He just wanted to be there for Franc. After a few seconds, Benj finally pulled back, his heart breaking when he looked his boyfriend in the face. "Franc... is that a bruise?" he questioned, cupping the side of his face.

Franco fell into Benji's arms as soon as he was engulfed, his body aching and tired, the walk over draining everything about him. He couldn't do this. He couldn't go through this. He pushed Benji away as nausea rushed through him again and he ran, getting to the bathroom in enough time to catch the toilet as he vomited. He dropped to his knees and leaned back against the wall, his knees pulled up to his chest as he sobbed hard into them.

Benji stumbled and slammed against the wall with a groan before involuntarily sliding down onto the floor. He grabbed his shoulder and forced himself to a standing position, ignoring the pain shooting through it.

"Franc!" Benji called, running into the bathroom after him, still holding his shoulder. When he saw his boyfriend, he knelt down next to him and pulled him back into his arms, not caring that he might get hurt again. "Franc, it's okay... it's okay, Motek... I'll get you through this..." he whispered into the hug, rocking him gently in an attempt to soothe him.

Franco was shaking all over, his body sweating as he felt Benji hug him again and he dropped his head, his tears running down his face as he sobbed into Benji's shirt. He couldn't look up at Benji for fear of seeing hurt in his eyes, "I'm so fucking sorry" he sobbed out, "I'm so fucking sorry, I can't do this.. I can't".

"Shhhh," Benji hushed him, still slowly rocking Franc as he held him tight. "Franco, don't you dare apologize, okay? This is gonna be hard, but we're gonna get you through this. I promise. We're gonna get you through this, and then you're gonna feel so much better." He pulled back just enough to look at Franco. "You're staying here until you're better, okay? I'm gonna call in from work and I'm gonna take care of you every second."

Franco continued to whisper how sorry he was over and over again, willing himself to believe that saying it enough meant everything would be OK, "I c...c...can't do this" he cried as he finally looked up at Benji, tears staining his cheeks, the bruise highlighted in the light, "I had to last time and it was so hard... I can't do this again" he breathed, every word broken by a sob or a sniffle as he rocked on the floor, his knees pulled tightly to his chest.

"Baby..." Benji cooed. "You can do this. We can do this. We just have to do one step at a time, okay?" He pulled Franco into his arms, biting down hard on his lip to ignore the pain shooting through his shoulder. "I'm gonna bring you to bed, Babe," he explained, the pain making this take longer than it usually would. 

 When he made it to his bedroom, he gently placed Franco on his bed and knelt down so he was eye-level with him. "The bed's more comfortable. I'm gonna get you a bucket for the nausea, okay?"

Franco let Benji move him without a fight as he trembled in the younger mans arms. He knew he wouldn't sleep, the nightmares had gotten intense and when he closed his eyes, he would see all the horror's he had tried to forget. As soon as he was placed on the bed, he pulled his knees up to his chest as he continued to tremble but his eyes just stared past Benji, empty as he nodded his head. 

He'd been through withdrawal before, after the kidnapping and it has never been so intense. Tears spilled quietly out of his eyes as he stared at he wall past Benji's head, "I need drugs" he breathed, "I really need them".

Benji ran to grab a bucket from under his kitchen sink and came back, placing it on the bedside table next to Franc. "No, Franc. You don't need them. You're gonna get through this, okay?" 

He climbed onto the bed and pulled Franco back into his arms. "I don't care if I have to hold you for a week straight. We're gonna get you through this and when you're off the drugs, you're gonna feel so much better."

Franco rolled easily into Benji's arms, his body almost like it didn't care any more but he was able to shake his head, "I can't go through this again" he breathed, "I can't do this, living, without help. You don't know the things I have seen... The things I've been through".

"We're gonna get you help, Babe," Benji assured. "We're gonna find you a good therapist and we're gonna help you work through everything the right way, okay? But in order to do that, we have to get you through this withdrawal first..." he kissed the side of Franco's face, still rocking him gently. "I'm gonna be with you every step."

Franco continued to shake his head, "I can't do this" he said, panic ripping through his body, "I can't. I feel like I am dying and I think that would be kinder" he spoke, his words hurting him all over, "Benji, please... I need you to get me something. I can't do this".

"Franc... that's just the symptoms. They'll go away eventually, okay?" he continued to rock Franco, doing everything he could to comfort him. "I have no idea where to get drugs, Franc. And even if I did, I'm not gonna get you any. This is your opportunity to quit, Babe, and you're gonna take it. You can't stay addicted your whole life," he admitted, his tone loving but firm.

Franco's eyes widened a little, "You can't do this" he breathed, "Darius did this too, cut me off cold turkey. I'm going to get really sick" he cried, "Benji, please... I can text a dealer, I can get some please" he said, diving into his pocket and pulling out his phone. He started scrolling through, desperately seeking and as he found Aaron's name, he clicked on it, "I can phone my dealer".

"Franc, stop it," Benji snapped, using his good arm to take the phone out of Franco's hand. "You're quitting and you're quitting now. You should be lucky I don't delete this contact altogether," he added, stopping short when he looked at the name. Immediately, he felt his inside start to boil; he couldn't believe Aaron was the one who had gotten Franco into this mess. 

"We're gonna fight through these symptoms together, Franc." His voice was firm as he tried to ignore the anger building inside him. Now wasn't the time to get angry. First, he had to devote his energy to getting Franco through the toughest parts of his withdrawal.

Franco tried to grab his phone back but his reflexes were shot, "Please I need him to help me" he breathed, "Benji I've been through this before and I sure it nearly killed me then". His body was flooded with emotions, sadness, hurt, aggression, anger... everything coming at once, "You don't fucking understand" he half shouted, sitting himself upright, "You don't understand!" he repeated through gritted teeth. "I don't need someone to hold my hand and tell me it'll be OK cause I know it won't be" he half shouted, "You know shit about why I started using!"

"You started because of trauma, Franc. I may not know much after that, but I know that there's healthy ways to work through any trauma, and this isn't it," Benji replied, not letting Franc's emotions affect him; he knew most of his anger was simply the withdrawal symptoms talking. 

"We're gonna get you through withdrawal, and then I'm gonna find you a therapist so you can work through things the right way. Self-medicating isn't working, Baby. You have to face your demons and overcome them." He placed Franc's phone into his pocket and sat up, leaning against the bed frame. "We're gonna get you through this."

Franco moved his hands to Benji's top and gripped at it, "Please, please don't take my phone" he begged, "I need my phone. I need it. What if Darius wants me" he begged, his eyes wide with fear, "What if someone needs me... Please I need my phone". He knew he only wanted it to contact Aaron, to somehow arrange getting some gear. "Babe, I can't stay here" he said letting go of Benji and starting to look around, "I need to go home" and he started trying to get off the bed.

"I'm not taking your phone, Franc," Benji explained, "It's only in my pocket and the ringer's on full blast. If someone needs you, we'll hear it. It's fine." When Franco tried to move, Benji shook his head and pulled Franc back into his arms. "You're staying here so I can take care of you, Baby. The withdrawal's making you hysterical. The only way I can make sure you stay okay until you're better is if you stay. So you're staying."

Franco couldn't argue with Benji's logic but it didn't calm him down. He tried to get out of Benji's arms, "You can't make me stay here" he said, almost child-like, "I need to go and see someone" he begged, "I have people I need to see and I can't stay in this house"  but he knew he had too. Knew this was the only place he'd be away from drugs. He wanted to get clean so bad, "I have to go home" he spoke, his voice a little harsh

Benji sighed, still holding Franco. "You're right. I can't make you stay, but I can try to. ...And if you love me--or if you love yourself--you're gonna stay with me. Because staying here's the only way we're gonna be able to get you clean, Babe. ...I want you clean, and you want yourself clean too. I know it."

There were the words Franco couldn't hear. He knew he loved or was falling in love with Benji. When he fell, he always fell hard. He shook his head at Benji once more, "You don't get to use that against me" he breathed, "I like how I feel when I have heroin in my system. I like feeling numb and closing my eyes and not being haunted by my life". He took a deep analysis breath, "I don't love myself Benji, not at all".

Benji had been doing his best to stay strong, but hearing Franco say he didn't love himself was the last straw. "But you don't have to be numb, Franc," Benji explained, a few tears falling as he did. "We can find you healthy ways to work through everything. You don't have to be haunted by what happened and you don't have to be tied down to heroin either." He kissed the side of Franco's forehead, his breath shaky. "Please, Franc... Let me help you."

Franco saw the tears roll down Benji's cheek and it was like that was the straw that broke him and he flipped from kneeling on the bed to sobbing with his head buried in the pillow, "I don't deserve you or Darius or Charlie. Everything I've put you all through, everything I've done. I don't deserve it cause I don't want to stop. Stopping means feeling again".

Benji hushed him, rubbing circles into Franco's back with his good arm while he cried. "Don't say that, Babe... It's not that you don't wanna stop, you're just afraid of feeling again. And that's okay. It'll be rough at first, but it'll be worth it." He sniffled softly, "Please believe me."

Franco gulped, "No!" He shouted into the pillow, slamming his fista either side of his head, "No! You don't get to tell me how I am feeling! I feel like I'm dying! Feel like after everything, I don't even want to be here anymore!". He knew he couldn't keep this up, he was running out of energy and fight and before long, he'd cave and sob on Benji, but he kept trying.

"Franc, I'm not telling you how you feel. Just... calm down, okay? We're gonna work through the pain, and in a few days, you'll feel so much better," he cooed, still rubbing Franco's back.

Franco sat back up, the pain in his eyes as nausea rushed through him again and he grabbed the bucket from the table, heaving into it. He looked to Benji as he finally gave up, "Help me" he begged

Benji nodded and moved forward, rubbing Franco's hair with his good hand. "We're gonna get you through this, okay, Babe? I promise."

