#only fools

The walk to the beach was just as awkward as April expected.

She probably deserved the treatment she was getting. That feeling sat like an anchor in her gut, weighing her down.

The beach was different at night. April enjoyed fishing during the day. She enjoyed Willy’s company and his old stories about her grandfather. Foraging was a fun pastime too, her collection of sand dollars growing by the day.

When the sun was gone, the beach was haunting. Tonight was no exception. It was foggy, the only sound being the waves crashing into the crystalline shore. There was no one around. Even Elliott’s cabin looked abandoned, lights off and curtains drawn.

“So,” April started cautiously. “I think you deserve an explanation.”

Shane scoffed, turning his head like he was already offended. Discouraged, April bit her bottom lip. She was silent for a few seconds, hesitantly continuing when she realized he had nothing to say.

“The reason I walked out on you isn’t because I don’t like you, or don’t want you.” Her eyes scanned over his face. His jaw was set, dark brown eyebrows furrowed.

“Whatever, I don’t want to hear this,” Shane grumbled, already standing up. April became desperate, grabbing his sweater sleeve before he could get out of her arms-length.

“I was an alcoholic. I—I am an alcoholic. Real bad,” April admitted. Exasperated, she laughed breathily, running her hands over her tired face. “That’s why I came here. My mom forced me to come to ‘start a new chapter’. It was either this or rehab.”

“This is some place to do it,” Shane replied dryly. “This place just drives me to drink.”

“I don’t think being around you is healthy for me.”

The waves crashed against the shore once, twice, then thrice. Each wave nailed in the heavy silence between the two of them. “I think maybe some space would be nice for now. I’m sorry if it feels like I led you on, because that’s not what I meant to do.”

Shane hummed, kicking a pebble into the murky water. “Okay then,” he said simply. “Friends?”

April sighed, but her lips pressed into a stressed smile.

“Yeah, friends.”

—

Trying to ignore the fallout of their conversation seemed to make it worse.

Three months later it was suddenly approaching winter. April sat in her newly upgraded house, which still smelled like wood shavings and newly applied floor stain. Leah sat beside her on the sofa while they watched Love Island Australia.

The winter months were brutal concerning April’s alcoholism in a different way than the summer months. In the summer, she had to avoid partying and socializing in drunk settings.

The winter was just plain boring.

April shoved another chip in her mouth. She was grateful for her manual labor on the farm in times like this, where she had nothing else to distract her except a hefty bag of snacks.

“You know who I saw today? Sam,” Leah announced. At the beginning of their friendship, April never pegged Leah as a gossip. She was absolutely, incredibly wrong about this. It kept April in the loop, so she couldn’t be too upset about it.

The mention of Sam intrigued April. “Did he say anything about—“

Leah raised her eyebrows in a chiding manner. “No, he didn’t say anything about… he-who-shall-not-be-named. He’s in your past, babe.”

April sighed. “Yeah, maybe I’m just bored,” she mumbled. Even so, she found herself consistently missing Shane. They didn’t know each other too personally, but she mostly missed his touch. The way that he was brutally honest about who he was and how he interacted with the world. The small town politeness effect didn’t seem to work on Shane, and she found that refreshing.

“That guy isn’t worth it. What I was going to say is that Sam is playing a show on Friday, if you were interested. It’s at the museum? I guess he made a deal with the guy there… uh… Gunther! I think that’s his name. Anyway, it’s like a kid-friendly thing, so no drinking.”

April hummed in thought. “I’ll think about it,” she said.

—

She should’ve known she’d be hauling ass from her farm to the museum in the freezing cold. Leah just has a way of convincing her. She was dressed warm, in a green sweater and a chunky white scarf Leah had made her, but it wasn’t enough to quell the chill.

“We’re almost there!” Leah said, ever the optimist. She had a hand wrenched on April’s arm, tugging her closer to the venue. The museum was lit up like April had never seen, with strobe lights out front advertising the show.

Penny greeted them when they got inside. April never felt strongly about Penny one way or the other. She felt like they were too different to really bond, but she appreciated what Penny did for the children in the town. She gave them each an itinerary for the show, motioning to the bean-bags on the floor.

