#olchlt

Although the lights had returned and power was restored, his mental health was still in shambles. He still sat, crouched beneath his and Kai’s shared desk. His head laid across his knees as he kept his legs pulled to his chest. Slowly, he rocked back and forth as tears continued to trickle down his freckles cheeks. Being alone was probably the worst thing for him, right now.  He’d tried to call his brother to at least talk to the person he was the closest to. But the time difference wasn’t in their favor, tonight. He knew his brother was probably passed out after a drunken night. 

He tossed his phone, not even realizing the power he’d put behind the throw. The expensive phone hit the way with a bang before clattering to the floor. He knew without looking that he’d broken it. Although he was a gentle man, he often forgot that the Gumiho in him wasn’t. It was a Monster with power and rage that he kept inside. He’d had many things happen to him that could have forced the monster to the surface. And maybe if he let it out every once in a while, maybe, he wouldn’t find himself huddled beneath a desk, crying and craving Malachi’s touch. 

His arms tightened around his legs as his cries shook through his small frame. It was times like this that made him remember that he wasn’t better and that he only pretended to be. All of the videos of him smiling and chatting with subscribers, these past months, it all felt like a mask, when his shit finally caught up to him. More times than he’d like to admit, he found himself talking longer showers because he could sit and cry without anyone knowing. Or the days when he told himself that he’d clean or go out but he found himself sitting in bed afraid to leave the confines of his blanket. The sound of the door opening and shutting fell on deaf ears as Ashton found himself lost in thoughts of anxiety.