Franco gripped Benji's top again and he rested his cheek into Benji's shoulder, wincing as the bruise touched his chest, "Short of handcuffing me to the bed or you, I don't think you are going to be able to stop me getting drugs".

Benji hissed and jerked his shoulder back when Franco touched it, his adrenaline finally wearing off enough for him to realize how much pain he was in. Not wanting to drop him, he leaned back down onto the bed and pulled Franco down with him, gently placing Franco's head on his chest instead. 

 "I wanna do whatever it takes to get you better, Franc. Once you get through these symptoms, I'm gonna get you a therapist. Once you start coping the right way, you'll be able to quit for good. You just have to trust me."

Franco rested his head on Benji's chest but he couldn't stop the tears as he took a shaky breath, "I know I'm going to try and get out the house" he breathed, "I know I am cause I want heroin so bad right now". He couldn't deny it, the urge to up and leave was strong  and he was fighting real hard to not go, "I need it"

Benji sighed, holding Franco close to his chest. "Baby... if I knew it wouldn't freak you out, I'd might actually consider handcuffing you. But you and I both know that would only make things worse, so we're gonna work through things as they come. I know the withdrawal is hurting you. I know you're not thinking rationally... Just promise you'll work with me as much as you can, and I'll do the rest, okay?"

Franco nodded, "I know it might freak me out but I am telling you now Benji, if it come to it, you have to do it cause I will literally do anything to get stuff" he admitted, "I can't just be told no... words aint going to stop shit from happening".

Benji stayed silent for a moment before nodding. "Okay," he said softly, giving Franco a kiss on his forehead. "...If I run out of other options, I'll do it. But know that no matter what insane things I have to do to keep you here, I'm still crazy for you and all I want is what's best for you, okay?"

Franco nodded but as he did, more nausea ran through him and he quickly grabbed the bucket again, "Benji, I'm sorry for anything that might happen between us and if it's too much, I can leave"

"You're not leaving until you're better," he repeated, rubbing Franco's back through the heaving. "I'm in this for the long-run, remember? Hopefully you'll believe me a little more this time."

Franco gulped, "What about Darius? He's going to wonder where I am". He nodded, "I don't deserve it" he said as he put the bucket back and flopped back down on the bed, "I don't deserve any of it"

"If Darius asks, we'll tell him the truth--you're with your boyfriend," Benji replied matter-of-factly. He sighed softly, rubbing up and down Franco's torso with his good arm. "Shhhhh. Stop it with this 'deserving' thing." 

A moment went by, then he looked down at Franco, dreading the response to what he was about to say. "Baby, I'm willing to do anything and everything to get you through this, but you and I both know that when this reaches its peak, I'm going to need to be at 100%. I... I really need to go get my shoulder checked out sooner, rather than later. ...And probably get something for your bruise too," he bit his lip, "Can I call Toph and have him watch you for about an hour? Please? My shoulder's in so much pain, Franc."

Franco sighed as he rested his head on the pillow and listened to Benji talk, "Did I bust your arm" he asked, panic in his voice. He hadn't want to hurt Benji at all, "Oh my god, I hurt you" he said taking a sharp intake of breath, "Oh my god, I am so sorry". He listened and nodded, "Yeah I am sure I can stomach Toph for an hour".

"You didn't bust it. When you pushed me, I hit the wall. ...I think I dislocated it," he admitted, trying his best not to show exactly how much pain he was in--he didn't want to hurt Franco's feelings. 

He made quick work of texting Topher, then picked Franco up ever so slightly so he was laying on the pillow instead of his body. "Don't apologize. You're sick, and it was an accident."

Franco squeezed his eyes shut and nodded, "Can I at least come and sit downstairs on the sofa?" he asked, wanting the television as a distraction, "Please, I just don't want to lie in bed right now and I promise I'll just stay on the sofa, I won't move".

Benji nodded and put Franco's arm around him. Normally, he would just carry his boyfriend to the couch, but with the amount of pain his shoulder was in, he couldn't afford to. 

He helped Franco make it to the couch, then gave an exhausted smile, laying his boyfriend down on it gently. "No moving. You promised," Benji reiterated, standing up so he could put on his shoes before walking out.

"And this just in, me," Topher remarked in greeting as he slipped his backpack and shoes off once he'd returned. The former Serpent was in the process of removing his earbuds when he noticed then subsequently remembered that Franco was here. How exactly does someone handle running into a friend when the last time you saw them didn't end well? That thought and plenty of similar ones raced through Topher's mind as he took a seat in a nearby chair. "Hey."

Franco had watched as Benji left and knew Topher would not be far behind, there was no way Benji would leave him alone for some time. He heard the young man's voice and audibly gulped but didn't say anything as he pulled hugged his knees, a small sob escaping his lips. He wasn't sure for how long he'd been crying now but he was suffering, his head aching badly. He looked up at Topher quickly "Hey" he breathed before he resumed his position, his body starting to tremble again.

Topher glanced down at the floor for a few moments then over at Franco and continued this pattern for awhile as he attempted to work up the courage to say something. It honestly felt like it should be easy, just a simple remark about how the weather was or whatever, but that unfortunately couldn't be further from the truth in his opinion. He fiddled with his cane in order to stretch the time out just a hint more until he finally cleared his throat. "Is there anything that I can get you? Or do you mind if I start talking?"

Franco watched Topher, his eyes fixed in his direction. If he had felt better, he might have gone in for a fight, might have tried to start an argument but his body was hurting, his head was hurting and every few minutes he was fighting the urge to vomit. He clutched his knees tighter, "Does it look like I'm in the position to stop you and yeah, ideally I need the bucket on the nightstand".

"Be right back," Topher answered as he pushed himself up and went to go retrieve the bucket. A few moments later and he was right back with it. The bucket was carefully placed on the table by the couch before Topher went back to sit in his chair. 

"Alright, so I imagine that you don't want to hear it or think about it, but I sincerely want to apologize for my actions other night. I said things that shouldn't have been said and did a few things I wish I could take back. But I hope it makes you happy to hear that I handed in my two week notice and have started a search for a different job."

Franco watched as Topher placed the bucket down and then listened to what he said and shook his head as sweat started to bead on his forehead, "Happy to hear?" he said, his voice quiet and low, "I'd be happy to hear if you had drugs on you or if you had something to stop making me feel so shit... I couldn't care less about your job right now"

Topher hummed in understanding before his attention flicked back down to the floor. He honestly should've listened to his gut feeling that this wasn't the right time. But there was turning back now and the most he could do was remain silent. So, the former Serpent pulled his phone out in order to fiddle around with it, to take his mind off of everything that he wanted to say. 

Eventually, the silence grew far too annoying to him once again, plus he felt like he needed to say something. Anything at all. "The best thing I've got are some peppermint sticks," he remarked.

Franco went to reply before throwing himself upwards and grabbing the bucket as yet more nausea washed over him. Once he finished he shook his head, "Topher, I dont think peppermint sticks will help with withdrawal from Heroin" he admitted...

"They might help with some of the symptoms at the very least. Just keep me posted if you change your mind," Topher answered as he stood up once again in order to head for the kitchen. The peppermint sticks were retrieved and one was placed in his mouth then made what would hopefully be a final return to his chair. "At the very least I wanted to be polite and offer one."

Franco shook his head, "If I wasn't feeling like shit right now I might have taken to talking to you but I'm trying to work through something here" he explained, not wanting to seem like an ass, "You wanna help? Gimme your phone and let me make a quick call, I think Benji still has mine".

The former Serpent only shrugged as he replied, "Hey, I get it. Priorities and all that." Then almost automatically, an eyebrow was arched in suspicion when Franco's request hit his ears. "I've got a better idea. Tell me the phone number and I'll make the call for you."

Franco rolled his eyes as he clutched his stomach, "Come on dude" he breathed, "Surely you can't stand seeing me like this. Through all our problems, this can't be pleasent for you". He moved closer to Topher on the sofa and held his hand out, watching it shake, "Please can I have your phone".

"You're right, I can't stand seeing you like this. But at the same time, you'll have to forgive me for being cautious," Topher fired back with no real venom in his tone. "I do want to help you work through this and just generally go back to the good old days when we got along. But you'll have to swear every which way and on your life that you won't use my phone to do something that sets you back."

Franco's eyes widened, "Cautious?" he questioned, "What is it with everyone? No one trusts me any more" he half shouted at Topher, keeping his phone held out as he stared at Toph, "Please dude, just give me your fucking phone. I need to make a call" he said, as threatening as he could considering his hands  and body were shaking

"Franco, please try to calm down," the 18 year old attempted a soothing sort of tone as he slowly tucked his phone back in the inside pocket of his jacket. "I trust you and want to continue building that trust. But that can't be done if you're going to slink off in order to accomplish whatever shady business is on your mind right now. And not the Serpent type either. I mean the business that brought you here. That doesn't just go for me, that goes for everyone you have some type of bond with."

Franco watched as Topher put his phone back in his pocket and he dropped his hand, "I just wanted to phone someone to get some help" he said, throwing himself back on the sofa and bringing his knees back up to his chest, "I need help Topher and watching you sit there deny and judge me is not going to help. You used to be a serpent... Surely you remember the rules? No Serpent stands alone? No Serpent betrays their own? No Serpent is left for dead?"

Ouch. Topher closed his eyes for a moment as he tried to remind himself what was happening and why he was. "I'm not judging you. That couldn't be further from the truth. And it takes more than some time away to forget those rules. It may not seem like it right now, but I'm pretty sure that I'm following them. If I'm not, then please feel free to lodge a complaint when you feel up to it. Probably won't go too far since like you said, I'm not a Serpent anymore. Don't know until you try though."

Franco sighed and shook his head, "I thought you would help" he admitted, "And surely you can see, I need help Topher and being locked in a house under constant watch is not getting me the help I need" he breathed. He looked up and sighed, "This is going to make me really sick".

