#nospellcheck

Alcohol and Alter Boys - Bayside my Bayside kick started six months ago when I first heard a few singles off their 2005 self-titled. However, it wasn't until recently I decided to delve into their discography. that self-discovery ended fast after listening to their first album, 2004's Sirens and Condolences. I fell hard and I've been so obsessed the thought of listening to anything else has been so disgusting I actually never tried. i will do that within a reasonable amount of time, promise.....

y2k esq white eyeshadow + black waterline one of my high school makeup kicks has me back in throttle! such a personal stable. i think It looks great on everyone but I love how it contrasts my skin tone and brown eyes. i think it really draws attention to my eyeshape without being overstated. works with everything and fails at nothing! so simple (white concealer base + flat white shadow) and so good. especially with a light beat and blush omgosh. been wearing to every occasion:)

drum sets !!!!!!

Water and Lotion winter basically has me feeling like the sahara. been putting more of an emphasis on simple but impactful personal care/maintenance. i tend to fall out of it in times of stress but I really do feel like the simple and not necessarily expensive means of selfcare truly make life worth living. especially as someone who feels like their life is falling apart on a Tuesday at 2:37 pm remembering to take care of yourself beyond just survival eases a lot of that tension and brings me back into the moment.

I’ve got too many plates in the air. 

First there is the construction.  We started building a master bath in August.  They told us that it would be complete long before my birthday, which was mid-October.  It’s now Nov 3 and we still are in the midst of it.  Most of it is done, but the painting isn’t complete, the mirror wall and shower doors need to go in, the plumber needs to install the fixtures, and there are little details to be finished up.  It’s not usable and the debris from the project litters my front drive and I need to buy new sod to repair the lawn they destroyed and it’s a mess.  Its close to being done, but not done.

Then there’s the state of the house itself, which is awful because of the construction.  There is dust everywhere.  Every time I try to tidy up, sweep the stairs, whatever - more cutting tile, more dust.  Plus I haven’t been able to leave the house because I have needed to let the workers in so I’m behind on meal planning and grocery shopping, and we’ve been eating out FAR too often.  And Halloween happened right in the middle and the kids don’t want to put away their Mario theme costumes so I’ve got candy and costume bits littering the main areas.  AND, Seth is starting a new school Monday so I need to sort his old schoolwork, dispose of the unnecessary and prep for him starting up elsewhere. 

Which is a great segue for the next thing stressing me out - Seth’s school situation.  Its’ been decided, finally, that he will join the mild level special needs classroom at Atherwood instead of remaining in the mainstream class at Crestview.  We had his full IEP last Wednesday and everyone agrees he’s effing brilliant.  Ruth, the coordinator for the district, told me husband she thinks he has the potential to end up at an Ivy League school if he wants, his intelligence is off the charts.  But his behavior issues are ISSUES.  All caps, bright red ink, super-villain level issues.  So, we’re sending to a smaller class with kids that are in a similar boat, so the teachers can give him the attention and direction he needs to figure this out.  He needs to learn to learn, as they say.  And it’s good, I’m glad.  But massively stressful.  Different people, different place, different school hours, different world.  We just settled into one and now it will be new again.  Good new, but still, new. 

Because of all this nonsense, my weight has gone back up, I’ve been dealing with dental issues and have so much tension in my neck and back that headaches and ibuprofen are a daily thing for me.  I can’t make it to the gym as much as I need to and it sucks.  I’ve really been struggling with not beating myself up for how bad my state and self-care has gotten but I can’t see a clear way through right now to correct it without letting another plate drop and the other plates CANNOT drop.  I’m going to try very very very very hard to meal plan, shop, and clean today.  But I have no idea if I’ll get through it all  I wanted to shop yesterday but didn’t because by the time I got the kids to Atherwood to visit the new class, made the decision with Rob, met the workmen back at home, got them familiarized with the project (because the old crew got fired and a new crew started up, because OF COURSE that had to happen) then met with a different guy to discuss the mirror wall and shower doors, then got the boys fed, Asher down for his nap, Seth over to his OLD school to sign the paperwork for the transfer, collect his things an say good-bye and then back home and settled down from the emotional state he was in, and then got Ash up.... I just didn’t have anything left to manage 2 kids at the market.  All I ever want to do is crawl into my bed and rest, but even when I do, I look around the room and see the thick layer of dust that keep showing up from the work being done and do not feel serene.  I wake up in the morning with my jaw so tight from clenching it in my sleep that I already have a headache and need to work it to move. 

So will I do it today?  I don’t know.  I hope so.  I really do.

Thanksgiving is just around the corner and I’ve invited the same big family crew I had last year and I very much need my sh*t to be in order before then.  So there it is. 

I know how lucky I am.  I’m not trying to whinge, but I’m just spinning on everything going on and need to put all these things out somewhere and clear my mind.