“I feel like I’m about to watch the Wiggles,” April mumbled, top lip turning up in judgment. Leah shoved her, scoffing and commenting about how she can be so miserable sometimes. April knew.

While waiting for Sam to come out, April scanned the crowd. The kids were at the front, but almost everyone in town was there. Including Shane, who was sitting between Jas and Marnie.

He looked like shit. No one really had their prime looks in the middle of winter, but Shane looked especially bad. He had his hood on, no doubt hungover or partially drunk. He didn’t look back at her. Jas shook his hoodie and he barked something at her, pulling away. Not exactly the best energy for a kid’s show, April thought.

Sam played fantastically. April wasn’t surprised, she had heard him play a few times before. Who knew that living in a small town would make it easier for you to perfect hobbies? The passion and effort he put in was obvious, and she found herself standing up in an ovation when he was done.

Right when they were about to leave, April felt a tap on her shoulder. She whipped around to see Marnie. Marnie went in for a hug as soon as April saw her. “Hi, honey! Long time no see, have you been avoiding me?”

April felt a pang of guilt. She’d absolutely been avoiding Marnie and Jas for that matter. “No, I would never. I’ve just been real busy,” she lied through a smile, returning her hug.

“Well come see us more! Jas always loves having you around. Shane could use the social stimulation too, that boy,” Marnie sighed. Another wave of guilt ran through her. Well, Shane definitely didn’t disclose her secret, so that’s good. The last thing April would want is for the message to spread all over Pelican Town that she couldn’t handle her liquor intake.

“Of course,” April said, eyes flicking to Jas, then to Shane. He was looking at her, plum-colored bags under his brown eyes. His eyebrows were furrowed like he was angry, but the anger didn’t reach the rest of his face. It made him look sadder than anything.

April took a deep breath, suddenly overwhelmed. Leah grabbed her shoulder like she knew, saying a friendly goodbye to Marnie before tugging her toward the door.

“Hey, are you guys just gonna leave without saying goodbye?” Sam trailed behind them, nudging April’s shoulder. They had become better friends over the months, since he would always be gifted the Joja Colas she caught from the river.

“Hey, rockstar!” April said, hugging him. Sam was soaked in sweat. April held back a grimace. “Great show. Not that I’m surprised.”

Sam smiled, blonde hair falling into his face. “Thanks! I’m glad you guys are here. Hey, we’re having this afterparty thing at the Saloon! You know, for the adults. You guys should come!”

There was a few beats of silence between them, April and Leah making eye contact. April hadn’t been to the Saloon since the one and only time her and Shane hooked up, since she’d relapsed.

“I really don’t think we’re—“ Leah started to spit out some excuse like the good friend she was, giving Sam a polite smile.

“We’ll be there,” April blurted.

Sam nodded, smiling happily. “Great! Everyone should be there in like… 20 minutes.”

“Great! See you then!”

As Sam walked away, Leah glared at her. “What the hell?” Leah whispered. “You know that’s not a good idea.”

“Am I just supposed to avoid the Saloon for the rest of my life? I won’t drink, I promise. I don’t even have the urge anymore.” It was a boldfaced lie. April thought about drinking almost every day, and she was worried that feeling would never go away. But it seemed to calm Leah.

“I have to leave.” 

~~~

“Oh darlin’,” Clyde’s eyes softened as he folded you in close. You pressed your face into his neck and breathed him in as you attempted to reign back your quickly beating heart. You couldn’t feel the tear tracks racing down your face, but Clyde could feel them start to wet his skin and he squeezed you closer. You, on the other hand, couldn’t feel anything. 

Clyde rubbed your back as he absorbed the news and swallowed thickly. His mind raced, but his mouth couldn’t produce words. 

The cacophonous bustle of eager patrons pushing through the door of the Duck Tape broke your soft silence and you pushed yourself off of Clyde’s chest. You sniffed and rubbed your nose with a sharp inhale, unwilling to look toward the group of locals gathering at the end of the bar. 

Clyde snuck a look over to the group before he looked back at you, his eyes still soft and comforting.

“Why don’t y’ go wait back in my office,” he whispered, just to you. His thumb swiped back and forth over your hip. “Wait for me until I can get Earl to take over.”

“Then we can go home?” you muttered.

Clyde nodded. “Then we can go home.” 