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm helping somebody. Like I said before though, if you just give me the phone number of whoever you need to call, then I'm more than happy to call them for you. If they turn out to be an enabler though, I won't hesitate to kick them out, whether they're fitting your definition of helping or not," Topher answered in the same even tone.

"Yeah you are helping Benji by trying to stop me from leaving this god damn house" Franco half shouted at Topher. He shook his head, "Ain't no way I am doing that cause once they answer, you'll know what I called them for". He sighed and smirked, "How's the leg?" he asked before he turned and bolted for the doorway.

Topher rolled his eyes at the half shout then shifted his cane's position to the path he believed Franco would take. Hopefully, it would only make him slow down and not lead to injuries of any size, because he'd never forgive himself. "My brain is much faster, but to answer your question, my leg still hurts like hell when it's about to rain. Or whenever someone tries to pull a fast one on me," he remarked.

Franco didn't see the cane move and before he knew it he was laying face down on the floor, groaning from the impact but unharmed. He rolled onto his back and shook his head, "I don't actually care about you leg" he said from his place on the floor, "Topher, I can't stay here with Benji let alone stay here with you" he said as he started to slide himself backwards away from Topher, his energy too depleted to stand up again

Topher brought his cane back to his side and pushed himself up in order to walk over to Franco. "That's gotta be the second most rude thing you've said to me in all the time we've known each other," he stated then started to kneel by the other male. "Why do you feel like you can't stay here? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I'm just feeling obnoxiously curious for some reason."

Franco shrugged his shoulders but continued to try and move away, even with the younger lad next to him, "Why can't I stay here? Well unless you know where Benji's secret heroin stash is, I can't stay here. I'm going to get worse then this, I'm going to end up hurting his feelings. I'm going to hurt him if I stay Topher"

It took all of Topher's willpower to stifle a few chuckles because now definitely wasn't the time. "Dude, you guys are two of the most resilient people I've ever met, just in different ways. And sometimes you need to walk through a little bit of hell in order to make it out stronger. I'm here for you and I'll be there for Benji if that makes you feel any better. Say the word, you've got my shoulder to lean on."

Franco shook his head, "I made a promise I wouldn't try and run and yet here I am trying to run and get away" he felt his hands start to shake before his body started to shake too and tears sprung to his eyes, "I'm going to get worse, I'm going to hurt him and I'm not going to care about it" he continued, "I can't be here Topher, I really can't".

"Don't worry about it. I sure as hell won't tell him unless my hand is forced," Topher responded as he dropped into an actual sitting position. "You may get worse and you may not care at the time, but I've got a feeling that you'll care later. Franco, listen to what I'm saying, alright? You've come this far already and there's a finish line waiting for you. Plus, you've got an advantage that not too many other people can claim. You have people who are willing to go the distance with you, walk through hell itself in order to support you. My advice? Let them have your back and help you out. It'll be difficult at first, especially right now, but worth it in the end."

Franco stopped moving and tilted his head, "I'm so close to just knocking you over and leaving because believe me Topher, trying to get someone through this, isn't easy. I was a wreck the last time I withdrew and that was no where near as hard as this is. I've only been clean for like 24 hours and I'm not sure I am going to make it through"

Topher shrugged in the most nonchalant manner that he could muster, yet listened all the same. "Never assumed it would be easy. All I know is that even though there's been rough patches lately, I'm more than willing to move forward and help you out. I will support both of you guys, have your backs, do whatever needs to be done in order to ensure health or safety or happiness or whatever really."

Just then, Benji opened the front door of the apartment, his left arm in a sling and a grocery bag in his right hand. "Franc, I bought cream for the bruise on your fa--" he started, stopping short when he saw Franc on the floor. "...What's going on?" he immediately snapped, switching his gaze back and forth between Topher and Franc. "Franc, you promised me you wouldn't move."

Franco heard the door go and rolled onto his back, there was no point in lying about it, no point in denying what he had tried to do. He looked up at Topher and gulped, "I wanted to go out but Topher tripped me" he explained, "I told you I would try". He gave a weak smile to Topher, "And I told you many times I would try too".

An apologetic look flashed across Topher's face as he glanced down at the floor. "What else can you do when you're dealing with someone who is faster than you are?" He gripped his cane tightly and pushed himself back to a standing position then held a hand out in an offer to help Franco up. "But if you guys don't mind or need someone new in your corner, allow me to volunteer."

Benji gave a soft smile. It meant so much to him that Topher was continually willing to help Benji in anyway he could, regardless of how ridiculous or tedious the task; things like that made it easy to understand why Benji was still desperately in love with him. 

"Thanks, Toph," Benji eventually replied, giving his new roommate a soft smile. "Do you... think you could check on Cortana and see if she's waken up from her nap yet?" he asked, hoping Topher would take the hint.

Topher gave a nod as he answered, "Yeah, I will. You guys let me know if you need anything, alright? And so help me, if you don't, then be prepared for me to raise a little hell." A touch of laughter escaped as he finished speaking since the odds of him doing anything more than pulling a few pranks were very low. With that said and done, the usual two fingered salute was given before he headed for his bedroom in order to go look after Cortana.

Franco sighed and watched as Topher walked away, "I'm sorry" he whispered from his spot on the floor, "I saw an opportunity and I took. If Topher had just given me his phone. I could have called my dealer and not had to try and run".

Benji sighed, pulling Franco to a standing position. "Come with me," he said softly, starting to lead Franco back to his bedroom.

Franco moved with him easily and stood up, "Where are we going?" he asked, his body aching an weak. As they arrived at the bedroom he tilted his head, "Why have we come in here?"

Benji went to the nightstand and pulled out a pair of handcuffs, then pulled Franco's arms behind his back and locked them together, immediately pulling Franc into his arms to prepare for the incoming freakout. "This is for your own good, Babe..." he cooed, already trying to diffuse him. "Just pretend we're having fun again, okay?"

Franco didn't realise what was happening before it was too late and his hands were locked together behind his back, his eyes flew open and he turned himself, trying desperately to get out of Benji's hold and the handcuffs, "No" he said, shaking his head, "You can't fucking do this Benji" he half screamed, not caring if Topher heard, "Fucking undo them..."

"Franc, you keep trying to run off and you're only getting worse. Toph can't walk fast and I'm down a shoulder. This is for your own good, okay?" Benji explained, trying to keep his voice as level as possible. "It's for your own good, I promise. I'd never do anything to hurt you."

Franco shook his head, still fighting to free his hands, "You can't" he cried, "This isn't fun and games. This isn't some kind of kink, you have to undo them... Please, you know I can't be like this" he begged. He stepped backwards and dropped to the floor, falling on his ass and shifting to lean against the bed, "How long are you going to leave me like this?"

Benji tried to rub circles into Franco's back, wanting to calm him down. "I don't know how long yet, Babe," he admitted, still talking softly, "at least until my shoulder's better enough to grab you if you try to run off again... I know you don't want this, but we agreed that I'd do it if you got too bad. You know this isn't even the peak of this... We have to do this."

Franco moved away from Benji, the whole time shaking his head, "You can't" he whispered , the taste of his own tears in his mouth, unable to wipe them away, "You know they did this. I know you want to help but this? Benji I don't want this".

Benji swallowed hard, Franco's crying starting to make him tear up as well, but he tried his best to stay strong. "Franc, we agreed that I'd do this if I needed to. I need to. You have to get better. If my options are a few days of this or burying you, I'm picking this. And a more-rational you would pick it too. Just... take a deep breath. You know I wouldn't do this if I had any other ideas."

Franco nodded, "We agreed it but I didn't think you had it in you. Not with what you know. You can't leave me handcuffed for a few days? How will I eat and drink? I hate this and I'm scared I'll grow to hate you if I stay this way".

"I'll feed you, Franc. I'll feed you and do everything you need. I... we'll make it work, okay?" At Franco's next words, he bit his lip, trying to ignore the feeling of his heart breaking. "...if you start to hate me, then you do. But at least you'll be alive and clean."

Franco felt his lip tremble as he continued to try and free his hands, "Do you know how pathetic that is going to make me look? Being fed by someone else? Having help to use the toilet? This is degrading Benji... Is it worth it?"

"When the other option is praying every night that I don't have to bury you, yes it is," he snapped, his voice breaking at the end. "It's only for a few days, Franc... And stop trying to talk me out of it because I'm not taking them off you."

Franco stopped struggling and relaxed his shoulders, his body showing signs of defeat, "Fine" he breathed, "Do whatever it is you feel like you need to do but don't blame me for anything I might do or say that upsets you".

"If I was planning to do that, I wouldn't have even started this whole 'intervention' mess," he snapped back, recrossing his arms.

--

Withdrawal Day 3--”The Intermission”

Additional TWs: fighting/physical violence, verbal abuse, knives, (non-self harm related) cutting of skin, vague blood mention, (non-sexual) choking

Did Aaron feel bad for what was going on with Franco? Yes, he did. He felt bad he didn't stop sooner and kept supplying. But Benji was really starting to piss him off. So he decided to take the guy up on his dare and come try to get him to shut up, which is why he was now heading to Benji's apartment. 

Once he got there, he pounded on the door, figuring that picking the lock, as appealing as it sounded to surprise him like that, was ultimately not worth the effort. It wasn't like he could really do that much damage to him, the guy was probably all bark and no bite. "Came to take you up on that dare of yours, asshole!" He yelled through the door, still pounding.

Benji hated having to see Franco go through this withdrawal symptoms, but he knew it was the only way to insure that he would eventually get better. At the end of the day, a sober Franco that was learning how to cope with his trauma in a healthy way was all Benji wanted, and he was willing to do whatever it took to get there. Topher had taken Cortana for a walk and Franc had finally passed out on the sofa, so Benji was just starting to relax when he heard Aaron pounding on the door. His gaze shot to Franco, only to be relieved when he saw that he seemed to still be asleep. 

