(Note: this monologue is in a slightly different style than the others it’s more deadpan and about breaking the fourth wall than it is about pop culture references)

So, How are you all finding World War Tea?

If you don’t know what I mean, basically the beauty community on Youtube has exploded and

Hang on that’s a bit too niche for my audience...I mean I don’t know what you're into

You could be a critic looking to see what the new performers are offering in the world of comedy

You could just be someone interested in the genre wondering what jokes I’m going to conjure

I mean what features are there that I could poke fun at,

Before I got interested in doing this as a hobby, people would say

“I wouldn’t be able to handle it”

but I’m used to people laughing at me

Despite this, I never really got my family’s sense of humour

I might like the old greats like Chaplin, Laurel and Hardy and the Pythons

But my sense of humour is very different than that of my family.

Mine is a lot darker

I laugh at some public information films and jokes about some of the ugly aspects of life

They laugh at...Mrs Browns Boys, Michael McIntyre and other things that I don’t find funny

What’s the point in these references, are they genuine questions and opinions or just observations for the audience?

I’m a 2000s kid so I must have material about my days as a One Direction fan but back then I wasn’t even open about being one, I could joke about my anime days but they were mildly problematic and cringy, I could joke about my childhood but half the time I sound whingy

I watched a lot of 80s cartoons as a kid but I already referenced them before so I did

I’ve been through almost every phase imaginable.

I read Jacqueline Wilson and Horrid Henry books, I played with teenage mutant ninja turtle toys and Bratz dolls, I like Video games, Drag Queens, Japanese animation, Films, Musicals, Pokemon, Youtube videos, Emo Music, The Sims, Sherlock and many other things

I was not a popular kid who went to clubs or pubs but I wasn’t always a complete loner either

I was in between, sometimes I want to be energetic and loud and other times I’m chill and I barely make a sound

Despite being at times a total clown

I never really thought of myself as a class clown, half the time even if I was happy I’d just have a neutral frown

Right, ok  I know I’m a poet, but I need to cut the rhyming, I’m not Bob Dylan or Pete Doherty

I do love performing, but I only do that part-time, I used to do a course for it but not anymore

Although there are the odd few good memories and the friends I have from there whom I adore

There were some fun times, we’d do improv games, we’d reference memes, it was a blast

This was around the time I was getting more into British Comedy, watching shows like Peep Show, The Young Ones and the Two Ronnies.

While It took time for me to break free from my shy shell, I did enjoy spending time with my fellow performers and getting to know them well

Sometimes my jokes worked other times they didn’t….but there was one time

Now,  I’m usually not one for double entendres even if I at times have the habit of making them unintentionally

Me and one of my mates were joking around, as usual, he was making a joke about being a knob, so I said……….”Bet you like it hard then”

Then there was just complete silence….I thought I had done something wrong, I hadn’t it’s just usually with his jokes he would always know how to respond but with this one there was no response just…… Radio static

Wow, …...but I’m not the only one, one time when my mum was talking about McDonald's

Guess what she said instead….Dicky Me’s

Ok!,  

You Know sometimes it’s like

I'm a mouse

I'm short

I have small hands

And I like cheese

Speaking of famous cheeses, did you know that John Cleese’s dad, Reginald, his surname was originally cheese but he changed it because it was too embarrassing

And we all know to air out your dirty laundry is quite embarrassing too

This bad joke is sticking out, like a dead parrot

You, know when you think about it there’s a lot of famous Johns aren’t there?

With all the showbiz icons

Whether they be legends or morons

All have the name, John

There’s Lil Jon

John Lennon,

Lydon, Legend

John Deacon

Green, Cena,

Travolta, McCain,

Mulaney

the Dead Kennedys

Majors, Candy

Goodman,

Wayne, Williams

Take Me Home Country Roads~

Rhys Meyers playing copycat bowie

And Jonathan Van Ness

Don’t you forget it, Henny

(stops singing)

(attempts impersonation)

My Name is Michael Caine

And I like to complain

Now I've never really understood the point of using "snowflake" as an insult because doesn't each snowflake look different?

What about Film?

There’s Elton John’s biopic, live-action Aladdin and Pikachu being voiced by Deadpool

Interesting choices,

I recently watched a film called Velvet Goldmine

It’s a pseudo-David bowie biopic because they don’t use their real names

Instead of Bowie and Iggy Pop

It’s Brian Slade and Curt Wild

It’s a lovely tribute to the glam rock culture of the 70s

Even if Bowie attempted to sue the producers because of how accurate the main character was

It’s made me realise

That glam rock subculture needs a revival

We still have Goth, Punk, Alternative and Ska

But not rock and roll with lipstick on

Well that’s what John Lennon called it

I want to wear big coats, scarves and big boots and listen to 70s/80s music

and wear colourful wigs and paint my nails and reenact music videos and host parties

The era of Bryan Ferry and Marc Bolan isn’t as bright as it used to be

tw: child loss, tw: infertility tw: depression tw: feels...

