#odywrites

oh boy. oooooh boy.

this is a charged question, man. buckle up.

if i wanted to give you an easy and quick answer, it would be that yes, he does.

though it's way more complicated than that.

the problem is that peanut is incredibly dependent on johnny. and not just in terms of "i'll do what he says because i'm his second in command". as in, my role is to live and breathe fro him. i tend to rant a lot abt him, so i will probably put together some stuff ive already mentioned in the past lmao, but, for example, in his audio files, peanut mentions johnny around thirty times. thirty. that means an average of once every thirty seconds. almost four times as much as gord mentions derby (and, aside from peanut, he is the one with the most instances of mentioning their leader among all the characters).

he craves johnny's attentions like a starved dog; he'll call his name when he scores at dodgeball or he'll cry for help to him when he's being bullied/hit. he feels like he owes him, not only for something but on an existential level, almost- let me help you like johnny helped me.

however, he's also profoundly envious of him. i can think of two instances where he dreams about having lola's attention, and i believe this has less to do with lola (since there are also other voice lines where he expresses his perplexities about her) and more with johnny, with being johnny. johnny, who, to him, is this god, this perfect being that he can only aspire to be. and admittedly it's been a while since i went through the entire of his audio files but there might be something more along these lines.

(if i wanted to get super audacious, i would say he's almost some fatherly figure- to fulfill my life, i have to replace you and become like you in the measure that i love you. but that would bring us into some pseudo-freudian territory that i don't think a lot of people would be comfortable about, lmao. tho also there was that one art by @fermocent that i love a lot that encapsulates this a lot in terms also of parallels with tad that i love truly deeply)

anyways anyone who's been on this page for some time know how from time to time i have insistently mentioned the parallels between lola and peanut, right?

welp! that was a joke but the time has finally come!! a super-pretentious essay just for the fun of it!! (and also bc i haven't been writing actually argumentative texts in like months perhaps a year, so. yikes, i really need to practice again)

word count: 2.2k WOAH. IM SORRY

i, in my corner, with my monstrous needs. — susan sontag, as consciousness is harnessed to flesh

why hi anon!!! this such an interesting question, thank you!!

i remember reading that hc, yep!!

i hc all the three of them, however, to be only children (i think they're the only greasers that i do??). in fact, for all three of them, this fundamental isolation is their childhood is, in the way i read it, what shaped some of the way they socialize and influences a lot their interactions.

as for johnny, the thing is that his parents were both in the drug dealing circles of new coventry, hence why they were in prison for a while- his father was actually pretty important in the neighborhood, while his mom mostly helped and did other legal jobs (which is also why she got out earlier). and johnny learnt both how to be a man and how not to be a man from his father- he taught him strength and roughness and to never take a hit but punch harder. but he also taught that johnny didn't want to hit his woman, didn't want to leave the house for a smoke to cool his head when she was crying and threatening to hurt herself because of him, didn't want her to be his slave.

in this framework, i think that him having, say, a brother would sort of... scatter the relationship his father has with him, the attention and, almost, the pressure to be worthy of being treated as a peer. which is something i really like to read for johnny. and i also like the idea of him having had his mother as the only woman in his life, before lola. call him a mama's boy, but he learned to take care of his mother before he even questioned how to deal with an eventual girlfriend. so he has learned to take care of the people he has around himself, such as peanut, almost in a way that replaces a paternal figure as protector of the house. but also internalized some very specific notions about masculinity and virility that he totally projects onto the relationship with lola.

ultimately, i think, the whole point is that the way he lives the relationship with lola in particular is basically a result with having grown up with the only reference in his house of close human interaction as his parents, and having to sort of step up where they lacked in the sole spousal relationship.

with peanut, my hc is that his mom had him when she was very young, sixteen years old, and she was... basically on her own, really; the boy she had had him with had fled as soon as he had a chance, her dad was on the other side of the ocean and her mom was basically mia (i still have to figure out the logistics of this, since, when i first elaborated it, i forgot for a while that Laws Existed, LMAO, and i was already too far in the creating process to change that), so she had to raise him on her own. and peanut spent most of his childhood in his living room, waiting for his mom to come back home, watching the vhs she had rented for him and reading the motors magazines. it's there that he fell in love with greasers, crushing on marlon brando and james dean, the shiny motorcycles and the raw leather jackets.