~~~

Clyde’s office was pristine. He was the organized Logan. That was, apart from his books of course, but he had so many he simply could have no rhyme or reason to those. But everything else in his life was a picture of organization, and his office was a testament to that. The documents that detailed the Duck Tape’s business were tucked neatly away in files and even the smallest paperclip was perfectly set in a ceramic bowl on his desk. Everything had a place. Except for, it seemed, you. 

You curled up on the creaky leather couch that Clyde kept tucked in the corner for relaxing - though to be honest, the pair of you had found your own use for it - and gazed around the room. It was impossible to not feel out of place amongst his items. You hadn’t felt that overwhelming insecurity even once since you and Clyde had become official. But yet, here you found yourself, your departure impending, along with the looming reminder that your time in Boone County was temporary. It was never going to be your home.

Desperate to stop yourself from thinking yourself in circles, you closed your eyes and did your very best to quiet your mind.

~~~

Barely an hour had passed before the heavy wooden door squeaked as it pushed open slowly. Clyde slid into the room and his eyes zipped straight to you. The minute your gaze connected, you felt tears beginning to well in your eyes again. “Oh darlin’,” he crooned as he reached for you. “Come here.”

You allowed him to pull you off of the couch and into his chest. It was easy to melt into him as he wrapped his awaiting arms around you and squeezed you once. “Can we go home now?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

~~~

As you crossed the threshold of the trailer, you were hit with a sudden rush of emotions. It was a sort of nostalgia that you didn’t feel was within your rights to have but yet, it flooded your body. This cozy abode had become more to you in the last year than you had ever thought possible. Your heart tightened as you gazed at the books stacked neatly next to the couch, where you and Clyde had last left them. You smiled at the blanket that you and Clyde sat underneath as you read or talked, and you even looked at the cramped kitchen with fondness. You were sure burnt bacon was caked into the walls with how often Clyde cooked it, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Clyde plopped himself down onto the couch with a solid huff of breath and opened his arms to you. Your movements were laden with a sort of pervasive sadness as you sat beside him and flung your legs over his lap to settle back into his chest. His button-up was soft underneath the tips of your fingers as you dragged them across the fabric, searching for comfort in between the threads, but only when you slipped them through the gaps of the shirt buttons to caress the skin of his chest did you find it. 

You sat like that in silence for hours. 

~~~

Late that night, between stolen kisses and lingering touches, that answer became painfully clear, although neither of you wanted to say it out loud. There, tucked up under the covers and in each other's arms, you came to the unspoken agreement. 

“I don’t want to go.”

“I know.”

Silence filled the air.

“I have to go.”

“I know, darlin’.”

“I’ll always love you.”

A breath. 

“I’ll always love you too.”

~~~

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~~~

It would have been impossible for any passerby to miss the sight of the bar that night.

The Duck Tape was full to the brim with the people of the town that you had gotten to know in the year you had been there. Clyde had closed the bar to anyone but them for the night. The air was filled with nothing sort of a dull roar as townsfolk and Logans alike bathed in rousing music, cold drink, and loud conversation. 

Your farewell party was in full swing.

It was a somber event, but you couldn’t have guessed that by scanning the crowd. No one had been clued into the reason for the gathering yet, just how you wanted it to be. You didn’t need some grandiose send-off. No, you were just happy to see everyone another time before you took off on the road the next day, so that bittersweet knowledge was reserved for you and Clyde to bear. Sure, you would tell them as the night ended, but you were perfectly content to revel in the happiness until that happened. 

Mellie sat beside you, chatting away to catch you up on all the town’s latest gossip. One of the many perks of having the town hairdresser as a friend was that you always knew what was happening in any corner of Boone County. 

