4th Comedy Monologue
“Hands up if you just love combining strange foods together and gauging down on them while watching netflix on a late night?”
Oh yes you over there what do you like to conjure up?
Gravy and rice,Nandos mayo on pasta or...or lightly salted Doritos dipped into a KFC Oreo Krushem
KFC,Kentucky Fried Chicken or Kentucky I can’t say the word but this is what baby me would’ve called it Chicken one of the biggest fast food chains in the world or mainly in the UK while America has so many fast food places we only have a couple of their places while the rest are mainly local
They have tacos,soups and stacked burgers over here we only have the odd few places and then the chippy down the street
Speaking of chips, who here has tried their new chunky chips yet?
Ok,quite a few of you enjoy your potatoes being chunky and the rest of you like chips how you like your make up covered in plastic and full of chemicals.
Personally despite not minding the new chunky chips I’d go with liking both of them but I’ve seen mixed reviews
Some prefer the chunk others don’t, while some of their chips weren’t bad I get the same feeling from eating them that I get from our everyday weather
“It’s very dull isn’t it? like my eyes when I lose sleep”
Sometimes you just want to get the blanket out and have some britcom and chill
Which I know probably isn’t going to catch on since most of you prefer watching american teen dramas about comic book characters where the same person who plays Salem the cat
is the same guy who was in that old disney or nick tv show from your childhood
Either that or your someone more into looking at images of Freddie Mercury and Roger Taylor’s actors from the Bohemian Rhapsody film
then again me neither, and I mean the Roger Taylor from Queen not the Roger Taylor from Duran Duran although they’re both cuties
John Deacon and Brian May’s actors too
When I watch films I try to teleport myself into the film’s universe as much as I can
I got a bit of a surprise when heard a northern irish actor playing one of Freddie’s lovers Paul Frenter
On hand Yay! More representation!, more film opportunities, on the other hand he plays the villian!
When I went to see the film I expected some things but then again outside of their music I didn’t know much about the personal lives of Queen,
In one of the scenes with Paul Frenter I was like is this a film about classic rock legends or does it want me to break free?
So my/this country has been featured quite a few times recently in films hasn’t it
Derry Girls,Coming Home,Game of Thrones,Star Wars etc.
While I’m listing these I think your noticing something in the intonation and tone of my voice
It’s that despite being Northern Irish my voice doesn’t sound like I come from there
I come from the land of punk music,Nirvana and chip shops but because I looked up to Hannah Montana,Lady Gaga and P!nk for most of my life so as I got older I ended up sounding like a alternative instagram model before instagram even existed.
That and with the stuff I was interested in I could go from being into Music,Games and books to being interested in the cultures of different countries
I used to love typical american based things,then japanese things during my weeaboo phase although I will admit that phase might still be going on,German things,Scandinavian things etc.etc.
In the year Instagram was invented 2010,I was on holiday on florida and because my yank voice of stars and stripes was developing the people in florida didn’t know I was from a different country that’s how confusing my voice was,
I mean I know now. some people here are like me and don’t have the accent but even before that as a child my voice was so high if someone went up to me or had a conversation with me it would be like talking to a balloon.
You’ll float too! (evil voice) (mickey mouse voice) Hiya Fellas it’s me Mickey Mouse
But if we are talking about representation and how we identify with certain people or characters
I’d say I’m not really much of a liam neeson type of irish person I’m more of a Ed Byrne irish person
I like potatoes,punk music and pirates how about ye
So speaking of certain generations liking certain other alternative things
A lot of people have started liking blur recently
Then again who likes the gallaghers anyway?
So the people liking Blur are like what I used to be like about One Direction
Pulp are pretty good too I like me some of Jarvis Cocker
Jarvis Cocker in his younger days actually looked a lot like Ed Byrne other times he looks like Tim Burton
There is one thing I disagree with Jarvis Cocker on though and it’s his short tea about michael jackson
Basically during the 1996 brit awards he showed his bum to the public in protest of the cringy performance michael jackson was doing
Oh,great now that makes it sound even more wrong
Jarvis was defintely off his cocker but he wasn’t mooning the moonwalker...ok he was
He interviewed a furby on the radio moving on
So, Michael Jackson one of the rock legends alongside bowie and mercury
You either like him,adore him,not really care about him or dislike him based on the rumours and scandals created about him by certain people and publications
I love him,he was peculiar sometimes but I was fascinated by that by his neverland,
by his talent and by how he was able to reach into the hearts of millions
So many opportunities for comics and actors to make creative jokes or puns
but nope let’s joke about the one thing some people mainly associate him with outside of his music which he was tormented for the rest of his life.
Oh almost forgot my blanket,at least I’m not dangling it over a window balcony
(deadpan stare)
Cringing can at times feel like a sting from a bee
Speaking of bees we apparently won’t have them for much longer
Bees are now next to pandas and Tigers in the endangered animals of the USA
Have we learned nothing from the bad history of colonization!
Well in the words of Suggs let’s bless the bees
Besides It’s the wasps you should be killing not the bloody bees
you can remove the cause but not the symptom
It’s a bit of a mind flip as the future continues we are heading into a time slip
Let’s do the Time Warp again!
I’ve recently been listening to the soundtrack of Rocky Horror Picture Show
But not just that the sequel too
Some of you know what I’m talking about and the rest are probably surprised that a rocky horror sequel even exists
It’s called Shock Treatment it came out in 1981 and it was less successful
It’s more focused on Brad and Janet as they live in a fictional town called Denton
Where everything is televised as the town is located inside a tv studio,
Not too different from 2019 seeing as we are all looking at screens that show manufactured faces,
The storyline is about how reality tv affects the public and mental health
Considering reality tv hasn’t changed much since then I’d say that film was quite accurate in it’s satire
Do I need to bring up roxanne from Celebrity Big Brother?
Brad is not feeling good after the events of the first film so he and Janet have been having marriage problems.
They go on a game show hosted by tosser in a purple wig...I mean Barry Humphries as they sing about how they relate to refrigerators and toasters
Such a mood
Brad is then sent to the set of a fictional soap opera Dentonvale which takes place in a mental hospital
Where the character actors are played by some of the same actors from the original such as Patricia Quinn,Richard O'Brien and Nell Young
The songs are actually quite good
Especially the title song,little black dress,farley’s song,Breaking Out and Me of Me
For those of you curious to see that film watch it
If you like rocky and if your ok with rocky going from the sci-fi horror genre to the musical comedy genre
When you see that Time Warp sequence in Rocky Horror it’s like a circus just a group of talented people being their kooky,incredible fun vibrant selves
It’s art house,it’s shock humour,it’s surreal but it’s fun and it’s out of this world
Like Belfast sometimes a few weeks back I was there and the streets were full of performers
There were musicians,actors,comedians,stunt artists and even a very tall person on stilts
It’s things like these that make me realise how creative this country is
A lot of good talent is overshadowed from our lack of representation in media to being ignored in projects
Northern Ireland is a cool place
Kurt Cobain,Stiff Little Fingers,Van Morrison,Two Door Cinema Club,Patricia Quinn,Mark Ashton,Terri Hooley, Jimmy McShane and all you performers,singers,actors,dancers,designers,Producers,Directors,Artists and Creators
are all from here
I’m just a sweet transvestite from Hibernia--i ha ha
We're going to do it anyhow, anyhow
We're going to do it anyhow, anyhow
We're going to do it
No matter how the wind is blowing
We're going to do it anyhow, anyhow
We're going to do it anyhow, anyhow
We're going to do it
We just gotta keep going
The sun never sets for those who ride on it
Goodnight!
