#ouad

ill be honest, this was quite the struggle. took me a bit to find the posing and the fucking hands were a pain in the ass. the clothes were also a struggle but quite a big of it was covered by shadows or different body parts so yippee! but despite how i struggled and how i still lowkey dislike certain parts of this drawing im still really proud if it!

but just- this entire au the fic the everything- all got me in a choke hold. i have so many theories about it and so many thoughts but my brain isnt letting me put it in a way thats even mostly coherent so yeah- maybe someday i can reblog this and write down my feelings fully when im not half asleep

but im just loving the apocalyptic setting and how everything is so scary and messed up. the whole "virus" going on with the automatons (which i have my own theories about tho sooty has seen/heard them a bit :]). im also obsessing over moons character. he sees himself as such a monster and it doesnt help that the way hes treated only reinforces it. we see it especially in chapter 3 and OW all of them hurt/pos

“Are we boring or something?” I asked Evie, scrunching my nose as she shrugged, sticking a fork into her salad. “Compared to the book-probably” Evie mumbled, reaching out and tapping the top of the book down, (y/n) pouting at Evie once her face was revealed. “Do you mind? I'm invested.” (y/n) grumbled, making Evie and I laugh as she went back to the book.

I snorted softly, licking my lips as I pushed my finished plate aside, one of my servants quickly taking it away and to the kitchens. “So, how exactly did you and (y/n) meet?” I asked, (y/n) had given me some insight into their friendship, but I don’t recall if she had told me the details. Evie hummed, giving me a knowing look as she rested her elbows on the table.

“Well, we met about four years ago, we were both working at a gig, and we got along pretty well. I heard her talking to herself about using that night's tips to get herself a hotel room that night, and well-I offered her a place to stay for a little bit-at least till she got back on her feet.” Evie explained, (y/n) glancing up to smile at her and joining in on the conversation “I told her she didn’t have to, I was a practical stranger, but she insisted-and four years later-here we are~” (y/n) sang, I couldn’t help but laugh, gods I had missed her so much.

“Here we are,” Evie hummed, stealing a strawberry from (y/n) as she went to reach for one, giving her a smirk of victory as (y/n) glared/pouted at Evie. “There is an entire bowl of strawberries right in front of you, and you go for the ones on my plate? For shame Eve” (y/n) hissed playfully, stealing a crouton off Evie’s plate and making a loud crunch noise as she ate it. I laughed as Evie gasped like (y/n) had insulted her mother, her hand on her chest while her mouth gaped open.

“Please, no cat fights at lunch.” I joked, taking my ‘strawberry’ lemonade and taking a long sip, shaking my head as (y/n) rolled her eyes and gave a dramatic flair of her hand as she spoke-Evie almost cackling as she did. “As the lord commands~”

Fuck I had missed her so much. And I really loved this developed sarcastic/funny side to her, she had been sarcastic before, and never failed to make me laugh-but the way she spoke now just sent butterflies through my stomach.

(y/n) went back to the book as Evie and I continued to talk, she eventually asked about the non-existent Cecile Deville, correctly assuming I would be related to her-but unfortunately, she didn’t exist. I did my best to create a sudden lie about my ‘niece’-not really expecting Evie to ask about the false Deville. I could feel (y/n)’s eyes on me, and I could tell she knew I was lying, but she didn’t say anything; just going back to her book.

Soon enough my attention was called away, and I had to hold back a sigh; wanting to spend more time around (y/n). “Well, have a good afternoon ladies, I’ll see you later.” I chanced a glance at (y/n), smiling as I saw her already looking at me, a small smile on her lips. ‘see you’ she mouthed, going back to her book as Evie turned to her, chatting away as I walked back into the manor, Mr. Fields stepping closer to me.

“Good afternoon sir, the dresses you ordered for Lady Alexander have been delivered” I hummed with a nod, taking the small stack of papers he handed to me and heading towards my study. “Good, have the cocktail dress delivered to her room, and the other two to my room for now, ” I muttered, pausing for a moment as I remembered (y/n)s plight. “oh, I have one more to order for tomorrow night, once it’s here, deliver it to lady Godkin’s room.” I muttered, continuing on as Mr. Field paused, wondering who lady Godkin was.

“Godkin, sir?” I froze, oh shit-I hadn’t realized, licking my lips slightly as I turned back to my butler, just glad I hadn’t called her by her married name. “Yes, (y/n) Godkin.” he actually looked surprised to hear her name connected to the last. “Make sure her dress is delivered to her room upon arrival.” He just slowly nodded, hiding his frown as I turned away and went into my study, sitting at my desk and getting back to work.

While I did that, I made sure to call one of my younger servants, the one who had helped me order Evie’s dresses(since I wasn’t exactly tech savvy) and ordered (y/n)’s cocktail dress, my mouth watering as I imagined her in that sleek black gown, her leg peeking out from the fabric.

Fuck I needed to calm down…and a cold shower. I let out a long breath, forcing the image from my mind and getting back to work, soon perking up as someone knocked on my door. “Come in,” I said aloud, just in case it wasn’t one of my wives-but I could smell Lucy’s perfume from here.

She stepped inside, her bright blonde hair pulled back in a small ponytail, two locks of hair framing her face. “Ah, Lucy.” I stood, making my way around the desk and leaning against the front, nodding at my youngest wife. “Is something wrong?” she shook her head, glancing back at the door before smiling at me. “I was just wondering, who Evelyn’s friend is? I know this morning Viktoria asked about her, and you were….iffy about it, but I was hoping you might give me better insight without her around.” I just hummed, crossing my arms, wondering how to explain (y/n) to Lucy.

I couldn’t tell her the truth exactly, while I did trust her, I didn’t trust her enough to not accidentally spill to Viktoria-who wouldn’t hesitate on destroying (y/n), even if it meant her death. I settled on a half-truth, “She is connected to my family, a Godkin actually-the original heirs to the Deville fortune,” Lucy looked genuinely surprised to hear that, and I held up my hands to prevent any gossip from her. “Do not mention this to anyone, including (y/n), she has no recollection of her past, she has severe memory loss and I fear any mention of-well, anything-without immense care, could hurt her.” Lucy slowly nodded, not expecting my explanation but looking satisfied all the same.

Then she perked up, another question coming to mind. “Another thing, what is our story to Evelyn?” I corrected her mindlessly. “Evie,” Lucy easily corrected herself. “Evie, just so none of us cross stories and such.” I let out a low hum, crossing my arms, telling her of Cecile Deville and Marvin Alexander, and their wedding on Sunday, they would be arriving on Saturday night, for the rehearsal dinner.

“Try to steer clear of that story however, so there are less lies for us to untangle” I muttered, rubbing my jaw as Lucy nodded. She peeked behind her shoulder and I knew Viktoria was listening in. “Enjoy the rest of your day Lucy, there should be a new shipment of blueberries coming later today as well” Lucy beamed at the mention of her favorite fruit and nodded, squeezing my arm before she left the room, her short ponytail bobbing as she skipped out; closing the door behind her.

I hummed to myself, remembering I had made an order of shrimp along with that, a smirk coming to my lips. Evie had dinner with her family tonight and while I was sure (y/n) was invited to eat with them being Evie’s +1, I hoped she would accept my invitation for her to dine with me tonight, cooking was something I had always liked doing for her, even when I barely had any ingredients to cook.

I snorted at the thought of my cooking bringing back a memory, and got back to work, a smile on my face at the thought of my (y/n).

-

Several hours later, I was finally done; I had several last-minute meetings with a few people from the one, one being something about needing approval to edit their terrain for better water tunnels. Another about their livestock being attacked and needing funds to hire animal control and new fencing. I approved both, knowing their farms were a direct source for me, the one needing the terrain being my fruit distributor.

