#crush vent

so I have a crush on this guy and it’s been going on for almost 3 months atp. its genuinely driving me insane. I have never been this in love with someone Ever… I don’t just get crushes easily 😭😭 and if I do they definitely don’t last this long either??

something about him is just different, but in a good way. but i REALLY don’t know if he likes me back. it’s so scary because he’s such a good friend to me and it’s obvious that he cares a lot about me, he’s protective too, but I just don’t know if he sees me in that way. he’s literally flirted with me on multiple occasions, in our whole friend group it’s always directed towards me (and when that was pointed out he immediately turned it down.. idk if that was him being flustered or grossed out at the idea :c) but maybe it’s just a joke?? I saw him act kind of like that with only one of his other friends..(and yes I got jealous.)

last night my friends brought up how I had a crush. and let’s just say, I feel like he Knows. he was acting kind of weird during the conversation? I don’t know if I’m just extremely paranoid, or if he was jealous that I had a crush, or (worst case scenario) he knows and he was grossed out. fuck my life dude. I feel like s4 will byers reincarnated 😭.

also if he doesn’t like me (but knows I like him).. it’s kind of fucked up how much he genuinely plays in my face. I’m talking like. flirting during t or d, saying we should cuddle and shit like that, telling me “I’m glad I can be myself around you” and other sappy things.. and it’s seriously a constant thing. I feel like I’m being fucked/toyed with here. but I still love him so much, and I can’t stop loving him. but I feel like I’m setting myself up for rejection or some sort of heartbreak if I give myself any hope that he’ll like me back.

I hate that i can't look at you without remembering you're taken