“And I heard that Tristan, down the road,” Mellie mused, “Well I heard that he’s been thinkin’ ‘bout selling his shop and movin’ out to Charlotte.” She shook her head. “Just to be closer to the speedway.”

You managed a smile back at that. “What, you don’t like that? Not a NASCAR fan anymore?” you teased her. 

Mellie shook her head. “Nope, I haven’t watched since…. Well for a good while.” She winked at you and giggled. 

It was difficult, seeing her so happy and carefree when you knew that you would be leaving the state in less than twelve hours. Your eyes fell to the smooth bar and you forced a laugh at her joke, quickly sipping at your drink to cover your false joy. It didn’t go unnoticed. 

“What’s the matter there?” she asked, her brow furrowed and a frown plastered across her face. “You’ve been pretty quiet for such a fun night.”

A smile forced its way to your lips but didn’t quite reach your eyes. The performative joy just didn’t seem like it would make it that high up your face. 

“Nothing’s the matter! Guess I’m just a bit tired.” You shrugged and flicked your eyes down the bar to see Clyde passing a beer to one of the Bang brothers. As if he could feel your stare boring holes through his back, he looked at you and smiled. You shot him one in return before you looked back at Mellie, who was bouncing her eyes between you and Clyde in suspicion. “Nothing to worry about.” 

Mellie narrowed her eyes at you and opened her mouth to contest your response, but was promptly cut off. 

“What are you two chattin’ about?”

Clyde moseyed his way over to where you were both sat at the bar, and you grabbed the distraction gratefully. “Mel was just catching me up on what she’s been hearing around the salon lately. Just some gossip,” you explained between sips of your drink. 

Mellie nodded in agreement, successfully distracted from her concerns over your mood. “We’ll, I’ll let the two of y’all swoon over each other in peace,” she teased as stood from her seat at the bar. “I’ll catch up with you in a little bit, alright?” You nodded. “Of course Mellie, have fun!” you assured her, and she squeezed your arm in parting once before slipping into the crowd in search of Joe. 

“You alright? I see it in your eyes a bit,” Clyde fussed, his sincere hazel eyes holding you in their gaze. “See that sadness.” 

Not loud enough for your next sentence to fall on unintended ears, you replied, “Well of course I’m upset Clyde. I can’t believe I’m leaving tomorrow.” It was surreal to say out loud. 

Clyde reached forward to take your hand where it rested on the bar, his veins throbbing just slightly as he squeezed you. You ran your thumb over the back of his hand and looked up at him. He smiled at you as he could best manage, and lifted your hand to his mouth to plant a kiss on your knuckles and provide that silent comfort. His lips were soft against your skin, his goatee rough, and you couldn’t help but laugh lightly at the feeling. Oh, how you would miss it.

“Hey, Clyde, there another keg in th’ back?” a voice suddenly called to him across the length of the bar. Clyde sighed as he looked towards the request and hollered back, “Yep, gimme a sec.” His soft gaze returned to you and he insisted, “Try to enjoy yourself, darlin’. You deserve it.” With a pursed smile you nodded your head in a silent promise. “Good.”

Clyde leaned forward to kiss your forehead before he turned to the awaiting gaggle of men clutching empty cups, and he was greeted with a raucous cheer. 

You managed a thin smile at the jubilation that swirled around you and looked down at your drink, stirring it lazily. It wasn’t long before someone new demanded your attention.

You felt a tug on your shirt, accompanied by a very determined shout of “Hey!”

A pair of great big round eyes gazed up at you and you beamed right back. “Hey, Sadie. Are you having fun?” you smiled at her. She nodded back without hesitation. “Yeah! Uncle Clyde makes the most deeeeelicious Shirley Temples.” You laughed as you noticed the signs of her soft drink conquests. Now that you saw them, it was impossible to miss how the corners of her mouth were tinged bright red, the signature hue of the sweet grenadine that gave the soda its color.

You were still giggling when she thrust the twine-bound book she clutched in her grasp up towards your face. 

