#oldletter

Hey guys, been a long time since I last posted anything, and quite frankly, I should really be more active than I am.  And you’re warned!  There’s a book ahead that I crafted just for a special someone.

That aside, today I was going through some of my old stuff from school.  I didn’t really expect to find much of anything, until I stumbled across one of my favorite notebooks that I kept most (if not all) my most cherished writings in.

In the mix of things, from fan-fic to diary entries, I found a letter.

This letter was no ordinary letter, in fact, it’s the one I regret never sending the most.

A letter to Mark Fischbach.  One that, at the time, I was too ashamed and too scared to send to him in fear of what could possibly transpire from it.  I was afraid and so let down that I had come to terms with myself in such a manner.  Thus, the letter was never sent.  Left to be found by a later, more outspoken me.

So today, I wish to share with you my letter.  With no fear and no regrets (other than never sending it when I had the chance).  Take note of the fact that I have edited this letter today and added a few more things to it, including proper grammar and spelling mistakes/punctuation mistakes, though 95% of it is still the original piece.  Also take note of the fact that if you are just going to be rude and hateful towards my musings as a 14 year old with a major crush on her idol, please do not read this letter.  You will be able to tell which parts have been added and which are originals, as some are speaking from the person I am now.

Let’s begin, shall we?

Dear Mark,

My name is Savannah, and I am 14 years old.  I am from Maryville, Tennessee, and I have been a huge fan of yours since I subscribed to your channel not too long ago after my birthday in July this year (2012).  By now, you have a video reacting to some of your older content.  You call it “cringey” but I loved every bit of who you used to be, who you’ve become and who you will continue to be.  I love just how easily and effortlessly you are able to turn the worst of my days into the best, and when I see you, butterflies fill my stomach.

It may come as a shock, but even though I do not know you personally, I might as well.  I follow you on Twitter and Instagram and have watched all of your videos up to date.  So, naturally, your birthday is marked on my calendar.  I am well aware of all your favorites including food, color, animal, movie and music genre.  Your background and family is common knowledge to me.  Like a hawk, I follow your actions and your relationship status and know all the gossip before your average person (and I promise I have your back).  Essentially, if I played a jeopardy game just concerning you, I would be rich.

Even though some call me a dreamer, I have a tight enough grip on reality to realize this probably will not work out.  However, I think I am more helpful to you than you may ever know.  It’s no secret that celebrities (if you’re okay with me using that term) owe their success to partly their talent and how well they manage themselves, but also owe it to their fans.  (As I very well know, up until now I’ve watched all your vlogs and dedicational videos. <3).  Those random positive vibes you get on bad days - you can thank me for that.  I can assure you that when people hate on you, I am there to defend your honor.  Plus, celebrity crushers are double the fan, therefor double the impact.

I know it sounds crazy that I’m confessing my admiration for you in this manner, but I just want you to know that I am not the only one who feels this way about someone they probably won’t meet. (I teared up at that part, rip.) Crushing on celebrities is a simple part of human nature along with the need for naps, coffee, crazy nights out, and Netflix.  Sure, we may never have a tangible relationship as friends or something more, and I may never even see you in person, but no harm no foul.  I still want to take a moment to express my appreciation.

Thank you for having the most piercing eyes I’ve ever seen.  Also, please never change your fabulous hair because it is also one of my favorite things about you (of which there are too many to list). Really, seeing your face on the screen is better than the feeling of waking up early and realizing it’s Sunday and being able to go back to sleep.  So yes, it is safe to say, I find you attractive.

More importantly, I’d like to thank you for your admirable talents.  It takes a special kind of person to trigger an emotional response out of me whether it is tears of laughter or sadness, just from delivering a few lines or making a certain facial expression.  Sometimes it’s hard for me to tell if you’re my celebrity crush because you play a substantial role in Let’s Plays, or if Let’s Plays are my favorites because you play a substantial role in them.  Whatever the case, I appreciate you immensely.

Love, Sav.

And there we have it.  Most of that coming from the 14 year old me.  The letter I never sent and thought I would never attempt getting out there to Mark somehow.  Yet, here we are.

I hope you enjoyed.  If you think this is worth getting back to Mark, please share!

Desk of May