#openmemo

An Open Memo to Myself:

I cried again today, but today I got back up faster than usual. I hope to get back up fast like this again.

I lost my fighting spirit when society beat me into the way I am now during my childhood and adolescent years, years where I wasn’t a fixed form yet, still a sponge and a blank piece of paper with not much of a fixed mind yet. Years where I was still quite oblivious to how society and the world truly worked.

I saw many things, more bad than good that shaped the way I saw the world as a child. I feel that I have no idea who I really am anymore.

Perhaps, no one is to be blamed. Society was oblivious, I was too young, everyone thought that everything was fine, fine on the outside.

My teacher said that its through these kinds of experiences where we learn. I agree with that too, but I think that it should come at the right time, when children are older and can comprehend the series of events. I felt lost, I probably still do somehow.

You cannot unsee something in your life, all you can do is accept whatever you have been given, understand it, and carry on with life. You cannot unfeel something that has hurt you, it will always be there and people, well, not everyone will understand why this wound hurts, and the degree of pain, because we all have different tolerance levels too. People have to understand and respect that each of us has a right to say that we are in pain regardless of our backgrounds and so-called society “statuses”. It is not nice, it is very rude, to tell someone that your problems are nothing or that their problems are nothing compared to others. No one will tell you that they are in pain for fun.

However, with this new knowledge gained from the thing called experience, you grow wiser sometimes and you learn of many things you thought didn’t exist in this world, and you learn how to handle things better sometimes. You learn to handle life more maturely sometimes too.

Getting back up isn’t easy, I would be telling a lie if I said it was easy. But it is possible. Very Possible to get back up again. And that’s probably the beauty of life.

Just like a baby learning to walk, just like a child learning the alphabets, maths, science subjects, there is much we can learn from a child, like the way their eyes look at people and the world with wonder and awe, where did we misplace these beautiful set of eyes when we grew up? Why did we leave them behind and grew so judgmental instead?

I want to get up the same way I got up when I fell and scarred myself when I was running. I want to get up the same way I got up when I fell off my bike and got laughed at by the boys who cycled past me. This time I would’t care about the scars or what people say because this time it wouldn’t matter to me. So what if they laughed or say anything? So what if the scars remain? I am strong, and I will get stronger, with each scar I gain and each failure I go through. These scars will eventually make me, me.

I am going to end this memo with a quote I saw on someone’s instastory which I fully agree with. This one is for all you rebels of society, the ones who dislike the invisible cages being placed on us and the ridiculous beliefs and dividers which we were taught to follow. To the ones who held onto their gifts and dreams, their childlike wonder, I dedicate this open memo to you.

“You are born and then you die, but in between you can do anything you want. It’s society that creates rules for us, but you can break out of that.”

Stay safe Peeps and practice self care as much as possible.

Love,