#nothing ends

Hey there, I'm Ivy! I use She/Her pronouns and I like to write. I've been writing for as long as I can remember, but nothing I've written has worked for me so I'm trying something new on here. I've tried writing a couple novels, but I've had a lot of trouble getting my brain to be able to format my thoughts properly so instead of trying to fight it and force my writing, decreasing the quality, I want to focus on my stories still, just in short pieces that I might be able to sew together into a bigger tapestry some day!

Things I plan to post about: Arcadian Dead ~ My main writing project, a group of paranormal investigators struggling after the freak death of a friend The Witches Cats ~ A queer romance from the pov of a witches familiars Nothing Ends ~ A narrative from the unaware pov from the same character after the universe continuously ends and begins The Space Between ~ Two lovers are separated by space, war, and ideals Generic short stories Poetry Short personal quotes

Reminder that Nothing Ends is one of the best lore books in Destiny, and Shin Malphur deserves to appear in the game proper, rather than be relegated to a lore character.

“It just... never ends.”

“Nothing ends. Haven’t you heard?”

“Don’t get all philosophical. I mean this magazine. Look at the capacity. Do you see this?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You’re not looking.”

“I see it.”

“You’re not even looking!”

“OK, OK, I’ll look... Yep, lotta bullets.”

“Gotta carry a lot, with this kinda fire rate, I guess.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Suppose you prefer slower-firing types, though, think it’s better to get more oomph per round, right?”

“Eh.”

“Are you listening?”

“Mm.”

“Hello?”

“Hm? You still talking about that gun?”

“I—!”

"I wish to confess something to you.

You, so that I may relieve myself of the burden in my waking life. You, nobody at all, to preserve the tightness of my lips in more potentially dangerous company. I wish you to know firstly that it was no Drifter who bestowed the title of 'Dredgen' upon me. Nor was it Eli who blessed (or perhaps cursed) Soren with the mark. He gives it freely as a charlatan, but he hasn't really earned the right. He never will.

No, we women of symmetry have been given this title by one far more qualified. A man illustrious as he walks in the day, and infamous as Darkness falls. A man whose Light casts perhaps the deepest shadows I've ever seen. I needn't speak any of his names. You and I both know of whom I speak.

You're my only confidante in this matter. If anyone else knew...well, let it be safely said I would regret it. The Guardians and ordinary folk I so fiercely love wouldn't understand. They would be confused, some angry. The boldest would seek my final death, just as I have so many before. I was blind then. Perhaps just, and righteous still, but I saw as they see. Narrowly, but comfortably. Heroically, but simply.

I wish I could go back, sometimes. Be only the woman I once was. Part of me still is her- I still smile, I still love, I still have passion for the sword and the word and the stars. I am still Talyn Maj, and I hope I never stop being her. I've grown to love her, and that was itself a victory hard-fought. I know Soren is just the same way. We haven't changed- not for the worse, anyway. We've only become something else in parallel. Dredgen Loss walks in her shadow. Dredgen Rose in mine.

I hope I can learn to love that other me, too."

I don’t feel as empty as I expected but I also don’t feel as real as I used to. Maybe it’s because in a month I’ll be on a plane for Morocco. Maybe it’s because the girl’s partner is here and every step feels like a decision, a war between wanting to see her and being terrified my heart will rip through my chest.

This summer has been a summer of feeling. The easy feeling that coursed through my veins of being deeply in love that I breathed in every day with Jennifer. The worst heartbreak I’ve known so far. The intimacy and excitement that comes with meeting someone and feeling connected, wanting to explore everything they have to give. The blissful feeling of falling in love again, with all its wonders and terrors and unknowns. Of nights lost in the sky and her eyes and being intoxicated from love and other things I’d never tried. And now, of being in limbo, of feeling like a hazy specter, torn between impassioned and borderline irrational acts of self-love and this state of just. Existing. 

This summer has been a liminal space. 

I do and do not want this summer to take its place as a memory, not yet. I want to see the girl but that won’t happen while her partner is here and that won’t end until the summer is over. I want to go to school and have exciting classes and live in my dorm room but that won’t happen until the summer is over. Until Morocco is over. And this summer I have felt things. This summer has been miraculous.

I am scared that when the summer is over everything with the girl will be, too. And it will remain in this summer instead of expanding into the future. It will be another “what could’ve been,” another “what if.”