okay so I'm not whining or crying about this I want to make that abundantly clear. I don't share this kin for a reason and I'm embarrassed about it and so on and so forth but I'm not here to hold a pity party for myself, I have way more important things to do. I just want to express this feeling SOMEWHERE because god knows I'm not going to confide in my friends about it, and that's what the confessional is for right? forgive me mod party cat for I have sinned and so on and so forth. anyway.
I have this uneasy feeling when people start talking about my source. Because I love my source right? Like as a piece of media top ten things of all time probably, but when I discuss it with other kinnies I'm always... uneasy? Wary? Stepping on eggshells for good reason I guess ESPECIALLY when people say that they're also from there or are otherwise invested in it. Part of me wants to say "Hey I also kin from that" because I love talking to all kinds of sourcemates and then I remember exactly WHO I was and I reconsider, because I doubt anyone is actually interested in interacting with me. I'm a fairly well adjusted and mild mannered guy these days, which I guess is why people don't suspect me of being who I am (I've actually been kin assigned Seymour a couple of times believe it or not). I've accepted that this is part of me now, and that I'm not that guy anymore (and I made damn well sure he's dead!) but I still feel as though I'm hiding something. A secret identity that isn't really my identity anymore. I don't seek out sourcemates but they seem to stumble into my social circles with alarming frequency. Messed up for them I guess. Um. Hope that didn't sound like a threat. It isn't.
- Orin Scrivello, Little Shop Of Horrors
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