#notaburden

I know it's a tough topic but it's SO IMPORTANT. I have been bullied since I was 9 years old (now I'm almost 19). Always heard that I'm not good enough and never will. That I 'm too fat and too ugly to being loved. That I am a waste of oxygen, space and time. Even people I never talked to or even know threw mean comments at me. They dragged me down so many times that sometimes I didn't feel like go to school or even breathing. Nobody knew it, not even my parents. I kept all of this for me. When I arrived at high school, some stuff changed but part of my bullies followed. I'm at uni now, but after all those years, I'm still struggling with my self-image and keep doubting every damn thing I do. Like no matter how hard I try, I will always fail. And always having this feeling that everybody judge every single move I do. It's stupid but I can't help myself. Most of the time, when I wake up, it's like I was on some kind of automatic mode, too numb to even be conscious of what I do. I thought about death everyday. But deepdown, I know that I am in the middle of the storm. That things can only got better once you are at the lowest point and won't digging and bury you alive. I try to find more reasons to wake up when the sun raise.

That's why I want you to that no matter how many times people tell you mean things, it will never change who you truly are and your worth. Never change for anyone. And I know what I am talking about, always being called weirdo, always being victim of rumors just because I wasn't fitting in the freaking mold. You may not have met the right people for now. But it will happen in right time. People who will love you for who you are, and not only an appearence or by interest. Remember never pay attention to appearence but still trust your guts when it comes to people.

Never mind stupids jerks who bring you down

They doesn't worth your time, and even less your tears. I know it is easier to say than to do, but once you understand it, you will tend to get better and be free. Find something you really love to do and give it your entire being. Shine by your actions !

So many people care about you. It can be one of your relatives, a friend, a neighbour, your pets or even me. I may not know you but I care. We're in the same situation and if we stand together and get stronger, we can take over the world. Even if your situation seems desperate, never forget that there is always at least a person willing to help you, to ease your pain and the weight you may have on your shoulders for so long. Death is a definitive way, you can't cancel what you did. And even if you decide that it's the only way and you write a letter, nobody will understand why you did it and will blame themselves. You will only throw your pain to someone else. Maybe some people don't say you often that you matter to them, but pay attention to their actions. Sometimes even a simple "Be careful" can say "I love you and I care a lot". They can feel a bit uncomfortable with those words and try to show you they care by what they do for you. You are not a burden, dare to ask for help

So, please please, don't kill yourself. I am begging you. Maybe one day, you will be the one who found a cure for a disease or save many lives. You have a purpose.

Never forget that :

*Thinks that parents of kids with autism deserve a medal for basically just being decent and not being abusive.*