#panic mention tw

"C-can we wait until the crowd leaves before going?" Anya asked. "I. . .I don't like crowds." There are too many thoughts. It makes her overwhelmed and pass out.

they were going to be fucking sick-- their heart was still pounding in her ears, hands shaking as she finally escaped into the crowd, she didn't care who she found first, but she needed to find someone. the crowd luckily parted as they saw the panic in her face, the frantic 'excuse me', 'move', 'please move' helping get her away from everyone faster. by the time omega was near the exit to the museum, she'd finally found hunter on the edge of the crowd, and the moment her eyes landed on her brother, it all boiled over. panic and fear bubbled over at the sob ripping through her throat as she ran, closing the distance between them, breathing heavily through all of it, colliding with hunter with an impact that might have thrown anyone else off balance. "cad bane--" she barely manages to even get the name out, fighting through the fear.

GENERAL. Mateo develops Generalized Anxiety Disorder with a sprinkling of Panic Disorder just a few months after Ella’s accident. Mateo was always susceptible to developing this disorder just due to his father also suffering from Anxiety –– he has a genetic factor already. But I want to talk a little bit about his symptoms, the onset, his therapy, and just how it affects him in his day to day life.

ONSET. Mateo’s onset started a few weeks after the news about Ella came out, but it was full blown when his suspicions about his friends chasing her down are confirmed. He had been struggling to eat because he just felt so sick with guilt that it finally came to a head when he had to rush to the bathroom and actually get sick. But more than that, he had a complete panic attack at the thought of going to school that morning as well. His mother knew what a panic attack was, and so did Mateo because of his father’s disorder as well, so they helped him out and he was allowed to take the day off of school. For about a week, Mateo felt sick and threw up routinely whenever he thought about going back to school, his friends, his inaction, or Ella. He would go to school for a few hours and then be sent home because he had just thrown up in the bathroom. After all of this, his mother decided it was time to get him some real help. Mateo agrees wholeheartedly without question because he also wanted to get better. 

THERAPY. Therapy really, really helped him. He was generally an open book with his parents so being an open book with his therapist was super easy as well. It was nice for him to hear someone else’s thoughts on the subject that wasn’t so close to him. He didn’t want to be told ‘it’s okay’ anymore because he knew it wasn’t okay. So it was refreshing to have someone be a little more forward and confrontational with him about his actions and inactions. His therapist immediately put him on anxiety medication to help him go back to school, but both of them agreed that just medication wouldn’t be enough. He signs up for weekly sessions with his therapist. He reduces them to every 2/3 weeks after he leaves High School. He has a very good relationship and connection with his therapist who helps him not only with his anxiety but also with the other things like coming to terms with his problematic actions, his guilt, and allowing himself to heal in other ways.

SYMPTOMS. Mateo has a variety of symptoms when it comes to his Anxiety Disorder. The more intense ones are:

➜ panic attacks which include trouble breathing, crying, pacing, elevated heart rate, sick to stomach. ➜ vomiting and difficulty eating in intense stress. for a period of time he lost a significant amount of weight because keeping food in his stomach was really difficult. 

But his day to day symptoms are as follows:

➜ fear and anxiousness around going to school (even in university this is present, even if lessened). ➜ anxiousness when speaking/socializing in a group of people ➜ fear of confrontation ➜ trouble calming the mind in stressful situations ➜ general restlessness

the irritation that he'd felt the night before hasn't faded as he heads downstairs, already tensed and waiting for another argument even when the two of them had very solidly agreed to stay away from each other as much as possible. not that that really felt like a solution, considering he still had no answers as to what the hell was going on or who any of these people actually are. the house feels eerily quiet, though he can't place why it's so unsettling to hear no noise coming from the other man's room or office, even so early, when peace and quiet is all he'd wanted for weeks. eventually, he spots a sheet of paper sitting on the table, only a few words scrawled over it, and though they shouldn't, they tie a knot in his stomach as he drops it back to the table. "qinghua." mobei-jun calls, easily loud enough to be heard from anywhere in the house, but there's no reply, and he's already moving back up the stairs, opening the door to qinghua's bedroom a bit more quickly than he'd ever admit, only to find all of his things cleared out. he'd left? after all that, he'd left?

he'd left.