he basically had to live with himself, you see. also bc his mom, so young and unprepared, was very overwhelmed most of the time, and- i did post a quick snippet of a scrapped chapter of my fic already, actually, so you can get a broad but more detailed idea of their relationship if you want!! either way, point is. larry had to learn to tend to himself at a very young age, dealing with the loneliness and his own sensitivity, running from eventual kids of the neighborhood, who liked to take advantage of him being much smaller than most of them, trying not to take up too much space and upset his mom.

so of course, when he met johnny, older, proud, powerful as a sun, promising to take care of him, it felt almost unreal, something he never thought he could have wished for nor something he thought he deserved. some kind of care and protection hed never learnt to receive, and that he hang onto for dear life because suddenly... he wasn't on his own anymore.

(sometimes parents are just Contextual Objects. other time they are fully fleshed ocs with a backstory and a whole personality. turns out despite everything immacolata romano is really my child and i am so so fond of her and id have soo much more to say abt her relationship w peanut. but i digress)

and lola- i'll admit, shes the one i bounced back and forth about the most, in trying to imagine her family's situation. (in fact, if you see any reference to her family in my older fics/post, no you dont) at some point i even considered the idea of her having a much older brother who would sort of fill in for some absent father figure, but then i scrapped it. i think that, in her case as well, having grown up alone with her parents' relationship as a reference makes potentially much more sense than any other possibility i considered.

lola has a quote, in which she says "i'm so old, my life is almost over!" when... she's just?? sixteen??? seventeen??? i think it's because, see, her parents got married and had her when they were young, maybe nineteen or twenty- yknow, as soon as it was legal for the both of them without too many loopholes. however, the relationship was very unbalanced and fundamentally deteriorated, perhaps not from the beginning but very soon. her father being dominant, violent, arrogant and such. and her mother has always been bitter, subdued but angry and resentful at her husband, at the golden expectations she had, at her womanhood and, of course, at her daughter. she's always seen her as living proof of her own wasted beauty and youth; but, especially as soon lola started growing up to the age at which girls start being looked at by the boys, which we unfortunately know how soon it is, saw in her what she felt she'd lost. so she'd often remind her how lola was the reason why she is now a ruin of a woman, why she went from a beautiful and promising girl to an old and unattractive hag.

again- her being the only child helps focus on her the kingpin of this dynamic, especially on her mother's part. so lola grew up knowing what can happen to women, what remains when the fairytales of the princess marrying the prince crumble with the remnants of childhood. she realized at eleven, twelve years old how men were starting to look at her in the street and she knew what the next step would have been. she was reminded every day of her life. so, when she walked into bullworth, into the relationship with johnny, all she knew is that she wouldn't have ended up like her mother. knew that she wouldn't have fallen in love, wouldn't be tricked by the sweet words and the dreamy gazes. and she knew that she had no weapons to defend herself but the very thing that could've otherwise been the death of her, that being the male attention. and finding a way to use johnny's attention specifically, with his blind devotion mixed to the obliviousness, to her own advantage... well, that's what her whole arc is about, isn't it.

as i write this, i'm starting to realize that her having, perhaps specifically a brother, might function as a tool to highlight the difference in treatment between her, a daughter, and an eventual son. however, i stand my case that i really like the idea of this whole dynamic of her parents and her mother in particular resting on her and her only, creating this sort of... tunnel vision in which her very isolation in front of her view create her idea of how the world works.

this is from a deleted chapter of shttdd. i had to cut it for a number of reasons, but this scene was one of the first i pictured in my mind and it works perfectly with the idea i still have about the relationship between peanut and his mother.

so. here it is, a deleted and rough draft of an excerpt from the story as well as a headcanon. enjoy <3

-

word count: 1.5k ca.

he's so kind and for what!!

like really. norton is the kindest person you will ever meet

and he's pretty insecure about that. also because his father has spent a lifetime telling him to man up and just learn the way the world works

plus bullworth is well. the way it is. not easy for kind souls

so he toughened up on the surface but on the inside, the part that he lets his friends see, he's still got a golden heart like ponyboy's sunsets

speaking of which, the outsiders is the book he is the most fond of (it's also part of the reason he decided to become a greaser!!) but he loves to read in general!!

he has a little notebook where he keeps track of all the book he reads and the movies he watches; he also keeps track of how much he liked them, his main thoughts of them and so forth

he also writes poetry from time to time!!

