the way virginity/vulnerability/trust are erotically entangled for Ilya is crystallized for me in the moment he tries to laugh off the Emotionally Significant Penetration with his little āworth the waitā quip only to be hit with the worldās tenderest forehead kiss and realizes he could be in Big Troubleā¦ it would be so easy for him to get addicted to Shaneās vulnerability. but if Shane lets his guard down around him than he must trust Ilya, and Shane would only trust someone he thinks is a good person, and Ilya cannot accept that categorization of himself and so must force a distance between them
yum!!! I read this similarly but maybe with a slight twist? I like to headcanon that both post-forehead kiss and in vegas, ilya has this uneasy moment of realizing that likeā¦ shane doesnāt know how to do this. shane has no idea how to have casual sex with a near-stranger that doesnāt mean anything and isnāt going anywhere. shane trusts too easilyā¦ and, as you said, has put his trust in a guy who fundamentally feels like heās a piece of shit nobody should be trusting deeply. I think that for ilya, those little realization moments (ESPECIALLY in vegas) trigger this feeling of likeā¦ ok so I have to be the one to model for him how this is supposed to go. I have to teach him how to keep it all on the surface. I have to shut things down and shut him out when he tries for deeper closeness or intimacy or wants to trust me with something he shouldnāt. that attitude is what, for me, drives all the angst of episode 2 and the ep 4 sex montage. and what is MOST PAINFUL about that attitude is that I think itās a deliciously warped extension of ilyaās desire to care for shane!!! in the first time scene ilyaās like I know you havenāt done this before so Iām going to take such good care of you and show you how itās supposed to feel. and then in vegas/ep 4 sex montage itās likeā¦ I know you donāt know how to take care of yourself in this kind of casual closeted sex arrangement, I know youāre going to get yourself hurt by loving with your heart wide open, so Iām going to take care of you. Iām going to show you how itās supposed to feel. and thatās how I will protect you.