By the time I finished, it was starting to get dark, the sun slowly drawing its curtains as cooks bustled down in the kitchens, getting food ready for the Alexander family dinner. I sniffed, ruffling my hair as I stood from my desk and made my way to my room, needing to change out of my clothes after being in pinching shoes all day.

I grabbed a dark teal Henley shirt, pulling it over my head and rolling up the sleeves slightly, changing into some dark trousers and some comfy shoes. I perked up as I hear my butler begin to hiss at someone, freezing as I heard my beloved almost squeak back in fear.

Oh no he fucking didn’t. not on my watch. I threw my door open, storming down the hall to make the short path towards my personal kitchen, where I saw Mr. Field with his back to me, glaring down at my (y/n) with a vile tone to his voice. “No one is to enter his personal kitchens. Especially not someone like you,”

I didn’t hold my fangs back, my eyes flashing dangerously as I snarled out my butler's name, a fierce protectiveness in my chest as I saw him whirl around to look at me; his eyes wide with sudden fear. “What are you doing!?” I quickly stepped between (y/n) and Fields, glaring down at my butler, who had quickly and unfortunately signed his pink slip. “I told you not to treat my guests so harshly!” I had mentioned this twice now, to be nice to Evie and (y/n), especially (y/n). You’d think calling her by her last would turn some cogs in his brain but apparently not.

“I was told your personal rooms were not to be intruded on!” Mr. Fields tried to defend himself, he was right, I had told him my rooms were for only me unless someone had permission, and I had permitted both Evie and (y/n) the night before. I just shook my finger in his face, as if he was a toddler throwing a tantrum. “And I gave them, Evie and (y/n), access to my kitchen, personally! If I hear you talk to them, especially (y/n), this way again; I will have you forcibly removed from this manor! I don’t care how many years you’ve served this family.” I hissed you, grabbing (y/n)’s hand and pulling her into the room, forcing myself to calm down as I slammed the door shut, running my hands through my hair and forcing my fangs to retreat.

I took several deep breaths, covering my face as (y/n) stood a few feet away from me, thankfully not scared of me and my sudden anger. I had to control myself, I had to keep myself from ripping Fields limb from limb. I would not tolerate the way he treated my (y/n), it was a sin to even think such a way of her. I took one more deep breath, turning to look at (y/n), my anger dissipating as I looked into her eyes. “I’m so sorry (y/n),” I said with a wince, rubbing the back of my head as she tilted her head at me, clutching the book to her chest. Heh-she was still reading it after I gave it to her this morning. “I told him to treat you and Evie with respect, yet as soon as I turn my back he does,” I flung my hand in his general direction, anger burning in my teeth. “that.”

(y/n) just hummed, tipping her head up at me with that sweet smile of hers. “Thank you, for not letting him continue.” She muttered, tilting her head slightly as I huffed, glaring off in my butler's general direction-I would have an intense talk with him later, if he pulled that bullshit again he was out of this household. I really didn’t give a fuck how loyal he had been to me, no one talked to my (y/n) that way. “He shouldn’t have started in the first place,” I muttered back, ruffling my hair until my bangs were in my eyes, turning back to (y/n) as my shoulders relaxed.

Then it hit me, why was she going to my kitchen in the first place? Weren’t the Alexanders having dinner right about now? I asked her as such, making my point to say she was Evie’s friend, but she just curled in on herself, and I was going to fucking strangle Oliver and Alfred. “They uh-“ she coughed into her first, looking uncomfortable. “-they didn’t have space for me.”

I let out a low grown, almost a demonic growl but I held that part of me back, I didn’t want to scare her. I pinched my nose, muttering curses under my breath as (y/n) looked up at me with an unsure frown. I covered my eyes for a moment, feeling them flash with anger then dropping my hand, licking my teeth. “I’mmmmmm” Going to fucking kill them. “fucking hell.”

Instead of going off to murder the Alexanders, I clapped my hands, rolling up my sleeves as I got to work making the dinner I had planned to make for (y/n) in the first place; but that had been when I didn’t know Oliver was going to be a bitch. “so, I’m gonna guess you’re hungry?” I asked (y/n), who nodded, clutching the book to her chest as she watched me walk around and get things ready, walking back and forth between the stove and fridge.

“Are, are you going to make something for me?” (y/n) asked, completely surprised I was cooking for her, she hadn’t known I had made breakfast that day. I just nodded, getting out a large skillet and a large pot, filling the pot with water, and starting to boil it. “And why not?” I chuckled, turning back to (y/n) with a soft grin. “I haven't eaten yet either, so might as well.” I really didn’t need to eat, but anything to make her feel welcome with me. “besides, it was unfair to you for them to leave you out, so now you get premium service, food made personally by the lord of the manor~.”

I gave her a small mock bow, grinning as she smiled and continued to watch me cook. I got out a pack of frozen shrimp from the freezer and set it in a small running bowl of cold water, letting them thaw out as I got to work making the two sides. (y/n) soon set down the book and washed her hands, I let out a soft chuckle as I heard her. I set the pack of vegetables away from the stovetop and got the pasta out, turning as (y/n) asked me what she could do.

I just rose my brow, smirking down at her as I leaned on the counter. “You can go stand over there,” I nodded back towards her book “and look pretty, which I assure you will take no effort from you. I’m taking care of you tonight.” I enjoyed the rush of blood I heard go to her cheeks, but she just pouted up at me, and if I knew my (y/n)-she wouldn’t step down if it meant helping me, so I chuckled and nodded over to the bowl of now thawed shrimp. “Okay okay, could you please peel the shrimp?”

(y/n) nodded and did as asked, getting right to work and we soon fell into a rhythm, dancing around each other with ease and I felt like nothing had changed, being with my (y/n) and cooking with her, unable to keep the smile off my face. (y/n) began to hum her mother’s song, and I couldn’t help but hum along.

Soon enough everything was done, along the way I had invited (y/n) to taste the sauce I made for the main dish, grinning as her eyes sparkled at the taste. “That’s wonderful” she muttered, holding her hand just under the chin as she licked her lips, clearly wanting more. I just went back to stirring it, making sure the vegetables were seasoned properly and cooked through before beginning to serve up our plates.

“Wine?” I asked, holding up two bottles, one red and one white-both easily paring with our dinner. She pointed at the one in my right hand and I nodded, she had always preferred that one over the other, and set to pouring two glasses, handing one to her and joining her at the counter, where our dinner had been set. “Bon appetit~” I purred, feeling a smile at my eyes as (y/n) happily dove in, nearly moaning as she took her first bite.

"Oh, my gods, this is the best thing I’ve ever had” she muttered, almost rushing to eat as I watched her with fond eyes, good to know my skills hadn't faltered in the last 900 years. She muttered something else under her breath, but I was practically hypnotized by her as she happily ate her food. I averted my eyes as she looked up at me, chuckling as she glanced down at my plate-which I hadn't touched yet. “Good to know my cooking is still good, I haven't done this in a long time.” I took a bite of the pasta and shrimp, nodding to myself. Yep, still got it.

“For a British dude, you sure know your spices” I nearly choked at that, holding a laugh as I looked to (y/n), who seemed to be holding back a laugh of her own as she stared at me with those wonderful eyes of hers-filled with delightful teasing. She let out a giggle as I rolled my eyes and gently pushed her shoulder. “ha-ha, laugh it up,” I chuckled, then paused, a smirk growing on my face. “because it’s true.” she burst into loud laughter, leaning over a bit as I continued to joke about. “We raided the world for their spices only to not use any of them.”

I smiled as (y/n) cackled, setting down her plate as she took a step back from the counter and held her stomach. I could still make her laugh, her wonderful laugh that would finally bless my ears again. Oh gods how I have missed her, and I had no plans of ever letting her drift away again.

When we finished I took her plate and mine-beginning to wash the dishes as (y/n) put the left-overs away, stealing an extra piece of shrimp as she did. She glanced away as I smirked at her from over my shoulder, chuckling as she tipped her head up and away like a puppy caught trying to steal food.

