#outofmisfortune

So I've been gone for awhile. Vacation, staying at friends houses, pretty much anywhere but home. I just got back the other day, and it's been nice getting some alone time. God knows I need it.. e.e

Today, my grandma called. She wants me to come over for a few days, and even though I had plans with a friend, I was going to go anyways. Now, before you say; "MINTY WTF WOW YOU'RE A SHITTY FRIEND."

no.

i am not.

i have been trying to get a hold of this girl for days. She won't answer her phone, she wont text me back, she hasn't messaged me, nothing. I'm not too worried about it, only because this isn't the first time she's gone off the grid. Most likely, she forgot we were going to get high had plans, and went up north for the week.

..Which is also annoying because all of my fucking friends cancel on me. Every. Fucking. Time.

Anyways, I was kinda excited to go to grandma's. She was wifi. That, and she has good food. Ayee.. But yeah, so I clean my room, clean some other rooms, do laundry, etc. When I call her, she tells me she doesn't want to come pick me up, and that I need to think of her needs. (Might I add, she does this every fucking time because she's rude, lazy, and diejgfjehfjsedhfkl)

Well, she suggested that Ralph -

mY SHITTY UNCLE WHO DOESN'T USE MY PRONOUNS, TRIES TO FUCKING GUILT ME INTO EVERYTHING, FUCKING RUDE-ASS MOTHER FUCKER WHO I'VE ALWAYS FUCKING HATED. HE'S TRANSPHOBIC, AND HE MAKES FUN OF ME ALL THE TIME. I'M THE DISAPPOINTMENT IN THE DAMN FAMILY BECAUSE I'M NOT STRAIGHT, BECAUSE I'M NOT A GIRL, BECAUSE I GET SHIT GRADES, ETC. PLUS, HE LIES ALL THE TIME. EVERYONE FUCKING LOVES HIM. WHAT THE FUCK. HE NEEDS TO BURN. FUCKING. BURN IN HELL. PLUS, OH. HE TRIES TO SHOVE RELIGION DOWN MY THROAT. AND, OH.. I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN TO THE GOOD PART.

HE CONSTANTLY SAYS HOW MY MOTHER ABANDONED ME, HOW SHE CHOSE WEALTH, AND A NEW LIFE OVER HER DAUGHTER(again, FUCK YOU.) AND THEN HE TURNS AROUND AND TALKS TO HER ALL THE TIME, SAYING HOW MUCH HE LOVES HER AND HOW SHITTY I AM AND SPOILED. HE CALLS ME A SPOILED BRAT. THAT FUCKING HURTS BECAUSE 1) NO I AM FUCKING NOT. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GREW UP WITH A SILVER SPOON BETWEEN YOUR TEETH YOU FILTHY RICH FUCKER.

UGH. I CAN'T EVEN FUCKING HANDLE THIS. I CAN'T BREATHE, I'M GETTING SICKLY FEELINGS, MY BLOOD IS BOILING.. I FUCKING HATE THIS FUCKING FAMILY. FUCK.

- anyways, she want's him to pick me up. Which means 45 minutes of judgement, and shit-talking. If I saw ONE word, he calls me disrespectful and I get shit from the entire family(except dad, who understands my hatred..however he's at work until Saturday..).

Not only that, but also the fact that we're not staying at her house. Oh no. We're apparently staying at my relatives house to watch their dog.

I hate dogs.

..No, no. Not quite right words.. I dislike a lot of dogs. Maybe only.. 5-6 that I enjoy because I grew up around them or just hung around enough to like them. Dogs terrify me. I've been attacked on several occasions, they're too loud, a lot are really mean, and if a dog I don't know comes near me, I instantly get filled with fear and I start getting teary-eyed and it's awful.

She knows that.

And she still wants me to come over.

Oh, plus my relatives are second-cousins who got married. This guy who half the time lives with his wife and kid, married his second cousin. PLUS I DON'T EVEN LIKE THEM. I DIDN'T BEFORE THEY GOT MARRIED. I CAN'T JUST. Normally I don't judge, but seriously. My family is filled to the brim of fucked up and shit.

She literally doesn't even care. I explained to her all my reasons on why I'd rather her just pick me up, how I could pay for gas, how he's literally one of the reasons why I go to counseling, how my fear is almost overwhelming, how i don't feel comfortable staying in a house i don't like, and being gone in other places for so long.  

I need to give her an answer by 2-3.. Personally, I don't even know what to do. I just want to scream, I just want to cry, I just want to punch something. I feel like I'm being suffocated and it hurts.