#ooc rant

so I have a crush on this guy and it’s been going on for almost 3 months atp. its genuinely driving me insane. I have never been this in love with someone Ever… I don’t just get crushes easily 😭😭 and if I do they definitely don’t last this long either??

something about him is just different, but in a good way. but i REALLY don’t know if he likes me back. it’s so scary because he’s such a good friend to me and it’s obvious that he cares a lot about me, he’s protective too, but I just don’t know if he sees me in that way. he’s literally flirted with me on multiple occasions, in our whole friend group it’s always directed towards me (and when that was pointed out he immediately turned it down.. idk if that was him being flustered or grossed out at the idea :c) but maybe it’s just a joke?? I saw him act kind of like that with only one of his other friends..(and yes I got jealous.)

last night my friends brought up how I had a crush. and let’s just say, I feel like he Knows. he was acting kind of weird during the conversation? I don’t know if I’m just extremely paranoid, or if he was jealous that I had a crush, or (worst case scenario) he knows and he was grossed out. fuck my life dude. I feel like s4 will byers reincarnated 😭.

also if he doesn’t like me (but knows I like him).. it’s kind of fucked up how much he genuinely plays in my face. I’m talking like. flirting during t or d, saying we should cuddle and shit like that, telling me “I’m glad I can be myself around you” and other sappy things.. and it’s seriously a constant thing. I feel like I’m being fucked/toyed with here. but I still love him so much, and I can’t stop loving him. but I feel like I’m setting myself up for rejection or some sort of heartbreak if I give myself any hope that he’ll like me back.

She also says that she doesn't care if me or my brother were apart of LGBTQIA+, but everytime I say I'm pansexual she says I can't say that till I've had sex with a girl????? I'm sorry, but that's just fucking weird, man.... I don't need to eat out a girl or scissor with one to know I wanna date one. Besides, I've literally day dreamed of doing things like that with a girl???? Soo errrmmm... you'd think it was obvious that I like women when I had lesbian porn saved on my tablet at 10 🙏🙏

I want to make it clear that everyone is always entitled to their boundaries, and I will always 1000% respect them. You can always communicate with me (via on the post and/or in dms) if you feel like I have crossed a preset boundary or if your boundaries have changed. It will not hurt my feelings by any means for you to do so! I would be more upset knowing you felt like you couldn’t communicate your feelings than anything.

Going forward, I am going to be more mindful in the content I am creating.

Im tagging everyone not because I expect anyone to respond/react to this post by any means, and I am not trying to make this situation about me in the slightest. I just want to communicate that I have heard everyone’s thoughts and am listening to them.

If you read this, thank you :) ))

Disclaimer: I am not pointing fingers or out right throwing a fit. If you don't like my opinion, I humbly request that you scroll along

Ofc you don't have to listen to my crybaby self, I'm just voicing my opinions and this won't happen often.

I promise! Anywho rant ↓

So a little bit of a long post here but it's something I've been meaning to get off my chest for a while now

You may (or may not) have noticed I've taken a small step back from the Tumblrverse space. Not been very active on blogs, posting mostly small things, memes and whatnot. For a while now I've felt like what I made had to conform to what others were making or liked which meant what I made never felt like my own work. Like I was imitating what others were making and trying to be like them.

And I've also felt quite left out (apart from a couple people. Ily guys) in the RP space. I always felt that Cate especially was used more as a tool to progress a story rather than an actual character in the world and I felt that I had to go along with it to make people happy, to make it so I can still be a part of the larger space and not break off on the side. I know this is partly my fault but nobody should be feeling left out in a community built around the inclusion of others.

So I guess what I've been leading up to is that from now on I'm doing stuff for me. Not for others, not to try and be left in. What I want, with people who want to do it with me.

reminders is going to have to stop giving out reminders so he can talk about this:

Me making my character in Cyberpunk 2077 for the first time

"I CAN HAVE NO NIPPLES" ~ Me

"Youre mostly cyberware... You can choose to not have nipples." ~ My friend

*editing the genetials*

"OH GOD I WAS FLASHED" ~ Me

ooc: omg this is such a real thing to ask !!!! And honestly idk myself. All the time im nervous since im pretty new(ish) to this as well and everyone is practically in a tight knit sort of group- but after a while u js have to take chances and hope for the best 🤷🏽‍♀️

In my personal experience I first interacted with an oc rp ive technically kinda sorta interacted w a lot in general and I got good advice from them nd I try to stick to that and infer the rest of it in a way? Like cus obviously some of the role players will either straight up ignore u or respond then go ghost so after a while u js learn to be mindful and not try to keep trying with them :)