also he's got very strong political opinions. his father expected him to become a cop when he grows up; now he's radically on the left and extremely critical of the legal system as a whole

he gives the best hugs!!!! he might not be the best at finding the words to comfort his friends, and not on the spot, but his hugs cure all illnesses

not as good as you would expect with children. turns out toddlers really aren't that keen on having discussions about media analysis

too cautious for his own life

also he's the one who makes sure no one of his reckless cliquemates accidentally finds a way to put themself in danger

he tries to keep a sort of low profile at home, but the walls of his dorm room are covered in posters and sketches he's tried to do himself

though he's very insecure about that too. but he's learning!!

he shares said room with peanut btw. they get along very very well because they both know they can be kind and gentle and vulnerable, because they know they will both be gentle. they're so soft i love them

he respects johnny as a leader, but he does think he's much too reckless and impulsive, often overlooking what would be best for the clique as a whole in favor of his wants

also he's got this reciprocal, deep distaste for lola, because they have deeply contrasting values and therefore attitudes so it's a mutual disapproval really

also he's the best at doing piercings

he got himself a navel piercing. his parents still don't know and they can't know

wears glasses when he reads and when he drives!! astigmatism + slight myopia but he doesn't need them all the time

speaking of driving- most greasers actually can drive a car and/or a motorcycle, but norton is one of the few who. actually has got a license

like, bully isn't a queer game, at all. in fact, it was meant to be a rockstar, white cishet teenage boy game. ableism, misogyny and whatnot really aren't missing

many many characters have been raised in their life and shaped by the creators around the gender roles and stereotypes even, say with the jocks, and all the homophobia that comes with the all-male, tough masculine aspect and yet the physical closeness of football

but then you have all these characters who are all different shades and experiences of queerness. jimmy himself is the protagonist on whom the player can project their own way of living their own sentimental life but is mostly written as being openly and confidently bisexual, and kirby is into boys but buried so deep into the closet that even just being seen with trent is enough to make him run away, and justin adores the jocks so much and also admits thinking sometimes that he's not interested in girls and has a passion for greek sculpture, and cornelius defies all gender roles by identifying both on stage and in relationships with juliet and can also be seen by other students holding hands with boys, and troy tries so hard to force himself to stop thinking about guys and seems to have a crush on russell, and derby and bif are rumored and suggested to be together but anything that happens does away from strangers' eyes, and peanut has this attraction for both johnny and lola but they both are tied together and with him with so many layers of complicated dynamics that make the attraction confusing, and gord is graceful to the point of almost stereotypically effeminate and yet so natural and unapologetic about it, and juri says a lot that he's so sure about girls liking strong and muscular boys but also casually asks his interlocutor if they ever wondered what it would be like to be of the opposite sex, and (if he was included in the final game) bob is openly gay and mentions the casual homoeroticism of wrestling and sports, and trent is flirty and bisexual and an aspiring actor implied to be into musical, and these are just some of the canon things that come first to my mind

first of all, i need to warn you- if you have read the song of achilles, delete it from your brain. forget about it forever you can rest now it was all a bad dream. know that both their personalities and their dynamics were simplified and stripped of all their cultural significance, reducing them to a hormonal-thirteen-years-olds-wattpad-fanfiction-from-2012 kind of story that fucking irks me as a classic lits student. with all due respect to thirteen year olds writing fanfic on wattpad in 2012.

so, the thing about them. achilles is the strongest warrior of the greeks, just him deciding not to partake in the war is a decisive hit for the army; just one nod of his is enough to decide the entire fate of his companions. but also, he's driven by blind pride, personal gain, an archaic and profound sense of honor. except that, you know- this is much more natural of a mindset than it might seem, because it's a very part of the societal and cultural structure these warriors live in. it is a value that's passed on within generation and that any sane citizen would've had, it was the mentality of the ruling class and the contrary would've been an anomaly. (if ur interested in this aspect: see archilocus' shield)

i think it's already easy to notice how this parallels some of the very core aspects of the preps' context and derby in particular. every action, their very existence is a matter of honor and reputation; for derby in particular, the leader, the one who always calls the shots, and when he wants something there's no one stopping him, not even his own clique. he will have what he wants, and if just one small offense is done to him, it's everyone's fault, and nothing will get better unless the cut is mended.

