I think the biggest thing I struggle with as a Black aromantic is feeling like I’m not taken seriously as a human person.
People see aromanticism as dead. Remember when JK Rowling said those things about asexuals on Twitter? People had said “Aro/ace people don’t even do anything, why is she so mad?”
People have attributed romance as what creates art, as what creates life and what creates this colorful world. The minute it’s gone, everything is dull. That’s why any semblance of nonromanticism (the concept of doing and engaging in nonromantic actions) is mocked or even simply replaced with something that isn’t “static” to them. The label “black” historically has be used as a marker of death and inhumanity mentally. They treated my ancestors as such when they sold Black couples off whenever they needed to, separating families and lovers. Black love has kinda been used as a way for the Black community to show that they actually are active, lively people. That they actually can be considered human and alive. So when I tell people that I’m aromantic I feel as if I’m only re-sealing my status as a “dead” individual. I don’t feel as if my nonromanticism is acknowledged or appreciated. I once told someone close to me, a fevorant ally, about why I would marry a woman queerplatonically and she had said “why not just be roommates? Marriage is for romance.” She had also mentioned later on when she was talking to her boyfriend she had mentioned me, said that “They said they were aroace and maybe lesbian? I’m not sure but I support!” and like I said she isn’t against me doing anything queer but the mindset is what stuck with me. I’m not seen as a proper lesbian because my love for women is nonromantic. I can only call myself lesbian-adjacent, the full lesbian label is only allotted to those who’s love is romantic or, in many cases, both romantic AND sexual. It’s sad, really, because nonromanticism to me is FULL of life. Even when it’s completely devoid of intimate relationships including platonic and queerplatonic. Simply walking by yourself being with the life and nature outside is lively by definition. Simply breathing is lively. It’s not hard for me to understand aplatonic/aqueerplatonic folks because there’s so many ways to be alive even to the simplest thing. They teach me I’m not worthy based on my capacity to love nor if I have someone but I am worthy simply just because. Nothing else. I am human just because. I don’t feel the need to equate my love to romance anymore, and I wish people would do the same. I’m not a concept, I am a human being.