I peeked into the fridge, glancing back at (y/n) as she dried her hands and picked up her book. I took out a can of croissant dough and two chocolate bars; turning to (y/n) with a shy grin on my face, hoping she was in the mood for dessert. I just wanted to spend more time with her. “Dessert?” I asked, my shoulders relaxing as she beamed and nodded, reaching for the croissant dough and popping open the can while I busied myself with the chocolate.

We talked quietly as we waited for the dough to bake, sitting on the counter with our thighs touching. I loved listening to her talk, every word out of her lips was like music from the heavens, she had no regard for what she rambled about, just enjoying her time with me. I wondered if anything from the last hour had brought back any memories for her? I hoped so-I really wanted to kiss her-I wanted her to kiss me till I was breathless.

My eyes drifted to her lips, swallowing as she laughed quietly about some-post- she saw online or whatever. Fuck I really wanted to kiss her.

We were both jumped out of the conversation when the oven screamed at us and I quickly hopped off and put on some oven mitts-taking out the hot tray and letting the croissant cool for a few moments. (y/n) practically stared down the chocolate croissants like they were the only food in the world, her eyes practically sparkling. I laughed, picking one up and handing it to her as I sat on the counter, the tray now between us as (y/n) happily dug into the dessert. “fuck I love chocolate croissants,” She muttered and I couldn’t help but laugh again, grabbing one for myself and letting the chocolate melt on my tongue.

Fuck I forgot how good chocolate was.

We continued to talk; my eyes unable to leave her as she chattered away. Gods I really had missed her so much, we both perked up as Evie stepped into the room, her nose in the air as she took in the smell of chocolate croissants. “Evie~” (y/n) cheered, reaching out for her friend who quickly grabbed her hand and then a croissant. “how was dinner?”

“Boring” Evie groaned and I couldn’t help but laugh, “dinner itself was good but they are painfully white and rich.” She took a bite of the croissant as I hit my chest, nearly choking on my croissant as I laughed. She wasn’t wrong, nearly every one of the three families was boring as shit-it had been the main reason I chose Lucy all those years ago-she was interesting, bubbly and sweet. “god that’s good,” Evie muttered, talking about the croissant. “but yeah-nothing to talk about but marriage, money, n other boring shit like that.”

(y/n) just hummed, happy she hadn’t been a part of any those conversations, thanks to the pettiness of the alexander family-and I would be having a word with them about purposefully excluding Evie’s friend. “Sounds so exciting,” I said sarcastically, smiling down at (y/n) as she pushed my shoulder. Evie glanced between the two of us, and I had to stop myself from holding her stare-she knew there was more to the story, but (y/n) would be the one to discover it- it would be far too much for Evie to handle.

“So what have you two been doing for the last two hours?” Evie teased, giggling as (y/n) kicked her thigh, pouting at her friend as Evie continued to laugh. “I made her dinner” I started, chuckling at the look of surprise on Evie’s face, as if she didn’t think I could cook. Which-I could, and I was a damn good cook. “and then we both made these” I gestured to the croissants, then shrugged-there wasn’t much more to the story. “just…hanging out I suppose.”

“suppose,” (y/n) giggled to Evie, who laughed at my ‘eloquent’ words, I rolled my eyes with a fond smile, taking another croissant from the tray and taking a bite, hopping from the counter and started to pack up the leftover croissants. “Well, I have some things to attend to,” I handed the bag to (y/n), who happily took it and tilted her head at me. Gods I just wanted to take her face and kiss her. “enjoy your evening ladies.” I said instead, bowing out and biting my lip as I heard Evie tease (y/n) with their friend over the phone.

I saw Ms. Swift exit (y/n)’s room as I made my way into mine, nodding as she informed me (y/n)’s cocktail dress had been delivered. “thank you, Ms. Swift,” I muttered, closing my door behind me and sighing, rolling my shoulders back as I went back to my paperwork.

Later, I heard a small muffled scream come from (y/n)’s room, and as I went to check on her-I heard her mutter some frustrations to herself, talking about how she shouldn’t be thinking about me that way-I was her dead lover's brother after all. I smiled sadly. “oh darling,” I whispered, reaching up to clutch her ring that still hung around my neck. “I cannot wait for the moment I can hold you again.”

-

Viktoria curled her lip as she watched Walter and commoner chat away in Walter’s personal kitchen, deep burning hatred in her chest as she watched and heard how Walter so easily laughed and conversed with the woman. Who the hell was she? And how had she captured the master's attention so easily? How could she make him laugh like this when he had hardly spared her a glance within the last 500 years?

She glared you down as you slept through the night, wondering how much trouble you were worth as she thought about ripping your throat out.

-end of p4-

Oh wowie-it’s been a while huh? Sorry for the long wait after p3~ but I just got super fixated on other shit lol. But yeah-more Walter~~~

taglist~

@sessediz @reallystressedhoneybee @reallysparklychaos

Perhaps the unlawfulness and rebellious side of it all was what excited her so much. She knew that she was closer to getting the answers she had only dreamt of hearing for so long. Finally, it was her time to shine.

Loki wasn’t a fool. He knew exactly what had to be done in order for them to escape unnoticed -- for now. The Hulk was free and the Avengers were too busy trying to calm the raging beast down, so they didn’t have time to think about Loki or Y/N. Not really. The thought of asking for her help certainly didn’t cross their mind. 

And when they eventually would come to notice that someone was missing, it would be too late. 

              As they escaped the massive helicallier, there wasn’t much time to propose questions. They both had one thing on mind, and it was the get out of there as fast as possible.

Watching from the side as Loki used the powerful sceptre to take control over people’s minds was haunting. He didn’t look proud of as he turned the pilots into his puppets, but it was necessary. The entire time from the moment they left the helicarrier and eventually ended up in the city of New York felt like a heartbeat. One moment she had been working with the Avengers so she could gain her freedom, and now she stood by Loki’s side and she felt as free as a bird. It all happened incredibly fast. 

“Why are we here?” Y/N wasn’t sure if she had spoken until now. Everything was a haze in her overwhelmed mind. 

Loki had been determined to get them on the Stark tower. It stood proud between the other skyscrapers and from up above, they could see the city as far as their eyes would let them. It stretched so far that it was difficult to believe it was real. In every building there were people, the streets were full of cars and it was loud. But not loud enough to disturb them so high up above the ground. It was almost peaceful. 

“It’s the perfect place for the plan,” Loki answered quite vaguely. Earlier, when they had been alone, he had been quite sweet and well focused on her. Right now, he avoided her gaze and failed to stay still for a few seconds. It was clear that he was on edge, but she didn’t know why. 

Was it the plan? 

What was he doing anyway?

“Mind telling me about it?” Y/N felt like she was playing with fire. But at the end of the day, she had risked everything to join him. In her mind, she deserved to know. Perhaps, she could help him fulfill this plan of his.

Loki stilled. He wasn’t proud of what he had to do, but he couldn’t stop now. Even if he wanted it to stop, he wasn’t sure if his body would comply. There were invisible strings attached to him and when he tried to fight it, he felt lost and helpless. Those terrible feelings reminded him of what his life had been recently, ever since he let go of the spear and fell off the Bifrost bridge. In his mind, death would’ve been more merciful than the destiny that followed.

If he didn’t do as planned, he feared he would return to the world of raw pain. Or worse, that Y/N would take his seat in the torturous hell and he would be in the audience. She might’ve not remembered him, but Loki remembered everything. 

“Are you okay?” She noticed that her question pained him. 

“I will be,” Loki faked a smile, hoping that it would relieve her. He knew how stubborn she could be, or how stubborn she had been before. He wondered if he could distract her from his plan by mentioning their past? The thought alone made his heart ache. It felt so wrong to make her remember them when he was going to break her all over again. Surely, she’d hate him for what he was about to do. 

