#nyctodc

I fell off the tumblr bandwagon for awhile and return to share a story about my recent bus trip to DC.  It is long because five hours without headphones sitting near chatty ladies makes for a long story. 

Last Friday, I boarded a BoltBus to attend my last wedding of the 2014 wedding season at a resort outside DC. "Outside" turned out to be quite outside and I probably should have flown but then I wouldn't have had the lovely experiences I am about to share. 

I arrived at 9:28 a.m. because apparently now when I travel, I  underestimate everything and almost miss my bus/train/airplane.  I need to not do this when I go to Paris in 10 days.  The bus was about half full, no empty window seats so I took an open aisle seat next to a woman who gave off a "I'm pleasant but also won't make you talk to me" vibe.  Across the aisle was an older woman, wearing a number of layers, in the window seat.  I quickly figured out she was traveling with the older woman seated behind her.  I thought they were also traveling with a younger couple seated nearby because when the man sneezed, one of the women told him to use a handkerchief.  The rest of the bus ride convinced me that she didn't know him, she just likes to tell people what to do.

 The bus driver gave his usual speech about keeping your voices down and shoes on.   This did not deter the two women from conversing with one another loud enough for me to hear every word. 

As we merged onto the West Side Highway:

Woman#1: Is Bernie Madoff alive?

Woman#2: Who?

Woman#1 (louder): Bernie Madoff.

Woman#2: I still can't hear you.

Woman#1 (louder, slightly annoyed): BERNIE. MADOFF.

Woman#2: No, I don't think so. We would have heard.

Woman#1: I thought he had cancer.

Woman#2: Well, that didn't kill him.

Woman#1: It should have.

(Woman#1 dropping truth bombs).

A few hours in, I learned Woman #1 is named Anita. I never learned Woman #2's name.  We'll call her Ruth. She definitely could have been a Ruth. 

Other highlights of the ride:

Anita telling Ruth that Jon Stewart's movie got favorable reviews and they really should go see it when it comes out.

A lengthy discussion of why Anita never thinks to buy apples, even though "they are right there at the market."

A report on what they each ate for breakfast (Anita: an english muffin and half of a banana (she had the other half the night before), Ruth: oatmeal and coffee) and what they brought to have for lunch (Anita: a sandwich of unknown components, Ruth: "some nice egg salad").

Anita's take on Web Therapy and "that Lisa Kudrow is very funny."

We hit significant traffic as we neared the end of the NJ Turnpike and at one point, Ruth leaned over to me and asked if I knew what the problem was. I told her the right lane was closing because of construction up ahead.  

This led to an exchange of approximately five "Well, this is just awful" remarks between Ruth and Anita.  It also led to Anita calling the person responsible for picking them up in DC and telling him/her about the delay.  After that call, things got a little tense because Anita then told Ruth that they would be going to Larry's apartment before the show.  Ruth was distraught.  This was "brand new information" and she didn't have anything to bring to Larry and "I can't go empty-handed."  Anita tried to reassure her but Ruth wasn't having any of it.  She then called Renee and asked her to pick her up a bottle of wine for Larry. "I just found out we are going to Larry's apartment." Renee refused, apparently declaring that Larry didn't need anything.  

Ruth was at her most indignant at Renee's refusal but there was nothing else she could do.  She would just have to buy something later in the weekend and make a return trip to Larry's apartment. 

Both the tension and the traffic soon broke up and we continued to move through Delaware and into Maryland.  Anita began reading a long article in New York Magazine about tipping and Ruth tackled the Times; crossword puzzle. Despite their solitary pursuits, every five minutes or so, one would ask if the other was okay. (That part didn't bother me, I am not a completely heartless b*tch.)

As the bus pulled onto the GW parkway, Ruth stood up to discover Anita was not in her seat.  When Anita returned from the bathroom, this exchange occurred: 

Ruth You used the bathroom on the bus?

Anita: Yes. I've used it twice. 

Ruth: Isn't it hard with the bus moving?

Anita: No, it is not hard.  Just hold on when you are walking back there.

Ruth: How is it?

Anita; How is what? 

Ruth: The bathroom. Does it need housekeeping? 

Anita: No, it is fine.  Just go. Who knows when we'll get there. 

(Again, Anita with the truth bombs.  Our bus was almost an hour late).  

When Ruth returned from the bathroom, Anita asked her what she was going to do next. Ruth stated she was tired of reading so Anita suggested they sit together and talk.  (Because before they were...?) They then read out the various signs they saw on the GW parkway to one another while making wildly inaccurate but confident proclamations about where we were.  As we neared Union Station, Anita declared the area to be "the outskirts of DC" and  stated "this must be the black area." This led to another phone call to the ladies' ride during which Anita read the street signs to the poor person on the other end and declared that she hoped she could find him/her and don't forget, she doesn't use escalators.   The bus finally arrived at Union Station and I, without a shred of guilt, cut in front of Ruth in the aisle and got off the bus before her.