#nsvd

Hi, you're probably reading this because you've read the first one about my labor. Here you'll learn how my birth experience went as raw as I can describe it because I won't sugar-coat anything. I've been lied to about this! Imma make sure that the lies ends here. lol!

Around 9pm, we safely arrived at the hospital. I want to stress out on the "safely" part of this arrival because RJ is just laser-focused on the "faster" part and the rest of the ride was just a bunch of honking. I don't know how many times I've squeezed his arms every time a contraction hits, maybe that's the reason why.

We were settled at the E.R., I was comforted by the sight of my doctor. She said that she just delivered a baby that's why she's there. She sent me to one of her resident doctors to be IEd so she could assess what CM the opening of my cervix is at. Now, I am at 4cm.

I'm like, wtf! Really?! After all that wrenching pain, we're still at 4cm?!

She said she'll be back for me in the morning or even before that, anyway she already told her resident doctors to monitor me and my baby.

At the E.R., they attached a contraction and fetal heart monitor on my belly and kid you not, that's when my contraction really up its intensity to x5 and the intervals are just now down to 1-2mins apart! I was just so lucky that RJ was still allowed to stay with me at the E.R. Without him there, I wouldn't know where to get some courage to stay awake through the pain. We were settled at the ER first since my RT-PCR result is still not in, once I get the negative RT-PCR result back, that's when they'll put me on the L&D floor along with the other laboring moms. I let RJ get some power nap because I know it would still take time. This time, I can no longer bear the pain but gladly, my mother and sisters are there with me virtually, monitoring and cheering my soul up. Thank God for the gift of family! It truly helped me divert my attention from the pain. I can still even joke around while messaging them.

I just really wished it's the same environment they allow in the L&D floor.

Around 11pm, RJ told me that my negative RT-PCR results are in. This is where he'd leave me. He'll stay in our room while I will be taken on the L&D floor waiting for my cervix to open, wider enough to deliver a baby. I was not allowed to bring anything even my mobile phone. It was just me and my IV line, in a hospital gown with my huge belly. The orderly who assisted me going up even said, "Oo ma'am, ikaw lang didto. Bawal cellphone. Sunod kita ninyo ni Sir naa na si baby." RJ and I looked at each other and said our goodbyes, see you later.

Little did I know this is where my agony starts.

Before entering the L&D room, they had me remove my footwear and wear the sanitized ones they have. I can already tell how weak the lights are from the entrance. For some reason, that added to my tension. It gives off very despairing vibe which is the very last thing a laboring mother needs. The nurse who met me upon arrival asks me to climb up to the table because a doctor will attend to me in a while for IE. Shet, kaingon gyud ko'g IE na sad?! I hate it when it's the male resident doctor who'd do it on me because he's not therapeutic - at all! Well, guess what, it's him the nurse pulled. It was only postpartum when I realized, I can decline him! We're in a private hospital, I can despise him and ask for another doctor to do it for me. Sorry self, my laboring brain wasn't braining anymore.

Almost midnight, I'm still at 4cm.

As I counted, I am the seventh mom brought in the L&D. At this point, I succumb to the pain. The L&D room of the hospital is not at all mending! The room's lights are dim, it's freezing cold, and the other portion of the room, which beds aren't occupied, had the lights turned off. Imagine how dark it is. I cannot even clearly see the faces of the other moms I am in labor with! If I can rate the pain I am feeling at this moment, it's already 50/10. I felt so off and terrified the moment I was settled on one of the beds there. I can feel every movement of my baby and the contraction is coming in stronger every time. I'm sobbing in agony. I felt so alone. You know, when you're in pain, feeling you're the only one in that room with no one to turn to is adding to the weakness and vulnerability I'm feeling. I've verbalized for so many times that I can no longer bear the pain and it's mostly my back that hurts, not the lower part of my belly - which they always say, "sakit sa may pus-on, Ma'am? Ana gyud na, Ma'am." Like, no, it's my lower back that's in pain, pinching needles kind of pain. But nada! The male doctor from his station even said, "Kinsa manang sige'g hilak diha?" Referring to me, duh! At this point, I'm ready to go out of the L&D room and look for RJ. After that male doctor sarcastically asked, one of the nurses went up to me and ask, again, if my pus-on hurts. Again, I said, I can't feel any pressure on my lower belly every time a contraction hits. I'd feel it in my entire belly. With our without contraction, my lower back hurts and that's the pain I cannot tolerate at this point. She arranged the FH and contraction monitor in a way that it won't squeeze my lower back and returned to the male resident doctor. After a few minutes, that same nurse went up to me and asked me if I'd rather get painless medicine. At the back of my mind, I recalled what my mom and sister said not to get it because it would somehow lose my urge to push. I was confused at this point. I'd want to push naturally but if this pain would continue for the next 3 hours, given that I am still at 4cm, I won't make it. I really won't. So, I asked the nurse, sorry this question I'm about to ask is kinda dumb knowing I'm aware of how this goes because of my medical background but whatever lol, I asked it anyway. I said to the nurse, "If magpa-painless ako, mag take effect yan agad? Or later pa? Kay di nagyud nako makaya ang sakit." She only answered me this, exactly this, "Ay sige lang Ma'am, i-explain mana ni Doc." she then turned her back on me and left. Like, huh?! That didn't answer my question?! Hellooo? Whatever, so, I am still in x100 pain. While waiting for the doctor to "explain" things to me. I have called all the saints there is possible, prayed to God to stop this misery, and I have confessed all my sins over and over again! I have already asked forgiveness to my child I am about to deliver if she lives after this delivery and I won't, she should know that I love her. Yes, I had this entire monologue in the L&D room because of the pain. I don't really know anymore what to do. Again, I am very terrible at handling physical pain. I have zero pain tolerance.