(note: this monologue has some serious parts in between the joke/reference parts)

“Hey, comrades how are you?”

“Good, Bad a bit of both? understandable”

So a lot has happened, the Brits happened and Numberjacks and Moomins are the memes of the month ”

Now, I’m not that into “modern Pop music” so the Brits wouldn’t really be my thing, Jack Whitehall was hosting and I have to say…...his jokes were staler than breakfast toast

I like Jack’s work but boi he has his cringy moments and this was one of them, I,  I, can’t

But I’m not the one to talk about cringe, as I have had many cringy moments in my life, sometimes I’ve muddled up words saying things like “shut your noses” and sounding so overexcited I sound like a parrot

But that wasn’t all, as part of the photography class I go to me and my classmates had to go to hazel bank, it’s a nice seaside park sort of place, I’ve been there twice so far and I’ve enjoyed my times there,but the day before our first visit I was so tired that when I was trying to tell one of my mates about the visit, I couldn’t word my words right and I ended up saying……

“We’re going to the bank”

“Yup, Why I did that I have no clue, there would be no point to us visiting a bank anyway, there’s a big difference between the place you get money from and the place where you see a lot more dogs than you find places to take photos.”

“Seriously”

“Now a lot of things have changed since we last chatted, I’ve realised a lot of my material references old tv shows and films that some of my audience wouldn’t recognize,Derry Girls ended its 2nd season,I saw the stage version of Rocky Horror,I performed at a MicNight for one of my pals,Umbrella Academy premiered and I started watching Grace and Frankie which is like an American Abfab but with Jane Fonda

Hannah Montana was my childhood as it was for many others, we have Miley, the Jonas Brothers and Not Drake and Josh

now we just have to wait in the horizons for a

*Big Time Rush reunion*

Derry Girls was amazing, Congrats to Lisa McGee, Nicola Coughlan and all the people that bring the show to life

Even some of my American friends have tuned into it, from Dougal McGuire freaking out over the gang trying to flush hash filled scones down the toliet,the Take that episode and the masterpiece that was the formal episode with the Carrie tribute Rocky Horror was a mixed experience, the performances and crowd interactions were class, but I got wine spilt over me and I had to wait for ages for the train to take me and my mum home.

Now, MicNight that was something

It was for the birthday of one of my mates,Susi, I was just sitting around listening to indie bands and catching up with old pals for most of it,but another pal of mine was there, an online friend of mine who is now also an offline friend, my dear comrade Connor, he was such a nice bloke and then..my big break arrived I got to perform one of my poems, my Freddie mercury tribute and it got a round of applause,that was an iconic moment for me, although as I was finishing my reading I did have to remind them I wasn’t finished, it was like 12 pages long, what a good day, ...then times weren’t so good.

I was being a complete moron,I had to think about some things, days past and I’ve learned some things, I shouldn’t act like an expert on topics I barely know anything about...  

Now let me tell you just remember to be yourself, honestly, there’s nothing better you can be than your true self.

Now,...back to what I was talking about previously…

Oh yeah

Robert Sheehan

As a former emo kid, I loved My Chemical Romance, even though I had gotten into them after they had already spilt, Danger Days is better than welcome to the black parade and Gerard Way was and is one of my inspirations

Recently, one of his comics got turned into a Netflix series, Umbrella Academy and I know what your thinking

Robert Sheehan is amazing at playing Klaus...and your 100% right

There was also that Motley Crue movie and boi I have some tea about that

the term it's Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll is quite a gross term now

when you consider groupie culture, excess and all the other bad things some  "rock stars" did offstage

Bad things that would sometimes involve those of which who are underage

YES, LIKE JIMMY PAGE WE’RE TALKING ABOUT HIM, THE FILTHY NONCE

The Music industry is a dangerous and very problematic place

*inhale*/*exhale*

Ok let’s get back to some good news

Um Bad News are better than Motley Crue, and the cursed Black hole of the universe has finally been revealed to the world and Pluto has a new sibling 

but the space scientists think

 it needs a more suitable name than 225088 2007or10, 

welcome to the world, I learned that Boy George is part Irish and…

Now I’m on Easter break

A bit of advice

if someone is stressed out about an event and all the planning and transportation takes longer than usual 

Don't add another negative thing onto that because you'll make them explode

So I visited someone, a mate of mine, Susi again, I met her when I did the performing Arts course, amazing person but all of my mates are amazing anyway

This event was just a fun hang out day, with some of her mates who I hadn’t met before that day, they ended up being amazing too, I gave Susi the easter egg and we talked about lots of things, Motley Crue drama, the musical Jesus Christ Superstar….and a certain actor.