“D’you wanna see my book?” she squealed, her fingers tapping along the side as she shook it. Her eyes had that signature Logan gleam, the one that tipped you off that they had a thought that just had to be shared. Your eyes widened at the prospect, you pulled the barstool to your side back away from the bar, and patted it swiftly. “Get on up here, let me see it!”

Sadie’s feet shuffled with excitement as she clambered up onto the stool top. “Well perfect, I’d hoped you’d say that,” she crowed. The leather top of the seat hissed as she plopped down on top of it and spread the brown, flecked pages of the book flat against the bar. “See, I’ve gotten into photography,” Sadie glanced up at you with palpable self-assurance, “as you know, and so I made the whole book by myself.” 

You clicked your teeth. “No way!”

“Uuuh, yes way!” she gasped. “I took all the pictures, bound all the pages, and authored this all by myself.” Sadie snapped her mouth shut with conviction. “I bet I could win awards for this book.”

“I don’t think you’re wrong about that, not one bit!” You smiled and patted the cover of the book lightly. “But show me what you’ve done.”

“Oh yeah!” Sadie cracked open the book.

You were greeted with a barrage of photographs. Things you recognized and some you didn’t. There were pictures of the Purple Lady, sat prim and proper in the adjustable chair of Mellie’s salon. A small snapshot of wildflowers on the side of the road. Pictures of every single Logan you could think of.

Her bubbling voice pulled your attention to the next page as she flipped. “This one is from the fall, when my daddy and I raked up all the leaves just so we could jump back in ‘em,” Sadie giggled, her face split by her big, crooked smile. 

Your eyes creased with your grin. “That looks like a fun time Sadie!”

As she flipped through the pages and babbled away, you were surprised by the pang of nostalgia that began to ache in your chest again. The same feeling that had plagued you for the past week. The one that should have been out of reach for you.  

The same rush of questions that you had tried so hard to answer since you had discovered you had to leave Boone County looped through your head for the thousandth time. How could you already be nostalgic for a place you had known for less than a year? Was that fair? You felt like an imposter, inserting yourself into a life you hadn’t earned, and all because you had fallen for a man who lived among them. You felt fake. 

But in all honesty, it didn’t really matter. Regardless of how long you had been in Boone County or in Clyde’s arms, you still felt the sting of saltwater at the corners of your eyes. 

Sadie leafed through the booklet and showed you all different snapshots of the county. It was a special sort of walk down memory lane, through the eyes of a four-foot-nine girl. 

Slowly, the images became dusted with white. It was an ephemeral scene, the one that captures the solid memories and the essence of the season in one. 

“Ohhh,” Sadie drawled. “I just love winter don’t you?” You nodded as you thought back to memories of the winter festival.

Your heart clenched as your gaze caught sight of the picture Sadie had pasted in the center of the next page, surrounded by stickers of cartoon snowflakes and sleds. You looked down at the shiny, flash illuminated faces of you and Clyde. You had a wide grin plastered across your face, your nose was tipped in whipped cream, and Clyde was frozen, caught by the camera just as a laugh bubbled to his lips. His arm was slung around you like a protective shawl, and your head tilted towards his chest as though it chased his comfort. 

It was almost magical, how quickly you were transported back to that moment, happy and blissfully unaware of what the future would hold. 

“I really like this picture,” Sadie babbled, pointing at your smiling face. You bobbed your head in agreement and swallowed the lump in your throat. “It’s a pretty nice photo,” you sniffed in agreement. “Thank you for taking it.”

A gruff voice broke through your conversation. “Whatcha got there lil’ Sadie?”

You looked up to see Clyde stopped in front of you, his hands busy as they wiped down a glass and his head cocked as he tried to gaze at the book laid in front of his niece. 

Sadie slid the book around so that he could get a view of the page. “It’s you two! From the winter festival!” she exclaimed. 

Clyde’s face froze as he stared at the scene before him. You cheered on your lip as you scanned his face for any sign of reaction. 