After sometime, one nurse and one orderly went up to me, arranged my monitors and IV in bed, and rolled me going outside the L&D room! Like, hello? Are you even gonna tell me where we're heading?! But I didn't bother to ask, I don't care anymore where they're taking me. I have zero energy at this point. Next thing I know, they're asking me to climb up the delivery table. So we're in the DR now. There I saw my anesthesiologist, as how she introduced herself to me and that she will be the one administering my epidural. Oh, so I'm getting the painless now? Where's the explaining part?! She's a female doctor, by the way. So I asked her the question I asked the nurse a while ago. She answered me in a very comforting way an in-pain and laboring mother can register into her mind. She asked me quite a few times if I am sure. And sorry Mama, but I am getting the epidural.

I am getting an epidural for the first time in my life! I knew how it's administered but this is the first time that it will be done on me. My anesth doctor is still preparing the things she'll need for the procedure, while prepping, she keeps pep talking me. She asked if it's my first pregnancy, how was the labor so far, the contractions, and keeps reassuring me that I can do it and that she's seeing a brave woman in me by simply enduring the pain for hours. Literally, an angel in the sick room. At last! Someone who's nice to me through this labor pains! At this point, my contractions are so awful that every time it stops, I take the interval rest so seriously that I fall asleep that quickly, and then wake up again once the next contraction hits! That's how painful my contractions are. My anesth never left my side so she noticed that I fall asleep in between contractions. She's the one who told me that I should always be awake and alert. She gently holds my head and say, "Tel, ayaw katulog, tel. Close lang ug eyes kung kapuy pero ayaw ug katulog ha? Dili dapat ka matulog." And I always answer her, "Doc, sakit kaayo. Lami i-tulog if mawala ang sakit." She bats an eye to the nurses around us and two of them started talking to me keeping me awake. Few minutes from there, I saw a female resident doctor, she came up to me and ask for a permission to do IE before they administer the epidural. Still, 4cm. This is already around 1-2am.

Before they put me on epidural, the nurses attempted to ease my pain, they turned me sideways with a pillow in between my legs. This is not only to lessen my contraction pains, it will also encourage my cervix to dilate faster. They said, they'll continue this 'til 3am and see if my cervix dilates. My pain is not lessen, even a bit! The nurses started to notice that I am already crying. At least I am awake, duh. Every time they hear me sob in pain, either one of them would come up to me and repeatedly tell me this, "Ma'am, ayaw ug hilak, Ma'am kay di mana mkatabang. Mawad-an ra ka'g kusog unya mag push sige ka'g hilak. Oh, uban mama gani hilom lang." Like, wtf!? Hawa mo diri sa akong atubangan! And by the looks of them, they're way younger than I am and their body, from my perspective, it looked like it never had another human being inside it, so uh uh, don't talk to me as if you know my pain. I started bawling my eye out and this time I am intentionally making it louder to release the pain. Idc anymore! My anesth started talking to me again, "Ano man, Tel? Mag epidural na ta?" and I immediately, no hesitation, said yes. Quickly, she had a male orderly help me curl up.