Oh, what was his name again?

Colin Crigson? No, “Mr Mayo?  Nah that can’t be it

“Mile?,Meal?, Maple?,....*clears throat*

Ah Ha! I know now you know the bloke I’m talking about

Rik Mayall,

Yes, him

Basically, I was giving them a history lesson on “the guy who played Drop Dead Fred” and why he was such a icon”

and it was great, I showed them pictures and we watched his appearances in the rocky horror sequel and I just loved telling them about him,

He was and is an icon for many reasons

He innovated British comedy, He was a very talented actor who worked in Film, Television, Music and Advertising, he was a proud feminist who was for Equal Pay, in the 80s he was in a public information film educating people about how to use condoms as part of the First Aids discussion programme.

he has inspired and performed for the following…Simon Pegg, Charlie Brooker, Mark Hamill, Jack Nicholson, Robin Williams, The writers of It's Always in Philidelphia, James Buckley, Noel Fielding and myself.

The day was a day to be remembered, and then what happened after that?

While I was posting my rik pics on twitter, I ended up posting a photo from Rik’s university days, the photo was of uni Rik with his mates, it was a black and white 1970s photo and he had on his big vampire esque gown with his semi-long blonde hair and a big smile

what did one of my internet mates say?

“You look just like him in this photo it’s weird”

*blinks*

“Why thank you, whether that’s a compliment or fact is up to you”

But honestly, that felt so good

To be compared to a icon like that is just such a nice thing to hear

*snorts a laugh*

I guess I’m the people's poet of the 21st century

I am going to live the best life that I can if you want to lead a full and complete life you have to be free. Freedom is paramount, your future is as bright as you make it...

It’s about the connection, not the destination, Spread Kindness

Some of those mantras are his and a few of those mantras are my own

“So folks, that whole Brexit rubbish is finally over isn’t it?”

“I know, some of us could see it coming and Teresa May looks like the spitting image

of the stepmother from Cinderella

how come nobody has noticed that yet?

we all have politicians we don’t like don’t we?

at times like this, I have to remind myself Teresa May is a very well liked woman

but then I remember back in the day Margaret Thatcher was also a very well liked woman

don’t you think she and Teresa may are quite similar?

well this is how she’d treat a political problem

*attempts impersonation*

“what’s that? ok men I did you to do this and then this and then this and this”

whereas Teresa may would handle the situation like…

*attempts impersonation*

what’s this? oh leave it for a few months

but the main thing is they both hate poor people so who cares what they think

I actually sort of understand why people like Jeremy Corbyn but I had written that previous gag back in late June of last year, speaking of outdated gags

Pirates were the communists and socialists of the 17th century

they wanted money, disagreed with colonialism and didn’t care what the government thought of them

like with communists they were accepting and inclusive but they wanted gold

the pirates accepted many on their ship they allowed homosexuality, they allowed women in strong roles  there were great times had on the high seas

even with the loot, they got they’d share it evenly what other power was involved with being inclusive with most things except money Oh Yeah! the communists

Yes, Yes we’ll handle it we’ll accept you but give us all your money

communism is a good concept but in the end, people get greedy for the money

like with pirates

we’ll accept you matey but give us some gold

however they didn’t agree about the government, they had their own independent pirate crews and disagreed with colonialism and capitalism

kind of like some of us, I think

we criticize politics, we like to party and we accept most people except colonialists …and capitalists...

Oh well, at least there’s been good music with Marina and the diamonds, Ariana Grande and the 1975

We, humans, love music

which makes me think about bands related to Homosapians

in the 60s we had the Monkees good band good name

and now we have Arctic Monkeys, Gorillaz, Rang a Tang and Apes

what about the lesser known homosapian types

Chimpanzees and Baboons

if music existed in Planet of the Apes

the Kate Bush hit Babooshka would be about a

monkey looking for love after getting his heart broken seeing his wife cheat on him with an older mandrill

only to fall in love again with who he’d call his baboonska

Animals are interesting creatures whether they are made of glass, made of 1960s haircuts or made of the first songs of a math rock band

Another good thing about music and animals is that Roger Taylor is going to help us save the bees

Thinking bee! Thinking queen! thinking bee! Thinking queen!