“It’s beautiful,” he choked out. When his deep eyes met yours, you swallowed thickly again. It was impossible to break eye contact with Clyde as he stared you down. The amber seas of his eyes were easy to get lost in, and you stared at him, unable and unwilling to break that line of sight. He gazed back at you with an equally loving and intense stare. 

The party was far too intimate to allow anyone a moment of peace and quiet, and that was proven true in a split second. 

“Alright,” Jimmy announced his presence with the same subtlety ad a foghorn. He smashed his hands against the bar, pulling you and Clyde out of your bittersweet stare. “What in god’s name is going on with the two of you?” He huffed a breath through his upper lip as he clutched at the edge of the bar top. “You two hooligans invited us here for a party and now what? Y’ mope through the whole thing?”

In unison, almost as if it was planned, you and Clyde sighed through your noses. He cocked his eyebrow at you. “Think it’s time to tell ‘em?” Clyde inquired.

You bit your cheek and sighed lightly. “It’s as good a time as any,” you replied and shifted to look at Jimmy. He looked at you from under his brow expectantly and gestured his hands as if to hurry along the explanation he awaited. 

“I’m leaving. Tomorrow. I just wanted to see everyone again before I did.”

“And you didn’t tell us?” 

Mellie appeared out of thin air behind her brother, her mouth gaped in offense that you had kept that secret hidden away. You grimaced at her sharp inflection. “I’m really sorry Mel. I didn’t want to be a downer.” A nervous laugh escaped you as you tried to reckon with the freshly broken news and shrug it off. 

“Well, you better talk now,” Jimmy demanded, his eyes laced with concern. “What happens next? What’s your plan?”

You gestured your hands widely in surrender. “There’s nothing to do. I have to leave, I can’t lose this job.”

Mellie harrumphed as she shook her head. “What about the two of you?”

“Clyde and I already talked it through. We had a good run while it lasted.” Your face twisted as you tried to hold your emotions at bay. “But it’s time for me to go.” 

Clyde nodded behind you, staring just below his sibling’s eye line as he avoided their intense glares.

“Well, that just won’t do.” Jimmy wouldn’t let the topic go, nor it seemed, let you come to terms with the fact that it was quickly approaching. 

You sighed. “Jimmy, there’s nothing to do. I leave tomorrow.”

Clyde interjected, seeming determined to halt the conversation lest either of you burst into tears that didn’t need to be shed. “It’s done, Jim.”

“Me ‘n Jimmy can look over the bar.” 

Earl’s voice cut through the bar and all of your heads snapped to him. He looked over to Jimmy with a smile that screamed satisfaction, and the eldest Logan nodded right back at him. “Well Earl, that’s a mighty fine idea,” Jimmy mused aloud before he looked back at you. “So then Clyde can go with you.”

“Guys, I don’t know when I’ll be done with the next assignment-,” you started, but Jimmy cut you off with a hand and a definitive voice. “No, that wasn’t a suggestion, it was a statement.”

Clyde shook his head. “That one tall order to ask of you. I know Earl’s always fine bein’ here, but what about you? What about the hardware store?”

“I don’t have to take the seasonal job at Lowe’s again this season, I’m flexible.” Jimmy’s hand clapped against his brother’s broad shoulder. “Anyway Clyde, you haven’t had a break in how long?”

Clyde’s eyebrows pinched together as he pondered his brother’s statement. “Don’t think I ever have.”

“That settles it. You could use a break, and your darlin’ here could use some company on the road.”

Clyde chewed on his lip for a moment, pondering the offer his older brother had laid before him. You could see the gears turning in his head and your heart clenched. That one offer, that one saving grace from his brother could change everything. 

“Sweetheart,” Clyde started hesitantly. “Would you mind a lil’ change of plans?” he asked, choosing each word carefully as he mulled the plan over in his own mind. 

Your eyes widened at him. “Clyde, do you mean that? Would you… I mean would you want to?” You could barely form a single coherent thought, let alone process this sacrifice on your behalf.

Clyde laughed and shook his head. “You know I’d want nothing less.” 