Wincing slightly, he took off his sling and threw it onto the couch before walking over to the door and swinging it open. "Don't you think you've done enough damage?" he snapped, keeping a slight distance.

The pounding didn’t stop until the door was swung open, revealing just the guy he was coming to see. “I’m sorry, I thought you weren’t scared of me? I thought you wanted me to come shut your mouth?” Aaron took a step in, not caring about whatever distance Benji was trying to keep. His eyes scanned up and down his body, like he was trying to figure out what his first move was going to be. Though as usual with decisions he makes, he lets his impulses take over and immediately moves to punch Benji’s face, swinging his arm. There was no way Benji could beat him, the guy was just a pissed off boyfriend, and he’s dealt with way worse than them.

When Aaron threw the punch, Benji blocked it with his forearm and ducked, kneeing him in the stomach as he came back to a standing position. "I dared you to. That should've been your hint that actually coming was a bad idea," he growled, punching Aaron in the chest. He was using his right-hand in an attempt to give him dominant shoulder a break, so the punch wasn't as hard as it could've been, but it still had notable power behind it.

Aaron really wasn’t expecting Benji to block his punch, or that he was going to knee him in the stomach. “You’re just talk, you can’t really do shit to me,” he responded, although that was clearly a lie since he was already in pain. Clearly, Benji had some kind of training that Aaron was severely lacking, but he wasn’t one to run, so he moved forward and swung his fist again, aiming lower and hoping he was fast enough to avoid any of his blocking.

Benji turned his body and lifted his knee to block Aaron's punch. While it lessened the damage of the blow quite a bit, it was still enough to make Benji stumble back slightly. At that point, he knew that he wouldn't get anywhere trying avoid using his dominant arm, so as soon as he refound his balance, he kicked Aaron's stomach to throw him off balance and threw a left hook aimed directly for his face.

Being the guy to take any sort of win as a good thing, especially in a fight like this, there was a small smirk on his face when Benji stumbled back. And Aaron was getting ready to strike again but Benji got there first, and the kick definitely threw off his balance so he couldn't even get back together when the punch came and he hit the floor on his side with a thud. "Fuck!" He groaned out. "I really don't want to hurt you, Benji. It'd be better if you apologize for pissing me off before I hurt Franco's feelings by fucking you up."

As Aaron fell, Benj grabbed his shoulder, hissing in pain from the movement. With Aaron on the ground, he'd usually stop there, but at his words, he couldn't stop himself from seeing red. "Shut up!" he yelled, kicking him in the stomach again. "Don't pretend you give a shit about Franc!" He kicked again. "This is all your fucking fault, Hummel!"

There were a few times when Aaron tried to kick forwards to knock Benji down, but he barely got to move a muscle in between each kick to his stomach. But unable to stop himself from speaking even if it hurt, he continued, "He's been using for a while now, I'm a little surprised you couldn't notice your boyfriend shooting up multiple times a day." Once he managed to get the knife he keeps on him in his hands, he quickly moved to try and get at least a small slice at Benji.

Aaron's wild knife swinging managed to cut down part of Benji's leg. "Fuck!" he yelled, kicking Aaron's wrist to disarm him. "Are you fucking crazy?!" he near-screamed, the blood pumping in his ears. He picked Aaron up by his shirt and pinned him to the wall, his forearm on the other man's throat. "You can't fight me on your own, so you cut me?! I should fucking kill you!" he screamed.

Franco had been having nightmares, people screaming and shouting and he woken up, feeling uneasy and unsure. He'd tried to move his hands but then he remembered, Benji had handcuffed his hands behind his back to stop him from trying to do another runner. He groaned as his eyes adjusted and then he saw them, Benji had Aaron pinned to the wall by his throat. 

He gulped and he bolted himself upright as fast as he could and pushed himself to his feet, wobbly as his body shook from the lack of drugs and he darted forward, "What the fuck is going on?" he tried to shout but his voice was weak and he  stumbled towards the boys, "Please let him go" he said turning so he was stood next to Aaron and Benji could see the tears in his eyes. If his hands had have been free, he would have tackled Benji by now.

As soon as Benji saw his boyfriend's eyes, he let go of Aaron and stepped back. "Franc..." he whispered, his rage blindness clearing and the realization of what he just did rushing over him. "He tried to... I-I'm sorry..."

Aaron was glad he managed to cut part of his leg, at least he was until his wrist was kicked and he was pinned to the wall by his throat. His eyes immediately went to Franco when he spoke and came forward, he didn't even notice that he was in here. Though he was glad he was, and gasped for breath once Benji backed off. "Thanks, Franco." He coughed a bit and noticed the handcuffs, "Didn't know you guys were having some kinky sex before I showed up." Even after everything Benji just did, he still couldn't resist a comment like that.

Franco shook his head at Benji, anger inside him, "I told you to leave it. You do this to me to make sure I can't leave the house and then end up with a fucking dealer here anyway. He didn't do anything wrong Benji. I brought the drugs, I choose to do the drugs" he shook his head once again and turned to Aaron, "And if I could, I do some more right now. Please Aaron" he begged.

"No, no," Benji snapped, standing between them. "He came here. He threatened me. Don't make this my fault, Franc! He brought a knife and cut my leg, and you're really taking his side?!" He balled up his fist, trying to calm himself back down again. "Aaron, get the fuck out of my apartment. Franc, go lay the fuck back down," he demanded.

He shook his head, he didn't have any drugs on him even if he wanted to give them to Franco. "I bring a knife everywhere with me, wouldn't have cut you if you stopped kicking my fucking stomach." Though he didn't try to deny anything that Benji said, since it was all true. At the demand, Aaron moved to grab his knife from where it had landed after it was kicked out of his hand. "I'll talk to you later, Franc. As long as your boyfriend lets you, anyway." He said with a glare towards said boyfriend.

Franco was torn as he looked at both the boys and then he went over to Aaron. He wanted his hands free, being cuffed was so difficult for him, "Aaron, I am so sorry" he breathed, hurt and pain in his eyes, "I didn't want for this to happen". He turned away and walked over to Benji, "Make me" he breathed at the demand. He knew he shouldn't be mad at Benji, knew he was only trying to help but he had gotten hopes up when he saw Aaron and they were gone, "Just fucking make me... babe"

Benji bit his lip and looked down, trying to push down the rage that was boiling back up inside him. He had a dislocated shoulder, a cut leg, and had gotten into a fight all due to Franco and somehow he was still being labelled the bad guy. At this point, he was struggling to see why he was bothering to try to get Franco clean at all. It was obvious he didn't want to be clean, and his supposed 'love' for Benji seemed to be based on convenience as well. Why was he even bothering anymore? At any time, he could abandon ship and just live with the faux-family he had created with Topher, yet he still found himself trying to make this work. 

"Franco. Couch. Right. Fucking. Now," he commanded, his eyes watering and his body literally shaking from the pent up anger. "Aaron. You have 5 seconds to get out of my apartment before I break your fucking arm. Challenge me if you fucking dare."

Aaron nodded in response to Franco, surprised but glad he was on his side. “Don’t worry, babe. Not your fault he’s so pissed at me.” He spoke, putting his knife back where it came from and holding his hands up in mock surrender. “I get it, asshole. I’m leaving. Let me know if you want any other cuts to match your leg, I’d be happy to oblige.” Aaron went to the door and opened it, being sure to flip Benji off before slamming the door shut behind him.

Franco's eye's widened when Aaron called him babe and he watched as he left, interally kicking himself for reacting to the word again. He turned his attention back to Benji, "You already got me handcuffed, kicked my dealers ass after saying you'd leave it are keeping me locked in this damn house... You want me on the couch, fucking make me Benji".

"Are you listening to yourself right now?" Benji yelled, slamming his fist against the wall. "Your dealer threatened me! He came here to kick my ass, yet you're acting like I'm the one in the wrong! What did you want me to do, Franc? Let him kick my ass? Let him cut me more? Is that what you wanted?! As long as precious Aaron is fine, who cares about me! And you have the audacity to claim to love me?!" 

He took a shaky breath, still reeling. "I have fucked up my shoulder, my leg, and my relationship with Topher all because I want you clean! All because I know that underneath all this desperation, you want you clean! You have treated me worse than dirt, and I'm still trying to put you first! That's how you treat someone you love, Franco!"

Franco was starting to boil with anger himself, "I claim to love you because I do Benji" he retaliated, "But you keep me locked in this damn house and handcuff me because I want out. I told you I couldn't go through this again, I warned you I couldn't do through this again" he said, his tears openly running down his cheeks. 

 His anger quickly subsided when he heard those last words and he felt like he'd been punched in the stomach as he dropped to his knees on the floor a combination of withdrawal, shock and anger making his body tremble. He wanted desperetely to bring his arms around him but couldn't so looked up at Benji, "How can you love me when all I can do is hurt you Benjamin?"

Benji crossed his arms and looked down, too upset to acknowledge the pain that came from moving his shoulder. "...Because it didn't matter to me at first. Because... somehow, I really do love you and Topher at the same time. ...Because love is weird and people love in a lot of different ways. ...Because I was convinced that as long as you loved me too, it'd be worth it," he bit his lip, finally meeting Franco's eyes. "But, honestly? ...I don't know if you do, Franc. You can hurt people and still love them. I know that. But... there has to be a limit, and I'm starting to think you've reached yours."

Franco felt every word and it stung him like a wasp. His breathing became panicked and he shook his head but he tried to stay strong, "OK, if you really think I've reached a limit, if you really truly believe that I don't love you, then un-handcuff me and let me go" he said, tears streaming down his cheeks, "I'd understand. I warned every one of you, that I would't be able to get through this again so, if you can't believe that I love you and that I need you, then let me go Benji".