They had time to spare as they waited for the earthly doctor to deliver the final piece to the massive puzzle. Loki put down the sceptre, and when his skin lost touch with it, he felt more relaxed immediately. He faced Y/N who had been following him closely. They stood inside the penthouse where they were sheltered from everything, even if it was only for a brief moment. It was warm, and the place smelled clean. Could he notice the trace of wine lingering in the air?

“I believe it’s time for me to hold up to my end of the bargain,” Loki skillfully geared the conversation away from the big plan to the past. It almost hurt to see the ray of hope shining in her eyes. 

“Really?” She sounded excited. 

Loki gestured for her to take a seat on the couch. If he was in her shoes, he would’ve needed a seat. “It’s a long story.”

They sat down beside each other, which reminded Y/N much of her previous dream. Only this time, Loki was the Loki she knew, not the romantic man who had kissed her tears away. Her heart was beating faster as time passed and she could feel it drumming against her rib cage. This was it. The moment she had waited for for so long. 

“You are not who you think you are. This place,” Loki pointed out of the window, vaguely gesturing at the realm of Midgard, “This realm isn’t your home. You come from Asgard,” Loki finally poured some truth in the mixture of lies she had bathed in. 

She was Asgardian? 

The thought of being from another planet was absurd. It made her lose her breath and she felt small, rather vulnerable. It was unbelievable. If anyone else had told her she wasn’t even from planet Earth, she might’ve laughed it off. But this was someone who knew her. It made sense that she wasn’t even human, yet hearing it was strange. Her skin felt cold and she was trapped. Did it mean she had a family as far away as on Asgard? A past? A vivid life where she once knew joy?

Loki recognized the look on her face. It hadn’t been too long since he had felt like her too. When he discovered his whole life was not but a lie, that he belonged to a race he was raised to hate. It hurt.

In a desperate attempt to comfort her, Loki gently took her hand in his. It had been too long since he had felt her skin against his, and he wished sincerely that it would spark a memory in her of their shared past. 

“We knew each other,” Y/N mumbled, trying to hold onto flashes of memories that passed her mind but to no avail. “How?” 

How could Loki ever begin to explain to her what they had? It was so deep-rooted that he was sure there weren’t words good enough to describe what they had. That’s when he remembered something. He turned her hand so her palm faced the ceiling and they could both see it clearly. Carefully, he put his own palm above hers.

“Have you heard of soulmates?” Loki wondered. By now, he wasn’t a threat or an intimidating enemy of people. He seemed like a nervous man who was about to confess his feelings to someone. 

She had heard of soulmates in her dreams. “I have,” Y/N admitted carefully, wondering if they truly were soulmates. It seemed crazy, like something out of a storybook. But it would also explain quite many things. 

“This might be a lot, but hear me out,” Loki began tracing his fingertips on her skin, running them on her palm which made goosebumps rise on her skin. How could some who fought so harshly be this gentle? 

“I was told from a very young age, that soulmates are two people who are carved from the same branch of the tree of life. From the very beginning, they have been connected. They share the same star,” He explained it with passion in his voice. His hand stilled above hers. When he turned his palm up and placed it next to hers, he revealed something new.

A pattern had appeared on their palms that Y/N had never seen before. They were identical. A star constellation that shone on their skins. She noticed nine stars, but only seven of them shone brightly. The two others were dull compared to the rest. Nevertheless, their palms resembled puddles of magic as the constellations moved ever so slightly. The sight of the stars moving in sync was astonishing. They were beautiful. So many questions began to run circles in her mind. 

“I suppose to answer your question, we’re soulmates. But it has never been quite that simple. Yes, we were lucky to be born and alive at the same time, but life challenged us.”

“What do you mean?” Y/N furrowed her eyebrows and faced him worriedly. She swore she saw suffering deep in his expression. Facing Loki and knowing they were soulmates was like looking at him through new lenses. She wished they had the time and the peace to talk things through with time and consideration. But reality was a painful weight on her shoulders. Although they were like this now, it wouldn’t last long. 

“I’ll tell you more of it eventually. To keep a long story short, when Odin found out about us, he wasn’t too pleased. He made it very clear that we weren’t supposed to stay in touch, but,” He paused for a moment as a genuine smile spread on his face, “we never listened to him.”

Loki used his magic to paint a fuller picture. He turned their reality into an illusion so they no longer were in the Stark penthouse. Instead, they were on Asgard. It was a place from his deepest memories, from the time he was younger. Asgard looked as great as ever. The streets were full of people, the sun was shining above their heads and it smelled like fresh bread. There was a bakery nearby. 

Y/N watched in awe as she took in the surroundings. She could remember this place, and she wasn’t sure how. It made her feel at home and safe. 

“Your parents owned a bakery in Asgard,” Loki broke the silence. He stood up and so did she, keeping the distance between them short. If she didn’t know any better, she would’ve believed him if he said they had teleported to Asgard. It looked so real. 

She wasn’t sure what to say. As Loki began walking towards the bakery where the lovely scent came from, she followed. The next thing she knew, they were looking in through the wide window. 

Inside they could see a small family. Once Y/N saw their faces, she recognized them. The woman with the warm smile and orange dress was her mother. She was beautiful, and joy and kindness radiated from her. Beside her, by the oven where bread was being made was a shorter man. He wore an apron and he looked delighted. His voice was deep, although she couldn’t make out what he was saying. Deep down, Y/N knew it was her father.

The next person she saw was herself, but she was much younger. She watched as her child self ran in through the door to greet her parents with a hug. Although she hardly remembered anything of her past, she somehow knew exactly what happened next. She told them about her school day, and then she tasted the new bread her parents had made. She was the one who named it and they sold the bread as ‘sun bread´. 

It was a bittersweet thing to witness. There had truly been a time when she had been this happy and full of life. She had a family that loved her. Her heart swelled in her chest and she missed that. Where were they now? Did they know she was alive? 

“A few years after this, you welcomed a little brother into your family,” Loki let her enjoy the memory for a little longer until he changed it. Suddenly, the bakery was gone. They were at a healer’s place. The only light in the room came from behind the curtains. Despite the dim lighting, they saw well. There was a bed in the middle and the same faces were there. 

Y/N’s mother was holding a crying baby in her arms, as Y/N and her father walked in to greet them. 

Loki didn’t have to say it. Y/N already knew that this was when their family was complete. It was just the four of them but they were content and delighted.  

A memory sparked deep in her mind and it sent shivers down her spine. “That’s Vragi,” She remembered her baby brother’s name. By now, she had tears in her eyes. How could she have forgotten about them?

To hear her say his name surprised Loki. He knew that showing her visions of her past would jog her memory, but he hadn’t expected her to recover any memories so fast. Nevertheless, it made him happy. That was a wonderful sign. 

“Yes,” Loki confirmed that she was indeed correct. “He grew up to be a guard at the palace. I believe he’s still doing well,” He wanted her to know that her brother was still alive. What she didn’t know was that he believed she was dead. Vragi had turned bitter for a while after he learned how the palace treated his sister, but he hadn’t been able to afford losing his job. Loki wondered how he was doing now.

“What about my parents?” Y/N had to know. She turned to face Loki with curious eyes. Her heart felt heavy as she feared the worst. As long as they would be alive and well, she would be happy. 

Loki wasn’t sure how he would tell it to her. Being the bringer of bad news was never fun. “Your mother, she is doing well. She still runs the bakery, as far as I’m aware.”

“And my father?” 

She deserved to know the truth. Loki already knew it wouldn’t make her happy, but he was strong enough to tell the story to her. He took a deep breath and faced her directly. 

“After you were pronounced dead, he refused to believe the news. He went searching for you beyond Asgard’s borders and no one has seen or heard from him since.”

He was gone.

Y/N’s heart sunk to her stomach and she felt physically ill. Had her father died because of her? How was she supposed to be dead? It didn’t make any sense at all. 

