#ogf

mahvetti ilaclar uykumu ya

one of the harder things emotionally to deal with this year was the sudden loss of friends and a community that i’d come to rely on to get me through this miserable slog of a pandemic. not through direct personal conflict or anything - i think in a way that would have been easier to deal with in terms of closure- but more through an abrupt and bitter dissolution of said community and. i dunno. i feel like the reason i’ve been such a fucking basket case recently might be because i never gave myself a chance to mourn that loss. but saying that it’s like... i don’t even know how to mourn it, because i’m still here and i have other rly good friends who are still here too and i’m so fucking thankful for them. and at the same time i still feel this loneliness and regret and lack of closure that i really don’t know how to deal with or how to mourn without moving on completely. idk man it’s fucking weird and i’ve never dealt with anything like this before.