#nothaving

Because that's all matters. Gm. #nothaving #missing #fun #alignment #lawsofattraction (at Mumbai, Maharashtra) https://www.instagram.com/p/CPw1JA_AigX/?utm_medium=tumblr

Yesterday @schenkeljeff took me to the @fairplex so I could get tested. #nothaving any symptoms. Just for my own #peaceofmind❤️ one of our most important jobs is to cover #events in #pomona and surrounding cities however due to #covıd I just wanted to make sure I am ok. Called 211 on Tuesday and got the appointment for yesterday. Total wait time from gate 17 to the test - 20 minutes. #easypeasy please #staysafeeveryone 👍🧤😷 (at Fairplex) https://www.instagram.com/p/CKUJTO6BpCR/?igshid=v9m6i23ooakt

notgoodnotgood.anxienty’s spiking and and think I'm switching, but I've switched so often lately, an I used to never switch for like months and months but now its so often and I hate it, and its like not wanting to exist and not not wanting to exist all at the same time and how can reality mean anything if you can blink in and out like your nothing? this isn’t who I want o be, but I don’t know who I want to be, but since when has that ever mattered anyway? plus the more I try to deal with my past, the more it happens, and each fagment has different memories and I keep uncovering issues that I didn’t even know were issues, and at this rate it’s going to take a lifetime to dig through all the trauma, but was it even really trauma anyway? it’s not like it was that bad, it’s barely anything compared to what some people go through. but then again I was autistic, so wouldn’t that make me more sensitive to stuff? but what if I'm just faking it? what if I’m blowing stuff all out of proportion but if I am, then how do I stop?? I’m tired of the nightmares and the headaches and the never knowing who I am and the constant shifts of states and memories and the fear that I'm not real and the fear that I am real, and the feeling of just being so woefully broken and incomplete, and not wanting to die, but not wanting to exist like this anymore, so afraid of it always getting worse, like the more answers I try to find the digger I deep the worse I get and just fucking hate it I absolutely fukcing hate it and what purpose does my life even serve if I don’t even have one. 

When you just can’t handle life right now