thanks for the prompt anon! I hope you don't mind, I added a heaping portion of angst to go with this!
fandom: star wars rebels
relationship: kanan jarrus/hera syndulla
word count: 1.2k
rating: t
~
“No.” Kanan said, folding his arms over his chest, his chin jutting out defiantly. Hera felt her chest tighten with irritation but bit down on the inside of her cheek to stop herself from responding with something she might regret. She didn’t have to be a Jedi to know how angry Kanan was, she could practically feel it roll off of him in hot, sticky waves that make her skin itch and the tips of her lekku curl inwards.
The rest of her crew scattered around the lounge seemed unaware of his building fury so she used their blissful ignorance to center herself. There was no need for her to throw her own emotions into the mix when Kanan was like this. Hera breathed deeply through her nose and set her shoulders.
Kanan may have made up his mind but Hera wasn’t the type to give up so easily.
She could be stubborn too.
“Kanan,” she said in a calm, even tone, hoping that her gentle approach would soften the ice that had settled in his gaze. “He has to sleep somewhere.”
“Not here.”
“It’s not like you even use your cabin anyways.” Sabine pipped up unhelpfully from the acceleration couch. “We all know you sleep with Hera.”
Hera winced internally. Maybe having this discussion out in the open wasn’t the best idea she had.
“Or,” Ezra interjected. “I could take your cabin and he could bunk with Zeb.”
“If anybody is getting Kanan’s cabin, it’s gonna be me.” Zeb growled.
“No one is getting my cabin.” Kanan snapped. “That’s the point.”
“Kanan, please.” Hera sighed, some of her frustrations slipping out. “Be reasonable.”
“This is me being reasonable.” he hissed.
The atmosphere in the lounge shifted in an instant, reacting to the venom in Kanan’s voice. Wide eyes were locked on this towering form, the chilling air of confusion and disbelief filling the sudden silence. Hera stood, stunned by the harshness in his words before she snapped back to herself, anger heating her blood.
She latched onto his arm and pulled him from the room, dragging him down the short hallway to her cabin. She wasted no time pushing him inside when the doors began to part, following him in and slapping the locking mechanism, sealing them in. Kanan’s brows pulled together in a scowl, his jaw muscles working furiously as he stared her down.
“Unlock the door,” he said.
“No.” Hera responded, planting her hands on her hips. “Not until you stop acting like a kriffing asshole.”
“Hera, unlock the door.” Kanan repeated, his voice low and threatening. Hera’s lekku tightened at the warning but she pressed on. This had gone on long enough. She could understand that Kanan was upset but she needed him to see how ridiculous he was being. He was letting himself get all worked up over nothing and he needed to let it go.
“It’s just for a few nights until Ahsoka gets back.” she replied, digging her heels in.
“Then he can stay on the Liberator.”
“You know we can’t dock with the Liberator while it’s in orbit.”
“Then Sato can send a shuttle to pick him up.” Kanan snapped. “Or he can rent out a room in the spaceport, I don’t kriffing care but he’s not staying here. That’s final.”
“That’s final?” she arched a brow. “Last time I checked, this was my ship. I’m the one who gets to make the call on who stays and who goes. I don’t see the issue in letting him spend a few nights here.”
“Of course you don’t.” Kanan huffed. He turned on his heel and began pulling clothes out from the storage compartment, tossing them onto the bed with force.
“What is that supposed to mean? What are you doing?”
“I’m leaving.” Kanan replied flatly. The words hit Hera like a wall of ice, old fears racing to the surface of her mind, her heart racing in her chest.
“You’re what?” she whispered.
“If he’s staying here then I’m leaving. I’ll find somewhere else to bunk down until Ahsoka gets back. I’m not staying here.” he said, shoving clothes into a bag.
“You can’t be serious!” she cried. “Kanan, it’s just for a few nights! What is the big deal?”
“He’s a clone!” Kanan yelled, spinning around to face her with a wild look in his eyes. “That’s what the big deal is!”
Hera blinked. “But everything on Seelos, I thought…”
“What? You thought I’d suddenly be okay with clones just because they helped us out in a pinch?”
“No! I just thought that maybe…”
“I’m not like you, Hera.” Kanan continued on, his chest heaving. “The clones didn’t swoop in and save my planet. They murdered my master in front of me. They tried to kill me. So forgive me if I’m not so trusting of our new guest.”
Hera’s eyes slipped closed. Of course. She restrained the urge to smack her forehead. She should have known it would take more than one mission to rebuild Kanan’s trust in the clones. She should have known this was the reason behind his attitude. Hera bit the inside of her cheek again and mentally kicked herself.
It was different for her. When looked at Rex’s face she saw Howzer. She saw countless soldiers that had risked their lives to free her planet from the separatists control. When Kanan looked at Rex, he was haunted by the memory of the Purge, his friends turned against him, his family slaughtered. Of course he wouldn’t be comfortable with a clone living on the ship. She could hardly blame him.
Still, she couldn’t push past her guilt.
She should have known.
When she opened her eyes she saw Kanan, really saw him. Under his dark expression she could see the shadows clinging to the corners of his eyes, the fragile state of his shoulders, tensed and ready for a fight, seconds away from shattering. He was barely holding himself together. And she had, once again, allowed herself to get caught up in the excitement of growing the rebellion to notice. So blinded by her eagerness to fly that she didn’t account for the weather.
Hera’s hand dropped from her hips, falling limply by her sides. “I’m sorry, love.” she said, taking a slow step towards him. Kanan tensed but didn’t move away. She placed her hands on his shoulders, carefully working her fingers into the tense muscles before sliding one hand behind his neck. Gently she pulled him down, until his head was resting on her shoulder, his body trembling in her arms. “I’m sorry.”
