#nooneelsebutyou

I feel like I went this level of crazy on the down low and without shaving my head this summer to figure out how adult/life properly. Not as easy as it appears. Apparently breathing does NOT cover it 😂. But seriously. This year. Holy cannoli. I've broken down to pieces just to come back again. So many people helped me get here, and so many of them aren't still by my side which is so sad. But the ones who are? I'm in shock! I didn't know I knew how to pick good people like this! 😂

So if you don't care to hear about my newest revelation, scroll away. Seriously, I don't care. This is much more for me to remember later (to either say this was the moment and day I surrendered to whatever happens good or bad or the day I number dyslexia mixed up the numbers and dove into the very shallow end like a dumbass and I'm just too hopeless about love 🙄) and those people who never or rarely talk to me but listen. That's fine. But you gotta listen.

You really do attract what you think you're worth. No seriously, they were right and we're idiots. In the crossfire of trying to attract and flirt with someone (who didn't even care enough to respond to serious topics as I tried to make myself human to her buuut she didn't deserve me nor I her), I ended up finding another person who has the same basic check marks (good basic hygiene, compassionate, and way more reliable even just as a friend than my silly flirtation). This is the person who gives me the confidence to say, don't waste my time if you don't want the entire bucket of Danielle. I don't know how to grey area things, and I sure as hell don't know how to pick someone who values equality in a partnership (any exes as examples). So if I come across something that makes me stop, I explore. Every new relationship is another chance that I'm not crazy for believing my dreams could come true. That the person I'm looking for is real. This person is not just made up in fairytales...in fact it's too beautifully real and proving to be steady enough that it's better than any fairytale I ever read. Because this one is literally happening to me. What?! Stop punking me. No seriously, not funny 😂 okay I'm not kidding anymore for real imma go on a murder spree if this is all just a dream 😑

But it's not a joke. I'm actually truly starting to trust it's real because they've all stuck around me for almost a year. More importantly? The woman who treats me like I'm a unique enough woman that she wants to spend all of her free time learning about me, understanding me, growing with me, adventuring with me, and sit back with the smuggest grin. You know why? She see's who I have the potential to be and who I want to be. You know what she does then? She believes in them as if they already exist. Making me step my game up and stop classifying situations like I already know the ending.

Cause I don't.

She is unlike anything I am used to. I haven't cared for anyone like this since Molly. You know how she knows that? I talk about all my exes but Molly. Because she broke my heart, and likes to pretend she can fix it or we can fix us. When I don't want that anymore. I'm not the girl she fell in love with and I don't like talking to the woman and mom she's become. Molly changed and so did I, 2 different paths with 2 different requirements. But it was easy with Molly, she and I never fought. Unless it was me being blind again to something. Happens often. Oops.

But the difference between every single ex? At one point I loved each of them madly enough to marry them. It excites me so much I continued our relationship because I believed if I followed the rules I'd get a spouse too.

Ha.

That only made me lonely enough to reach out to anyone with a pulse. Hey. I'm a soul that's out here alive. Breathing, at least. Maybe that's all I'm meant to be?

BAM.

Electric touch. Goosebumps all over. Heart flipping backwards and forwards and backwards again. Disbelief at the feelings staying, and not going away. Fights of miscommunication that don't end in frustration where one feels like they were never heard. Oh no, we talk until it's resolved for SURE and then we solve all the little sidebars as well. We have come to understand as much information as we try to give the other person, the better off they'll be when it comes time to use it. Warnings and preparation to constructively fight with someone you love is hard. But seriously. I don't wanna fight with anyone anymore. Unless it's fighting to understand Morgan. Any woman that can dedicate herself on trust and belief that she is right so much so that she signs her name on dotted lines of various kinds attached to mine? Crazy. Mind blowing. The desire to make this into something that never ends or gets burned out is strong with both of us. Neither one of us want to start again and we know what we want.

That's why we picked each other. We finally knew who we wanted.

Good god please don't stop fighting for us. If you don't, I won't. That's a promise. I only give up when the weight becomes too much. Little do I know she's already anticipated that and fixed it before it was a problem. *shakes head* seriously. I don't understand how she exists. She knows she wants me. Just me. And us. With certainty. Goodness it's so attractive to be with someone who knows what their goals are and how they're going to get there.

I'm beginning to hope and pray that somewhere along the way, I really did do enough good to deserve her and not only deserve a taste of what we could be but we are on the right path to never have to give up or admit we were wrong in believing that they found the person who could love the other more than themselves. Unconditionally. Put. Then. First. Always. Even if you take care of you first, do it in the way that will help her tackle the issue and feel like you guys might actually be able to survive each other.

The only stupid thing I did was give up on her before it she was even ready. Barricading myself in disbelief and assumption that no one could ever be different. I had given love a chance and every chance I gave was never enough. The way I tried to love this time was never the right way. Until it was. I'm stunned and shocked and irrevocably in love with someone who sees me in my complete mess and claims me as theirs to nurture, lift up, encourage, believe in, and in the end as their forever. She wants forever with me. She knew long before I came to this tiny window of realization. '6 1/2, right? ' for months now. Always with a shit eating grin. That brat. Always predicting me, and this time I guess I don't even mind if she's right.