#p.t.p.

Still one of the toughest times for me was when my ex broke up with me in March of 2012. So much has happened since then, yet it doesn't even feel like it's been that long. Through those days and nights I desperately needed something or someone to comfort me. At the time I was alone in my sadness. Bathing in imaginary tears which I couldn't produce. 

Sometime before me I found the band Smile Empty Soul. That band really spoke out to me and helped me cope with the constant pain. Finding Myself and Finding Myself (acoustic) were the songs I mainly had on repeat. Of course I listened to many of their songs, but those two stuck out to me because it was exactly what I needed to hear. It was exactly how I felt.

There were many clear and star filled nights where I'd ride my bike down a long and narrow road. One completely free of street lights. Somewhere I could freely think aloud and let out aggression. I'd listen to those songs and that's when they'd hit me the most.

Around the same time I found S.E.S. I started listening to Lifehouse and the album 'No Name Face' that's been on my computer for a long time now. I never bothered to listen to it or know why I even had it on there in the first place, but I began listening to it and drifted off with it. Only One and Simon stuck out to me most on that album. Lifehouse helped me come to grips with the fact that my ex and I was no more and what never getting back together. Slowly taking that dagger out of my chest day by day.

For the longest time my ex stopped talking with me completely. For about a few months or maybe just a month. Either way it seemed forever since we had talked. But she decided to start back talking to me out the blue. She had actually wondered why I had stopped talking to her, but there I was wondering the same about her.

Months after the breakup I was able to get a job working with my dad. Around then I discovered the band One Ok Rock. That band was my recovery. A way to rejuvenate my heart and to get up and go out. I'd listen to them all the time at work, and all the more at home.  Communication Confusion, Dreamer, Etcetera and カラス (アコギver）(copy and paste to find on youtube) were the songs that always got me going. Days working was great. I worked construction, so I was usually always doing something and lifting things. I love an active job where I'm outside, rather than inside wearing some sort of uniform. 

But along with those bands there were some that my ex had introduced me to before and after the breakup. so each song I listened o just reminded me of her. It didn't really help to listen to them, but I just liked the songs.

I listened to Chevelle and Sick Puppies a lot also. Anything to let out the aggression that had grown deep within me.

In the middle of December I founded My First Story and Pay Money to My Pain. Although I really enjoy M.F.S. I really have to give my heart out to P.T.P. That band had put everything in perspective for me. There was still that pain I felt. That small glimmer of hope that maybe we, my ex and I, could get back together. Each song had a little of something, but it was mainly the pain of that loss, and to cope with that pain. I had me realize that I may still feel this pain from time to time, but as long as I can sing there's still hope and happiness. Despite that sinking feeling inside my heart I can recognize reasons why she left me and do what I can to never let that happen again. This is the price I have to pay. I know it's not all my fault though, because she's yet to tell me why she broke up with me.

I was rather heartbroken when I found out the lead singer to P.T.P. K (Kei Goto) had died due to acute heart failure December 30 that same year and month that I had found out about it. It still hurts me till this day. I feel so bad that I had found out about him so late. I wish he was still alive to make more music. His music really hits me like no other.