Kanan shook, his breathing sharp and ragged as Hera swayed back and forth. She hummed a gentle lullaby while her fingers slowly undid the straps of his shoulder armor, letting the heavy material fall to the floor. When Kanan’s breathing slowed, Hera led them over to her bed, tossing his bag aside and laid down beside him.
“I just,” Kanan said in a broken whisper that made Hera’s heart ache. “I’m trying. I just need time.”
Hera kissed his forehead and pulled him in close as if she could protect him from the nightmares of the past. “I know love.” she told him. “I’m sorry I pushed so hard. I’ll have Zeb relay a message to Rex about finding a room at the spaceport.”
“‘M sorry.”
“Don’t apologize, love. It’s not your fault.” Hera squeezed her eyes close, fighting back a wave of tears. “You just need time.”
She felt Kanan shutter, his choked off whimper muffled by her chest.
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Hi! When can we expect the orders to arrive in Europe?
We'll be making a proper announcement in the new year (mods are out of town for the holidays) but everything is ready to go except for the enamel pins which are taking a little longer to arrive. Once we have everything, it'll ship from North America. From personal experience that takes around 4 weeks to reach Western Europe, so probably a little longer if you're more Central/Eastern.
We'll have more info after the current holiday period so just hold on a little longer! We won't ship without announcing it here and the zine bundles are very close to being finished.
Well it was difficult to choose, but could you give us a hint about: Reflections in a Broken Mirror?
Absolutely! This one I'm writing for the Star Wars Rebels Minibang (which means it's going to have ART) and here's an excerpt which should tell you a lot about what it's about...
ask me about my wips!
A figure had appeared. It took her brain a few moments to process it; a man, dressed in plain, nondescript robes, short hair neatly trimmed, clean shaven face casting about his surroundings as he took in his new location with bright, blue-green eyes.
Hera could only stare in shock. It was ridiculous to think that the desperate longing she had felt had caused this, but she was struggling to come to terms with how the man she had just been thinking about was suddenly standing in front of her. It couldn’t be anyone other than Kanan – that was his face with its strong jawline, framed with close-cropped hair just like the last time she’d seen him along with a clean-shaven chin and his eyes… the blue-green eyes she’d seen only once in the last two years. The last time.
Those eyes landed on her. She opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. How was he here? Was this even real?
"General?"
Her heart clenched. Why was his tone so formal?
He took an uncertain step towards her, his eyes darting down to her belly and back up to her face. "Are you alright?"
This is wrong, a voice in her head told her. Those eyes she loved so much were missing the angry burn scar that should be running over them from temple to temple. Other scars replaced it, unfamiliar ones: a thick white line that ran from his forehead through an eyebrow to his cheekbone and a thin red one on the other side just above his jawline. His physique was subtly different too; her Kanan was lean and toned but the man before her was heavyset and muscular. It also looked as though he’d never known a food shortage, though maybe it was merely an effect of the several layers of fabric that concealed his body.
"You're not Kanan…" she said slightly unsteadily.
"No…" he said slowly, like it was obvious. He looked just as lost as she felt as one hand came up to tug at the neck of his robes. "I'm Caleb."
No actual apprentice, large number of Inquisitors! Closest EU parallel would be Darth Krayt’s One Sith in the Star Wars Legacy comics. (There’s something similar elsewhere in another AU of mine, but not exactly the same.) I’m not sure on the details of how this all shook out.
Maul wouldn’t have been able to do it to Ezra -- Sith master/apprentice relationships are so different from Jedi ones that it would never occur to a Sith (or at least one who hadn’t started as a Jedi) to do anything along those lines, nor would they be able to. The only reason it worked with the Hunter and Kanan (Caleb here) is because they were both Jedi. (And honestly, gods know what Palpatine thought when the Hunter was like “okay I will commit treason but ONLY if you let me torture this random but specific padawan into becoming my apprentice” because it’s so alien to the Sith way of thinking that Palps was probably just like “...okay?” Like, Palps wanted Anakin because what a catch, not because he was particularly wedded to Anakin in particular.) (I should note that Backbone!Hunter did something very similar but not identical to Kanan -- it shows up in one of the other side AU dream sequences -- but it was less dramatic because Depa had been dead for longer and, uh, also he wasn’t supposed to do it.)
This is probably one of the cases where Anakin is the chill one of the two, like the whole Zillo Beast thing! Though I don’t know the exact dynamics or whatever is like...going on. (Because I don’t know.) They were together when they got to the Temple soon after the Purge initially went down, but both survived it; Mace is essentially running the remnants of the Jedi Order now.
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This is a darkfic-- or at least dark in setting. Due to an alteration during RotS, Anakin doesn’t fall and Order 66 doesn’t happen, but the Jedi are enslaved in service to the Empire. Depa and Caleb end up with a senator allied with Palpatine, who (obviously) doesn’t treat them well. Bail Organa rescues Caleb from being beaten to death and that senator gives Caleb to Bail because Caleb is more trouble than he’s worth (but Depa remains with that senator per Palpatine’s orders). Bail takes Caleb to Alderaan to give him a place to heal. Until this incident, Bail was not allowed a Jedi because he’s too sympathetic to the Order and Palpatine is hoping to use Bail owning Caleb to destabilize Alderaan’s political structure because slavery is anathema to Alderaanians.
It’s also an excuse for me to write Bail/Breha/Obi-Wan.