Benji stared at Franc for a minute in silence, then knelt down so they were eye-to-eye and cupped his face with his hand, pulling his boyfriend into a kiss. "Franco Del Rio, I love you," he whispered, wiping away some of Franc's tears with his thumb. "And if you love me too--if you really love me too, then I will be you through it all, okay? We're gonna get you through this. I promise."

Franco bowed his head into Benji's hands as he sobbed, "I love you too Benji" he breathed, "And I know I need help and I need to go through this again but it's gunna get ugly. This isn't the worst it gets and as soon as you let me out, I'm going to try and fall off the wagon. It could be a week or 12 weeks but it's going to get hard and I'm going to want to use again and you can't keep me locked up. You have to decide whether you want to do this".

"I've already decided, Franc," Benji admitted, unable to hold back an exhausted laugh. "I'm a shoulder down. If I didn't wanna do this, I would've let you go the first time you tried to run off." He gave Franc another soft kiss and pulled him up to a standing position before starting to walk him back over to the couch. 

"I started to research and I think I've found you a good therapist that'll help you find good coping methods and talk through your trauma. And I may have found you a good recovery group. ...I know it's not gonna be perfect, Franc, but I'll help you whenever and wherever I can." He explained, plopping down on the couch.

Franco was easy to move. He was tired and he'd lost weight and muscle from heavy drug use so he stood easily with Benji and walked back to the couch. He wanted to reach his hands out and hold Benji but he knew this was for his own good and he knew he needed this to stop him trying anything, "I don't want to see a therapist" he said, "I don't need to sit in an office and tell someone how my day has been. I don't want that. I'm not that kind of person"

Benji pulled Franco into his arms and rocked him slowly. He knew Franco would be hesitant about at least part of his plan, but he wasn't going to give it up without a fight. He couldn't be with Franc ever moment of everyday and the more checkpoints Franco had in place in addition to Benji, the less likely he was to stray from the path of sobriety. "Don't you tell me how your day's been...?" he offered, still rocking him slowly.

Franco allowed himself to be held, the comfort from something so simple being what he needed, "I tell you my boyfriend how my day has been. I don't tell a stranger I don't know and have no interest in knowing how my days been". He sighed and shook his head, "I don't want other people to be involved, I didn't need them last time".

"That's the point though, Franc. You're not supposed to get to know them. They're someone you can talk to who knows nothing about you other than what you've told them and has no biases. Yes, I love that you tell me about your feelings, but I still have biases. And in addition to me, you need other people to talk to. Both for your sake and mine," he bit his lip before he continued, "I know you didn't need other people last time. ...And think about where you are right now." He sighed. "Can you give it a shot? Just once? ...For me?"

Franco had never been one for opening up to anyone and he knew therapy was not going to change that but, for some reason, Benji asking him to try it, melted at his heart and he nodded, "I'll go once and try but if I don't want this, then you can't force me too keep going" he said, his head resting on Benji's shoulder, "I need you to understand though, everything I've done... I never wanted to hurt anyone by doing it".

"Deal," Benji whispered, holding Franco close. He stayed silent for a moment, really taking in what his boyfriend said before responding. "I know you didn't Franc, but sometimes that's the price we have to pay."

Franco nodded but pushed himself away from Benji and went back to laying on the sofa, "I didn't mean to hurt you and I'm not going to lie and say, in the coming days, it won't happen again".

"I know, Franc. We'll work through it, right? That's... what people who love each other do, right? Work through difficult things together."

Franco nodded, "I don't want to get clean but I have to right? So we don't have a choice about getting through this".

"You want to get clean," Benji said matter-of-factly. "The withdrawal's talking right now. You want to get clean. You would've never come over if you didn't."

Franco shook his head, "I like how heroin make me feel" he explained, "I like how numb I get when I have taken it. I like not being clammy and sweaty and like this".

Benji crossed his arms, "I know you like how it feels. You've gotten used to being numb. But you also know that you need to get clean. You're gonna be able to feel again, and we're gonna help you to make sure you feel more good things than bad ones."

Franco gulped, "What if I told you, I really didn't want this" he breathed, knowing the words might break Benji's heart, "What if I really don't want to get clean Benj? You started to love me when I was on drugs, what if you don't love me after I'm off them".

"Fine," Benji responded, refusing to look Franco in the eye. "Maybe I am wrong. Maybe you really don't want to get clean. That's fine, but Franc... Aaron told me how much you were using by the end of this. If I don't at least try to get you clean at this point, then I don't really love you. No one who loves someone could watch them inch closer and closer to an early grave without at least trying to help." 

He sighed, "And if you really think that I'm not gonna love you a version of you that isn't drug-dependent... I don't think you're actually listening to what I've been saying for the last few days."

Franco sighed, "Yeah I was using really hard but I needed it so cutting me off cold turkey is going to absolutely destroy me" he admitted, as he rolled onto his side, reliving the pressure on his hands, "I don't doubt that you love me, right now. I do doubt that you won't love me when I hit the really stages and that's what scares me Benj" he breathed out as he let his eyes flicker shut as his body started to tremble again, "These handcuffs are gunna end up hurting me when I really get the urge. Are you prepared for what's going to come?"

"How many different times and ways do I have to tell you that I'm willing to do this? No, I'm not prepared, there's nothing that can prepared me for the worst parts of this, but that doesn't mean I'm not gonna work through them with you. I want you clean, and I'm willing to fight everyone--including you--to get you there. I don't know how to make that any more clear."

Franco scoffed, "Enough for it too sink in because I can't believe you'll still be here at the end of it when you have Topher literally living in the next room. Drug free, perfect little Topher".

"Don't bring him into this," Benji said through gritted teeth. He got up from the couch and started to walk towards the kitchen area. "Off-limits and you know it."

Franco laughed, "Of course it is" he said with sarcasm in his voice, "Of limits cause you still love him. Why would you stay with me and my baggage when you can have him?"

"Of course I still love him!" Benji snapped, "But I love you too! I wouldn't be putting myself through this unending hell if I didn't love you too! Is it really gonna take me crying over you in a hospital bed or a casket for you to fucking believe me!?"

Franco rolled his eyes, "At least with him, you wouldn't have to worry about that. You could live a happy life with Cortana and not deal with the shit gang members bring you"

Benji took a deep breath and walked over to the fridge, letting Franco's statement hang there. "I'm such an idiot..." he whispered, taking a bottle of water out the fridge. "I know what you're doing, and I'm not gonna let you. You're staying here, so deal with it. You're getting clean. Deal with it. Pushing my buttons isn't gonna make me give up on you, Franco."

--

Withdrawal Day 4-- ”The Shit Show”

Additional TWs: Physical violence, unconsensual restraining (handcuffs), suicidal thoughts, wound mentions, accidental (aka non-suicidal) injuring of wrists, chloroform use, vague (non-sexual) domination. 

Franco knew this day in the process would come but he didn't know when and he didn't know how hard until he woke up that morning, his stomach cramping, his whole body shaking and covered in sweat and every inch of him desperate to get heroin in his system. Normally, he would be coy, he would try and sneak out the bed but today it was get to the bathroom with or without Benj'is permission so, with all his might, he pulled Benji's arm's off him, no thought on the injury and jumped out of bed, running to the bathroom. 

As he reached it, he threw himself down on the floor in front of the toilet, emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet, using tissue to wipe to amount of sweat of his head whilst his body shook all over. His skin was wet and hot to the touch and, sitting up against the wall, one hand on the toilet the other dropped to his side, he realised how pathetic he must look to any one. This day was going to be the hardest day, he knew it and he wasn't sure he would make it through and if he did, who he would lose in the process

At his arm being moved, Benji woke up with a yelp, his eyes shooting open as he grabbed his injured shoulder with his other hand. "Fuck! Fr--" he stopped short, realizing Franco wasn't in the room with him, and clambered out of the bed before racing to the front door. In exchange for taking off Franco's handcuffs so he could sleep a bit more comfortably, he had double-locked the door--hoping that would give him enough time to catch his boyfriend if he managed to get a headstart. 

When he made it to the door, however, he was surprised to see that it was still locked. He turned around and walked into the bathroom, the sight of Franco breaking his heart. "Is your stomach upset again?" he whispered, kneeling down and rubbing small circles into Franco's back.

Franco was finding it hard to breathe as he clutched his stomach the pain and the nausea making him dry heave into the bowl, his throat burning. He moved his legs, trying to distract himself as Benji appeared next to him and he glanced up, his eyes glassy from unshed tears, his hair drenched from sweat, "You need to get me heroin" he hissed out, his voice broken and desperate, "You need to before I hurt you trying to get it myself" and that, in his head, was the only warning he would give Benji, his body and mind consumed with that it needed.

"No, Franc. We've talked about this," Benji replied, standing up so he could grab a towel and run it under cold water. "You look terrible," he murmured, more to himself than to Franc as he knelt back down and put the wet towel on his boyfriend's neck. "Let's... just go back to sleep, okay? We can watch a movie to take your mind off things."

Franco watched as Benji put the towel on him and then shook his head, his eyes widening as he hissed out, "I fucking warned you" and with that, he lifted his foot and kicked out, aiming for Benji's stomach, trying to knock him flying. As he did so, he pushed himself upwards and bolted for the front door, desperately clawing at the locks, his body so shaky he was struggling to get them open.

Benji fell backwards when Franco kicked him, his back slamming against the opposite wall of the bathroom. He immediately felt dizzy, but his adrenaline helped propel him forward, forcing himself to a standing position and running after Franco, making it to the front door not too long after he did. 

"Baby, snap out of it!" he begged, already able to tell that his stomach was bruised. Not knowing how else to diffuse Franc, Benji kicked the back of his knee to throw him off balance and pinned his arm behind his back. "Franc, you gotta snap out of this," he whispered, pulling him down to the ground.