Speaking of which there’s been a whole glam rock/synthpop revival going on

And I love that

although as a kid I watched media from all sorts of different decades

While they watched Jersey Shore and Love Island I was watching Disney and CBBC sitcoms mixed with Japanese cartoons and shows from years before like Jem and the holograms, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the original my little pony series.

I would also watch funnybones, the original noody series from a VHS I “borrowed” from my neighbours, as well as the Muppet show and some classic cinema.

I think it’s amazing that this revival is happening it’s like the 60s,70s,80s,90s and early 2000s are all going on at the same time.

Revolutionary anarchic protests, Androgynous rockers, Neon colours, post-punk indie shows, peculiar fashion trends and reality shows as well as the cybernetic future beyond

But I’m also cold and angry about how this is happening because on the other hand, there are things carried over from previous decades that shouldn’t still be around...fascists in positions of power, nonces in the entertainment industry, Threat of a nuclear war, low economy, Jamie Oliver, Piers Morgan, Death, Pollution,Misogyny,Misandry,Sexism,Racism and White Supremacy

I could list more, but I can’t think at the moment I’m focusing on my work while morons on Twitter and Tumblr are yabbering on about vegan sausage rolls.

I’ve never tried Greggs before but I’m sure the vegans and vegetarians are happy that a mainstream chain like Greggs has made a product catered specifically for them, whereas before if you asked for a “vegan option” at a restaurant the waiter would scratch their neck.

However not all restaurants are like this,having to work overtime dealing with angry parents,screaming children and the odd nazi at Mcdonalds is not an easy task,yet so many waiters and workers across the world are able to somehow keep those businesses afloat,you guys, girls and comrades don’t get enough credit,you should be paid more,no wonder so many mainstream restaurants are having strikes or running out of food and people are either going to more independently funded places or ordering online to get their daily dose of fast fried convenience.

and while I would be interested in trying a vegetarian diet,It would be hard for me to give up eating chicken that quickly but I don’t really eat meat that often,and before you say anything as long as cannibals don’t use their choice of food in a dangerous way they’re ok with me, it’s no different to when our prehistoric ancestors had to hunt to find food in order to survive,some people still have to do that,it’s sad...it really is,while Christianity isn’t something I believe in anymore, it did say in the bible that Jesus shared his bread and food with his people,and I think some of us should start doing that,and if you already do whether it’s a snack you have or leaving out leftover food from your side takeaway business, that’s brilliant your making more people happy and your allowing more people to enjoy food and to have access to that basic human necessity that we all should be able to have to access to.

Sharing is another primary school lesson it feels like half of humanity has forgotten about outside of basic decency and kindness, but I’m probably not the one to talk about that since I was called “Rude” for most of my life.

there’s a big difference between telling someone they’re a plonker and making someone more aware of how they can improve themselves as a person.

Most of us all have flaws, most of us have had toxic moments,

we’ve all at times had moments where we’ve said something wrong that we didn’t mean,

or times where our cowardliness has accidentally caused misunderstandings and drama

or times where we didn’t intend to sound hurtful but that’s how it came across, or times where we’ve blindly followed toxic people, imitating their actions without meaning to or just generally times where we’ve been ignorant little eijjits.

Even people some would say were flawless had flaws or problematic aspects about them

David Bowie wasn’t too nice to his wife Angie in later years, Graham Lineman and Robert Webb are transphobic, Rowan Atkinson supports Boris Johnson’s “so-called” jokes and Ricky Gervais doesn’t like hearing people with different opinions than him.

Overthinking however can exaggerate this, overthinking can take that one time you were a bit rude as a child and that problematic “fandom” phase you had as a preteen and make you feel like your worst person in the world.

Your not, but most of us have had moments,there’s also the “not like other girls/boys phase” sometimes it’s just a light-hearted comparison drawing or blog post taken out of context other times it’s the grown-up equivalent of saying “I like this thing over your other thing that means I’m better than you”

Considering my at times cold thoughts it’s weird that I’m the person of all people telling you this

It’s perfectly ok to be prideful and narcissistic just don’t be so arrogant that you forget about your morals and the people that you're close to, but if at times because of mental health you question your levels of empathy, sympathy and compassion that’s ok too, your voices deserve to be heard, and there is help available you can find it through helplines, organizations or even your own comrades.

