#oops long post

These are always super difficult things to talk about. I avoid speaking my mind because like I said, I don't want to upset anyone. That's not my intention here. And let me get this straight, I'm not villanizing anyone for liking Ace. I don't believe for one second that anyone likes him for the bad stuff he's done and said. So yeah, I'm not saying anyone who likes him is a bad person or they should stop liking him.

But back to my point - yeah super difficult stuff and I don't want to start any fandom discourse here. But I kinda boiled over. Because I rarely do that, I seem to have gained some kind of reputation as someone who blindly adores people and there are some people who for whatever reason believe I'm an Ace defender (again I'm very confused where that came from since I don't even talk about the guy, like ever) or that I defend the dumb shit he's done (that n*zi dressup ask I got ages ago, again very confused because I have never even touched on that). People have gotten a very skewed image of me as a fan, it seems. I do have opinions. I usually keep them to myself because like I said, I don't want to anger or hurt anyone who likes these people.

I'm reaching the end of my tether with Ace though. Tommy does not deserve the shit he's getting and him trying to pull Eric Singer into this is super scummy. Those two kept Kiss afloat for the past 2 decades and while Ace checked out both times he was in the band. For heaven's sakes, he checked out on his own solo band too to the point Todd had to make most of the music and he just showed up to play on it. And lets not even begin with him doing drugs with his own daughter.

Ok I'm getting a bit too deep into it now. I guess this is mask off - whoops, Jen's not just blindly adoring people and not acknowledging the problematic shit. But yeah, I'm tired of him having to lift himself up by dunking on Tommy who has never done anything to him. I can't stand it.

For a long time, whenever I watched these flashbacks, it seemed to me that Katsuki compares himself to Izuku constantly. He only does this with Izuku, not with any of their other friends. I couldn’t think of why he singles out Izuku like this other than how maybe he subconsciously picks up on how special Izuku is, even before Izuku turns out to be quirkless. In other words, Katsuki sees Izuku’s heroic heart from the get-go.

But now I don’t think that anymore.

We get three moments from their childhood before Katsuki’s quirk manifests.

Soccer scene:

Katsuki impresses Izuku with his soccer juggling

Katsuki claims juggling is easy

Izuku fails when he tries to juggle

Katsuki wonders at how badly Izuku does

Nickname scene:

Katsuki impresses Izuku and the neighborhood kids with his reading skills

Katsuki comments on how none of the others can even read kanji

Katsuki explains that “Deku” means a person who can’t do anything

Izuku is embarrassed

Katsuki wonders why Izuku doesn’t know how to read as well

Skipping rocks scene:

Katsuki impresses Izuku and the neighborhood kids with his rock-skipping skills

Katsuki wants to know how many times Izuku’s rock skipped

Izuku is embarrassed his rock didn’t skip at all

Katsuki wonders why Izuku can’t skip rocks

What strikes me about each of these scenes is Katsuki’s earnestness. Sure, he comes across as cocky and a bit of a show-off, but at the same time, he’s not setting Izuku up for failure. He doesn’t understand why Izuku just can’t get it when whatever they’re doing comes so easily to Katsuki himself. It doesn’t make sense to him.

In other words, Katsuki thinks of Izuku as his equal.

But here’s the thing: For each of those ending moments I bolded, Katsuki sounds genuinely confused. In the soccer scene, he laughs with disbelief, like, “Oh wow, you actually can’t do this, can you?” In the nickname scene, he thinks he’s showing off that he knows multiple readings of Izuku’s name, but it turns out no one else can read Izuku’s name at all. Yet his “You can’t?” line to the neighborhood kids does sound condescending, while his “Why don’t you know?” thought, directed at Izuku, is soft and sincere, like, “Huh, why don’t you know your own name?” He sounds just as confused in the rock-skipping scene except maybe also a little exasperated, like, “I don’t get it. Why can’t you do it?”

And here’s the other thing: Katsuki always goes first.

He’s not at all invested in the other kids. Katsuki is showing off to Izuku. He demonstrates soccer juggling for Izuku. He reads the kanji in Izuku’s name for Izuku. He skips the rocks on the water with Izuku as if it’s the first time both of them have ever tried.

It’s like Katsuki is trying to teach Izuku, and each time Izuku fails to get it, Katsuki also fails as a teacher.

It’s not Katsuki’s fault that Izuku doesn’t get it, of course. Children don’t exactly have degrees in pedagogy. Katsuki would have to understand how Izuku’s mind works, how he learns, to properly teach him. And Katsuki hasn’t developed that level of empathy yet. It’s not exactly a subject in school that he gets graded on either, so he doesn’t even know it’s a skill he’s lacking.

So instead of coming to the conclusion that Katsuki is bad at teaching Izuku, he reevaluates his previous assumption: perhaps they aren’t equals after all.

He comes to this conclusion when his quirk manifests:

And it’s not surprising he’d come to this conclusion in this way. He now sees a clear biological difference between him and everyone else that explains why he’s so good at everything.

And if Katsuki’s amazing, then it’s not his fault Izuku is so bad at everything. Everyone’s just not as good as he is. That means, even if Izuku gets the strongest quirk in the world, Katsuki can still be stronger.