It was impossible to believe the new set of rules before you. Sure, you still had to leave Boone County, but you didn’t have to leave Clyde. You didn’t have to set out by yourself. It seemed impossible that you didn’t swallow a bug with how far your mouth hung open as you tried to process the thought of it all. 

“What’s goin’ through that little head of yours?” Earl called over to you, pulling a laugh from Jimmy. You snapped from your bliss and gawked at the pair of them, each with goofy smiles plastered across their faces. “Jimmy, Earl, I could kiss you both right now.” 

“Hey, watch it,” Clyde growled as he reached forward and pinched your arm lightly. “You best be saving those sweet kisses for me.” You giggled and leaned forward to grab Clyde’s collar and pull him to you. He laughed as he allowed himself to fall forward, and he planted a fat, wet kiss on the corner of your mouth. 

You chuckled and pushed his face back with your free palm. “Are you sure about this? Coming with me, I mean?” Your hands vibrated with pure excitement. 

Clyde smiled wide at that. “More sure about this than I’ve ever been about anything darlin’.”

You beamed and yanked his face forward to kiss him deeply. Hoots and cheers erupted around you as you smiled against his lips, and you heard Clyde’s perfect chuckle as he pushed back into you. The roaring in your ears as you and Clyde got lost in the feeling of each other drowned out the sounds of the Logan’s celebration. Their cheers faded into the background slowly, until it felt like it was just the two of you in the bar, consumed in the bliss of one another. It was perfect. 

~~~

Trees zipped by you as you raced down the West Virginia highway, Clyde at the wheel and you prepped and ready to navigate. Music filled the air as it filtered out of the speakers that dotted the dashboard, and you hummed along to the tune as you gazed out of the windows.

The Logans had come to the trailer early that morning to see you off. Mellie had quickly helped her brother pack a suitcase full of everything he might need on your cross-country trip, and Jimmy whipped up a breakfast for the whole lot of you to share before you set off. 

Each of them had left you with a hug, a kiss on the cheek, well wishes, and the promise that they would see you sooner than you’d know, but you’d received two going away presents as well.

The first was from Sylvia. She had passed you a red canvas backpack with a shiny white cross plastered across it. It was stuffed full of first aid supplies “for when you’re out on the trails again,” she had said with a wink. “Can never be too safe.” You had thanked her, knowing you would inevitably come to need it, and she responded with a tight, warm hug.

The second was from little Sadie. You hadn’t wanted to accept them at first, reminding her that she needed them for her portfolio but she, in true Logan fashion, wouldn’t take no for an answer. She had pushed them into your hand and scurried away before you could protest, screaming “Bye, drive safe!” the whole way.

You thumbed the corner of the photographs, flipping in between them as you looked at you and Clyde’s smiling faces. They were both from the festival, from that cherry red booth that Sadie had photographed the two of you in. One had a rough patch of material on the back of it, where Sadie had peeled it from her book. You smiled at her generosity, that she would sacrifice a page of her book just for you to have a keepsake on the road. 

Clyde slowed down ever so slightly as the buildings of the town began to dot the sides of the highway, and you smiled at the business you had come to know and love.

“Nice ‘lil goodbye to the town, huh darlin’?” Clyde pondered as he peered forward out of the windshield. 

You turned towards him to smile and agree when you were suddenly hit square in the chest with just the perfect idea.

“Clyde!!” you exclaimed, your arms flying out in front of you. 

“What, what!” his head whipped to face you, a look of horror plastered across his face. Clyde’s head whipped back and forth between the road and you as you stumbled and blubbered over your words. “Can you… over?” you thrust your arm in front of his face and pointed to the building coming up on the driver’s side of the road. 

“Diner!”

Clyde shot a quizzical look at you and you responded by nodding your head. Without a second thought, Clyde turned across the highway and skidded into the asphalt parking lot. You didn’t hesitate to throw open the door of the car and toss your body out once he was just barely parked. 

You rushed through the glass door of the diner, grabbed a tack from the small dish by the front, and clambered onto the squeaky vinyl seats of the booth near the back, the one you and Clyde had your first date in. The photograph of you and Clyde in the very same booth was still clutched tightly in your hand. You hollered a quick hello to Muriel behind the counter and she responded with a quick laugh and wave. The excitement that radiated from you was palpable eagerness as you bounced up and down on the vinyl cushions. 

The gallery wall before you was packed full of smiling faces and you scanned it quickly, looking for just the perfect spot. 

“Ah hah!” you exclaimed as you spied a clear area in between a collage of photographs. Your tongue stuck out of the side of your mouth as you held up the photograph and tried to line it up as level and as straight as possible. 

The thumbtack made a small thunk as it pushed through the paint coating the wall, and you stepped back on the bench to admire your work, your chest heaving from the sheet excitement of it all.

The tinkle of the bell made you turn back towards the door.

Clyde walked in behind you, grumbling something about how you “never goddamn slow down” before he stopped to stare at you. 

He looked at you quizzically for just a second before he saw what you had done. He whistled low as he sauntered up behind you and hugged you at the waist. “Lookin’ pretty good up there huh?” 

You beamed down at him where his head rested against your hip and ruffled his hair. “Did you think we could leave without adding ourselves up on the wall?”

“Guess you’re right. Looks good with my family up there too.”

“You think your momma would mind?”

Clyde scoffed and tugged you down to kiss you. You laughed against his lips as he smiled and broke from you to look at you from under his long lashes. “Darlin’, I know she’d love seein’ you up there.” 