Outside of all the twits in this horrid fishbowl of a world, there are also millions of very kind nice people, I don’t know where I’d be now without my comrades

The offline pals who are like my sunshine because they brighten up my day,the old secondary school friends that made me feel less alone,the online people who I can vent to, converse with and joke with,the bloggers from years ago that I still sometimes keep in touch with and the creators who through their work in Media, Theatre and the Arts were able to encourage me to keep going, keep working, keep creating.

I think your all lovely and beautiful and creative human beings, no matter what identity you are, what music genre you listen to or what topping you prefer on your pizza

I will most likely adore you and if I haven’t it’s probably because I haven’t met you yet

You are one biscuit of cells, on this fishbowl planet, your mind is a land of wonder and your body is the garden surrounding it, take care of yourself like how you take care of your garden, your pets or the fictional characters you write about.

Your future might not be the future you expect, but it’s one you’ll enjoy.

if you are doing something you love which harms nobody, be as happy and passionate about it as you like

you are a person who deserves the world

Don’t push yourself too hard, if you know you’re doing a good job keep at it, don’t stress yourself too hard, but remember not to procrastinate, your mental health is important, some people might not understand all of the issues you’re going through, but you can make it out alive.

You're, not a number or statistic you're a person, your a beautiful, Kind, incredible, wise person

spread some love and don’t forget what the late Freddie Mercury said,

“Hands up if you just love combining strange foods together and gauging down on them while watching netflix on a late night?”

Oh yes you over there what do you like to conjure up?  

Gravy and rice,Nandos mayo on pasta or...or  lightly salted Doritos dipped into a  KFC Oreo Krushem

KFC,Kentucky Fried Chicken or Kentucky I can’t say the word but this is what baby me would’ve called it Chicken  one of the biggest fast food chains in the world or mainly in the UK while America has so many fast food places we only have a couple of their places while the rest are mainly local

They have tacos,soups and stacked burgers over here we only have the odd few places and then the chippy down the street

Speaking of chips, who here has tried their new chunky chips yet?

Ok,quite a few of you enjoy your potatoes being chunky and the rest of you like chips how you like your make up covered in plastic and full of chemicals.

Personally despite not minding the new chunky chips I’d go with liking both of them  but I’ve seen mixed reviews

Some prefer the chunk others don’t, while some of their chips weren’t bad I get the same feeling from eating them that I get from our everyday weather

“It’s very dull isn’t it? like my eyes when I lose sleep”

Sometimes you just want to get the blanket out and have some britcom and chill

Which I know probably isn’t going to catch on since most of you prefer watching american teen dramas about comic book characters where the same person who plays Salem the cat

is the same guy who was in that old disney or nick tv show from your childhood

Either that or your someone more into looking at images of Freddie Mercury and Roger Taylor’s actors from the Bohemian Rhapsody film

then again me neither, and I mean the Roger Taylor from Queen not the Roger Taylor from Duran Duran although they’re both cuties

John Deacon and Brian May’s actors too

When I watch films I try to teleport myself into the film’s universe as much as I can

I got a bit of a surprise when heard a northern irish actor playing one of Freddie’s lovers Paul Frenter

On hand Yay! More representation!, more film opportunities, on the other hand he plays the villian!

When I went to see the film I expected some things but then again outside of their music I didn’t know much about the personal lives of Queen,

In one of the scenes with Paul Frenter I was like is this a film about classic rock legends or does it want me to break free?

So my/this country has been featured quite a few times recently in films hasn’t it

Derry Girls,Coming Home,Game of Thrones,Star Wars etc.

While I’m listing these I think your noticing something in the intonation and tone of my voice

It’s that despite being Northern Irish my voice doesn’t sound like I come from there

I come from the land of punk music,Nirvana and chip shops but because I looked up to Hannah Montana,Lady Gaga and P!nk for most of my life so as I got older I ended up sounding like a alternative instagram model before instagram even existed.

That and with the  stuff I was interested in I could go from being into Music,Games and books to being interested in the cultures of different countries

I used to love typical american based things,then japanese things during my weeaboo phase although I will admit that phase might still be going on,German things,Scandinavian things etc.etc.

In the year Instagram was invented 2010,I was on holiday on florida and because my yank voice of stars and stripes was developing the people in florida didn’t know I was from a different country that’s how confusing my voice was,

I mean I know now. some people here are like me and don’t have the accent but even before that as a child my voice was so high if someone went up to me or had a conversation with me it would be like talking to a balloon.

