~E

I met my friend’s dogs today and surprisingly didn’t pee myself. I found someone really cute today, cute in the way you wonder what kind of partner they’d be. Or maybe she just looked extremely pretty today. Whatever, that’s just me being gay. Tomorrow is the prep day for the french fest and it’s gonna be so busy but I don’t think I mind. I also announced in classes filled with people about the fest. I surprise myself so much (I also had really supportive people around me who became my safety net so <3 ) I’m happy again, not just about myself but also the people surrounding this me. I really get lucky sometimes. 

I like pringles because of the way they're shaped. They're shaped like the inside of my mouth and so satisfying to eat. Other than that, today I realized how writing every day has been helping me clear my mind and keep a positive attitude. By writing every day I’m highlighting and making physical notes about the good things about my day and I'm more likely to recall them and think about them especially when I'm in low headspace. Mike and I talked about Tarot and psychology and good books today. The conversation reminded me of the spiritual awakening I was talking about a couple days ago- still don’t really know anything about it, maybe going back to school will bring me clarity. I’m about to get my period so I’m craving food ALL the time and my body really hurts. I haven't been sleeping well and it takes me a really long time to fall asleep and stay asleep. Not a lot of time left here in WI so I'm trying my best to relax and take advantage of my break to do nothing before I have to do A LOT.

Jumping from commerce to arts has been one of the biggest leap of faith I’ve taken considering the fact that I hadn’t even dreamt of doing sociology in college. There are nights where I’ve thought if I should’ve changed at all, if I could’ve held on to business a little longer, enough to get a well paying job even if drained the life out of me. And there have been mornings, sitting in my psychology lecture, where I’ve realised that I’d be nowhere else (other than my bed obviously). And no matter what the old me tries to say, the laughs that I hear each day of equally confused kids even at 8:30 am will always be greater than getting free attendance for any accounts class on a Friday afternoon.

Content with this content.

Today I want to celebrate small victories. I had a good morning but was beginning to feel small and low (as one does every couple hours). For some reason, I decided to go through my college email just in case I had any mail (so unlikely) I scrolled through a spammed inbox and found an email from my research teacher at SAIC (a successful artist displaying his work at the MCA among many other accomplishments) saying he thought my final project was fantastic and that he wants to use it as an example in future classes he teaches. It made me so happy to feel recognized like that. He liked my work enough to remember it and come back to it. This might not be much, eventually, he might not even use the pictures, but for today it's my small victory and I’m ecstatic. It makes me want to create again and be confident in being myself through my work. I’m so excited for whats to come next semester.

Today was very simple. I didn’t do much. I woke up next to the person I love and then got to sleep in. I had lunch with B and even though it was a short hour, it gave me a lot of happiness. I did house chores like the dishwasher and putting things away after I showered. Then I went to work with my best friend and spent the rest of the evening laughing. We got to have pizza for dinner and then cheesecake for dessert. Even though it was so simple and normal, I’ve been very happy today and lately, for the last couple of days. Towards the end of the night though, I got very angry for the first time in a long time. Over something small. I got extremely angry for 3minutes and then I was over it. I don't really know why this happens and why it used to happen so often. It makes me sad to see myself like that. I was so mad I banged on a door really hard and now I have a big red bruise on my right hand. great.

So here I am, at 3 a.m., my Spotify playing since the past three hours, typing this only because she asked me to and Woby would’ve been sad. Cheers to another day of having a black hole for emotions.