~~~

You were back on the road right away, and although you were loath to leave, you were also happy to be on the open roads again. You gazed lovingly at Clyde as he drove your car through the West Virginia mountains. It was a daydream - the windows down, music lilting through the speakers, your mountain man beside you. The fresh mountain air streamed over your hand where you dangled it out of the window and you felt the sun as it warmed your body.

It felt weird, the bittersweet twang at your heart as you drove away from Boone County. You still couldn’t believe how much it had come to mean to you in the time you had been there.

But most of all you couldn’t believe what the man sitting beside you meant to you. You turned over in your seat to gaze at Clyde your eyes full of a love you could barely capture in words. As if he could feel you staring at him, he flicked his eyes to you with a raised eyebrow. 

“You alright there darlin’?” 

You hummed as you settled back in the seat and propped your feet on the dashboard. “More than alright Clyde,” you responded. “I feel perfectly at home.” 

And that was the full truth. 

You tapped your toes together on the dashboard as you rolled the taste of that statement around your mouth. “I feel perfectly at home.” It had been years since you had an address to properly call home, but you knew that didn’t matter. 

As long as you had Clyde by your side, you were home.

~~~

Taglist: @mind-p0llution @thedivinemissm @clydesducktape @finn-ray-nal-beads @ladygrey03 @desiraypark @1800-fight-me @hopeamarsu @kkysolo @clumsycopy @mylifeisactuallyamess @daydreamsofren @mariesackler (Comment or message me to be added or removed!)

~~~

A/N: Holy fuck. It’s done. I genuinely don’t even know where to begin to thank people but I guess I have to start somewhere. 

@mind-p0llution - For so much. Without you, I wouldn’t have started writing, let alone posting. Thank you for encouraging me, boosting my confidence, and encouraging me every step of the way. Thank you for beta’ing chapters and for just being the wonderful human you are. This story wouldn’t have seen the light of day had it not been for you and I am eternally grateful. 

@clumsycopy - For creating such gorgeous art for this story and being so kind to it at every turn. AND inspiring me to keep adding to it! You are such a gem. 

@kkysolo - For being you. You have kept me writing this story just by supporting it so much and have helped me through so many writers blocks and story issues. Thank you for helping make the story what it is. 

@mylifeisactuallyamess @the-sacredtexts @daydreamsofren​ - For helping when I don’t know how to use punctuation and when I write sentences that sound funny! And again, for being the supportive angels you are. 

@clydesducktape​ @hopeamarsu​ and treecreeper86 (AO3) - You have been so incredibly kind about this story and I am just? So humbled by it and your more than generous comments. Thank you for just brightening my day all the time.