The only thing that was clear was her sense of guilt. She wished that her father was alive, but if she would learn he had died while searching for her, she would never forgive herself. 

“H-how...how am I dead, Loki? Why do people think I’m dead?!” 

He wasn’t entirely sure of how he could explain it to her. Was it all on Odin? Was he the one to be blamed, or had Loki a say in it as well? Did she want to be pronounced dead? There were too many loose threads. 

The illusion around them turned dark, until it was pitch black around them. It looked like they had stepped into a void. 

“I don’t know,” Loki admitted after a while. “I think that only you know the truth, Y/N.”

How ironic. She was the only one with the key to the past, and she couldn’t remember a damn thing.

Suddenly the elevator doors opened which startled both Loki and Y/N. The dark surroundings around them fractured like glass and eventually vanished into thin air, returning them to the penthouse. Loki was ready to attack whoever entered the penthouse, until he saw who it was and he relaxed his shoulders. Loki let out a breath of relief as he saw Erik Selvig with the briefcase. Quickly, he gave Y/N an apologetic look for having to end their conversation so abruptly. After all, they were just getting started.

“Finally,” Loki took the briefcase from the man and felt thrilled. If only he could use that power by himself. It was a shame where it was going to after this.

“What’s that?” Y/N wanted to know. For the sake of her own sanity, she tried to ignore everything that just happened. It was something that would keep her up at night, and distract her. In order to work with Loki, she had to put it aside. It wasn’t easy, but she had learned to control her mind when needed.

She was right by Loki’s side as he opened it, just to make sure it was still there. When he briefcase opened, their eyes were met by a bright, blue light. It was almost too bright to look at.

“This is the tesseract.”

Y/N was fascinated by it. Not only was it beautiful to look at, but it contained so much energy. She could feel it radiating off it and she wanted to touch it, but didn’t. It contained so much raw power to touching it would probably not be a great idea. 

That’s what S.H.I.E.L.D. wanted to find. They were ready to put together a team of people like her just to get their hands on it again. Whatever it was, it must’ve been incredibly powerful and one of its kind. 

Loki shut the briefcase and took a deep breath, “I think it’s best if you stay here. We have work to do.” He didn’t want her to see what they were going to do. Besides, there wasn’t much she could do; for now. 

The big plan. Y/N had almost forgotten about it as her mind tried to process everything else. For some reason, Loki didn’t want to tell her what it was all about and it made her curious. How bad it could be? 

Without wasting any time, Loki and Selvig walked to the balcony together. Loki grabbed the sceptre on his way, and he changed. His spine straightened and he carried himself differently. It’s like all he could focus on was his mission and he didn’t even glance back at her. 

By now, Y/N was sure of one thing. The sceptre wasn’t good. Whenever she saw it, people acted strangely. Back on the helicarrier, the avengers had gotten bitter and they fought each other when the sceptre was nearby. Each time Loki held it, his softness vanished.

She was afraid of what was behind all of this. Or who. Who made Loki do this? 

Y/N didn’t even notice that she was spiralling into a dark place until it felt like the world was closing in on her. Quickly, before she would make a fool of herself, she hurried into the nearest room. She yanked the door open, only to see a bathroom and it was good enough. As she closed the door and faced her own reflection, her breath stopped somewhere deep in her throat.

She was free

She had a soulmate

She was Asgardian 

She had a family, and if her father was dead, it was all her fault...

Although she thought she could handle it all, she learned she had only been lying to herself. Knowing all that was overwhelming and she felt so awfully guilty. Tears were threatening to spill from her eyes and it was difficult to breathe. 

“Keep yourself together,” She told herself strictly and tried to take a deep breath. Her body was shaking. It was all so overwhelming and it just had to take a toll on her now, at the worst possible time. When she looked at her palm, the stars had faded. Why were two of the stars dull? Once again, her eyes scanned her reflection on the huge mirror. The outfit she wore didn’t look like her. It was boring and it reminded her of the agents and soldiers who had been her only company for the previous decade. Then she scanned her face, the scars she had, even the one on her neck.

The tracking chip!

How could she have forgotten? There was a chip in her neck that surely led S.H.I.E.L.D. right to them. That was terrible!

“No, no, no, no...” In a panic, she opened the drawers and tried to find something she could use in order to get rid of it. Soon enough, she found a pair of scissors. Although the thought of digging something sharp and cold into her neck was gnarly, the thought of the Avengers showing up there any moment now was worse. 

With shaking hands, she went for it. The microchip wasn’t that deep in her neck, and luckily, she knew exactly where it was too. By locating it with her powers, she tried to reach it with one of the blades of the sharp scissors. When it pierced her skin, she let out a series of curse words. It stung a lot, but it was nothing she wasn’t able to endure. 

Blood started to pool from the small wound and it ran beneath her shirt, which felt uncomfortable, like wet sleeves after washing your hands. The scissors had done their job and she used tweezers to grab it. The microchip was incredibly tiny and grabbing it wasn’t easy. Blood had made it slick and it didn’t want to be held. Perhaps what was worse than the pain were the sounds. The wound was so close to her ear that she heard everything, making her sick.

Finally, after a battle with the tweezers, she pulled it out. After all those years, it was now on her palm. Despite the pain and the bloody mess she had made, she was happy. Having it out of her neck was just another tiny victory of her freedom. With her super strength, she was able to crush it beyond repair. 

                   Loki couldn’t believe he had come so far. The portal opened and a powerful beam shot up at the sky. In a matter of seconds, it cracked a hole into the blue sky and he saw the darkness of the other end of the portal. Although the sight was powerful and captivating, it wasn’t something that eased him. He knew the destruction that would follow from creating the vortex. 

Before Y/N could see it and jump to conclusions, he wanted to find her. She deserved to know what was happening, although it was the last thing he wanted to tell her. It all would’ve been so much easier if it had been true all along, that she was gone forever. But she was there, alive and very real. He felt safe leaving Selvig there alone, to keep the portal open. 

To see the spacious apartment without her in the middle was concerning. Loki picked up his pace and decided to check the rooms. His mind went to the worst possibility at once. Had she left? Had something happened when he had turned his back on her?

He couldn’t say he felt relieved when he found her on the bathroom floor with her hand pressed against her neck. He saw dry blood all over her skin and she looked like she had been crying. 

“I’m so sorry,” Y/N whimpered quietly.

Loki let go of the spear and joined her on the floor in a rush. He was worried for her sake, “what for?” 

She raised her hand and revealed the microchip, that was broken by now. “They must know where we are.”

Loki genuinely felt sorry for her. He didn’t wish for her to carry guilt for that. Besides, they would certainly find them now with the portal that was currently pouring an army into the city. 

“Y/N, they are bound to find us. It’s alright, it’s going to be alright,” Loki wasn’t sure if he even believed himself. Even if he succeeded and did what Thanos had wanted him to do, there was no guarantee that they would be alright after it all was over. But she didn’t need to hear that right now. She didn’t even know about Thanos. 

Loki replaced her bloody hand with his and decided to help. He took a deep breath and focused on magic that was old but well known to him. Healing wounds was essential to someone like him. A green flicker of magic lit the room for a moment. Y/N felt a tingly sensation on her neck as Loki healed the small wound, making it look like it had never been there in the first place. 

Now she just felt embarrassed for letting her emotions get the best of her. 

“Thank you,” She cleared her throat and avoided Loki’s gaze. 

“Are you okay?” Loki wondered. He knew the mindset she was in and it wasn’t healthy. Her entire life was changing and it was something that could break even the strongest of minds. 

As Y/N wiped her dried tears away and took a deep breath, she made up her mind. “Yeah, I’m okay. It just got to me for a moment.”

Loki put his hand on her cheek, which made her look right into his eyes. “We’ll make it,” Loki tried to sound sure of it. “Once we finish this, nothing can some in our way.” 

“I like the sound of that.” 