Idk if someone already put this out there, but man! Getting epidural in between contractions is freakin' hell! Imagine, you're in a cold delivery room with only your delivery gown covering you from freezing, on a delivery table with every eyes on you, a male orderly asks you to curl up like a shrimp and he will hold that position for you until your anesthesiologist puts the epidural line in place!? Like, did anyone discuss how was that?! Because for me, it's out of this world insane! The male orderly even have to shout at me to make me stay still. My doctor's hands, even with gloves, is so cold! Every time she holds my lower back, I can feel tingles and it makes me jerk. The male orderly, I can vividly remember told me, "Ma'am, ma'am!! Ayaw'g lihok ma'am kay isulod na ni doc saimong likod, please ma'am please lang ma'am para di naka masakitan." HAHAHA thinking about it now, that was freaking insane and I did that! Holy molly!! After several attempts, I got used to my doctor's cold hands and she successfully put the epidural line in place.

A few minutes after that, I can feel my waist down starts numbing. I told my anesth and she confirmed that it is in fact taking effect right away, I should start feeling numb from the waist down. I can still feel a bit of pain but that should only be the pressure that comes from the contractions. She's still there, pep talking me. It really helped! We've talked a lot of things, but sorry, my laboring brain cannot recall a thing about it lol. I feel at ease with her and from my 100/10 pain scale, it's down to 4/10. Sick, right?! Why did they make me suffer like that for so many hours when I can just have this?! lol. The nurses continued putting me sideways. They turn me to the other side, idk, every 30mins? At around 4am, my doctor arrived. Finally, a familiar face! She IEd me right away, and I am already at 6cm. Thank goodness! An improvement, not a lot but at least there's something happening. I guess turning me from side to side helped. After a while, I started to feel like I'm losing the numb. I can feel all the pain and started crying again. I told my anesth that I'm feeling the pain again, she said, "Tel, everything is okay naman. Anjan parin yung epidural line. Check natin ha?" So she did, and figured that the line inserted to me is dislodged halfway. That's why the pain is back! At this point, I didn't mind much of this pain because I am already feeling alleviated just by the thought of my Ob-Gyne being here. Here's when they ask me to start pushing every time I can feel a contraction. So it started, the orchestrated pushing. 2 nurses by my left side, 1 anesth on the right and 2 OBs by my foot, they ordered me to push for 10 secs. and we're gonna do the same pushing, 3x. And OMG! That didn't even helped her move a centimeter. My Ob-Gyne started talking to RJ outside for a plan B or for worse case scenario. She's letting him know that if ever there's no improvement in the next 2 hours, we'll have to prepare for an emergency C-section considering the fhr. At this point, I'm already getting nervous, scared and in so much pain - all at the same time. I don't want to get a C-section because 1. I wanted to deliver it normally as NSD babies are proven scientifically to be more healthy growing up than c-section babies, 2. I am not mentally prepared for having a c-section, lastly, it's expensive. In between my trial pushes, my OB talks to me, gives me an update what's happening outside. I learned from her that she was able to talk to my mom over videocall. She said that my mom is worried but reassured me that they're with me, whatever my decision will be. My OB is still encouraging me to push and that I can do this via NSD. I do not have an actual problem with that since that's what I also prefer, however, I am afraid this might go south due to my cervix opening not getting an improvement at all. And also, the pain! It's really making me impatient. I just want to get over everything and rest.

2 hours, that's my deadline. If we go beyond that, we're gonna prepare for C-section. I have been crying intently at this point because of the pain. I can almost feel everything. It also added some pressure on me when I noticed I was actually facing a huge glass window and that it's almost sunrise! In my cloudy head, I said to myself, I've been here before midnight yet it's morning now and I am still stuck here, very pregnant! I'm already very tired and in pain - the pain is just so awful that I can only open my eyes halfway. I glanced at the clock, it's past 6am when they started to move rather quickly, I glanced on my right to check my baby's heart rate monitor and it's already noticeably low. I said to myself, oh, that's why they're moving now. I looked at my Anesth and she's already communicating to my OB. My OB started ordering the nurses to prepare "faster." This time, they're finally telling me my baby's heart rate is low so we need to get the baby out, ASAP. My Anesth and OB are still talking since I'm crying that I am in so much pain, I can't concentrate pushing with this kind of ache. They agreed to put me on another dose of anesthesia before pushing. I gave my consent. I glanced at what's happening around and it took me a while to contain that this is really happening, at any moment now, I'm gonna see my baby. I can still see everyone's game-face on beneath the masks they're wearing. I started to calm down knowing that they got me. My OB started commanding everyone to focus and acquainted me on pushing. "1,2,3 push and then mag count kami Tel ng 10 seconds, push for 10 secs. Repeat natin 'yan 'til lumabas si baby. Okay?" My anesth is holding my head and shoulders - an actual safe support for me while pushing.