#nosequels

Atheist Solidarity Day offers the opportunity for like-minded people to stick together until the very end. And I mean the end. The very end. As in dead.

hallucinations. the doctor said they were hallucinations. a part of her brain was beyond repair, to the point that it liked to play tricks on her, he said. he said that the monsters that stare at her at the end of her bed are just the trick of the shadows night brings, that the threatening messages smeared across her once stark-white room that reads “YOU DID IT YOU KILLED THEM!” in blood is nothing but her guilty conscious filling in the empty spaces in her memories. nothing is real, it’s just the repercussions of an overactive imagination. she should not fear the pills that are here to make her feel better. they aren’t slowly deteriorating her sanity, they’re building her brain back together. 

but she hears the far off call of her deceased father, the softest whisper of her name that silenced the background noise around her, and she’s on high alert looking for someone that hasn’t been alive for years. but she hears an unceremonious clatter and a splash of color. “stupid, stupid, i’m so stupid!” she groans under her breath as she drops to her knees to help clean up the aftermath. she hesitates, brain wracking for a much more normal response like a bug landing on her, but the red paint she’s struggling to shut spills in her hands and her brain is playing tricks on her again because she swears it’s getting darker and darker until it resembles blood and the lid is a knife and where the bucket once was is a severed limb. she’s freaking out, scratching at the paint to get off, she wants it off, she wants them clean because she didn’t kill them she promises, she didn’t do it. 

She doesn’t ever think that it’s truly a bad thing, she grosses herself out is what, it might be why she let Jo get away with a lot of things he’s just named. It evens out the not being in control part. Like how he’s pulling the pillow and Haeri should be reaching over to get it right back, fight the show he wants her to put on. Well not show, that’s not the right word. But there’s vulnerability in the way she’s so easily flustered around him–which is fine, actually. She knows it is, it just is hard to get past the can’t let Jaesun see what he does to me and then realise that it’s okay, I have to let him see what he does to me so he knows how deep into this she is.

That bridge? That’s a hard one to stand in the middle of, dandling from side to side with the only thing she finds herself clutching on being him–hands, arms, anything she can grasp. “I hate pink, why is it always associated with girls? It’s not like we’re the only humans who turn pink or red, red I can live with, but I hate pink. Why do you think I look good in pink? The actual colour or just my cheeks turning rosy? I mean honestly, pink is horrendous Jaesun, your taste in colour suck you’re never dressing me up.” But she’ll wear it proudly on her skin if he puts it there, that’s another surprising thing she’s learned about herself.

So Jaesun has a few options here, which is funny because never before has he considered them before acting on them. Never. It’s a part of this new process he’s taking to for the new years. That involves being a little different with his motions. Not exactly hesitant, maybe gentler. He sees her easing into them so he’ll make it a bit easier. If there’s anyone’s comfort he’s worried about it’s her which is why his grip on the pillow loosens, almost.

So he’s moved it. Decision one. So he’s grinning up at her and wondering if he should ask more about how Jo helps him. Maybe she does. Maybe she doesn’t. It’s a matter of perspective with that one. They might actually get along had they not met under different circumstances. He decides that’s a lie and the thought even brings a scrunch to his face so he moves the pillow out the way to cover for it. 

Decision two? A cheeky little smile when he finds that her hands have found a grip around his shoulders. He’s always going to be a cheeky little shit even if he doesn’t completely throw himself on her. That’s the decision he’s contemplating, he finds himself always wanting to do so when Jo’s name comes into the picture. She’s not a threat. Alright that’s another lie she’s very much a threat. To his time with her. To his comfort. To that little smile he wants to be only his. But it won’t be, she has too many friends he’s realized. He’s listening and deciding just to smile and glance up at her while she speaks, hands slowly lowering her to his level. It’s probably an awful position, he realizes midway but he’s already at it.

“One of these days you’re going to get tired of this trick.”

[ @nosequels ]

“I have a good feeling about this one Minz.”” “Mom seriously we’re barely friends.” “I’m just saying, it’s just a feeling.”