#onrelationships

The Tumblr app does this bullshit where if you write and leave the app for a prolonged period of time, it deletes your draft.

I had written this long thought out post about my last update and it’s gone.

I’m going to try to recreate it.

I didn’t want to write about things that made me sad, but that’s exactly what I did last week because writing is what I know best.

I was consumed by emotion and fear and hopelessness and it all spilled onto this blog.

I guess it happens.

Last week I made the decision that my pride was not worth the loss of this person. And so I told him that.

We worked through it. We are still working through it. I told him I felt insecure and would continue to feel it for a while and he told me he understood. It was his job to make me feel secure and he failed.

Anyway, I chose to fight for him. I don’t regret it. I’m happy and including him in my life brings me more joy than not.

I can’t envision a future where he and I are strangers. It doesn’t exist.

I’ve chosen to help us bloom like the new leaf on my calathea, a plant so beautiful, it hurts to look at it sometimes.

I have faith and hope that we will bloom and grow.

I came back home from the Thanksgiving weekend and found that my orchid flower had wilted, but these buds look promising, right?

I hope so.

And another happy update, here is my cactus who has another new pup.

About a month ago, I went back to the Philippines for a weekend with my sister for our monthly dental check-up. While we're in the Philippines, we are always accompanied by our Tita Ma'y, who acts as our second mother during our monthly stays there. She is a joy to be with and is always packed with stories to tell us. And last month's story was definitely the best one yet.

The story is about our cousin, Tita Ma'y's daughter. My cousin is a college graduate and is working in a technological firm back in the Philippines. One might consider my cousin successful already. But she has bigger dreams than that because she's also working towards completing her second college degree part-time.

With her work in the firm and studying her degree, one may think that she may not have time for anything else. This may also be the thought of would-be courters, so she hasn't really had one. Until last month. The man, a co-worker of hers, expressed his feelings in the form of a letter. I've had the honour to read the letter and get the mild kiligs (yes, we guys have it too). It was written in a very heartfelt way. The things that he said to describe his love for my cousin is the stuff of legends (I took a few notes myself).

But what really stands out in the letter is his high level of understanding for my cousin's situation. He loves her very much but he understands my cousin's big ambitions and is more than willing to prioritise that over his feelings. “I can't explain clearly why I love you and I understand you can't say that back. That can only be said if you're absolutely sure of what you're feeling.” He's willing to wait for her till she's ready to love him. I honour him for that because that is honestly a very hard thing to do for most people.

I haven't met the guy yet, but I already know that he's something special. Because that kind of love reminds me of God's love. He is always there loving each and everyone of us, but more often than not, we aren't ready to receive that love yet. So He waits and is willing to wait until we're finally ready to receive His love.

As much of a fairytale as it seems, there may be no happy ending. My cousin can still turn him down. But he wrote in the letter that he will love her no matter what, that he will forever be “her man and her best friend”. In the same way, I hope you can do your best to answer God's love because He too will forever be your man and your best friend.