Franco cursed himself as Benji kicked his knee and held him down on the floor but he thrashed out, "You gotta let me go" he screamed, "You've got to let me go Benji. I don't care if you don't want to bury me, I need heroin and I need now" he screamed out, thrashing hard against Benji's hold, "Fucking let me go you ass!"

"Franco, you're hurting me!" Benji yelled, straddling Franco and putting some of his body weight on him so he could let go of him and grab his shoulder. "My shoulder's already fucked! You have to snap out of it!" he yelled again, trying not to fall off of Franco while he thrashed. "You're acting like an animal! Snap out of it!"

Franco didn't stop, even with Benji's body weight on him, "I fucking warned you this would happen" he shouted, his sweat starting to soak through his clothes, his breathing uneven, "I told you I would hurt someone, now get the fuck off me and let me go!". He knew he could hurt Benji and right now, there was no stopping him, not without force.

"Stop!" Benji screamed, still holding his shoulder. Even though he was in pain, he didn't want to hurt Franco, so he tried to hold him down again, hissing through all the pain that it was causing his shoulder. "Even if I let you go, you have no phone! You don't know where Aaron is, and after I kicked his ass, he'd probably never deal to you even if he was home! You need to get a grip, Franc! Stop it!"

Franco screamed out, his body shaking harshly as his stomach cramped. Mixed with the thrashing, he was out of control, “Then give me my phone” he shouted, “I need to get drugs... I can’t do this a Benji, I would rather be dead” he screamed as he bucked upwards, trying to knock Benji off of him.

Benji fell off of Franco and landed, on his back, on the floor next to him with a thud. Exhausted and in pain, he just laid there for a moment, trying to catch his breath. "Franc, please," he whispered, the wind still knocked out of him. "I'm trying not to hurt you..."

Franco felt Benji get off him and he pushed himself upwards, going back to the door and attempting the locks again, ignoring the pain coursing through his body as he scoffed at Benji, "As if you could hurt me" he smirked, "You don't have it in you".

"Why... why are you doing this?" Benji breathed, finally forcing himself up into a standing position, "You're acting like a monster." Using all his strength, he grabbed Franco's arms, pinned them behind his back and started to drag him backwards towards the bedroom.

Franco tried to protest Benji's grip but, even with a bad arm, the boy was stronger then him. He winced as he was marches to the bedroom, "I warned you it would get bad. I warned you that you would not cope with this! What are you going to so huh? I could hurt myself or you at moment"

"Just listen to yourself for 10 seconds, Franc!" Benji yelled, throwing Franco onto the bed and pinning him there by climbing ontop of him. He grabbed the handcuffs off the nightstand and locked Franco's hands to the bedpost before screaming in pain and grabbing his dislocated shoulder, his adrenaline finally wavering enough for him to feel how much pain he was in.

Franco fought harder as he was cuffed to the bed, "Benji please" he began to beg, "Please don't leave me like this! I can't stay chained to a bed, not after what I went through! You can't do this" his wrists were already sore from the fighting, his body shaking making the metal rub his skin, "What if I need to vomit" he cried his legs coming upwards as his stomach cramped again.

Benji rolled off of Franco, still holding his shoulder. "I'll bring you a bucket," he spat through gritted teeth, trying to hold back tears. "My arm feels like it's about to fall off, Franc. Believe me. I tried everything else I could before putting you back in those. My next plan is to knock you out, so it's in your best interest to get a fucking grip!" he yelled, dragging himself to the bathroom to go get the bucket.

As soon as Benji was out the room, Franco started tugging on the handcuffs, trying desperately to snap them but he just wasn't strong enough in his state. He kicked out at the air, begging the empty room to let him go, "BENJI" he shouted, "YOU CAN'T DO THIS".

Benji came back into the room with a bucket and a rag. He set the bucket onto the nightstand and climbed back onto Franco, straddling him. "Franco, I love you very much. I want you to know that," he said quietly before covering Franco's face with the chemical-soaked rag.

Franco struggled against Benji as he saw the rag and he shook his head, this was his he was kidnapped. He felt the rag against his face and instantly started to buck and kick straining harder then ever against his bonds as he screamed into the rag.

"Franc, I have tried everything else I could think of. I'm so sorry. I love you. I'll be here when you wake up," Benji cried, tears falling as he kept the rag pressed to his face, stabling himself against Franco's protests with his body weight. 

He knew this was irresponsible and that it only added to all the kidnapping flashbacks Franco had had since he started going through withdrawal, but he didn't have another option--Franco was right: at this point, unless if he was subdued, one of them would get hurt if they were lucky. If they were unlucky, one of them would end up dead; he just couldn't risk it.

Franco continued to struggle but as the drug hit his system his struggles became weaker, his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he caved into the darkness, his body stilling as he went under the drugs

~*~

It must have been a few hours later before Franco started to stir, his mind racing, his head and body aching. He tried to sit up but was cruelly reminded if his situation as his body fell backwards. It was here where the panic set in, he'd been kidnapped again, "DARE" he shouted into the room, trying to open his heavy eyes, "BENJI. You promised they wouldn't get me again".

At the sound of Franco yelling, Benji burst into the room, not even able to put down the spoon he was holding. While Franco was asleep, he had used the time wisely, getting his shoulder realigned (for the second time now), buying groceries, and beginning to try to make he and Franco a regular dinner for the first time in days, but now that he was awake again, all bets were off. 

"Franc..." he said softly, slowly approaching him with the handcuff key, "You're still in my apartment... On my bed. I'm gonna unlock you, okay?" he offered, unlocking the handcuffs.

Franco pulled his hand free as he sat upright and crawled to Benji, desperate to be held as his body continued to shiver, his breathing ragged,  "I thought they had me again" he cried, kneeling on the edge of the bed, clutching at Benji's tshirt. "I thought they had me".

"Franc..." Benji whispered, pulling him into his arms and laying down on the bed. "No one has you. You're okay..." he swallowed hard, guilt rushing over him; he knew knocking Franco out was going to be a bad idea, but he didn't have another option... Was he supposed to just let him hurt one of them? 

"I'm so sorry, Baby... But I didn't want you to hurt anyone more than you already had. You already hurt yourself," he explained, turning Franco's wrist so he could see that they were carefully bandaged. "You were thrashing so hard that you broke the skin... I cleaned the cuts while you were asleep... No more handcuffs, okay? I promise. I'll let you beat me up before I let you hurt yourself again."

Franco clutched to Benji like his life depended on it, his body weak as he shivered and sweated more then he thought possible, "They did that" he sobbed, "They used to do that. Drug me and tie me up... They were going to kill me... They would have killed me". Franco saw the bandages at that point and nodded, "What  if I hurt you? What if I hurt myself? I want to hurt myself" he admitted as he cried into Benji's hold, "I want to die Benji".

"I'm so sorry, Baby..." Benji whispered, rocking him slowly. "You're not gonna hurt yourself, Franco. I'm not gonna let you. If you hurt me, it's okay... I'm a big boy. I can handle it. Whatever it takes to get you better." At Franco's words, Benji felt tears fall and shook his head. "You don't want to die... You're just in a lot of pain. We'll get through this, okay? We'll get through this, Franc..."

Franco couldn't stop his sobbing as he clung to Benji's chest. Everything hurt and he wanted out, he wanted this to end. He gulped as he felt nausea rush through him again and gently pushed himself away from Benji, more aware of his injury this time, grabbing the bucket near the bed and hurling into it, his empty stomach making bile come up and burn at his throat, "Please Benji, just let me go. I don't want this any more"

Benji rubbed Franco's back in small circles, one arm still around him. "Franc, listen to me," he cooed, trying to get his boyfriend to take a deep breath. "This is the worst it gets, right? We're so close, Babe... just a little more to work through."

Franco shook his head, "It might be physically but there are years of mental scarring and trying not to fall of the wagon to come and I don't want any temptations and if that means just overdosing and slipping off then, please let me go".

"Franco, you have to stop thinking that way. I have been working day and night to set up a safety net for you moving forward, okay? I've made a bunch of calls... cashed in a lot of favors... there's gonna be so many people helping you stay sober. And as you learn how to deal with everything, you'll be able to do it yourself too," he grabbed Franco's face and kissed him deeply, not caring about the fact that he had thrown up. 

"Franco Del Rio. I love you, and I am not losing you," he explained, pulling back just enough to see his eyes, "Until you get better enough to see differently, I will love you enough for both of us. I will be with you every step of the way."

Franco dropped his head as his body washes over with violent shakes and his stomach ached making him let Benji go, clutching it instead, "I ... Can't ... Do ... This" he screamed out, throwing himself down onto the bed, his body shaking so hard it looked like he was having a fit, "Help... me" he screamed into the duvet.

"Deep breaths!" Benji yelled, already knowing that his suggestion wasn't going to help. If he was honest with himself, he was in far over his head, but he continued to try to help because what he had said was true: He loved Franco, and he was willing to do anything it took to get him through this. Not sure what else to do, he pulled Franco back into his arms and hugged him tight, rocking the two of them back and forth. "You can do this... You can do this..."

Franco didn't want to be held, scared he would hurt someone so, once again, he detached himself from Benji and then, looking into Benji's eyes he shook his head, "I'm sorry" he breathed, before he stood and bolted from the room. He didn't know where he was going. He'd given up on trying to get out so, he went to the bathroom and pulled open the medicine cabinet

"Franc..." Benji whispered, taking a deep breath before running after him. "Baby... we're so close, you can't do this," he pleaded, leaning against the archway of the bathroom to catch his breath. "You know I'm not gonna let you do anything with what's in there--the little bit that's there, anyway. I had to get Sebastian to buy me ibuprofen, Babe. And nothing even happens when you take too mu--" He sighed and waved the rest of his comment away, not even wanting to consider that that was what Franco wanted. "Baby... calm down. Please. You've got me at the end of my rope..."