But then, Katsuki’s new worldview gets worse. It gets compounded by Izuku’s quirklessness:

Now there’s a clear biological difference between Izuku and everyone else, and from Katsuki’s perspective that difference is in the opposite direction. Katsuki is good at everything, so when he gets a good quirk, he concludes he’s better than everyone. His quirk’s manifestation just makes that “fact” clear. Izuku is bad at everything, so when he gets no quirk, Katsuki comes to think Izuku is worse than everyone.

It’s a bit of a chicken-and-egg paradox, since he has to be told his quirk was amazing by his teachers and hear from his peers that it’s lame to be quirkless before he makes these connections. Would he have thought quirklessness was actually that bad had it not been introduced to his life via Izuku? I actually do wonder about that, because these things all seem very precariously tied together in his head. But ultimately, I don’t think Katsuki’s problems with Izuku stem from Izuku’s quirklessness; I think the quirklessness filled in the missing piece in Katsuki’s poorly-constructed house of cards.

And then it all comes tumbling down.

You know, I think we all just kind of assumed for the longest time that this scene is about Katsuki realizing Izuku has a caring heart, something a hero needs, something that Katsuki lacks, and that makes him self-conscious. But, when I think about it...

Izuku’s kind of overreacting, isn’t he?

Katsuki isn’t hurt. He smiles and laughs after the fall. He’s barely even embarrassed about it (a far cry from how he might have reacted at an older age). Maybe Izuku is justified in coming down into the ravine to offer a friendly hand, but this is a bit of a dramatic reaction:

He asks if Katsuki is okay, if he can stand, after Katsuki has already told everyone he’s okay. Katsuki’s reaction is to frown like, uh, yeah dude, I already said I’m okay. Then Izuku says:

And that’s probably the most appropriate thing Izuku says about the situation.

Unfortunately, it gives Katsuki context for the strange expression on Izuku’s face.

So there are two things happening here.

1. Izuku is frowning. He looks worried. It’s early in the story so we haven’t had much commentary on this from the narrative yet, but that’s bad. That’s poor form. When you rescue a victim, you have to smile, look strong, give reassurance. Izuku’s not that great at rescue...or that’s what I would have said if he wasn’t four-years-old. And maybe Katsuki even recognizes that. Maybe Katsuki looks at Izuku’s rescue attempt and thinks, meh, 3/10.

2. It’s still better than anything Katsuki’s done in the rescue department.

When Izuku fell over while they were playing soccer, Katsuki didn’t offer to help him up. He’s only ever teased Izuku, postured around him, competed with him. And that means Katsuki has never demonstrated an example of rescue to Izuku ever. And yet rescuing people seems to come naturally to Izuku.

Meaning Katsuki was wrong: there’s something Izuku actually can do.

Oh, and it gets even worse! Katsuki never demonstrated a rescue to Izuku, but he did try to teach him! He tried to teach him a lot of things! And Izuku never caught on. You could construe those “lessons” as very meager rescue attempts.

So Izuku is a lot better than Katsuki at rescue, even though Izuku kinda sucks at it. And Katsuki recognizes that.

We don’t know what happens after this point.

Have you ever thought about that? We don’t know what happens next! Did Katsuki take Izuku’s hand? Did he shout at Izuku, try to correct him? Did he blow Izuku off and get up by himself? That seems most likely but... What actually happened? We just don’t know!

So then Katsuki goes through life with Izuku chasing him around as that one oddity that doesn’t fit into his mental picture of life. Katsuki doesn’t want it. He doesn’t want to think about it. He doesn’t want to figure out what that means. What the hell is Izuku, and why does he complicate things so much? If Katsuki were to examine it closely, the truth could upend his entire worldview. And that’s terrifying.

So Katsuki fears Izuku’s heart and tries to push him away, because an examination of those questions would lead to facing his weaknesses, those deficiencies he has to correct in order to become a true hero. That’s also terrifying, that he may be bad at something.

It’d be easier if he could just somehow prove once and for all that he’s better than Izuku so he can move on and be done with it. No one else feels like they have to prove themselves against Izuku, not in middle school anyways, but Katsuki says he was actually looking forward to crushing Izuku in the UA entrance exam were they able to compete on the same field. Katsuki is dying for some sort of competition to prove he doesn’t need to think about how Izuku seems to challenge his understanding of the world. Then he can move on and leave Izuku behind forever.

So why would it be absolutely world-shattering if Izuku actually had a quirk the whole time?

If Izuku actually did have a strong quirk, this would explain everything and reaffirm Katsuki’s worldview. Well, except it would prove that Izuku is better than him after all. Izuku’s strength in rescue isn’t a fluke. Katsuki is just a bad teacher.

Katsuki doesn’t understand that he was ever a bully at all. He thinks he’s in a competition of equals. He thinks Izuku gets it, that Izuku sees the world the same way Katsuki does. So he can keep up their vicious competition for a long time.

Until he figures out the secret of One For All and Izuku’s relationship with All Might. Until he realizes Izuku really was quirkless all along.

Only then does Katsuki finally face the truth. He and Izuku never understood each other even a little bit. They both saw something amazing in each other, something they each lacked that the other had. They weren’t equals, they were peers, each with something to teach the other. And neither of them ever succeeded at getting the lesson across.

Not before Deku vs Kacchan 2, anyway.