You’ll float too!   (evil voice)   (mickey mouse voice) Hiya Fellas it’s me Mickey Mouse

But if we are talking about representation and how we identify with certain people or characters

I’d say I’m not really much of a liam neeson type of irish person I’m more of a Ed Byrne irish person

I like potatoes,punk music and pirates how about ye

So speaking of certain generations liking certain other alternative things

A lot of people have started  liking blur recently

Then again who likes the gallaghers anyway?

So the people liking Blur are like what I used to be like about One Direction

Pulp are pretty good too I like me some of Jarvis Cocker

Jarvis Cocker in his younger days actually looked a  lot like Ed Byrne other times he looks like Tim Burton

There is one thing I disagree with Jarvis Cocker on though and it’s his short tea about michael jackson

Basically during the 1996 brit awards he showed his bum to the public in protest of the cringy performance michael jackson was doing

Oh,great now that makes it sound even more wrong

Jarvis was defintely off his cocker but he wasn’t mooning the moonwalker...ok he was

He  interviewed a furby on the radio moving on

So, Michael Jackson one of the rock legends alongside bowie and mercury

You either like him,adore him,not really care about him or dislike him based on the rumours and scandals created about him by certain people and publications

I love him,he was peculiar sometimes but I was fascinated by that by his neverland,

by his talent and by how he was able to reach into the hearts of millions

So many opportunities for comics and actors to make creative jokes or puns

but nope let’s joke about the one thing some people mainly associate him with outside of his music which he was tormented for the rest of his life.

Oh almost forgot my blanket,at least I’m not dangling it over a window balcony

(deadpan stare)

Cringing can at times feel like a sting from a bee

Speaking of bees we apparently won’t have them for much longer

Bees are now next to pandas and Tigers in the endangered animals of the USA

Have we learned nothing from the bad history of colonization!

Well in the words of Suggs  let’s bless the bees

Besides It’s the wasps you should be killing not the bloody bees

  you can remove the cause but not the symptom

It’s a bit of a mind flip as the future continues we are heading into a  time slip

Let’s do the Time Warp again!

I’ve recently been listening to the soundtrack of Rocky Horror Picture Show

But not just that the sequel too

Some of you know what I’m talking about and the rest are probably surprised that a rocky horror sequel even exists

It’s called Shock Treatment it came out in 1981 and it was less successful

It’s more focused on Brad and Janet as they live in a fictional town called Denton

Where everything is televised as the town is located inside a tv studio,

Not too different from 2019  seeing as we are all looking at screens that show manufactured faces,

The storyline is about how reality tv affects the public and mental health

Considering reality tv hasn’t changed much since then I’d say that film was quite accurate in it’s satire

Do I need to bring up roxanne from Celebrity Big Brother?  

Brad is not feeling good after the events of the first film so he and Janet have been having marriage problems.

They go on a game show hosted by tosser in a purple wig...I mean Barry Humphries as they sing about how they relate to refrigerators and toasters

Such a mood

Brad is then sent to the set of a fictional soap opera Dentonvale which takes place in a mental hospital

Where the character actors are played by some of the same actors from the original such as Patricia Quinn,Richard O'Brien and Nell Young

The songs are actually quite good

Especially the title song,little black dress,farley’s song,Breaking Out  and Me of Me

For those of you curious to see that film watch it

If you like rocky and if your ok with  rocky going from the sci-fi horror genre to the musical comedy genre

When you see that Time Warp sequence in Rocky Horror it’s like a circus just a group of talented people being their kooky,incredible fun vibrant selves

It’s art house,it’s shock humour,it’s surreal but it’s fun and it’s out of this world

Like Belfast sometimes a few weeks back I was there and the streets were full of performers

There were musicians,actors,comedians,stunt artists and even a very tall person on stilts

It’s things like these that make me realise how creative this country is

A lot of good talent is overshadowed from our lack of representation in media to being ignored in projects

Northern Ireland is a cool place

Kurt Cobain,Stiff Little Fingers,Van Morrison,Two Door Cinema Club,Patricia Quinn,Mark Ashton,Terri Hooley, Jimmy McShane and all you performers,singers,actors,dancers,designers,Producers,Directors,Artists and Creators

are all from here

I’m just a sweet transvestite from Hibernia--i ha ha

We're going to do it anyhow, anyhow

We're going to do it anyhow, anyhow

We're going to do it

No matter how the wind is blowing

We're going to do it anyhow, anyhow

We're going to do it anyhow, anyhow

We're going to do it

We just gotta keep going

The sun never sets for those who ride on it

“Do any of you remember Rugrats?”

“The 90s cartoon about talking babies that went on adventures”

“Yeah well you know Angelica the whiny,spoiled character?”