Despite having no way of predicting the outcome of this battle, she found comfort in his words. That was good enough for the time they had. If only the circumstances were different. Loki would’ve done everything differently, but he had no choice. Time was running out. 

“When you walk out of this room, everything will be different,” Loki tried to find a good way to tell her. He helped her back on her feet and for a moment, they stood there just facing each other. 

Y/N had a terrible gut feeling. 

“My bargain with the person I’m working with isn’t a sight for sore eyes. It’s...something disastrous. But it has to be done,” Loki was careful with his words. 

“Loki, who are you working for?” It made no sense to her that someone as powerful as he was doing the dirty work of someone else. Whoever it was, they must’ve been a nightmare. 

It was clear that this person made Loki uneasy. He looked scared for a moment, but he tried to mask it with a brave front. “Thanos. There are many words I could use to describe him. But I hope that I can put him in my past once this is all over.”

By now, Y/N couldn’t just stand there anymore. Her curiosity got the best of her as she stormed out of the bathroom, only to look through the large windows in the penthouse. What she saw was like a scene from a movie. The city that looked peaceful yet so busy a moment ago was now full of levitating alien creatures, some were destroying buildings and more of them came out from the sky. 

She noticed the portal. The one that the tesseract had created.

“What is going on?” Y/N tried her best to stay calm and think of this from Loki’s perspective. Was there anything he could say or do to justify this? She was in so much shock that she couldn’t even tear her eyes off the sight. 

He appeared right behind her and he too watched as chaos unfolded before their eyes. “The Chitauri army is here. In order to free myself from Thanos’ regime, we made a deal. I bring him the tesseract, and in return, I would get my freedom. But in his terms, my freedom is Earth.” As Loki remembered the torture he had gone through, he cringed. He remembered how the Other had threatened him by saying “If you fail if the Tesseract is kept from us, there will be no realm, no barren moon, no crevice where he can't find you. You think you know pain? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain.” They had tortured him for so many moons, and if that wasn’t pain enough, Loki didn’t want to imagine what they had in store for him.

It was conflicting. At times, Loki felt so confident in this plan. He was eager to follow through and become the king he knew he was, that he was born the be. A part of him wanted to succeed so Thor would feel his wrath. Then again, Loki found himself thinking he was doing something terrible, that he had to make it stop. He didn’t really care for humanity or the realm. To rule it wasn’t on the top of the list of his fantasies. Was it too late to turn back now? Possibly. The longer he thought about it, the less he seemed to know of his own needs and desires. He was simply a man with a mission.

Y/N didn’t know any of that. “What happens if you fail?” She genuinely wondered what could be so bad that Loki would do this in order to avoid.

He opened his mouth to speak, but the words got stuck in his throat. Loki wasn’t quite sure, but he knew it was terrible. If he thought the torture he felt through Thanos’ hand was bad enough, then he couldn’t imagine what concoction of terror he had planned for Loki next. 

They faced each other. For a moment, in the middle of the havoc that was destroying everything that people knew to be safe and normal, nothing else existed. They both thought about it, about how much better it would’ve been if they had always been by each other’s side. If they had walked down a different path in life, would they be standing there right now? 

“I hope you know what you’re doing, Loki,” Y/N knew he wasn’t going to answer her previous question. She truly meant that. She had a hatred for people after what they had done to her, but deep down she knew that not all of them were cruel. Hopefully, Loki’s plan wouldn’t risk too much. She wasn’t going to stop it though. 

Both Loki and Y/N noticed a familiar man soaring through the sky, towards them. It was Iron Man, landing on another balcony while keeping direct eye contact with both Loki and Y/N.

The sight of him disarming himself and walking inside sent shivers down Y/N’s spine. She knew that this was only the beginning of something huge.

Loki didn’t want Y/N to get into trouble. Quickly thinking, he wrapped his arm around her waist and kept the other wrapped around the sceptre, holding her so she wouldn’t be able to escape, only as an act. The tip of the spear was pressed against her pulse.

At first, being grabbed by Loki made her flinch. Had he lied to her the entire time? Was he going to hurt her? Then she put the pieces together and realized what was going on. It was all an act.

“Let’s get this over with, shall we?” Loki whispered in her ear from behind. One step at the time they made it toward the bar where Tony was making a drink. How bizarre.

Tony glanced at Y/N, unsure if she was a hostage or an enemy. For now, he couldn’t be sure so he had to assume she was still on their side. having her on the team would be remarkable. Tony had read her report and he knew that it was much better to have her as an ally rather than an enemy. 

“Does she really have to suffer so you can succeed with your shenanigans?” Tony wondered, implying that Loki was ready to harm her.

Y/N tried to look afraid. A part of her was genuinely scared, but for entirely other reasons. Her breath was heavy and she was tense as she felt Loki’s touch on her body. It was almost nice if it wasn’t for the situation they were in. She was playing hostage as Iron Man stood before them. He probably had a plan in his mind and they had to be careful. 

“Please tell me you’re trying to appeal to my humanity,” Loki mocked him. Right now, his voice was so deep and spiteful. Her back was pressed against his chest and she could feel his deep voice vibrating against her back as he spoke. She swore she could feel his heartbeat as well.

“Uhh, actually no,” Tony looked into Y/N’s eyes, and it seemed like he was trying to read her. It didn’t last long, as he continued his conversation with Loki. “I’m threatening you.”

Loki didn’t seem too impressed. Once again, the power of the sceptre made his only ambition to finish this job. “You should’ve left your armour on for that.”

Tony poured something into a glass and took a sip of the drink, acting as if this was an entirely normal situation. “Perhaps. Would you like a drink?” 

“I won’t let her go if that’s your goal. Stalling me won’t help and it certainly won’t save her,” Loki’s words sounded so genuine that if Y/N hadn’t known any better, she would’ve been terrified. 

Tony wondered why Loki hadn’t used his mind-bending powers on her yet. The entire hostage situation was strange. Was she more valuable to him without the brainwashing? He wanted to know. 

“Are you sure?” Tony tried again. He needed as much time as he could get in order to proceed with his plan. 

Loki loosened his grip on her ever so slightly. It would be easy for Y/N to untangle herself from him, but she didn’t need to nor did she want to. She knew that Loki trusted her to act if they met more enemies. She had made up her mind. She was going to stand by his side through the madness that was happening. 

“The Chitauri army is here and you’re having a drink,” Loki wondered why the hero wasn’t out there, working with the precious Avengers. The longer Loki held the sceptre, the angrier he grew. The hatred and pain he felt inside turned stronger and it wasn’t good. The more he focused on all the negative feelings within himself, the less he cared about everything else. 

“Fighting your army would be easier with her,” Tony looked at Y/N. “And we have to stop you.” He wanted free her from Loki so they could fight side by side. Tony could only dream of that. 

“I have an army,” Loki felt the need to make that clear. How could they possibly defeat that? 

“We have a Hulk.”

“I thought the beast had wandered off,” Loki admitted and Y/N silently agreed. She too thought they hadn’t possibly contained the raging beast. It certainly surprised her. 

Tony’s easygoing attitude shifted. He took one glance at the outside world and suddenly seemed more serious. Was he afraid? Did the Chitauri make him uneasy?

“You’re missing the point. There’s no version of this where you come out at the top,” Tony sounded incredibly sure of himself. It sounded like he wanted piss  Loki off, which was a terrible idea. “Maybe your army comes and maybe it's too much for us, but it's all on you. Because if we can't protect the Earth, you can be damned well sure we'll avenge it!”

Y/N felt Loki’s muscles tense as he grew more furious. Tony’s degrading words reminded him too much of Thor and their so called friends. His grip on the spear tightened and Y/N suddenly didn’t feel as comfortable being wrapped up against him anymore. Tony, with the drink in his hand, walked away from the bar and made his way closer to them. That’s when Loki pointed the sceptre at Tony instead of Y/N.

