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How to deal with the thoughts of not being enough 1. Am I comparing myself with someone? 2. What specific memories are these emotions trapped in? 3. What experiences and triggers are reinforcing it? 4. Does it truly matter, or is this simply my projection? 5. Is my desire to be enough aligned with what I love or is it against it? ā findingAwareness #notBeingEnough #comparingYourself #findingAwareness #zenwords https://www.instagram.com/p/Cifbb4cOFhh/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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#notBeingEnough @findingawareness @zen.words https://www.instagram.com/p/CH5kMyRnDSm/?igshid=k6ixjjjwxgtn
When you're very hungry you tempt you take real big chunks in order to quickly suffice your growling stomach. But that big chunk gets stuck and it gets harder to chew, harder to swallow. There we reach a point where the struggle of eating becomes larger than the hunger itself and as a result we spit it out. We wasted it because we wanted it so much and now we cannot eat it even because it doesn't looks food like or tempting enough.
Does it mean we don't need food anymore ? And what if we do the same to the next one too because now we are more hungry. We need it to sustain our existence. And fuel up for the day atleast. Does the same applies to everything else about the world ? Everything that we love ? Even water gulping can block air pipe and choke us.
And so can the thought of not being enough. Which worked previously to help us get better and now all it does is make you feel really sad and alone.
THE ART OF NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH
What does it mean to be enough?
One person said, āyou donāt have to be more, or do more, or buy more to be who you are meant to be.ā
Iād like to think thatās a personās incompetent way out, to justify their laziness. Not unless you haveāitā. Yes, what āitā am I talking about? It is the mysterious quality one possesses without applying much effort. They are simply āborn with itā, āblessedā, or āGodās favoriteā whatever helps to keep your esteem from getting any lower.
But where does the āgoodā come in? Does it imply that āgoodā isnāt enough or maybe being āgoodā is being āenoughā.
One of my closest friends posted a practice film on Instagram. That statement itself already sounds like itās already going down hill. At first, I was in awe and filled with pride. But milliseconds later, the Art came crashing down. For someone who has been out of the filming game, that person was able to bounce back with greatness. I believe thereās a similarity to an artistās work that would best describe him and my friend had this; confidence. Not necessarily arrogance but rather being able to see what you are capable of doing despite your lack of resources. Honestly, almost everyone in my field has a touch of brilliance in them. Some donāt acknowledge it but others just go for it, without much thought. They know when to take a stand. Even so, itās there, I used to see it everyday. Maybe thatās why Iāve always been awkward around most people because they hold a trait that I didnāt and maybe a part of me, without knowing it, envied them.Ā
Recently, Iāve been getting a lot of the Art thoughts and Iāve been trying to come to terms with it without actually coming to terms with it a.k.a denying that I wasnāt having the Art thoughts and trying to prove to myself that I was enough by trying to pressure myself to make art. How did this end up you might ask? I ended up feeling worse because I wasnāt seeing what I wanted to see. However I donāt believe it ended up not the way I wanted because of my motives. Iāve been trying to make art for as long as I can remember. Heck, I can even remember the first time I held a crayon yet no matter how much time has passed and how much pencils Iāve put down, the results never end up like the image in my mind; not just with sketching but with filming and writing too. I always daydream about how successful Iām going to be or how happy I will be once I have some sort of achievement. But things never end up the way I imagine them. This isnāt an exaggeration; it never does. Never. I wonder if itās because I think too much of it instead of just doing it. Maybe thatās what robs me of my potential. Maybe Iām just one of those people who have to work twice as hard as others. Maybe I havenāt dug deep enough to find out what it is I want to say, what it is I can offer. Maybe Iāve been around with the wrong types of people; people who canāt go with the flow with me. Maybe Iāve kept myself from excellence because of comfort, because I donāt know the advantages and disadvantages of it and just comfortable itās going to be. Maybe Iāve never seen it with my own eyes and Iām just scared of the responsibility it carries. Or to put it simply, maybe Iām just a coward. Whichever one, I hope I can figure it out because life is a marathon and time is catching up to me.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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