I hate how fucking pathetic I am. I doubt all the people I sadly google wondering if they ever think of me ever do. For me it’s the loss of a best friend who I thought was my soul mate but for her its just that someone who was convienient for her to use isn’t around anymore. Her promises didnt mean shit. I hate her success though. She probably doesnt ever think about me. I wonder if he messaged her too. I wonder what he expected me to say. I hope it pisses him off that I never answered. It proves that he still thought of me even if she never did. I barely think of him. Sometimes- but honestly I dont even feel bitter about the same things anymore. Now I just remember that he caused me pain and so I dislike him on principle, but he doesnt enter my thoughts that much. I just miss my friendship. I mean yeah I thought she was my other half but aside from all the feelings and bullshit, I just miss someone who liked all the same things as I did and who would get excited about the same things as me. I thought she understood all of my insecurities too. I couldn’t believe my luck that I found someone like that. Someone that I could like on a surface level and also also share all my mental illness related thoughts and feelings. Now I wish I could have had seperate people for those things. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel so lonely now. Maybe I shouldn’t have cut her off completely, and I should have just kept her as a casual friend. I don’t know. The hurt was really deep and I don’t know if I could do that. I do know that the situation was bad for me and that it was good to have it removed. But was the situation Her, or was it just everything I was attributing to it that was the problem. I dont regret changing things, I had to do something, but I can’t help but feeling that maybe I made the wrong change. I dont know. I am full of pain and doubt and regret and what ifs. None of it matters. I am where I am and things are what they are.

fallen for you and then stabbed me

Bu hayatta kendimizden başka dostumuz yoktur. Bu yüzden her önüne gelene kardeşim deme!

How are you supose to react when you're not in your best moment and wait for your best friend to say something nice and he disapears for a whole week. The excuse... I've been so busy!! Why dont you GET IT. The facts... He's found time to talk to other people about other things but not to you?