and then there's patroclus. older, wiser. he's not as powerful as achilles, but he's a level-minded, resistant and skilled warrior, favored by the gods. that's mostly what i hate about what madeline miller did to him, trying to make him into a relatable, pacifist softboy- he's one of the greatest warriors of the army, respected and recognized by all. he's perfectly capable of standing up on his own and fighting without achilles, basically massacring an entire army; if apollo didn't intervene, he would have won against hector change my mind

the thing about them, though, is that... they're still stronger together. a warrior's arms were a sacred thing, so when patroclus wears achille's armor is much more than a simple impersonation. they re exchanging power, almost blending into each other, and patroclus fights with his own and achilles' power. do you see the parallel there?

derby is of course a great leader, and bif is a powerful fighter on his own; but when you put them together they become unbeatable, a force of nature that is born from the union of them.

and also!! one of my favorite scenes from the iliad is one where we see achilles, in his tent, playing the lyre, while patroclus sits in front of him. for one: sitting in front of each other was a gesture of great intimacy, almost symbolic. two: this is almost a contradiction with what we said about achilles before. he is a demigod, but here and now, playing sad music, sitting in front of patroclus, he becomes human.

and that's the thing about derby and bif, that in their life they're expected to uphold aristocratic values, to never show any trace of imperfections or flaws. that their pride and reputation, as they have been told their whole lives, is essential, and they have nothing without it. and yet, when they are together, they just let that superhuman mask fall, and they can just be fragile, emotional, they can have a heart beating and flesh and blood and they can love. when they're together they are human again

the first layer, the simplest and most immediate one- forbidden romance, rival factions.

like, neither of the two ever imagined what the other could ever mean to them until their streets really crossed and they met each other's real self and they knew, y'know.

speaking of eyes, we have met one key term. you might know that i'm completely obsessed with gazes, glances, eyes and so forth. i could attempt at doing a history of the concept of sight in literature, but i will just say: only know that in ancient greek the past form of the verb “see” is the same work used for “to know” (as in, “i saw, therefore i know”, not only with the physical eyes but especially the eyes of the soul. actually keep this in mind).

in shakespeare's play this is very important, since romeo understands that juliet sort of is his “soulmate”, so to speak, is when he looks her in the eye

sort of. unrelated but i beg you please read the ballroom scene it is one of the best pieces of poetry ever in modern literature it's so full of feelings and references and everything is so charged with meaning it consumes me daily

where i want to go with this is. that tad and peanut do antagonize each other, but when the occasion comes for them to see, therefore to know (see the note about the greek terms i mentioned before-i don't know how much shakespeare knew about ancient greek of course, but i do believe that the existence of the concept in itself must mean something about the collective mindset, ykwim?) each other's soul.

this allowing them to find in each other the mirror of so many of their insecurities and doubts and inadequacies and see all the mist that was holding them back dissolve. becuase then again they have soooo much in common alright, but they need to see it in each other to understand that they share so much ans find that connection.

and then there’s my favorite part, the one that made me fall in love with the play and made me reevaluate it completely from what i thought when i was a kid. to put it simply: love wins.

montagues and capulets are at each other's throats, rivals since generations to the point that they barely need a reason anymore. when romeo and juliet find each other, their connection literally jumps over that hatred, making them realize how senseless and harmful that was. when they die together, the two families come together in grief, finally erasing that line that kept them separate. i'm telling you, it's genuine love winning over the senseless hate, the violent ends to these violent delights that… end it, that's exactly it, allowing them to grow past that history of conflict.

now, of course greasers and preps have much more valid and complex reasons for their conflict, i don't think i need to specify that. but yet, in all their previous interactions tad and peanut have been marked by this hatred, not between individuals but between groups.

but when the moment we mentioned before comes, when they see each other, there's an understanding, a connection that leaps over that conflict, over their differences and the walls that nothing but the conditions they came to the world to put between them. they are unjust, and unfair, and rightfully one wonders why they should live each within these fences, why it is this hard to get out of them.

there's dangers, in following through with a relationship. there are obstacles and difficulties and it's like walking over a suspension bridge hanging on an abyss and armies at both sides. and yet, yet they decide to go on, to hang on tight to each other, just by virtue of that soul filling love and understanding that they find in each other, something so profound that becomes universal