“One more step and you’ll be busy fighting your friends with her,” Loki threatened Tony. 

What did he mean by that? 

As soon as the words left Loki’s mouth, he pushed her to the side, rather harmlessly. Then he pushed the tip of the spear against Tony’s chest, right above the spot where his heart was supposed to be. It all happened incredibly fast. Y/N expected to see Tony turn into a mindless toy soldier, but absolutely nothing happened. How was he safe from the power of the sceptre? The sight baffled her.

Tony expected Y/N to rush to his aid. After all, he had hoped she was truly a hostage and that she was by their side. When he stood there and Loki confused over why his powers weren’t working, he knew it; Y/N was now an enemy. 

Tony looked disappointed. 

“This usually works,” Loki tried to understand how he was immune to such great power. It had never failed him before!

“Performance issues are quite common. I just didn’t think she’d tag along with you, knowing this-” Tony’s witty sentence was cut short when Loki grabbed his throat harshly, nearly crushing his windpipe. Then Loki sent Tony flying across the room. The glass shattered loudly and his drink spilt on the floor. He let out a pained grunt and tried to get up, but Loki was faster. He grabbed Tony’s neck and pulled him up again with ease as if a grown man weighed nothing at all.

Watching their fight unfold was intimidating. It was odd to see Loki so aggressive and angry when he had been so gentle with her. The look on Loki’s face radiated pure wrath. She watched as Loki flung Tony out of the window, just like that. He was falling to his death unless there was a miracle up his sleeve.

Despite siding with Loki, it was a frightening scene. Instinctively she ran toward the now smashed window and she looked down with her eyes wide open. A moment later, something flew right past her, nearly pushing her out of the window as well, and it chased the falling man. 

Y/N turned around to look at Loki who was now enveloped in his own bitterness. Once again, the negative energy didn’t radiate from Loki, but the sceptre. It had completely surrounded him.

“Are you okay?” Y/N wanted to know. She kept her distance. Would Loki actually use the sceptre on her? Didn’t he trust her already?

Loki wasn’t sure why she would ask that. The Chitauri army had arrived and they would both be free very soon. Why wouldn’t he be okay?

“You are not doubting me, are you?” Loki wondered. He cared for her, but he couldn’t have her as his enemy. It would ruin everything. Maybe, just maybe he could defeat the other Avengers, but not her. 

“No, I just-” She didn’t know what to say. Would he be upset if she pointed out how the sceptre affected him? “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

They were yet again cut off. Iron Man flew up to them and he was as good as new. They didn’t have a chance to wonder how he survived the fall as he shot a beam at Loki. 

“No!” Y/N yelled out in surprise, afraid he got hurt. For a moment, she was terrified that he had hurt Loki. Before Tony could hurt him again, she formed energy blasts around her hands. The energy of the sceptre was strong and she was delighted when he learned she could use it to strengthen her own powers. 

Tony was startled by the sight of her powers. His weapon was loaded and he was ready to shoot at Loki at any given moment, but he stalled, “You can still join us, Y/N. Whatever he promised you, it’s likely fake. You don’t have to do this.”

“Why would I want to help the people who kept me locked up for years?! You treated me like a villain!” She roared angrily, surprised by the outburst of emotion. Just a moment ago, she was much calmer but now the pain of her past bubbled in her veins. She wanted revenge even if it was the last thing she would achieve.  “Maybe it’s time for me to play the part.”

Loki had gotten up from the ground. Tony’s attack had barely scratched him, but it had taken him by surprise. He was ready to fight Tony, but he was interested in Y/N’s outburst. It came out of nowhere and he saw power in her that he hadn’t seen in a very long time. The energy around her only grew stronger and he knew the impact she would create would be merciless. 

“Don’t make me do this,” Tony almost sounded disappointed. Was he upset?

Y/N wasn’t. She unleashed the powerful blast right at him, and Tony was sent off with it, flying far away from them. For a moment, the heavy impact confused him. He was roaming back towards the ground for a while, but he saved himself just in time with the strong jets in his suit. Despite avoiding the impact with the ground, Tony had snapped his neck back so fast that it hurt him. For a moment, he felt incredibly light-headed.

Loki was impressed by this. He could only imagine how satisfying it must’ve been for her to get a taste of revenge on these people. 

“That was impressive,” he said it out loud for her to hear. Only then Y/N snapped out of her trance. 

She was shocked by her actions, but it was quickly replaced by joy. It felt so good to stand up for herself, even if the way she did it was wrong. “He deserved it,” Was all she could say. 

The agent suit she had worn earlier didn’t feel right. Although Y/N barely had any memories of her past, she could imagine Asgardian armour, all the gold and the beautiful, vibrant fabrics. With the help of her magic that she was slowly able to use again, she changed her outfit. The dull and dark skintight outfit was gone and she wore new armour. It resembled Loki’s in many ways, but it had her written all over it. A cape of her favourite colour seemingly grew out of nowhere until it cascaded down her shoulders. 

Loki lost his breath for a moment.

How did she recreate it? The last time he had seen her like that was on Asgard well over a century ago. 

When she stretched her arms to see the details of the armour and the suit beneath it, she felt delighted. It just felt so right. Everything fit her perfectly and it looked amazing. Then something strange happened. A flash of a memory from long, long ago surprised her. 

She saw herself in an unfamiliar place, a tall forest full of people. It smelled of smoke and fire, and the irony scent of blood. She saw many warriors in outfits that resembled what she was wearing. They were at war. In her memory, she was fighting someone on the ground. She had defeated her enemy and when she stood up, she saw Loki who was looking at her. The Loki in her memory seemed proud. He had dirt and blood on his face and his daggers were messy, but he looked just wonderful. It all ended as fast as it had begun.

“I haven’t seen you like that in a very long time,” Loki was the first one to break the silence. When had he walked right up to her?

“What do you mean?” 

“Your armour,” Loki glanced at the tiny details on her shoulder blades, “It’s exactly what you wore in battles back in the good old days.”

Even if she didn’t remember everything that happened, it seemed like the knowledge was still in her muscle memory. Somehow she just knew how to change into this gear. It felt so natural.  “Maybe it’s finally coming back?” 

“I certainly hope so,” The sincere and kind Loki was back. They were together and they had a mission to complete. “I really do.” 

“What are we going to do?” Y/N wondered. It was impossible to forget Tony’s threat. All of the Avengers were lurking right around the corner. 

Loki put his hand on the small of her back, guiding her to walk with him to the balcony. There they took in the sight of the Chitauri army. It wasn’t a pleasant sight at all. There was destruction everywhere. Despite knowing the army wasn’t from this planet, it was fitting to humanity. Destruction and chaos was everywhere. 

“We must win this fight. Once the tesseract is with Thanos, I don’t know.”

She felt anxious just thinking about this Thanos person. “I don’t know?” She repeated his words, hoping he would elaborate. 

“My first plan had been to stay here. I didn’t know you would be here too, Y/N. That changed everything,” Loki admitted. The universe had put her on his path for a good reason, but he hadn’t figured out how to move on now. 

A quinjet flew around the building and Y/N saw Natasha’s familiar face. She was flying it with Clint, who was clearly his own self again. A moment later, Thor appeared with his mighty hammer. It looked like they were cornered, but they couldn’t possibly underestimate Loki and Y/N together. 

The sight of their enemies fueled both of them with energy. This was a fight for freedom. Without saying another word, Y/N got into action. She used her powers to leap from the balcony to the quinjet, taking Natasha and Clint by surprise. Loki went the other way to fight Thor, which he had waited to do for a while now. 

Being on top of the jet would’ve been terrifying if it wasn’t for the adrenaline that flowed through her veins. She held onto it tightly so they couldn’t shake her off the roof. 

Through the speakers on the quinjet, Natasha spoke, “You have one chance to abandon Loki’s side and fight with us!”

Were they serious?