“I actually kind of liked her maybe it’s because I related to her when I was little or maybe it’s because I liked how cool she was she was able to tell the babies about stuff they didn’t know about, playing a part in their imagination.”

Anyways speaking of children,they’re alright and they are usually one of the following

“Mummy Daddy why do they get to pick a sweet not me what did I do?”

“Waaaa I want that I want that”

“Hi there, do you want to play?

“Your good at art,I couldn’t draw like that”

“Thank you young soul you are too pure for this world”

Me on the other hand,was a whinging cowardly little sod

Now I’m not a child anymore but I am still mistaken as one

Yeah,that happens

17/18 years old,old enough to vote,old enough to drive,old enough to move house & old enough to realise my phases of being a tory “skeptic” were pointless

Yet sometimes people still think I’m someone who likes ice-cream,toys and video games

Well I mean I do like those things I’m sure some of you like those things too

We are children at heart but physically and mentally we evolve and learn with time

I’ll be an young adult,and I love it I might not have a place of my own yet but I love being able to learn new things and see new places I couldn’t see when I was a kid.

Then again my teenhood wasn’t that good either because I had a developmental condition that made me different than others mentally,my interests were very intense and I got panic feelings when around crowds or in difficult situations

My primary school classmates liked JLS,Partying and other things that I didn’t like or couldn’t do

While now I’m warming up to certain things I’m still happy I didn’t like JLS.

I on the other hand, liked the sims 3,dolls,the 1980s,old cartoons and films.

So...a game where you become God,plastic models,the age of neon graphic design, and innovative video games and...yeah that hasn’t changed has it?

Well I don’t play the sims anymore,my laptop has no cd rom drive,I used up the data on my old one, from downloads I’d buy from the exchange store

Sims also was one of the few things that got me into my “emo” phase

I’d be looking at sims videos on youtube they’d usually be very sad and in the background there’d be evanescence,my chemical romance or avril lavigne

I’d be sitting at the back of the living room at a gathering and I’d be listening to Sims 2 sad story part 1 because it had good music. I later learned the names and that I was a bit of a goth,a emo,a metalhead because I liked gothic and j-metal any of that.

Dolls…..

now this was embarrassing I’m sure we all have those songs where as soon as you hear them you feel a film reel of negative memories return. For me that was

Barbie Girl by Aqua, weird because aqua are a good band,but that song oh that song it was so annoying

Picture this

Someone in their final primary school years, who still collects dolls,

Now!  Would you ignore that or would you use that outdated song as a way to mock them because they were still enjoying a thing, meant for children.

I received the latter,because of that when I’d hear people sing that song simply just because they liked it I’d get confused and offended a similar thing happened with my little pony

I used to sing and perform for people in the playgrounds other times I’d keep to myself

I loved my little pony before the new wave I loved rewatching episodes of the old 80s mlp series of goblins,witches and giants...oops that was a different show I was describing there

And one of the songs I’d perform was the original theme song

My Little Pony~ My Little Pony~

What will today’s adventure be?

My Little Pony…My Little Pony

Will there be exciting sights to see?

Nope to some of my primary school audience the lyrics were

“My little pony skinny and boney”

*sarcastic deadpan laugh*

Ha ha ha,  

Then again I wasn’t much better

I used to make youtube videos with those “dolls”

They weren’t very good

They had bad editing and barely any plot beyond badly structured fourth wall jokes

Yet I wanted the whole internet to know about them even if they weren’t interested

I was a easy target and while I did get tired of that,change interests and go into a different fandom direction

Some things were still the same

I was still cowardly,weak and timid and that was a problem

I was always following others,I didn’t make my decisions often,because of the condition and my own loneliness I couldn’t do things other teenagers could.

I never had a sleepover,I never had a crush that wasn’t one-sided and I didn’t have much independence

Even when I did have “friends” those friends I would later learn were not nice making me believe I had wasted years that I couldn’t get back.

On...the topic of regrets, dance  something I sometimes enjoy but when I studied performing Arts it was what I dreaded…

Note I’m ok with  anyone who does like to dance,party or do any of those things

I would just try to take part like everyone else but many times I was put aside or embarrassed in front of the others because of either me having a meltdown or because “my timing was off”

Yes,he did teach me some cool moves and I am more supple now but that was the content and even if I was crap I knew it and tried to practice

Everyday I’d practice each technical exercise and routine but it was still not good enough.in fact it was because of that and other reasons that I couldn’t do that course anymore

All because of,of….Craig Revel Hor not him but he was like him.

Because of that I had to take saturday dance classes...those weren’t fun

The most fun I had was from the songs we danced to and the few positive examples of small talk I attempted with the people there.

