#overhim

Maybe my biggest flaw is that when I love, when I decide to be vulnerable towards someone I fall hard, I love hard, and I break even harder. It’s cliche to hear but it’s true. When I love you, you’re my top priority, if you have an issue, if you’re feeling down, I’ll drop everything I’m doing just to be there for you. To listen, to give you someone to hug, to cheer you up with my stupid humor. Even if you’re being annoying, I’ll tolerate it and go with it because I just learn to love that about you. When we’re arguing, I wouldn’t want to hurt you with my words so I’ll always apologies first even if I was not in the wrong. Even if I wasn’t the one who walked away. 

But every time you walk out the less I love you. Even in the end, when you broke me for the last time, I wanted to apologies, for not being enough. 

But then I realized, I was enough. Hell, I was more than enough. I loved you more than I love myself, I talked to you and made effort even when you were being a little selfish asshole. I tried to be nice when you yelled and threatened me. I welcomed you back with open arms every time and when you wanted time apart, I gave you that. I apologized every time we fight and you never even said ‘I’m sorry’ but instead you’ll ask me “tf did I do lol”.

And the worst thing of all was that every time you came back I ignored my mind and followed my heart.  I believed that you would be different, that you finally realized what you were doing but you never did. 

This is the letter I should have sent, the one you will never receive. These, are the words you should have seen, this is how it was suppose to happen. It doesn't matter to you now I know but it still does to me.

We were suppose to meet and get coffee. You would have been smiling, a gentleman, everything would be perfect making me so noxious about what I had to say. But I would finally just say it, say that I can't do this anymore and I am sorry.

Yes I am sorry because for more than one year I fought for us, I fought for you and my only wish was for you to be happy. I would have given everything for you, to you.

And maybe I did. To the point where I had to choose. It was me or you. And sorry but I couldn't let myself being destroyed even for you. I loved you so much and maybe I still do but there is something broken between us that can't be fixed. Something you broke second by second, bit by bit. It is as if I was trying to hold down the house we were building while you were taking it down brick by brick. Eventually at one point I couldn't do anything anymore and I let the house collapse.

So yes I am sorry for that, for not giving you that chance to get everything right this time but it's too late. I told you so many times that once I will be gone there will be no going back and you waited until that moment to realise what you lost.

What was left came down my cheeks in slow silver streaks.

Liquid love. Languishing. Longing. Leaving.

“The willow’s gone. No more weeping.”

Good grief. Good mourning.

My well for you is dry.

I

Am

Free

Don’t get me wrong most guys are so nice and amazing, but same guys can’t be such dicks when it comes to stuff.

So theirs this guy that I have talked to for like 7 months, his every thing i looked in a guy. In like the 3rd month in we confessed each others feelings that we liked each other, but we never become anything in relationship wise .So he said he loves me and didn’t want to lose, but i don’t get it when he says he doesn't want to lose me and that he loved me,coz just a week ago he told me he didn’t love me anymore and that his moved on.If he really did love me he wouldn’t have put me though the stuff he did, he constantly hurts me, he made fun of me, but coz i “loved him” i just let it go.