Franco turned and looked at Benji, clearly broken beyond repair at the events of what was happening to him. He stumbled forward and dropped down to his knees in front of Benji, "You've got to help me" he begged, his words hard to make out through the sobbing, "I can't do this... It's too hard, it's worse then before" he tried to say, not sure what Benji would have understood.

Benji knelt down to Franco's level and brought him into his arms, having trouble understanding what Franc was trying to say through the tears. "Do you... do you wanna go back to sleep...?" Benji offered, not sure what else to say. "This is the last of it... maybe you'll be in less pain when you wake up this time..."

Franco shook his head, "I can't sleep. My body won't stop shaking and everything hurts" he sobbed harder as he clung to Benji once again, "Please baby, I need it too stop, I need all of it too stop before I try and hurt myself again".

"Not... what I meant by 'sleep'..." Benji whispered, holding Franco closer. If Franco continued to be erratic, he knew he'd have no choice but to put him under again, but he hoped that if Franc could agree to it, it would keep him from being so hysterical when he came to this time.

Franco's eyes flew open in panic and he shook his head, "Please no" he shouted, begging Benji by clutching his top harder, "I can't wake up like that! Not again!". He knew he had been drugged when he woke up, he knew the feeling, "Please baby, you have to help me, please" he begged, his voice becoming more unrecognisable.

"I don't know what you want me to do, Franc!" Benji stressed, his arms still wrapped tightly around Franc. "You keep telling me to help you, but I don't have any other ideas! You have to tell me how to help you!"

Franco cried harder still, his whole body shaking, "I don't know" he screamed, "I don't want to be drugged but I don't want to hurt you or myself" he paused and looked up to Benji, "I'll do anything!"

“Shhhh,” Benji cooed, using all his strength to pick Franco up and move him to the couch in the living room. “If you’ll really do anything, we’re gonna play a game, okay? Do your best to clear your mind. From now on, all you have to do is do exactly what I tell you. Just like when we play, okay?” He suggested, running his hand through Franco’s hair. It was a long shot, but maybe a distraction would help things some.

Franco nodded anything to distract him right now, to hopefully control him. He felt numb from the emotions and turmoil so he knew he could try and play along, "Please, anything" he begged

Benji gave a tired smile and kissed Franco softly, running his hand through his hair one more time before he stood up. He walked over to the kitchen and put the soup he made earlier into a bowl, then brought it to the couch and placed it onto the coffee table. “Come lay in my arms, Babe,” Benji commanded, his voice soft, yet firm.

Franco nodded and slipped closer to Benji, his arms wrapped around himself in an attempt to stop himself shaking. He closed his eyes and leant into Benji, resting his head on his chest as he brought his feet up on the sofa, "My hands" he said holding them out, "They won't stop shaking".

“Franco,” Benji scolded, gently taking Franco’s hands in his. “Don’t think about your hands, remember? Just focus on what I tell you to. Nothing else. Take this opportunity to just clear your mind, okay? Be a good boy.” He whispered, rocking him gently. With his free hand, he picked up the bowl of soup and scooped a bit in a spoon. “Open your mouth, okay?”

Franco tried to push the thought to the back of his mind but the trembles kept making him look down. He looked back to Benji and opened his mouth but quickly closed it, "There's nothing in the soup?" He asked, knowing he'd already been knocked out once, "Please Benji, my hands, they wont stop".

At Franco's comment,, Benji felt his heart break; he hadn't even considered how much all these drastic efforts to diffuse his boyfriend would affect his ability to trust him. "Nothing in it. Ikh zag tsu," he replied, trying not to draw attention to the break in his voice. 

To his mind at further ease, he took a few spoonfuls of the soup and ate it himself, before turning back and putting another spoonful up to Franco's lips. "Just regular soup. It's the Jewish Penicillin that you liked before. I made us some while you were asleep so we could hopefully finally have a real meal," he explained. 

At the mention of his hands, Benji took Franco's hands and placed them palm-down on his chest. "There. I needed a massage anyway," he replied, testing the temperature of the room. "Just worry about the soup, remember Franc? Too much thinking. Be good for me. Open your mouth."

Franco nodded and looked at the spoon, his hands flat against Benji's chest as the shook. He opened his mouth and took the soup but no sooner had it gone down his throat he gently pushed Benji away, "I think it's gunna make me feel sick" he admitted, the nausea washing over him, "I want some more but I wanted to warn you" he breathed.

"That's okay, Franc. Hold on," he cooed, standing up so he could grab a bucket from underneath the kitchen sink. He placed it down on the coffee table, then pulled Franco back into his arms, being sure to place his hands back on his chest. "Do you wanna try more soup? Or should we be done for now? I'll you make the decision."

Franco looked over at the bucket and then back to Benji, "I want some more" he said quietly, "My stomach is pretty empty at the moment and it hurts really bad" he said, another tear slipping down his cheek, "Please Benji" he begged

Benji held Franc close and brought another spoonful of soup to his mouth. "Open up, Franc. We'll get you better, okay? One spoon at a time."

Franco nodded and took another spoonful as his hands began to shake once again and he gulped it down, "How bad are my wrists?" he asked, looking down at the bandages, "Like, are they cut?"

"They're cut, but only superficially. By the time we have to change the bandages, things should be pretty much healed, okay?" He lifted Franco's wrists and placed a soft kiss on each one before giving a small smile. "We're getting through this. Slowly but surely," he reminded, putting another spoonful of soup to Franco's lips. "Open."

Franco stared at his wrists longer and opened his mouth, his eyes never leaving his wrists and shaking hands, "I don't feel good Benj" he breathed out, "It all hurts".

Benji put the spoon of soup in Franco's mouth, then set the spoon back down into the bowl. "Let's just hold each other more then, okay? We'll get through this. The worst is almost over." He pulled Franco close, his head on his chest.

Franco shook his head, "I can't sit here still. My body won't stop shaking and my arms itch". He knew it was the injection sites that were itching, his elbows covered in marks.

"Then let's not sit still," Benji said, pulling Franco up from the couch. "Right now is all about distractions. Here." he made quick work of holding Franco shoulder, moving him so they were in something resembling a ballroom starting stance, "Follow my feet, okay?"

Franco stood with Benji but his body felt weak and his eyes fluttered closed, "No dancing. You have a hurt shoulder" he breathed, "Can we walk, just around the house or something".

Benji frowned, slightly disappointed Franco didn't wanna dance. "Okay. Let's go on a walk, okay?" he wrapped his good arm around Franco to help support him and walked carefully around the sofa. "And if you turn to your left on our tour, you will see the Spiderman plushie that Cortana has already destroyed."

Franco walked with Benji and laughed at his words, "Tell me a good story" he breathed as each step became harder, his feet trembling, "Or something about us that you think about".

Benji kept his arm around Franco, wanting to support him. "Something about us that I think about?" He thought for a moment and started to smile, "Well whenever we walk together like this, I immediately think of us after our first date. Walking us back to my apartment."

Franco sighed, thinking of the first date himself. He had been on drugs, he had been for the whole of the relationship with Benji. He bit his lip and nodded, "You have never known me clean" he stated, "Never known me without heroin in my system".

Benji leaned over and kissed the side of his forehead, "Yes, I have," he replied, still slowly walking them around the living room. "What do you think this week was? And believe me, if I could love you through this week, I will love you through anything."

Franco shook his head, "I mean  you didn't know me when I was scared of my own shadow". He stopped by the sofa and sat himself down, his arms resting on his leg as he stared at his hands and wrists, "The heroin, it stopped me from being scared to leave the house. From being scared to live".

"Well," he sat down on the couch as well, leaving a little bit of room between them. "This time around, we're gonna find another things that'll help you leave the house. Healthier things."

Franco continued to stare at his hands, almost mesmerized by them, "They used to beat the shit out of me. Tie me up, drug me and then leave me in my own filth" he spoke, as if he couldn't stop, his thoughts pushing through but some how calming him, "What if I leave and they come back for me?"

"They won't," Benji replied, his voice soft. "You've seen me. What I can do... I already know they won't. Just in general. But I know that you probably won't be able to believe that on its own. So, if you can't get the worries that they might come back out of your head, just reply to them with something you know for sure: that if anyone even tries to hurt you, your boyfriend will take care of it."

Franco shook his head, "And I'm trained in boxing Benji yet they still got the jump on me". He looked back into Benji's eyes, bringing his hands together as they shook, the rest of his body still for the moment, "You can kick ass but they have drugs, like what you had earlier".

"And to get that to work, I had to tie and hold you down." He sighed, "I don't wanna get into specifics on this, but just trust me, okay? I can make sure they don't get that far. Plus, you'll have a lot more than just me watching over you."

Franco shrugged his shoulders, "I think I'll be lucky if the Serpents don't exile me at this point" he admitted, "I tried to quit but..." he paused as his hands started to violently shake again, "What the fuck is going on!"

Benji took Franco's hands and put them on his chest. "It's okay... it'll pass. Don't worry," he cooed. "Just calm down, Babe. I think it's stress-related..."

Franco nodded, "I feel tired" he said, not even sure what the time was, "But I'm to scared to fall asleep. After earlier, I woke up so scared". He shuffled closer to Benji, "Please stop them shaking" he begged.

RACHEL

It seemed that Madison needed some extra support and she couldn’t help but wonder how much it had to do with her brother being out of the state. Rachel took the opportunity to be there for her best friend, especially since it had been so long. The life of a star was never boring and that usually meant there wasn’t much down time. It was probably why they were getting together so late in the evening and Rachel was letting herself into her apartment, arm carrying a giant bag filled with waffles, salads, burgers, and french fries. Sam gave her the recommendations and because she didn’t think to text Madison before going all out, she got them all. 

Rachel goes to the upstairs of the house, grabbing plates, waters, and a bottle of wine, so that they wouldn’t have to move from her bed once they make it there. She smooths out the comforter that Molly insisted on jumping on once she saw her mess with it and she starts to shoe the cat away she hears a knock on the door.