Otherwise it was not good...me and little kids specifically loud hyper kids don’t always go well when in the same place..again my timing was off it wasn’t told but I could tell

One of the moments I hated the most was the headshot day

Now we were supposed to just be getting photos taken but the photographer noticed I was shorter than she thought.I laughed it off because I know I’m short but then what did she say in response…

“Your a wee bit vertically challenged”

EXCUSE ME

Now,I may be short but in a class of kids and teens of different ages and heights I was far from the shortest person there.

When I was a teenager I wasn’t a proper teenager the only things that made me a teenager was my age,my angsty attitude and the drama I got into involving political meme posters and anime roleplayers.

The less I say about that the better

So while all the “adults” were telling me to beware of the adult years because of

Oooh responsibilities...ooooh independence ooooh….education

Honestly  it’s ok for me so far I’m a fairly organized person so studying is good,I did a assistant stage managing gig for a west side story production which was class by the way and I think i’ll feel a lot happier as a adult.

I have not much to mock about today my political jabs are sometimes good other times they’re like a bad Ben Elton joke on Saturday Live.

“Ha teresa may is like the wicked queen from snow white when she’s in disguise”

yeah? …..and  You look like you could front the band Wings mate

(pause)

Speaking of a bad Ben Elton joke

“Oh I never really understood the whole “comedy” business I always prefered being a bit of a writer and I think now with Bohemian Rhapsody being out that those critics will think

We Will Rock You wasn’t that bad.”

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a show that layered it’s satire of the mainstream establishment under a sitcom narrative about alternative young adult characters where the comedy was good

for once

Once in every life time

Comes a moment like this

Oh I need you, you need me,

Oh my darling can't you see.

Young Ones.

Darling we're The Young Ones.

The Young Ones.

That show,oh I only watched last year but I have so many words

The jokes,the satire,the characters,the setting,the fact it still holds up

I found that show at the right time

It was august 2017

I had finished my GCSE’s,I had left a manipulative friendship and I felt horrible

When I’d go to the cinema people were making noise and I would remember the panic more than the film itself *coughs* Spiderman homecoming

I felt like I didn’t know how to laugh anymore

Summertime sadness

When edgy me came across ben elton’s ronnie barker memorial lecture

Being a fan of Porridge and Open All hours I listened and after hearing about a certain sitcom  I started watching...The Young Ones...and it was out of this world

I roared with laughter with each episode,I related to the characters and I felt a connection of some sort

Researching more about the “alternative comedy” genre and I saw a familiar name

I learned I had seen some of his work before,he was the andrex puppy,he was in that king Arthur cartoon and he was in that drop dead fred movie I didn’t watch just because internet critics said it was one of the biggest cinematic flops ever….

Yet I never knew his name until then and I’m still not over that

I looked up his other work,where he was richie,richie rich,lord flashheart and a b’stard of a conservative

(which I would later try to do an impression of, on my final girls brigade show.)

So many thoughts,so many emotions he changed my life

Many things and people have. He is one of them  

his work was incredible and iconic  and his mantras are very inspirational and useful. He made me realise a lot of things about life,my love of his work also resulted in me meeting most of the friends I have now.

It’s 2019 and I’m now the anarchist I always wanted to be,I’m out of my shell, a bat out of hell,I followed others for too long but I’m my own person now that’s who I will always be

Now say it with me   Young Ones..

You shouldn't be afraid.

To live, love, there's a song to be sung.

Cause we may not

Be The Young Ones

very long.

Oh,Doctor Rik.Mayall we miss you,you bastard

The world wasn’t as much of a crap place when you were there to cheer us up

But your still here spiritually in her hearts

As you said yourself we still have your shows  and poems

Now!  all you punks,skins,rastas,emos,hipsters,creators,viewers,performers,entertainers,observers and fellow peoples poets

let’s gather round and hold our hands in sorrow for our fallen leader

"Spring"

I remember when I first asked you what we were. If we were dating. You were so nervous then. You said you wanted to be, if I did too. The next day we were so giddy, unable to believe each of us finally had a partner. That the partner we had was each other. That our story seemed so perfect– meeting just by chance, although I’m sure we would have met later on anyway, and developing a beautiful friendship over the years before it bloomed into a romance. Those late summer nights we spent staying up, just talking to each other, not knowing that soon, between the turning of the leaves and the lengthening of the nights, we’d be holding hands in the dark. All those times I thought of you and wondered if it really was love I was feeling. I had never felt that for anyone before, it was new to both of us I think.