Y/N allowed her suffering to form new energy blasts. She directed her power into the ship and when she let go of the energy, her power tore off the wing. Just like that, the quinjet lost its course and it was time for her to find a new ride. As they neared the ground at a dangerous pace, Y/N jumped off the ship. She landed on a stranger’s balcony safely as the quinjet continued its destructive path. 

There was no turning back now. 

                                      Loki had never fought Thor with such fiery hatred before. Not even when they fought back on Asgard. This was different. His negative feelings had doubled, either because of the time spent with Thanos, or because of the sceptre that fed his hatred. The mere sight of his so-called brother was enough to make his blood boil. 

They were throwing punches at each other. Despite how strong Thor appeared on the outside, he struggled to fight Loki. Thor tried to hit Loki with Mjolnir, which Loki gracefully dodged and then delivered his brutal blows. As Loki swung the sceptre at Thor’s face, they both stopped for a moment. Why didn’t Thor fight back?

The moment Loki stalled to wonder what was going on, Thor had Loki pushed against the wall, but instead of knocking him out, Thor attempted to reach the Loki he once knew. 

“Look at this!” Thor wanted Loki to truly see what he had caused. 

Loki didn’t know why he did it, but he listened to Thor. Thor yanked the sceptre out of Loki’s grasp so Loki couldn’t use it against him. He simply stood there and watched as the Chitauri army ruined buildings and spread terror among humanity. For a moment, Loki felt sick to his stomach. This wasn’t what he wanted. He simply wanted to be free from his past, and this was the only way to make it happen. He wished it was that simple, that he could make it stop and not worry about what would happen next. But if he made this stop, surely Thanos would find Y/N. He would find everyone Loki had ever cared about even slightly and hurt them. It would all be on Loki. He couldn’t risk that.

“Do you think this madness will end with your rule?” Thor continued harshly.

His words reminded Loki of why he despised Thor. He always believed he was better with Loki, that Loki wasn’t capable of doing anything right in his life. It was the spark his anger needed to get over the heart-to-heart Thor attempted to have with him. 

“It’s too late,” Loki knew that deep in his heart. The portal was open, and he was so close to delivering the Tesseract to Thanos. If he stopped, and even if Thanos wouldn’t find him, there was no way Loki could walk away from this like nothing had ever happened. “It’s too late to stop it,” Loki explained and he wished he could’ve said it was too late to stop him. But Thor would never understand. 

“No,” Thor sounded hopeful. “We can, together. You, me and Y/N.”

Loki stared at Thor in shock. How did he dare to use her against him? Last time Loki checked, Thor stood like a trained dog by Odin’s side as Odin threatened to banish Y/N merely for existing. Thor had let her walk a path of heartache just to she could look good in Odin’s eye. When Y/N had been pronounced dead, Thor had barely remembered who she was. Thor didn’t give a damn about her unless it was for his benefit. 

“Sentiment,” Was all Loki could say as he used a dagger to push Thor off him. It sunk into his flesh through his thick armour, forcing Thor to take a step back, releasing Loki simultaneously. 

Loki watched as Thor groaned in pain on his knees. He knew it was twisted, but he hoped Thor felt half the pain that he felt. That he regretted speaking of Y/N like he actually cared about her. Loki knew a lie when he heard one. 

Before Thor could get up and fight him, Loki exited the scene. Ever so casually, he walked over the edge of the balcony. He only fell for a split second until he landed on a flying chariot. It was a smooth landing and he was happy to be far away from Thor, even if it would be for a few seconds. 

Right now, he wanted to find Y/N and make sure she was alright. He didn’t doubt her powers, but they were in a special situation. Perhaps Loki’s worst fear was that one of Thanos’ children had arrived in the city for some reason. There was no way he could let them find her. 

As he neared the ground, he saw people running away. Some were screaming, others were crying, some were frozen in shock. They looked at him like he was a monster. 

Loki noticed a child further away, lost or simply otherwise alone. He was crying and calling out for his mother who was nowhere to be seen. The sight made his stomach turn in a sick way. Loki might’ve wanted a glorious war, but not like this. Before a piece from a building could fall on the poor child, he stopped it by using his magic. He grabbed the huge chunk of the building with his magic and pushed it so it landed further away, avoiding the child completely. Instead of smashing the human child, it smashed an empty vehicle. As soon as he was done, he flew away, not bearing to witness the look on the child’s face. He wasn’t playing hero, but he certainly wasn’t there to harm people for fun.

                                           Unbeknownst to Loki, Y/N had been much closer than he anticipated. She returned to the Stark tower merely to find Loki. She wanted to make sure no one tried to close the portal. As much as she disliked the Chitauri, she knew Thanos must’ve been much worse. As she made her way up to the penthouse, she saw Thor. The sight of him made her regret going up there. Yes, she was powerful but so was he. And Thor was Asgardian. She wondered, had they met in the past? Before she could run the other way, Thor noticed her by the elevator and he marched toward her like an angry bull. She froze and decided to stay. Surely, she could fight him and his silly little hammer. 

“You can make him stop this!” Thor pointed at her with the Mjolnir. He genuinely thought she wasn’t on Loki’s side. She assumed he was the type of person to see the good in others, even when it didn’t exist. 

“Why would I do that?” Y/N decided to test him. It was a dangerous game but she wasn’t scared. It was exciting to see the shock on Thor’s face. He hadn’t expected to hear that from her mouth.

Thor had to let the words sink in for a moment. He had his suspicions of her when he first saw her. But so long ago, Thor had been told she was dead. He couldn’t possibly believe she was alive and in the Avengers project, fighting against Loki. 

But now when he saw her like that, in her armour, by Loki’s side via devotion, he was sure of it. It was the Y/N he knew of back then. And she was still connected to Loki. Breaking that commitment would be difficult, if not impossible. Thor knew he had to do this the hard way. 

“Do you really want to hurt these people?” Thor wondered. From what he remembered, she had been sweet and kind. Sure, a mighty warrior in battles but as a person, someone Loki had needed at the time and perhaps she had needed him too, just as much. Y/N had been so loving and Loki challenged her, in the best ways. They truly were soulmates, which was often times fantastic.

When soulmates teamed up and turned against others, it could be catastrophic. 

“People won’t get hurt if you stop fighting it,” Y/N was sure of it. Loki wasn’t here to hurt people for sport. He only had to keep the fight going on so no one could stop him from delivering the Tesseract to Thanos. 

“And then what? They would fall under Loki’s rule. Loki and humanity do not go well together!”

“Humanity sucks, Thor! They are cruel creatures who only care for themselves. Besides, Loki doesn’t want to rule this mess!” She was quick to bark back at him. Perhaps it had been the original plan, but Loki just told her he didn’t know what to do once it would all end. 

Thor seemed confused. If not to rule humanity, why would he start a war? 

Y/N continued, “We both just want to be free.”

“You can be free, if you stop this,” Thor tried his best to win her over with words. 

Y/N didn’t believe Thor for one second. That would be pathetic of her. Her trust had shattered a long time ago. Loki was different because he had something real to back up his words. 

To show Thor that she wasn’t having any of his tricks, she pulled out a weapon she hadn’t touched in a long time. Fishing it out from a pocket dimension, she grabbed it gracefully and smiled. It was her sword that had been her backbone in many situations before. 

“I won’t let you stop him, Thor.”

“And I can’t let you help him.”

“So be it,” Y/N was disappointed that even Loki’s own brother couldn’t understand. She was ready to fight. 

[Chapter 4]

A/N: Oh my god, I can’t believe how long it took me to continue this story. I’m so sorry! This year has simply been unbelievable. But I’m back at it again and I truly hope you can find some joy in this. If you do, I would absolutely love to hear your thoughts, even if you would simply smash your keyboard. Feedback makes my day and hearing from you guys inspires me so much. Have a great day 💚

Also there will definitely be more action and angry Loki in the next chapter. I just wanted some softness before the eventual chaos 👀