Truth is Rachel didn't make it through her work shift, which worked out since she found herself on her way home around the same time Brett said he would be. They'd been pretty lucky running into one another like this and she knew that because she was trying to plan ahead something would go wrong. So far that has been the pattern in her life and she was growing rather sick of it. When she sees Brett's car pull into the parking lot Rachel gets out of her own vehicle and grabs for her work duffel, before heading inside and waiting for Brett in the lobby. Rachel didn't know how she was feeling exactly, but the fact that Brett would be in her arms any second had a smile playing at her lips despite feeling less than happy at the moment.

Brett was looking forward to seeing Rachel, though he wasn't excited about her needing a hug. It meant something bad happened and he didn't like thinking about his rock being upset. He pulled into the lot and parked, unfortunately far away from the door. It was not a perk of working till so late/early. When he got to the lobby, he saw Rachel there and smiled a little. "Hey," he greeted, maybe a little softer than he'd intended.

"Brett!" Rachel exclaims as the lobby doors close behind him. "I've missed you." Rachel is quick to walk closer  to him and when he's directly in front of her she's hiding her face in his chest and clinging to him tightly. "I've missed you so much." She tells him. She's fine, she tells herself, even if there's feelings she doesn't know how to name or even feel. 

Brett wrapped his arms tightly around Rachel, attempting to give her some comfort even though they were still in the lobby. He wanted her to be his girlfriend, but he wasn't sure if they were there yet or if she just liked it how it was, so he kept it to himself for now. Until he could be sure. "Missed you too. You wanna come up to my place? I got more zebra cakes," he said, smirking a little. He already knew how much she loved them.

"I think you have magic powers." Rachel says as she leans up to kiss his cheek. "I already feel better and all you did was hug me." She grins, taking hold of his hand so they could make their way to the elevator. "I think that if I go to my apartment I will kill Jesse in his sleep." The words come out a little too nonchalantly and it makes her laugh. "Can we eat the cakes in bed?"

"Good thing they're on sale for free right now," Brett joked. Was it a dad joke? Was he already making dad jokes? Maybe that was something he needed to take into consideration later. "Why would you kill Jesse? What did he do to you?" It was a question he had to ask, and he felt defensive over Rachel too. That was a weird feeling he hadn't felt since Kitty. "We can eat them wherever you want. I don't even care about crumbs."

"It's so weird you have all these things I need." She teases, "Almost constantly." It's so strange to feel so weird and yet be smiling so genuinely. He just did that for her without even trying and it felt so nice. He was so nice. "You're the best. Did you know that? I really mean it." And maybe everything had been pretty overwhelming lately and she's actively avoiding the question he asked in order to avoid the topic all together, but he was so good in a way she couldn't even start explaining or understanding for that matter. "It's fine. I'm fine. I just want to cuddle with you."

Brett smiled a little when Rachel called him the best. He'd been through enough lately to definitely not feel like the best, but he for sure knew how to be there for someone when they wanted to be with him."I mean, I know I'm not actually the best or anything. And I can tell that everything isn't fine, but I'm not against cuddling," he said, pressing the 6 button in the elevator. He squeezed her hand a little. "I have a nice fuzzy blanket."

“I’ll tell you when I’m ready.” He doesn’t push and she likes that. She does want to tell him but her brain needed time to process. Rachel just knows he’d be helpful by just being nearby. “I love your fuzzy blanket.” Rachel squeezes his hand back and thinks about the last time they were in the elevator together. It was a different time

.Brett didn't want to push it further and he knew Rachel wasn't lying when she said she'd tell him when he was ready. She squeezed his hand back and the same memory popped into his own head. This felt different. "It's literally the best blanket. I could live in it," he said as the elevator doors opened. He led her to his apartment and unlocked the door, opening it and holding it so that she could go in first. "Zebra cakes are in the kitchen."

Once they are inside his apartment Rachel feels a lot less vulnerable. “Would you at least make room in the blanket for me?” She looks at him for a moment with the saddest little smile on her face. “I’m going to bring the whole box.” And once her sneakers are slipped off she’s making her way into the kitchen to grab for them.

Brett put his stuff down and close the door as Rachel went to the kitchen. A whole box of zebra cakes sounded a lot like stress eating to him but he wasn’t about to say that out loud. Instead he locked the door and went to his bedroom, taking off his steel-toe boots and tossing them into the open closet while he grabbed the fuzzy blanket. It was his favorite and apparently Rachel liked it too. He pulled his blankets up and plopped the blanket down for Rachel to pick where she wanted to sit first.

Rachel walks into his  room with the box of zebra cakes and water for both of them, though hers is mostly gone already. She sets the waters on his bedside table and then easily climbs onto his bed. “Was work okay?” She puts the box of snacks in the middle of the bed, though she has one unopened in her hand. “I like that everything here smells like you. It’s like a hug without a hug.” 

Brett climbed onto the bed after Rachel took her place. What was it about being slightly domestic with her that had him tingling? “Yeah, it was an easy gig,” he said, reaching to grab a cake for himself. He opened it and took a bit and smiled through it. “Well, I mean I do sleep here, so…”

"Good. I had an easy night too." She found herself thinking more and more about how uncomfortable it makes her feel to talk about her job with anyone. Rachel scoots closer to him and kisses his shoulder as she opens her own snack. "I know! I just still like it, even if you've got crumbs on your face right now." She lets a hand come up to wipe the piece of cake stuck to his lip. "I like being near you is what I'm trying to say. I like how you make me feel."

Brett put his arm around Rachel and leaned into her. It was intimate how she touched his lip and he wanted to laugh a little but instead he’d locked eyes with her. “I like being near you too. I like seeing you after work. I like our conversations,” he said, reconsidering when he might ask her to be his girlfriend. She definitely seemed interested, at least right now.

Rachel relaxes further when his arms wrap around her. Things weren't easy but when he was near by they felt easier. "I like all of that too Brett. I really look forward to it. I have looked forward to it." Finally she bites into her zebra cake and just allows herself to rest against him. "You know how to cheer me up without trying."

Brett could tell that now wasn’t the time to try and ask her out. She might have said yes but it was still… tense. Something was wrong. Not with them but with Rachel. She just hadn’t told him yet. He hugged her against him a little tighter. “That’s because I like when you smile. It’s selfish, really.” “It’s like selfish but in a good way. You could want to make me cry but you don’t.” Except the hug is just enough to force her feelings to the front of her mind. He’s so safe and continues to prove it. “Can I show you something? It might be a little weird.”

Brett couldn’t imagine wanting to make Rachel cry- or anyone cry- on purpose. Anyone like that was a monster in his eyes. “I can handle weird. Let’s see it,” he said, rubbing his hand up and down her arm and shoving the rest of his cake into his mouth.

Rachel let’s herself relax into him as she finishes her own cake. She did want to be open with him and she did need to process what had happened earlier in the night. She had gone to Shelby’s apartment and then right away left from there to work. “I’ll be right back.” Rachel sits up and turns so that she can kiss his lips before leaving the bedroom. The tape and player was small enough to go into her work bag and she almost can’t believe she’s going to listen to it again and with someone there to watch her. “I don’t know if I told you that I was born out of surrogacy and I never knew who my mom is. I didn’t know who she was until earlier tonight and she’s in the building.”

Brett watched her get up and he stared at the door while she was gone, listening for what might be happening. She was back before he could assume she left, and she had a tape player. He wanted to say something like What in the 1985 is that , but he didn’t. He also didn’t say anything after she mentioned that she found her birth mom and that she was in the building. He wasn’t sure how to feel. Part of him wanted to get almost gossipy, and the other part knew that this was probably super intense for Rachel. “Did you talk to her?”

“She said she tried to reach out in high school with Jesse’s help and my dads found out- so she didn’t.” Her voice is shaky as she climbs back onto the bed beside him. “She made me this.” Rachel meets his eyes and there is tears pooling up in hers. Rachel presses play on the player and the start of ‘I dreamed a Dream’ begins to fill the room. And then there’s Shelby’s voice “Hi baby. It’s your mom.” She says and that really sends Rachel over the edge and she’s hiding her face in Brett’s chest. 

Brett’s mouth kind of dropped as he heard the song. He knew it, of course, but what was more jarring was hearing the person on the tape address Rachel in that caring, loving way. Rachel was crying into him and he wrapped his arms tighter around her, resting his cheek on top of her head. He said nothing, waiting for Rachel to be comfortable enough to talk about it.

“This is just literally insane.” She cries, not looking up or moving her head from resting on his chest. His shirt is wet but she can’t be bothered to care. He wouldn’t care. “I always wanted my mom and this is too much.”

Brett was a little confused at why Rachel seemed to not want her mom to be who she was. He squeezed her again. “Hey, it’s okay. Why didn’t you want it to be her?” he asked, genuinely curious. This was a little out of his wheelhouse but he supposed having a guy in your life whose ex wife was pregnant with his baby was the same for her.

“No. It’s not that it is her specifically.” She begins to explain. Though she grows quiet for a long moment. “It doesn’t help. I don’t need her now. I needed her when I was all alone before.” She sniffles. “I just thought it would always be this void. I’d just never have a mom.”

Brett understood now. It was clicking in his head and it did make sense why she would feel that way. “Do you want to know her?” he asked, wondering if maybe there was a way for them to meet in the proverbial middle. “Obviously you can choose not to and your life won’t change. And maybe you don’t need her, but do you want her?”

Rachel looks up at him, lips quivering a little as she moves to wipe at her eyes. “I don’t know.” She whispers. And she hates that because normally she had a sense either way but this felt so unexpected. “She researched me. She tried to find me. She knows my dads aren’t the greatest. I just don’t understand. I mean- I gave up Broadway and this whole time my mom is a Broadway star. That’s insane. That feels so unreal Brett.”