#pakoacon

do you guys want to know the pens i use? want more lists like these? let me know and feel free to message me anytime <33

what i’ve learned through all this pain, heartbreak, and mega regret is that guys are dumb i need to love myself before i love someone else!! i read all these posts about how guys love a positive active girl, yet im always complain and make a lot of low self esteem jokes, i mean they’re not wrong *see what i mean* i just have to learn to be more happy and positive with myself. im trying to not be self deprecating in class or during interactive lectures but when people say how’s that going my immediate response is, “well look at me LOL” yes i say LOL out loud... murder me please *i nEED TO STOP* anyways the guy and i haven’t talked since i exposed myself. and its been two weeks. but we kept our streak and i don’t know if we’re friends or not. i haven’t seen him around scho- WAIT IM LYING I SAW HIM YESTERDAY AFTERSCHOOL! he would normally wave and me and i would wave and smile back and he was walking and i saw him and he saw me... and ignored me. OOF. i mean i already know this is going no where and im over him because why bother still having feels if theres none in return. i just want a guy like chat noir in my life ): stay safe and love yourself <3

hey guys oof. this is gonna be a long one and i’m not going to hit backspace at aLL! unless i make a typo then i’ll have to but okay (: this blog post is gonna be all about boys and my pov and struggle as of right now when i’m writing this on a tuesday night at 10:56! all aboard the struggle bus!! okay so... there’s this guy... it always starts like this => i meet this guy, decides he’s super cool, gets his number, talk a lot, like everyday a lot, we make plans to go out, i realize i’ve caught feelings, convo starts dying bc awkwardness, he begins to ghost, i freak out, have our mutual friends spy for each other, confess, never speak again. im currently going through the final phase of regret and so much “why”. okay when i first met him it was through a dare in my eighth grade year. i was dared to walk up to someone and say hey im your new mom come with me and go with it. lol he went with it for a long time and that when i was said “dang youre a cool kid!” and we exchanged instagrams. we then liked each others posts, commented every once in a while. then highschool. he’s in band and im in guard  so we had every practice together, every comp together, ect. so we actually exchanged numbers in the middle of the season and talked basically everyday. we were each other’s number 1 on snapchat for a couple days or so, until we both talking to our own best friends. i told 3 people about this and they all said they were rooting for the both of us because we were cute but i was never sure :0 i was still in the state of denial of could he like me, could he not. and it got really unhealthy where i was over analyzing every singe text, snap, like, comment i sent and received. i started getting closer to on of his friends and then we both became friends. she asked me about him and i was like ptsh no. but then my gut told me i was lying. but i didn’t know it. i was super conflicted with my emotions because i had just asked him the previous day to come to the mall with me and this other couple. comes the day of our mall trip and i bring a friend and he brings a friend and it was super awkward. my girl and i were practically third wheeling this kid and his friend. after that we didn’t talk for a whole week because i knew somehow someone must’ve told him “yo paula like likes you” so i got tired of no response for a whole week. the last guy i liked totally shut me out and i felt like sh*t for the whole summer and i didn’t want that to happen, but hes not important so moving on! i texted him and said “hey i know you know but this is how i feel... xyz” and i asked him if we can hopefully stay friends, because he’s genuinely a great person. he said he doesnt feel the same way. *shocker* and he said we can stay friends if i want. i don’t want him to be uncomfortable or forced in a one way friendship because it’s going to end up hurting us both. so i asked him if he wanted to and he said... and i quote, “i mean a little” -2017. WHO DOES THAT TO A GIRL THAT JUST EXPOSED HERSELF AND FEELINGS?!!1??1! yea im not gonna lie i was hella disappointed and so were my friends rooting for us from the beginning, but i’ve learned something through all this pain and mega regrets

hello its been so long!! i was gonna do the 25 Days of Mememas, but i’m doing 12 instead because i’m super busy with finals and colorguard ): so some of you may or may not know, but i’m taking beginning french (French 1) and my final is coming up. boy oh boy am i screwed! i’m gonna make a master post or a long study post so i can help myself and if you’re interested in learning a little french let me know so i can maybe upload my notes (: if you are taking french... HMU! SO WE CAN PRACTICE TOGETHER! plus i really wanna learn how to speak it fluently?. well thats all right now, im really stressed about finals but im going to reward myself by seeing the school’s charity dance show this friday!! im hype because my friends are performing and im gonna get them flowers!! woohoo go skool <3

day two of world guard practice. its really boring since its just drill and im in fuzzy socks trying to fall asleep :( our wg song is so nice except for the climatic part. the a guard song is okay but super sad and depressing so i can't imagine spinning to that but we'll see :) wg practice is probably boring so far because im doing nothing. i literally lay on the floor for a good minute or so :( but at least i get to catch my breathe? :) anyways lets get to the juicy stuff... now that field season is over band moves onto concert and we go indoors. this means i dont get to see my friends anymore, unless i get classes with them next semester. and im praying that i hopefully do! but did you guys hear gabbie's new song?! it's called satellite and its so nice! a lot of the comments are hating on her flats and sharp tones but i like it the way it is :) it makes the song seem more raw and natural! i'll talk more tomorrow because it's midnight right now and i have to walk to practice tomorrow :/ so goodnight <3

what a great ending to my first season<3 i met new people, crushed on new people, and cried with new people. this season was unforgettable even though the band didn't place what they wanted at champs last night, colorguard's sweep streak was unstoppable with an ending score of 94.0 :) now its time to move onto world guard and possibly more stress? can't wait to see what's ahead in the near future :)

i hope you all had a good week:) ive had a two emotional breakdowns this weeks just because of stress. tomorrow is friday which means im done and its thanksgiving break plus the football game and parade and champs and world guard rehearsal i cant wait to relax and take naps and do nothing for a whole week:)