#ocsd

Aliases / Nicknames: Lazy Bones, Clean Freak

Gender: nonbinary (ze/zir)

Sexuality: polysexual

Family: unnamed mother, unnamed father, two unnamed sisters

Other Relations: unnamed mentor

Clan: ThunderClan

Rank: warrior

Characteristics: severe OCD/OCSD, paranoia, anxiety-ridden

Motive to Harm: N/A

Number of Victims: 24

Number of Murders: 0

Murder Method: N/A

Method of Harm: refusing to hunt for zir Clan, refusing to fight for zir Clan, refusing to work for zir Clan, refusing to listen to zir Clanmates, refusing to listen to zir leader

Known Victims: zir Clanmates

Victim Profile: cats who had to work twice as hard because of zir, cats hurt in battle because of zir, cats going hungry because of zir

Cause of Death: starvation

Cautionary Tale: ??

Story:

The itch was a part of zir for a long time, so much so that many of zir Clanmates have begun to refer to zir as the 'Neat Freak.'

Sometimes it was friendly teasing. Other times it wasn't so sweet.

Ze knew ze was weird, zir Clanmates made sure of that. Ze knew zir thoughts were irrational to an extent, but ze couldn't help it. That itch would grab ahold of zir and would dig into zir brain, nagging and pestering and digging, digging, digging until ze listened.

Sometimes it was easy, removing a fallen leaf from zir nest or going on walks right as the sun touched the tips of the trees.

Other times, it was harder to please the itch, and the thoughts would circle endlessly. Was that just a fallen leaf or was the roof going to collapse? Ze better make sure, just in case, and check every inch of the den, every twig and every leaf. Ze should check the other dens too, while ze're at it, and...did ze miss something? Ze should do it all again, just in case....

The older ze became, the harder it was to recognize the irrationality of zir compulsions, however compelling they were.

It all culminated in one fateful New-Leaf, when an unknown sickness spread across the Clan.

No one could be certain where it came from, though the medicine cat strongly suspected the culprit was tainted prey. It had badly affected zir, causing immense abdominal pain, nausea, and the worst headache ze had ever experienced in zir life. It had also taken the lives of three cats--zir father included.

Although Silverdew would make a full recovery, the thought alone of getting sick again gave zir horrible panic attacks.

Ze couldn't eat without the intense fear of it being tainted overrun zir thoughts. Soon, ze couldn't so much as touch a hair on the fresh-kill pile without needing to run to the nearest stream and wash zir paws to the point of bleeding. Not long after that, ze couldn't touch living prey either.

Silverdew tried to make up for it, helping repair dens when needed and doing anything ze could that didn't involve hunting or touching food.

But the itch dug deeper, and so did the paranoia.

The food that was carried all over the camp, the swapped meals, the messy faces. Worst was the flies that ze would watch land on someone's meal while they were distracted, carrying who-knew how many diseases. Was that how they got sick before?

Was it multiple flies, or was it just one?

If it was one, did one Clanmate unknowingly spread it to the others? Was everyone carrying it without knowing? Were they all spreading the sickness?

Just watching zir Clanmates made Silverdew feel nauseated, watching as they talked and imagining the sickness flowing through the air without them knowing, entering their bodies and killing them.

Ze wanted to warn them, but...ze didn't want to get contaminated. The warriors' den was stuffy, too many bodies, too many cats breathing, too many cats who may be infected....

Cats were confused when ze constructed zir own small den, a nest with just enough coverage to protect zir, but they knew at this point that stopping zir from acting out these strange behaviours was a waste of time.

That's not to say Silverdew's Clanmates weren't immensely worried about zir. Ze may be too in zir own head to notice how thin ze was getting, ribs poking out of zir sides and eyes sinking into zir head more and more each day, but they weren't.

They tried desperately to get zir to eat, even trying to feed zir while ze slept. The medicine cat tried to convince zir with their expert knowledge in health, the leader tried to order it. But all attempts resulted in zir freaking out in a desperate attempt to clean zirself.

In a sorrowful turn of irony, Silverdew would force zirself to throw up any time the mere possibility of food brushing zir lips came about, deliberately causing the same nausea that had plagued zir for three moons, the same nausea that had contributed to zir paranoia.

In spite of the effort of Silverdew's Clanmates, ze only got worse.

In time, Silverdew wouldn't leave zir makeshift nest, not to eat, not to drink, not even to wash zir paws because what if the stream was contaminated too?

Even when RiverClan invaded the camp, Silverdew didn't move, hiding behind zir curtain of lichen, praying that the other cats would leave soon and take their dirty air with them.

No matter what happened, no matter how many cats begged or yelled or pushed or prodded, ze wouldn't move from the nest. It was the only safe place. It was the only clean place.

It was the only safe place. It was the only clean place. It was the only safe place. It was the only clean place. It was the only safe place. It was the only clean place. It was the only safe place. It was the only clean place. It was the only safe place. It was the only clean place.

It's...it's getting dark.

Additional Information:

--Basically ze was sent to the Dark Forest for...being mentally ill.

For the record, this is because I believe StarClan sucks and would do this, not because I actually believe ze should be condemned. All the "method of harm" and "victims" stuff is StarClan's view. What they think exactly probably ranges, but it most likely ranges from "just lazy and trying to get out of work" to "legitimately in trouble but not trying hard enough to fix it." Plus more stuff about ignoring leader's orders, not listening to Clanmates, etc. etc.

For the record it is NOWHERE near that easy and is a very xenophobic view--that's StarClan for ya.

--I myself have OCD but it has never gotten this bad before. Have I stayed in bed for a while? Yes but that was depression more than anything. Silverdew's profile was partly written just to write, partly written to get the fear of what could happen out, like a journal.